by Lucy Ivey
Joe.
As badly as I wanted to confess about what happened between me and Joe last night—and the other times—I didn’t. After apologizing, Justin started talking about me visiting him in Connecticut during spring break. We spent the hour laughing and making plans while we ate. I couldn’t tell him anymore. We were us again. United. Happy. What happened between me and Joe was a mistake. I wouldn’t let it happen again.
When we got home, Bill’s car was in the driveway along with a police car and a few other cars I didn’t recognize.
“What’s going on?”
“I don’t know,” Justin replied calmly. Neither one of us had answered our phones over dinner.
When we walked inside, my mother was pouring coffee into several cups. She was deep in thought and didn’t notice we walked into the kitchen. Joe was leaning against the island with an austere expression on his face. I turned my head to avoid his eyes. I couldn’t look at him. Not after what we had done.
“Mom?” I said quietly as she stirred creamer in a cup absentmindedly. “Mom!”
She jumped and looked at me.
“Oh, I didn’t hear you kids come in,” she confessed putting the spoon down.
“Mom, what’s going on?”
“They found a girl on the mountain,” she said putting her hand over her mouth.
Her wild eyes stared into mine. Justin walked up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. His touch startled me but I felt safer with him by my side as my mother continued.
“What do you mean they found a girl?” I asked.
“They found her body off one of the trails,” she said as tears filled her eyes. “She was an employee.”
“Oh, my God!” I gasped looking back at Justin and reaching my hands up to his as his grip tightened. “Who was it?”
“Sarah Sheppard.”
Justin’s hands released from my shoulders and when I turned around he was leaning his hands against the counter to keep himself from falling.
“Justin!”
I grabbed his arm to steady him.
“I’m okay,” he said quietly. “I just need a minute.”
I expected Joe to rush to his brother’s side. He didn’t. He remained motionless across the room with the same expression on his face.
“What happened to her?” Justin asked standing straighter.
“They don’t know, honey,” she said walking over to him and putting her arms around his waist. “They don’t know yet.”
My mother held him in her arms. Standing beside them, I started to cry.
I wasn’t sure if I was crying for Sarah or how broken Justin looked right now. Everything about him looked weak. Joe looked strong staring out the kitchen window.
“They think she might have gotten drunk and wondered out too far into the woods,” my mother said releasing Justin and wiping the tears away from her face.
“Why would they think that?” Justin asked in disbelief.
“They found a bottle of alcohol beside her,” she said. “So they think she passed out and something attacked her.”
“What do you mean something attacked her?” I asked. “Like an animal?”
My mother shook her head slowly. I visualized Sarah lying helpless in the snow, unaware of her fate. I felt lightheaded. I leaned myself into Justin. I was relieved when he took me in his arms.
“Karley!”
I couldn’t speak. My tears were truly for Sarah.
“So, who’s all in there?” Joe asked somberly, looking toward his father’s den.
“Your dad’s talking to Wayne and Chuck and a few other board members,” my mother said walking back over to the freshly made cups of coffee. “They need to get everything figured out before tomorrow morning when the details are released in the paper.”
“Why are the police here?”
“They can’t rule anything out yet,” she said taking a sip.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Do they think someone else was involved?” Joe interrupted.
I felt a sudden unease at his tone.
“They don’t know,” she said taking the tray in her hands. “But with the other girl’s death and now this one being associated with the resort too, it’s not good, sweetie. Your father’s a mess right now.”
She started to cry. I wanted to go to her but I couldn’t move.
“Yeah, it’s too close to home again,” he said staring back at his brother.
My eyes darted back to Joe’s face. He remembered all too well about the last time there was a death on the slopes. Yet again, instead of vulnerability in his voice, there was a quiet intensity in it. Without saying another word, he walked out of the house. I heard the truck start and listened to him drive away. I wondered where he going but I could only assume it was to the nearest pub in town.
I really didn’t expect Justin to come to my room that night, but when he didn’t I was disappointed. Worried about him. He was upset about Sarah’s death. I wouldn’t have been able to make him feel better. After what seemed like hours of wondering if something had happened between the two of them, I got out of bed and quietly opened my door.
His door was shut and the light was off, so I tiptoed down the stairs and through the darkness of the house until I reached the kitchen.
I thought about turning on the light but decided against it as I poured myself a glass of water. As I drank it, I looked out the window. The hauntingly thin white smile of the moon above barely illuminated the truck in the distance. I leaned forward and narrowed my eyes and saw Joe sitting in the truck with his head lying against the steering wheel. I couldn’t tell if he was awake or asleep, but the longer I watched him, the more curious about his behavior throughout the day I became. Only now, in the secrecy of the dark, he seemed to show signs of sadness.
Or maybe it was worry?
Worry for what happened to Sarah or to the others, like Maddie? Or maybe it was a worry of getting caught?
When the thought came into my mind it was sudden and scary.
A worry of getting caught?
Getting caught for what?
My thoughts were scrambling inside my head for a couple of minutes and when I looked back out at the truck, he was gone.
I stretched myself over the sink. I couldn’t see where he’d gone. He’d disappeared. Where was he? I didn’t see him get out of the truck, so I didn’t know which direction he’d walked in. It wasn’t until he spoke that I knew he was behind me.
“Looking for me?”
I turned quickly. He was standing only a few feet away.
“What are you doing?” I gasped desperately, shaken by his surprise appearance.
“Watching you watching me.”
His low, steady voice frightened me. He was drunk.
“I needed something to drink.”
He held up a half-empty bottle of whiskey.
“Yeah, me, too.”
He arched his brow while setting the bottle on the counter. The sweet smell of the alcohol on his breath was like a magnet drawing me closer to him. The boyish smile on his face was beautiful but I wanted to scream at him for all the awful things he said earlier.
I needed to walk away from him.
“Good night, Joe.”
I turned to walk away. When he grabbed my arm to turn me back toward him, I didn’t resist.
“Don’t go.”
He ran his fingers down my hair and I closed my eyes to his touch. I wouldn’t do this again.
“I have to go—”
“No, you don’t,” he whispered. “No, you don’t.”
I stared at him and began thinking about what had happened between us. The guilt was overwhelming. So was the yearning for more.
“I don’t want to hurt Justin.”
He stepped toward me and gently ran his hand down the center of my robe, stopping at its knot and tugging on it to pull me closer to him.
“Justin isn’t the one who will get hurt,” he whispered into my ear. “
I promise.”
I didn’t believe him. I wasn’t sure if he cared anymore if he hurt Justin or not. I wasn’t sure if he cared if he hurt me or not either.
“I don’t know anymore … I just don’t think you like me very much,” I whispered feeling my heart rising up to my throat, fearing the words were true, which made them difficult to speak.
“On the contrary, Karley, I think you know I like you very, very much.” His eyes were lighter and seductively locked on mine. “I thought I made that clear to you last night.” He moved closer to me. The tone in his voice was as soft and hopeful as it was in my room. “I can try to prove it to you again if you want.”
“You were drunk,” I said quietly. “We were both drunk.”
“Don’t do that,” he whispered kissing the side of my face. “Don’t make excuses.”
“Joe—” I mumbled turning away from him.
“Don’t say anything, Karley. I know how you feel about me,” he whispered slowly reaching for the pendant hanging from my neck and staring at it. It made me curious as to what he thought my feelings of him were as he played with it between his fingers.
“How?”
“I’m the messed-up one. The one that’s fucked up. That’s why I’m the one you don’t want.” His eyes met mine. “Well, I’m the one you know you shouldn’t want. But you do. I know you do. And you know I want you.”
He turned his head. His guard was down again. I liked his vulnerability.
“Joe—” I whispered holding his fingers in mine as he continued to hold the pendant.
Without warning, he quickly released his hand from mine and lifted me to the counter. He spread my legs open and stepped forward bringing my body into his before taking my face in his hands. Only an instant passed as he looked into my eyes before his lips were touching mine.
“Let me have every part of you, Karley,” he begged through his kisses. “Please.”
It should have felt wrong. It didn’t.
I should have stopped him. I didn’t.
I shouldn’t have kissed him back. I did.
“Stay here with me.”
His warm breath stung my lips with the tempting invitation he was giving to me. Staring into his eyes, I said nothing. The silence was my answer.
An accomplished smile quickly spread across his face.
His leaned his head slowly toward mine and pressed his lips against mine, tugging at my bottom lip with his teeth as he pulled away. He was being playful. A side of him I had never seen but liked. I placed my hands on the sides of his clean-shaven face. It was soft and squared and for the first time, I felt its warmth.
His pupils dilated under my stare, minimizing the sapphire of his irises.
“If you let me in, I can make you very happy.”
I closed my eyes as his warm wet lips caressed my neck with slow controlled movements. Up and down, while his fingers moved with a steady rhythmic motion inside me that caused quiet gasps of air to escape my opened mouth. There was nowhere else I wanted to be than here with him.
His breath became quicker and heavier with every touch inside me. Every time his tongue met mine, my thoughts began to spin out of control.
Don’t stop … please … stop … touch me again … Justin …
Justin.
Justin.
This is wrong.
Or is it?
I couldn’t stop kissing him long enough to decide. I wanted him so badly, and knowing he wanted me too was overwhelming. I pulled him closer to me, feeling his touch deeper inside me.
I opened my eyes as he slowly slid his hand out from my pajama pants. Immediately, I felt starved for his touch again. Instinctively, I reached out for his hand but he pulled it away taking a step back. His eyes filled with pain. It was hard for him to stop.
“What?”
He picked my necklace up again and with a gentle tug at it, he pulled me closer to him.
“You and I are actually a lot alike.” His eyes stayed focused on the pendant. “We keep everyone at a distance. Except Justin.” His eyes were staring into mine. “Sometimes I think he is the only one keeping us together. Or maybe he’s the only one keeping us apart.”
I slid off the counter slowly and adjusted my robe.
“Joe?”
He continued to stare at the pendant. Something about it made him change his mind.
“I promise, one of these days I’m gonna finish what I’ve started with you,” he whispered before kissing my jaw and walking away.
Chapter 17
On the Edge
“What?” I asked slowly coming out of my thoughts about last night with Joe.
“Sarah!” Gray exclaimed. “I said I can’t believe she’s dead.”
Gray’s wide emerald eyes stared. I continued searching through my bag knowing for sure I had put my phone inside it last night.
“I know.”
I should have been more interested in what Gray was saying, but I was so distracted with my thoughts of Joe and my missing phone. God, this thing is a bottomless pit!
“I mean, I thought she quit,” she continued. “But she was fucking dead.”
Silence filled the air of the employee break room. Gray stared down at her tray of uneaten food, and I forgot about searching for my phone. I set my bag down beside my chair and took her hand in mine.
“It’s awful—”
“I feel like such a bitch.”
Her interrupting words were soft and sincere. Unexpected.
“Why?” Beth asked swirling her spoon casually around in her bowl of chicken soup.
“Because of all the things I called her when she wasn’t showing up for work.”
“You didn’t know,” I said, trying to comfort her even though I had my own feelings of guilt for the thoughts I’d had about Sarah—not only for missing work and making my shift insane but because of the way she’d flirted with Justin. “None of us did.”
“It doesn’t make me feel any better,” Gray confessed pushing her tray away. “I can’t believe it.”
“I read it in the paper this morning,” Jessie said. “My dad saw it and was asking me about it… and now the police and a bunch of reporters are at the resort today.”
“Yeah, after Jessie called I turned on the news,” Beth cried. “It’s so sad.”
Jessie nodded in agreement.
“I found out last night,” Gray said.
“How did you find out last night?” Beth asked.
“Joe told me.”
It was the first time she said his name without a huge smile spread across her blushing face.
“What?” I released her hand. When had she talked to him? “When?”
“Last night when he came over to my house. I left you a message on your phone but you never called me back.”
Last night?
“I told you I can’t find my phone. When did he go over to your house?”
Even though I had been in a panic about it all morning, the fact that I couldn’t find my phone didn’t seem as important to me anymore when I found out that Joe had gone to Gray’s house last night.
“Last night.”
By the look on her face, the tone of my voice was disbelieving.
“When?”
I wanted to know if it was before or after he left me alone in the kitchen.
“Why?” She seemed agitated with my questioning. I needed to know.
“He was at the house … when Justin and I … I just didn’t know … When?” I couldn’t form a complete sentence in my head let alone when I spoke.
“Why does it matter when he came over?” she asked matter-of-factly. Her dark green eyes were growing wild. “He actually asked me earlier this morning if he could come over later tonight, too.”
I didn’t believe her.
“He did?”
“Yes. He. Did.” She appeared to swallow the anger inside her throat, still glaring at me. “Why? What’s the problem? Are you mad about him coming over?”
“No,” I answered quickly. Too quickly. “Why would I be mad?”
Her face tightened. Her voice was now confrontational.
“I don’t know, Karley. I guess because I see how you look at him sometimes. It’s almost the same way you look at Justin.”
I shook my head trying to deny my confusion.
“What are you talking about?” I asked trying to sound convincing to her.
“It’s true,” Beth agreed. “Sometimes, you just stare at him. But it’s kinda, like, in the same lustful way he stares at you.”
Gray gave Beth a stinging glare. Beth dropped her chin to her chest and didn’t look up again. Gray stared at me with the same combativeness in her eyes. I didn’t want this conversation with them.
“I have no idea what either of you are talking about.”
Why did I have to ask her about him going over to her house? Shit! But why would he go over there? And when? Fuck!
“I can understand how you’d have a hard time deciding between the two,” Jessie teased. “Both of them are hot. Justin is really sweet, which is attractive, but Joe is like a bad boy, which is really hot, too!”
“Shut up, Jessie!” Gray snapped. Jessie obeyed immediately.
“I am not attracted to Joe.” My words were calm but not convincing. There was no way I couldn’t be attracted to him, so they all knew I was lying.
“Okay, now we know that you’re fucking lying!”
“I’m not.” I struggled with my words as I stared at the three of them looking at me, now truly not believing a word that was coming out of my mouth. “Whatever.”
I got up from the table and starting walking out of the restaurant, when I heard Gray’s voice.
“Both of them may want you, Karley!” she yelled. “But you can’t have them both. It doesn’t work that way. One of them will have to choose which one it will be, since you can’t.”
I turned around wanting to go back to her and ask exactly what she meant by her comment but decided against. As I turned back around and walked out, I passed by Ryan.
“Hey!” he said reaching out for my arm. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I said turning away from him. “I’m just leaving.”
I pulled the keys to my mother’s car out of my bag and headed for the parking lot. After a few steps, I turned back around to face him. He was still standing in the doorway watching me.