by Lucy Ivey
As much as I longed to see him again, I didn’t blame him for leaving and never returning. I was a constant reminder of the decision he’d made to kill his brother. It was too painful for him. If I was honest with myself, I wasn’t sure if given the chance he would choose to let me live again. Without his brother, he had nothing.
Not a day passed I didn’t think about him.
Wherever he was, he was probably doing very well for himself. A soon-to-be CEO of a business somewhere—like his father. At least that’s all that I allowed myself to believe, even though in my heart I knew it wasn’t true. I just didn’t want to think of him in any other way than being happy and doing well for himself.
“Karley!”
“What?”
“You’re doing it again,” Marissa informed me in an agitated tone.
“Doing what?”
“Zoning out!” she shouted. “I’ve been calling your name while you’re off visiting la-la land again.”
“Sorry.”
She understood. All of my friends did. Well, as much as they could from the few things I told them about what happened. I wanted to forget about the past. I never would. The thought of Justin didn’t haunt me anymore. It was Joe’s ghost I couldn’t escape.
I wondered where he was and if he was thinking of me. I wondered if I would ever know the answer to either question.
“So?” Marissa asked.
“What?”
“Jesus, Karley! Pay attention!” she demanded throwing a fry at me.
“Sorry.” I sighed and pretended to be interested in tonight’s plans. “What did you ask me?”
“Drinks? What kinda drinks do you want tonight?”
“Oh, I don’t know … whatever.”
Another fry zoomed in my direction, landing on my tray.
“Stop!” I laughed picking it up and eating it.
“Come on! It’s your birthday, chica,” she said unwrapping a lollipop. “Your twenty-first … the best day of your life and you don’t even care!”
“Seriously, it doesn’t matter. I’m sure whatever you have planned is going to be amazing!”
“Damn right it will be!” she snapped before shoving the sucker into her mouth. “It’ll be the best damn night of your life!”
After we won our rugby game, we all rushed back to the residence hall to get ready for the night. I raced to the shower and let the water remove all the chunks of mud and grass from my body. Standing in the steam, the warm water sliding down my body reminded me of Joe.
Closing my eyes, I saw his flawless face. The bright blue of his irises pulling me toward him. I ran my fingers across my neck to remember the feel of his soft lips kissing my skin. As always, the seductive honesty in his voice telling me he would be back for me echoed in my ears.
When the warm water began to run out, the cold water brought me back to reality. I opened my eyes. He was gone.
I stared at the long multicolored box in my hand. Before opening it, I already knew there was a necklace inside. With trembling hands, I looked up at my friends and forced a smile.
“Okay, it’s not much.” Marissa laughed looking around at the other girls. “But you’re gonna love it!”
They thought I was trembling out of happiness, unaware of the memories a necklace would bring back to me. I slowly unwrapped the paper from the box. When I opened the lid, the sparkling “K” pendant dangled from the thin gold chain.
“For Karley!” Lynn said smiling.
“I think she got that.” Nicole laughed rolling her eyes.
“Well, I don’t know,” Lynn mumbled, obviously embarrassed. “It could be used for some other girl’s name that begins with the same letter … maybe.”
“True,” Marissa agreed. “If someone took it from Karley and gave it to another girl. Then yes, it could be for someone else, too.”
Marissa playfully rolled her eyes.
“Anyway,” she continued, “we noticed you don’t have any necklaces and thought you could wear this one with anything.”
The gesture was thoughtful. The necklace was beautiful. I hated it. I hated the memories it came with.
“I love it,” I lied quietly. I was fearful to put it around my neck. I swallowed the lump in my throat and handed the box to Marissa. “Put it on me.”
For the first time in years, I felt the gentle touch of a chain and pendant fall against my skin. I traced my fingers down the paper-thin gold chain until I could feel the pendant beneath the tips of my fingers.
“It’s beautiful.”
Tears filled my eyes and my voice cracked when I whispered my thanks to them.
“Don’t cry!” Marissa laughed. “You’re gonna ruin your makeup, and you look really hot right now!”
We all laughed as I lifted my head back and ran my fingers under my eyes to ensure the tears and eyeliner would stay in place. I opened my arms wide and hugged all three of my friends.
“Okay, is everyone ready to go?” Marissa asked after a few seconds. She looked at herself one more time in the mirror before opening the door. “Oh, don’t forget your hat, Karley!”
I picked up the pink-and-silver sparkling “21” hat and put it on my head.
“I cannot believe you guys are making me wear this tonight!” I laughed adjusting the rubber string around my chin. “Unbelievable!”
They sang happy birthday to me as we walked down the stairs of the residence hall. More students joined as we walked through the lobby. And just before we walked out of the front door, I heard a familiar deep voice call my name.
I turned around to see where it was coming from, and my heart stopped when I saw him.
His hair was longer but his eyes were the same color of blazing blue. He stared at me from across the room. I had never seen him this way. So unsure. He was waiting for me to move. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t take my eyes off him as I stood motionless in the middle of my friends. He was still undeniably beautiful.
“Karley,” Marissa whispered, “who is that?”
Joe.
As I said his name in my head, a smile slowly spread across my face as tears began filling my eyes. I took off my celebration hat and handed it to her.
I walked over to him, and he stood in front of me like a statue.
Perfect.
He didn’t smile and he didn’t say anything to me as he raised his hands to my face and wiped away my freshly fallen tears.
I lifted my hands to the back of his arms and pulled him closer to me until I could reach my arms around his body.
I felt his heartbeat slow down.
The feel of his chest against my cheek, the smell of his shirt, the sound of his voice flooded my mind with memories as the tears continued to fall.
I pulled away from him slowly and looked into his eyes as I whispered one of my questions.
“Where have you been?”
“Preparing myself to come back for you.”
His involuntary laugh seemed filled with uncertainty about his decision.
“And … now you’re here for me?”
He gave a simple nod.
“Good,” I whispered through quivering lips.
He held my face in his hands. His kiss was soft and slow and exactly what I had been waiting for from him. Still holding me close to him, he quietly confessed the answer to the question I had asked myself for so long.
“I’ve thought about you every day.”
And now, in his arms, I could breathe again.
“I thought you’d forgotten about me.”
“Karley.” He sighed. “I needed time to figure things out in my life before I could come back for yours.”
My tears were uncontrollable.
He was right.
We both had needed to heal, and we needed to do it separately.
“And you still want me?” I asked.
He saw the hope I had in my eyes. It pleased him.
“Yes.”
Relieved that he stil
l wanted me the way he always had, I pressed my lips gently into his and kissed him.
“Ah, Karley?”
I turned around after Marissa said my name to see my friends standing behind us, completely confused at what they were witnessing. Looking back at Joe, I smiled shyly and lowered my head against his chest. I took his hand in mine before turning back around to my friends.
He smiled down at them and said hello as they all stared at him with glowing faces. All of them were already completely in love with him. He knew how to make a girl feel like she was the only one. His chosen one. I remembered the feeling. I welcomed it back.
“So, Karley’s friend, are you gonna go out with us?” Marissa asked giggling. “Maybe you can buy her a drink to help her celebrate life.”
The smile he gave was sincere. There was something different about him than before and it made me curious. His face was experienced with the agony in his life but still beautiful. His stare was brave, yet careful. I didn’t know if it was a peaceful understanding of why things had happened, or a devoted determination to make things right out of something that had gone so wrong.
Whatever it was, it didn’t matter.
He was here with me, and it was where we both wanted him to be.
He’d invested so much time deciding if he should come back for me or not. When he leaned forward and kissed my lips again, it was obvious he was happy with his decision.
He wanted me.
I never should have doubted he would come back.
He’d promised me he would finish what he started with me.
Epilogue
2014: Kailani
No!
No!
No!
This cannot be happening to me!
Please no!
“I’m sorry. I know it’s in here,” I said quietly, and yet I could tell the young woman behind the counter could hear the panic taking over my voice. I looked up at her again apologetically as I shifted the contents of my bag around frantically searching for the pink wallet. “Sorry.”
She rolled her eyes slowly, and it stopped my heart. She was unsympathetic to my apology as she waited for me, most likely because this was not the first time the small leather pouch had gotten lost inside the abyss of a bag surrounded by books, pens, and my wide variety of emergency feminine products. But I told myself—and her, again—this would definitely be the last.
“I know it’s in here,” I repeated without eye contact, although I was sure her eyes would now roll completely into the back of her skull. “It’s just this bag.”
Although I pretended not to hear her as I continued to plummet through the seemingly endless bottom of my bag, she knew I heard her. Everyone had heard her, and I felt like I was going to melt under her hot gaze as I listened to the quiet grunts and shifting, agitated bodies of the customers behind me.
I wanted to cry as I silently prayed for someone to save me from my self-induced torture.
Jesus! Doesn’t somebody have four dollars and twenty-five fucking cents to loan a desperate girl for her venti white-chocolate mocha before she falls apart in the middle of this goddamn Vail coffee shop?
“Let me get it for you.”
The deep, soothing voice behind me brought the comfort I needed. Even before I turned around to meet his electric blue eyes staring into mine, I knew he would be my savior.
“Thank you,” I whispered fighting back tears of embarrassment.
After he paid for our drinks and put an undeserved tip into the barista beauty’s cup on the counter, he invited me to sit with him at a table. I was supposed to meet my friend in five minutes. I would text her and tell her I was going to be late. Very late, hopefully. She would understand. She’d chosen to sleep with a hot guy many times over meeting up with me.
“Okay,” I whispered feeling beautiful yet helpless under his stare as I played with the turtle pendant dangling from my necklace. We walked over to a table and sat down. “I’m Kailani Rivas.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Kailani.”
His smile was as seductive as his voice.
“I’m Joe Osborne.”
And with his captivating sapphire-colored eyes locked on mine, I knew he couldn’t wait to get his hands on me.
Author’s Note
Hello and thanks for reading!
A little about me… well, I grew up in Cincinnati and currently live near the sweet-smelling town of Hershey, Pennsylvania. Although I began writing stories during my teenage years, it wasn’t until years later when I completed my first novel and began writing seriously again. I’m thankful for the two decades in between because I credit the inspiration for my characters, plots, and crazy one-liners to the people and experiences throughout my life.
I’m a wife, mother, and school counselor who loves eating cupcakes, walking through cemeteries, looking at old photographs, binge reading, and waking up from dreams I don’t fully understand!
I want to thank everyone for their constant love and support! To the readers, I hope you enjoy and please follow me on Instagram and Twitter. If you liked this book, please consider leaving a review on Goodreads or your preferred eBook retailer!
Best,
Lucy
Twitter: @lucy_ivey
Instagram: lucyivey_author
Bloomsbury Publishing, London, New Delhi, New York, Oxford, and Sydney
Copyright © 2016 by Lucy Ivey
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
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This electronic edition published in 2016
First published in November 2016
by Bloomsbury Spark, an imprint of Bloomsbury Publishing, Inc.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
available upon request
eISBN 978-1-68119-188-1
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Cover design by Jenny Zamenak