by Lucy Ivey
“Is everything okay between you and Joe?”
The question came out before I had a chance to stop the words. I wanted to take it back … but I wanted the answer more. I needed the answer. He bent his head slightly forward. His long sigh was full of heartbreak.
“Like I said, it’s been tough on all you kids.” He looked back up at me through moist eyes. “He’s a good kid. He always has been. I’ve just always put a lot of pressure on him, more than I ever have with Justin, but he was more mature, more independent. I thought I was doing the right thing by getting him out of trouble time after time—no matter what he did.”
His voice trailed away to the memories. I sat quietly and waited.
“But I should have been there for him more, listened to him when he tried to tell me things. I should have paid attention to the signs he was showing me.”
Bill rubbed his forehead with his strong fingers in a massaging effort.
“And now when I try, there’s a constant reminder in his eyes that I’m too late. He’s too far gone. I can’t save him. No one can.”
“He loves you,” I said reaching my hand out for his. Its softness was full of strength. “I know he does.”
His kind smile was appreciative.
“Some days, I think he hates me. Other days, I think he still needs me. I’ll always love him. No matter what he says … or does. He’s my son.”
Bill let go of my hand to wipe a tear from his eye before it fell.
I pretended not to notice.
“Thank you for letting me stay here.” I wanted to change the subject, for both of us.
He cleared his throat and forced a smile in my direction.
“This is your home.” he said scraping the last bit of meringue off his plate. “Like I said, we’re a family now. Me, your mom, the boys, and you. Family.”
Family.
That was such an important word in Bill’s vocabulary.
“Family takes care of each other. No matter the cost.” He stood up and walked his plate to the sink. “Well, I better get to bed. I have an early meeting tomorrow.”
“How’s everything going with the investigation?”
My question caught him off guard. He stopped in front of my chair and stared down at me with intrigued eyes.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—”
I couldn’t finish my thoughts, let alone my sentence, under his curious gaze.
“They still have no suspects.” Thoughts flooded my mind as I watched his blue eyes still staring and getting closer to me. “Watch yourself around here, Karley. Trust no one.”
A wave of chills crashed over my body at his warning.
Was it a general warning for me or was it specific?
Why would he say something so strange?
Frozen, I allowed him to kiss the side of my cheek before he walked out of the kitchen and left me alone with my thoughts.
I didn’t hear Justin come into my room again. His soft moist lips kissing up my leg was the only indication of his presence.
“What time is it?”
He turned my body to face him and continued moving his lips toward my inner thigh.
“It’s late.”
“Did you get Joe home okay?”
He continued to caress my leg with small, seductive kisses.
“He wasn’t there when I went back.”
He continued his upward trail. Everything inside began to relax slowly.
“Where did Sarah say he went?”
The quivering inside me began.
“She wasn’t there either.”
For a split second, I wondered where she had gone. Had she left alone or with someone? Did she leave with Ryan? Or Joe? I hated the thought of either. As Justin continued his path toward my inner thighs, I couldn’t ignore the sensations he was sending throughout my body any longer.
“Oh, that’s right,” I said playfully. “I promised you something tonight when we got home. What was it again?”
“To let me inside you,” he reminded me breathlessly.
“Oh, yeah … what do you want me to do?”
“Trust me,” he whispered pulling my panties down my legs, “you’re already doing it.”
He swiftly pulled my legs apart and before I could catch my breath, he was between them. The moments were intense and agonizing and with every inch of him inside me, this was real. His thrusts were deep but gentle, fast, but time didn’t pass by quickly. His body slid effortlessly on top of mine in the slickness of our skin, and by the time he left my room, my sheets were damp and tangled.
I rolled over slowly, barely able to move without my inner thighs reminding me of the exhausting exhilaration he caused me. I was thankful I still had a few hours before I needed to get up for the day. I tried to fall asleep but sleep wouldn’t come.
I gently rinsed my body clean and tiptoed downstairs in my robe. I felt every step I took between my throbbing thighs. I thought about going back upstairs and lying down again until the smell of coffee filling the air led me toward the kitchen. Someone else was awake. The small nightlight illuminated his silhouette standing by the window looking out at the woods that surrounded our home.
Joe didn’t turn around when he spoke.
“Rough night?”
“No,” I lied. “You?”
I didn’t expect him to answer me. So, I wasn’t surprised when he didn’t.
“Did you just get home?”
He took a drink from his cup and turned around to face me. The way the darkness conflicted with the light made him more beautiful than ever to me. He took a few steps and placed his cup on the table and continued walking toward me.
I pulled the belt of my robe tighter.
It made him smile.
“Something you don’t want me to see under there?”
I turned my head away from him. He brought it back to his face with a gentle touch of his hand.
“I bet you think you’ve seen the worst of me, don’t you?”
My hands were still gripping the ends of my belt. My heart raced as I thought about him standing against his brother.
“I don’t know,” I whispered. Although his hold was feather-like, I was sure if he let go of my chin I would fall into his arms. My throat quivered as I said, “I do know I don’t like seeing you angry.”
“Why?”
“It scares me.”
He traced his fingers around my jawline.
“You wanna know what I don’t like?”
I stared up into his piercing blue eyes.
“I don’t like seeing you with him,” he whispered. His warm, sweet breath filled my nose sending a rush of blood to my inner thighs. “That’s what makes me angry, Karley.”
He kissed my forehead and walked away without saying another word, leaving me alone in the dark to think about what he had just revealed to me.
Chapter 13
Revealing Secrets
Gray and I had the day off so we decided to spend it together. After we’d shopped at the local boutiques, she reluctantly agreed to eating lunch at a sushi restaurant.
“My mother and I ate here when I was in for Thanksgiving,” I said looking over my shoulder while I completed my parallel park.
“You came to Yama with your mama!” she laughed pointing out the name of the restaurant on the sign above us.
Yama Sushi.
“You’re an idiot,” I said. “This place is amazing!”
“Yeah, if you like sushi!” she said putting on her lipstick. “Which, like I told you, I do but I don’t.”
I laughed watching her pop her bright lips together.
“What does that even mean?” I asked stealing the silver tube from her hand.
“You know … like being kind of a virgin: you are but you’re not at the same time.”
“You’ve totally lost me now!”
Her pale skin flushed pink instantly.
“I mean, sushi is like sex for me. I’ve tried some sushi things and I like it!”
She leaned her thin body into mine. “I like it a lot!”
I rolled my eyes in laughter and gently pushed her away.
“But I haven’t tried the entire menu yet. And I’ve tried some, you know, things … with guys … but I haven’t gone all the way yet.”
She leaned into me again. “I’m so hoping that will change very soon.”
Joe.
My heart felt like a heavy rock in my chest.
“I definitely want to sleep with Joe.”
I thought about his words to me last night.
“Why?”
It was a stupid question. Even before she gave the baffled look I knew my question was ridiculous as soon as I asked her. The reasons were obvious.
“I mean, why wouldn’t I? He’s totally hot and I bet he’s really great in bed. Wild and fucking untamed!”
I couldn’t disagree with her on any of her points. I’d thought the same things. Wild and untamed. Seemed like that would be his style. I could also see where he might be passionate and loving, too. I didn’t want to think about her with Joe. I didn’t want her to know that.
“Yeah, Gray, I’m not sure Joe is the one you should want to taste your sushi first. He doesn’t remind me of the type of guy who would come back for seconds, if you know what I mean.”
“Who cares!” She laughed. “One time is all I want.”
She put her hands up and waved them quickly like fans.
“Okay, that’s not true. I want lots and lots of times!”
I forced myself to laugh as we walked into the restaurant. My thoughts of him were tripping over each other. I thought he wanted nothing to do with me, but after last night I was beginning to think maybe he just didn’t want Justin to have anything to do with me. The more I thought about him—and the way he treated me when we were alone—the more that felt real to me. He was being honest in those moments. Wasn’t he?
I didn’t know.
I didn’t know if I wanted to know.
I just couldn’t stop thinking about him.
“Karley!” I jumped at her snapping fingers. “What the hell am I supposed to order?”
“Um, get the rainbow roll. It’s really good. Really good. Filling. Sweet, smooth. Delicious.”
“Wait! Are you still talking about the sushi or are you talking about sex again?”
Warmth rushed to my face. The face of the guy behind the counter remained solemn. He was uninterested in our conversation. He wanted to know what we were ordering and he wanted the orders now.
Gray giggled as she ordered two of the rainbow rolls.
“Because you can never have just one, right?” She exaggerated a wink and continued laughing. “We’ll take some sucky, too.”
“It’s pronounced saki,” I whispered.
She stared at me through her flaming emerald eyes.
“Is it?” she asked still laughing.
“Oh, my God!” I walked away from her laughter toward the older Japanese woman at the register. Thankfully, she was as uninterested in us as her co-worker.
Over the next few days, I kept my distance from Joe. Every time I started to think about him, I forced myself to stop. It made my time with Justin more special. We flirted nonchalantly with each other at work while pretending to be only friends at home in front of our parents. At night, he would come to my room when everyone else was asleep and leave before they woke up in the morning.
Almost everyone that knew about me and Justin seemed to approve—especially Gray. She felt like it improved her chances with his brother.
There were only three people who didn’t. Joe, Ryan, and Sarah.
Although Joe pretended to be indifferent to our couple status in front of his brother, I knew now it upset him. He and Justin were fine again, joking around and laughing with each other as if nothing had happened, as he continued to ignore me. Ryan would purposely avoid me at work too, but for a different reason. He was hurt so I couldn’t blame him. Sarah disapproved but she hadn’t been back to work yet, so I didn’t have to worry about what she thought.
In my mind, everything was going pretty great.
There was one problem: I didn’t want to keep the truth away from my mom anymore. A secret had torn our relationship apart. I didn’t want another one to ruin what we had mended.
In a few days, the resort would host its annual New Year’s Eve party and our entire family would attend. Everyone from the resort would be there, too. They would be expecting me and Justin to be acting like a couple. He would be expecting us to act like a couple. I didn’t want to disappoint him again.
I needed to tell her before she found out another way.
My chance came one afternoon when I found her alone in the kitchen. “Can I talk to you about something?”
“Sure, honey,” she said licking the chocolate off the mixer spoon and handing the other one to me. “Let me put this cake in the oven first.”
I licked the spoon, patiently waiting for her to finish and set the timer. Finally, she sat across from me.
“Okay, what do you wanna talk about?”
I’d practiced three or four different beginnings in my mind. None of them seemed right anymore. I had to pick one.
“Justin and I are kinda seeing each other.”
“Justin who?”
She truly had no clue.
“Justin.”
After a few seconds, her rapidly blinking eyes widened and froze on me.
“Our Justin?”
I nodded slowly.
“Since when?” she asked in disbelief.
“A while.”
“A while?” she repeated letting go of my hand and standing up. “A while?”
Her broken breathing made me expect the worst.
“And when you say ‘seeing each other’ what do you mean? Like, hanging out together or … more?”
She left the words sleeping together unspoken. My eyes gave her the answer.
“Are you being safe?”
“Yes.” I sighed. “Of course.”
She looked away quickly and caught her hyperventilating breath. I rose by her side and took her hand in mine.
“Mom, are you mad at me?”
She was holding her breath now.
“No. I’m not mad, Karley. I’m surprised.”
She walked over to the oven to check on her cake. The action was involuntary. The cake was nowhere near being done. Still, it took her a few minutes to turn back to me.
She sat down and folded her hands in front of her. Her deep exhale was a good sign. She wanted to discuss it.
“Is he good to you?”
“Yes.”
A nervous laugh escaped her lipstick smile.
“That’s a silly question … I know he’s a good boy.”
She struggled to find the words she really wanted to say.
“Karley, you’re nineteen. You’re in college. You have your own life away from this place. I guess I never thought about the two of you like that. I still think of you both as kids. My kids.”
She fought to catch her breath again. Saying it out loud didn’t make her feel better about it.
“You weren’t raised together and I never forced you to visit me when the two of you were younger.”
“I should have told you the truth sooner.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Tell me you’re okay with it.”
She shook her head from side to side. She was fighting her approval.
“What if it doesn’t work out between the two of you?” she asked looking away. “I don’t think this family can take too much more before we all break.”
“Mom, we’re not thinking about it like that.” I tightened my hold on her hand. “He’s good to me and he makes me happy. We respect each other.”
“Wait, honey … does Joe know?”
I wasn’t sure why she thought of Joe and why his knowing was so important to her. I answered her again with a simple nod.
“What does he say about it?�
��
“He doesn’t approve.”
She looked hurt.
“Has he told you why?”
Because he’s an asshole.
It was the best answer. She wouldn’t appreciate it. She didn’t see him in that way. I wasn’t even sure if it was true anymore.
I searched for another, more appropriate response.
Nothing.
“Karley? Did he tell you why?”
“No.”
She exhaled quickly. There was something she wasn’t telling me.
“And Justin’s okay with that?”
She seemed as confused by everything as I had been days earlier.
“I guess.” I shrugged my shoulders. The thought of Justin being okay with Joe’s disapproval didn’t seem to sit well with her either. He’d always needed it before.
“Does Bill know?” she asked, hesitant for my answer.
“I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
“No, he would have told me,” she interrupted shaking her head. “We don’t keep anything from each other.”
I wasn’t sure if that was true or not watching her tilt her head back and stare up at the ceiling. Her lashes fluttered quickly trying to keep her troubled eyes from tearing up.
“Karley, honey, please be careful. Love can be complicated. It can tear your heart in two when you least expect it. Especially when there’s someone else that is getting hurt.”
What the hell was she talking about? My situation was nothing like hers. There was no third person involved that was going to get hurt.
“I think I have seen how horrible love can be.”
My words were stabbing. Taken in a way I didn’t mean. The tears spilled quickly down her cheeks in an uninterrupted flow. I tried apologizing immediately.
“Mom, I didn’t—”
“It’s okay,” she whispered wiping her cheeks. It wasn’t. My words were too painful. She needed the conversation to be over. Seconds later, she shut her bedroom door leaving me alone in the kitchen with my thoughts and a baking cake.
And Joe.
He was leaning against the wall. His cunning expression gave him away. He’d been listening to our conversation. I brushed past him with force out of the kitchen toward the stairs.
“It appears even the people you trust most lie to you,” he taunted me following closely behind. “Sometimes it’s best to keep your enemies closer.”