by S. M. Shade
It’s kind of pathetic how much I think and fantasize about him. The sexual ones don’t bother me, everyone does that, but the others are much more alarming. They’re the kind that hurt, that really twist your guts when you realize it’ll never be that way.
I try to blame my abundance of downtime and boredom for those times when I allow my mind to wander into thoughts of us together. Living like the proverbial happy little family, raising my son. It’s ridiculous, and I know it, but it doesn’t stop me from doing it.
“So, I hope you got some sleep, because the Dark and Unsolved marathon starts in a few minutes.” He sits back, kicks off his shoes, and props his feet on the coffee table.
“All I do is sleep.”
We finish eating, and Jeremy puts away the leftovers, grabs one of his orange sodas that has migrated to my fridge, and brings me a bottle of water. Yeah, the man has a thing for orange soda. I straighten out the couch while he’s up, tossing some pillows out of the way, and folding the throw blanket.
When he returns, he sits next to me, which isn’t out of the ordinary, but he’s closer than usual. See how I notice every little thing and try to make it mean something? Like I said, pathetic.
The show starts, and we settle in to watch it. After the first episode, the light in the room fades as the sun sets. When I reach to turn on the lamp, he chuckles. “Scared to watch in the dark?”
I snort but leave the lights off.
Episode two is nearly over when I reach over and grab the throw blanket. Jeremy scoots closer, hip to hip with me, and pulls the blanket across both of our laps. “There are more in the closet if you want one,” I offer.
Please say no.
“I’m good.”
His arm finds its way across my neck, and I rest my head on his shoulder. We stay that way for a few minutes, before his fingers start stroking my bare shoulder. I’ve never been so glad to have chosen a spaghetti strap camisole. Every inch of skin he touches tingles.
My head is spinning. He’s never made any kind of move toward me before. After that birthing class, it seemed like he went out of his way to avoid touching me. There have been a few times where I caught him looking at me like I look at him, but I figured it was my imagination coupled with overactive hormones. That I was seeing what I wanted to see.
I turn to look at him, and he’s gazing at me. Our eyes seem to spend an eternity together before he brings his palm to my cheek. I’m afraid he’ll be able to hear how fast and hard my heart is beating. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, and slowly, so slowly I feel like I may explode before it happens, he brings his lips to mine.
A feeling I can’t even describe races through my body, lighting me up from my head to the tip of my toes. It focuses and centers between my legs when his soft tongue slips between my lips. The little whimper I let out is involuntary. His responding moan is the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard, and it makes me feel like I’m not alone in this. This isn’t some random impulse he’s acting on and might regret later. He wants me.
I slide my hand around his neck, letting my fingers thread into his hair. It’s so soft, just like I imagined. My breath catches as he shifts me onto his lap without breaking the kiss, and it’s like I can feel him everywhere, his warmth, his scent. I could wallow in it forever and never come up for air.
When we break apart, he presses his forehead to mine while we catch our breath. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”
“Not as long as I have.”
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me against him. I don’t know how long I stay that way, cuddled on his lap, my head resting on his chest as he holds me tight.
“I can’t have sex, you know, until after the baby is born.”
His chest shakes with a chuckle. “I know. I’m not trying to sleep with you.”
I hate to ruin this, and I know how much men hate to hear this question, but I have to know. It’s not just my feelings I’m looking out for.
“I need to know what you want from me, Jeremy. I know things aren’t ideal, with me being pregnant and everything—”
A soft kiss halts my words. “I want it all, Mel. I want you with me every day. I want the baby you’re carrying to be mine, like I thought he was. I was terrified when I first found out, but now, you two are the best things in my life. I know I’m not the father and that he may step back into the picture once he has wised up—”
“He’s dead.” It’s my turn to interrupt.
His fingers trail through my hair in a tender, comforting gesture. “I’m sorry. I know what it’s like to lose someone.”
“It’s not that. He…wasn’t what I thought he was. He was abusive and violent, and got himself killed for it. It’s a long story I’m not ready to tell yet, but there was no love there, and my son is better off without him.” I sit up and look him in the eye. “If you want to be in the baby’s life, I’d love that, but you don’t have to be with me to have a family if that’s what you’re looking for.”
I’ve never seen anyone with him, except the friends he had come visit from Indiana the first time we met. I can understand how thinking for months that he’s going to be a father and having it ripped away from him could leave him feeling empty. “You could be his uncle or something.”
We haven’t known each other long, and though things started out rocky, he has been there for me throughout the pregnancy. No matter how much of a jerk he was in the beginning, he has compassion for others that can’t be faked. He’s a good person who bad things have happened to, and I can relate to that. I’m not going to talk anyone out of caring for my baby, that’s for sure. He needs more family than I can give him. Still, I don’t want him to make an impulsive commitment that he’ll regret. If he doesn’t follow through, my son will lose a father. He’d be better off never knowing his father than having one only to be abandoned by him.
He cups my cheek and runs his thumb over my jaw. “I wasn’t looking for a family, Mel. It never even entered my mind before I met you.” He lays a hand on my belly. “And him.” He plants a soft kiss on my lips. “I tried my best to keep my distance when I realized I was catching feelings. Not because of you or the baby, but because of where I am right now. There’s a lot you don’t know about me. Things that may chase you away, and I promise I’ll tell you everything soon, but right now I just want to be with you.”
I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly. “I’d love to be with you. When it comes to the baby, let’s see how things go, okay? It’s very early. Wait until he’s screaming, and we’re covered in spit up and surrounded by piles of dirty diapers to decide what you want to be to him. I can’t risk you changing your mind and hurting him.”
He kisses the side of my neck. “I’d never hurt him or you, but I understand. We’ll take it slow.”
You know what really sucks about pregnancy? There are times like this when you’re in a sweet, emotional, or sexual situation, and your bladder doesn’t give one fuck. “Sorry to break the moment, but I really have to pee,” I giggle, climbing off his lap.
He laughs, and when I make it to the doorway, I glance back to see him watching me. A bright smile darts across his face.
“You have an amazing ass.”
He was serious when he said we’d take it slow. Other than a few kisses and caresses, we don’t take it any further. Just being close to him, wrapped in his arms is enough for me…for now. It’s going to kill me that we can’t have sex for so long. I only hope he doesn’t lose interest because of it.
My eyes grow heavy, and when I open them again, sunlight fills the room. Jeremy sleeps beneath me on the couch while I lie sprawled across his body. It’s the best night’s sleep I’ve had in my life.
#
“Mel?”
“Yeah,” I call back.
He peeks his head in the living room. “Justus is with me. He wanted to say hi.”
“Dude, I wanted to surprise her. You know, jump through the doorway with a ta-da!” Justus announces, stopping s
hort as soon as he sees me.
Over the last couple of weeks, my stomach has kind of popped and my pregnancy is very obvious. “Holy shit.” His head whirls around. “You knocked her up!”
Jeremy shrugs. “My swimmers were determined. Don’t tell the guys yet. Or Sadie. Half the damn world will know.”
What the hell? What happened to taking it slow? We had that conversation two weeks ago and he’s telling his friends he’s the father?
A bright smile breaks across Justus’s face and he leans over to hug me. “Congratulations. Welcome to the family, sweetheart. I’ll pray every day that Jeremy didn’t give your baby the ugly. Do you know the sex?”
“It’s a boy.”
Justus sits across from me as Jeremy takes a seat beside me on the couch. Justus shakes his head. “There’s no hope then. He’ll probably inherit his weird ears.”
As crazy as the situation is, Justus can make me laugh. “I didn’t know you were visiting.”
Justus glances at Jeremy. “Yep. Our buddy Landon and I needed a little getaway. So, we’re staying for a while. Jeremy mentioned he’d be busy in the evenings. Makes sense now.”
I lay my hand on Jeremy’s arm. “I’m fine, and I’ll call or text if I need you. You don’t need to worry about me when you have company.”
“They aren’t company. They’re two pains in my ass who are using my place as a resort to escape their wives.”
“Hey! The wives have just got back from spending New Year’s in Hawaii.” Justus grins at me. “I was going to see if you wanted to get down with some margaritas tonight, but I guess that’s out.”
It’s funny, after years of not celebrating holidays, you’d think I would’ve been excited about them, but Jeremy and I both let them pass uncelebrated. I guess neither of us felt all that festive. “Yeah, probably not a good idea. And I’m on bed rest, so I’m stuck here.”
“Bummer.” Justus leans forward. “At any point in your bed rest instructions, were you warned against eating tacos?”
A laugh bubbles out of me, and Jeremy shifts closer, his leg touching mine. “I don’t believe that was forbidden.”
“It’s decided then. Before I leave, we’ll have a taco date. I make great tacos.”
“That sounds fun, thanks.” I dart my eyes toward Jeremy. “Can you give us a minute?”
“Sure. I hope he’s in trouble. Is he in trouble?” Justus asks, and I shake my head.
“Sorry, not this time.”
Pretending to be dejected, he leaves, shutting the door behind him.
“What was that?” I ask Jeremy as soon as Justus is gone. “I thought we agreed not to make any decisions until after the baby is born.”
“I know what I want, Mel. The decision is yours. As far as I’m concerned, I have a son coming unless you tell me different. I didn’t plan on telling Justus, but he sort of bullied his way in to see you, so I went with it.”
A part of me is glad he did. He wouldn’t be telling his friends if he wasn’t serious about sticking around. “Okay.”
Jeremy grins down at me. “That was far less painful than I expected. I have a couple of things to take care of, but I’ll be back around seven. Is there anything I can bring you?”
“Something chocolate with chocolate filling, dipped in chocolate.”
Chuckling, he drops a kiss on my lips. “Truckload of chocolate. Got it.”
Chapter Ten
Jeremy
One innocent phone call to get some advice on the cult situation, and Justus and Landon speed down here like their asses are on fire. They showed up this morning, and I had no intention of telling them about Melissa and my son, but Justus just ran up and entered her house behind me. It wasn’t like I could hide it after that.
“I’m into the first account,” Landon says, from his shadowy corner. Landon has a genetic disorder that prevents him from being exposed to sunlight. He has a jumpsuit he wears if he’s forced to go out, but even that isn’t infallible, so when he’s here, all the blinds and curtains have to be drawn until the sun goes down. “And our account is set up. How much are we taking?”
“Everything we can. It’s split into at least five accounts. There may be more I haven’t located yet.”
Nodding, Landon focuses on the screen. Justus sits on the couch, his scrutinizing eyes focused on me. “So, you want to explain what the hell we missed, Jer?”
With a sigh, I pace the floor. “I told you, they’ve been taking all their follower’s money, so they have no way to escape. I want to redirect the funds back into private accounts which we can hand over to the victims after we take out the leaders.”
Justus snorts. “Yeah, I got all that. I mean, do you want to explain the girl who is cursed with your demon seed next door?”
Landon’s fingers cease on the keyboard, and his head jerks up. “What?”
“Yep. He impregnated his neighbor, and she seems like a sweet little thing.”
“You haven’t seen her when she’s pissed off,” I scoff, and Justus grins.
“Oh my god. You’re into her.” He waves at his cheeks with his hands. “Our little boy is growing up. I think I might cry.”
Ignoring him, Landon stares at me. “You’re having a baby?”
“Yes, a son.”
“Are you two together?”
“Yes, it’s pretty new, but—”
“At least five months old by the look of her,” Justus interjects.
“You should know. You brought her over here.” I come around and sit on the arm of the couch, too fidgety to sit still for long.
“No. Nohoooo. You aren’t blaming me for this. I wasn’t responsible for covering your stump before you hump. You know my motto. Say it with me, now. If you’re not going to sack it, go home and whack it.”
“She doesn’t know about ISH yet. I want to tell her, but I wanted to run it by you guys. Same as we did for Zoe, Ayda, and Sadie.”
Landon leans back. “She’s having your kid. She needs to know. Are you worried about how she’ll take it?”
It’s all I’ve been able to think about for days. In Safe Hands is a great organization, and I’m proud to be a part of it, but we haven’t always done things the legal way. In the beginning, we had no patience for the repeat child molesters and child rapists who kept beating the system and getting out. We took them out ourselves, permanently, and disposed of the bodies.
As the guys found their wives and started raising families, the risk was just too great, and we swore off that part of the job. We still have a backup plan if we ever absolutely had to do away with someone, but it’s only for an emergency situation.
“A little. I’m still feeling her out, but I’ll tell her soon. She has some secrets of her own as well.” I run my hands through my hair. “We’ll work it out.”
Landon grins at me. “Congratulations, man. I’m happy for you.”
Justus slaps me on the shoulder. “Me too. Having a kid is great.”
“Does that mean you plan to stay here permanently?” Landon asks.
My mind has been so overwhelmed with the cult, Mel, and the baby, I hadn’t even thought about that. “I don’t know. I guess it’ll depend on what she wants to do. It’s early days. She’s on bed rest for complications, so right now we’re just trying to get her through the pregnancy.”
“Do you want me to call Zoe? Or Leah would be glad to come and help out, I’m sure. They could stay with her while we’re dealing with these assholes.”
“I’ve been balancing things okay, but I may take you up on that if she has another setback.” I look back and forth between them. “I don’t want to pull any law enforcement in on this yet. I want to deal with the leaders.”
“Deal with as in I need to find a crematorium worker who will take a bribe?” Justus asks.
“Wouldn’t hurt.”
The look they share worries me. This is why I didn’t want them to come here. “They killed Frannie. I’m calling the shots on this one.”
Neither
of them argues, but they don’t agree either.
“You don’t need me for this part. I’m going to stay at Mel’s. You know where I am if you need something.”
I make it as far as the door before Landon calls my name. His face is impassive. “Tell her. This isn’t like when we told the other girls. She’s carrying your child. She deserves to know what you really do.”
The only response he gets is me cursing under my breath.
Because he’s right.
#
The smile on Mel’s face when she sees me melts away as she takes in the expression on my face. I didn’t plan on diving right into this terrifying conversation, but I’m not going to be able to act like everything is normal while I worry about her reaction.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, but we need to talk.”
She sighs, and leans against her pillow. “Those words are never followed by good news. If you’ve changed your mind—”
“Never,” I assure her, sitting next to her. “But there are some things about me you should know.”
“Okay.” She stares at me expectantly.
Damn, this is hard. How did the other guys do it? It does give me some comfort knowing they ended up married to those women.
“Landon and Justus aren’t just here to visit. We work together, along with Tucker, and another friend of mine, Dare.”
“What kind of work?”
“We formed an organization to protect children from child molesters and online predators. We keep track of them, monitor chat sites and the dark web, then send our reports to police.”
A soft smile blooms on her face. “That’s amazing. Why would you be afraid to tell me that?”
“Because some of what we do is illegal. We hack into wherever we need to get our information, bait people online, pretend to be offenders ourselves, and a lot of other things that could get us locked up.”