Chapter 15
“Dad, I’m here,” I say as soon as my father’s eyes open slightly. He smiles. It is like natural sunlight to my soul. I smile back with the widest grin imaginable. “I’m having a great day.”
I see his mouth move and think he is saying, “Good.” It’s hard to tell. They think the cancer may have spread to his brain or affected his language center. I’m not sure. What I am sure about is that since the night of my “release” session over Mark’s lap, I feel so much better and Dad has been more awake and happy as well.
I’ve kept busy the past few days. Janice got Kevin to agree to go to the office last night and work on setting up the reverse connection that will let us get the records from Blake, Mark has been working on the rejoinder and getting things in order, and I’ve been collecting a timeline and all the evidence I have about the scope of events and payments at Lynx. I can’t wait for Janice to call tonight and tell me what she discovered and what evidence she was able to get today.
“Mark’s doing great, Dad,” I tell him as his eyes begin to close again. I shift and feel just a slight twinge on my bottom, the memory of my safety and vulnerability over his lap filling me with peace once more. “I’m falling for him in a major way. It could be something serious someday. So don’t worry about me anymore. I’m going to be okay.”
“I love you,” he mouths to me. It’s the one phrase that’s easy to tell.
“I love you too, Daddy,” I say back loudly. When he falls asleep, I head home and start making myself a salad. I keep checking my phone to see if it’s on because Janice should have called by now. In fact, they were supposed to check out the system last night–so an update is really overdue. I haven’t heard much from Mark either. I begin to pace. I know my need to be in control has to change, but right now the silence is killing me.
I give up and call Janice. She answers on the first ring.
“I was just about to call you,” she says without bothering to say hello.
“I’m going crazy! What’s the hold-up?”
“I just needed to sit down for a minute and have a drink. Calling you was next on my list.”
“Drink? List? What’s going on? What did Kevin find out?”
“Well,” Janice begins. I feel the hesitation in her voice. Something’s wrong.
“If you tell me ‘there’s good news and bad news,’ I’m going to jump off a bridge!” I’m so tired of everyone tiptoeing around things.
“Okay, I won’t. There’s only bad news.”
“What?”
“Kevin spent hours on the system last night. He says there’s no way to set up a reverse. Apparently the network has a tripwire automatic responder code in the registry.”
“I don’t speak geek.”
“Me neither.” She laughs. “I’m reading this from a post-it note. He had to write it down. Anyway, what it means is that if we make any changes to the network, a signal goes straight to Blake. Kevin was able to print-screen the software and registry codes that prove Blake has our system feeding into his, but that was all Kevin could do.”
“So, we can’t get Blake’s transaction records? That is bad news.”
“It gets worse.”
“How could it possibly get worse?” I’m not sure I really want to know the answer, but I have to get a clear picture of what’s happening with Lynx.
“Today was our last day at Lynx.”
My heart sinks to my stomach which is turning into a huge knot. Did we mistake the deadline? Is it done? My life’s investment is gone? This can’t be happening. I’ve been through so much and worked so hard.
“What do you mean it’s your last day? I still have a week left to file a rejoinder. Mark is working his ass off to get the legal documents ready!”
“Blake called a meeting for ten minutes to five tonight. Valerie James was there as well. I gave her the T-list but I don’t think she bought it. She took one look at it, shrugged and put it in her folder.”
“Get back to the meeting, what happened?” Jeez, how I hate being so separated from the action.
“So Blake the Snake and Valerie James are standing there and they call us together and say they are proud to announce the future of Lynx. They say because of our lease on the building, the office is staying where it is, and there will be a new section editor moving into your office.”
“Section editor? Why would Lynx need a section editor unless…” I start to realize what’s going to happen to my baby. “Oh god, Janice.”
“Yep, starting in two weeks Lynx is going to be renamed ‘The Source’ and be the investigative section of Ladies World. She wants to print one big and several small articles a month with Lynx’s ‘signature style’. She gave everyone a big speech about welcoming us to the staff of Ladies World’s newest and most exciting venture.”
“The Source? Where did she get that? The back of a bar napkin? We’ve got to stop this.”
“Wait, it’s worse. Blake says they’re going to publicly reveal the change next week after Lynx is legally a part of Ladies World, but as a reward for our hard work and to help them make the transition, everyone at the magazine–the custodian, reporters, interns, and me–are being give two weeks off with pay. We were told that when we left tonight, doors will be closed, locks will be changed, and a whole new computer system, logo and everything will be put in.”
“He’s shutting the place down, and pushing everyone out. He doesn’t want to risk anyone getting information in or out until after my time to file is over.”
“Seems that way, Julia. I’m sorry. I’m not ‘on the inside’ anymore. There is no inside. But, if you or Mark find a way, I can help. Let me know. I talked to the staff. Everyone agreed to wait until it’s really true and the time to file is over, and then most plan to quit.”
“I gotta go,” I say, my voice trembling as the first tears start to form. I hang up without even a goodbye. Janice will understand. I sit down on the couch and stare at the stacks of documents from the lawyer. It’s over. It’s really over. My job. My pride. My Lynx. It’s all gone.
I pick up my keys in a haze and head to the car. Mark needs to know what’s happened, and I need to be to be held by Mark.
~~~
While driving to Mark’s, my mind shakes out of its haze and anger takes the place of shock. Why would Blake shut down and lock everyone out? He must have been tipped off. We still have a week before the filing deadline and that’s a lot of time to work. But how did he know? My mind instantly goes to Mark. Maybe’s he’s been stringing me on all along. But, I can’t think that, and I don’t want to believe it’s true.
“Miss Conway?” the doorman asks, wondering why the cleaning woman is showing up at nine o’clock at night.
“Mr. Stone called for me to come. Apparently he made quite a mess in the kitchen and now isn’t sure how to clean the specialty stove up without scratching it. Can you believe that crap? I’m like ‘Really, Mr. Stone?” But you know how it is with these folks.” I hope the lie is enough not to cause suspicion. I’m so mad about Blake I don’t even really have to act upset. And since I doubt we’re going to save Lynx anyway, what do I have left to lose.
I step off the elevator and see Mark lying on the couch with the TV on mute talking on the phone. He jumps up when I see him like he’s been caught with his hand down his pants.
“You won’t fucking believe this!” I shout.
“HEY! Julia. Wow. What… um… what are you doing here?” He puts his hand over the receiver. “I need to let you go. Someone’s on the other line. No, no… I will talk to you later.” Mark gets off the phone and runs around the couch to where I’m standing.
“Who was that?” I demand as if it is any of my business. He puts his hand on his hip, clearly agitated by my unexpected presence.
“You should call, Julia,” he says severely. “I might actually have other interests besides you. Lynx might have run your whole life but it doesn’t run mine.”
“Oh, I’m an interest? I
s that all I am?” I need to calm down. This isn’t a good way to start this discussion.
“No, of course not.” He sits down. “But this is my home, and I do have other things besides Lynx to handle. Now tell me why you’re here.”
“You won’t have to worry about handling Lynx very much longer,” I say glumly. I start to hold back the tears, but I also remember the lesson of the spanking. Holding things in is what got me to this point. My voice quakes and a tear starts to fall.
“What’s happened?” he asks gently.
I explain all that Janice told me. The tripwire thing, the shutting everyone out, and the section of Ladies World all add building blocks to the huge stone wall between us and our goal. He nods as he listens and then gets up to think.
“I didn’t know what to do when I heard it. I started blaming you in my head.”
“Me? I didn’t have anything to do with this.” He chuckles, shaking his head. The tone of his voice sets me off again. It’s like he’s saying, “Julia, you idiot.”
“Of course you did, Mark. Someone tipped off Blake that we were looking. Maybe your little fiasco in his office was not as smooth as you thought. Maybe Valerie James found out you were snooping through her company’s files at work. Maybe your IT person gave Blake a freaking full account of you interviewing him about the program. You act like you’re so perfect but more and more I’m starting to see this as your fuckup. You just don’t want to admit it.”
“This wasn’t my fuckup.” His jaw locks, and his posture clearly shows his unhappiness even though his tone retains the same volume and control. “This is just an unexpected turn of events and we will overcome it.”
“Well, if it wasn’t a mistake, maybe it was on purpose. Maybe you’ve been working with Blake all along and this whole thing was just to keep me busy and waste my time until the month had passed.”
BAM! He slams his hand on the coffee table and I jump.
“I have had it, Julia. I’m done. I’m done with you. I’m done with Lynx. I’m done. Go figure this out yourself, and good luck to you.” He points at the door. “And be aware tomorrow I am telling the doorman that Lucy Conway was fired!”
“Wait,” I say, stunned by his reaction and realizing I’ve been a lot less than grateful or giving to Mark. “I’m sorry. Don’t give up on me, Mark. I need you. I need you to help me with Lynx. I need you to help me… well… with me.”
“I’m sorry, too. I don’t mean to threaten. I just…” He shakes his head and lets out a big sigh. His eyes are so beautiful, and sad. “I am tired of being accused every time something doesn’t go your way. I know trust is a huge issue, but you’ve got to get around it. I’m not helping Blake or Val and I don’t ever intend to betray you to them. I don’t control the world, Julia. I just control how I respond to it.”
“I know, I know.” I nod in agreement. He’s right, of course. “But now, more than ever, we need a response.”
I turn and lean back as he puts his arms around me. I regain my sense of security, comfort, and hope in his embrace. He hugs me tightly and starts ruminating quietly about the situation.
“I’ve got my own notes from when Lynx was my account, the affidavit from Howard, Janice’s print-out from your IT guy, the bank records I snagged from Intrend, the info from Val’s office and some memo’s—”
“Intrend? Memo’s? What are you talking about?”
“I’ve been doing a little more than sitting on my hands and planning your retirement from journalism, Julia. I’ve had investigators doing a lot of extra chores.” He squints his eyes just enough to tell me that’s all the info I am getting about that.
“Is it enough?”
“If it’s all we have, we’ll use it and try. But, it’s all circumstantial. The judge might give you an extension but the moment we ask for it, Blake will burn those records. He’s only keeping them now so he knows how to lie and not get caught. He has to know what he did in order to know how to frame it. We need to get that folder.”
Mark hugs me tighter, his hands running up and down my arms.
“We need to get in Blake’s office and we’re running out of time. The good news is the closer the deadline gets, the cockier Blake gets. Still, if he’s closing down Lynx, you can bet he isn’t going to let anyone waltz around through his office–especially me.”
Suddenly, he blinks and smiles. He has an idea, I can tell. But I’m in no way prepared for what comes out of his mouth next.
“Do you trust me?”
“Um… of course, I… well… ” I struggle and realize submission means giving him my honesty, not just my body. “I’m trying to trust you. I trust you most of the time.”
“But, you’re open to trusting me?”
“Yes,” I laugh with one of those maniacal giggles that says I no longer have any idea what we’re talking about.
“How well do you deal with pain?”
“What?”
“Not the bang your head on the counter pain or I just lost my best friend pain, but pain that leads to something better. How well can you endure something if you know it leads to something else? Would you accept pain if you trusted the person giving it to you? Could you trust them not to hurt you?”
“I don’t know. I don’t like pain so I avoid it, like most people.” I struggle to answer because I’m trying to figure out where this is coming from, and where it’s going. It went the last place I expected.
“I want us to have anal sex.”
“Are you crazy? NO!” I say standing up. “As usual, I’m dealing with the worst crisis in my professional life and you’re thinking with your dick. Typical man!”
“Hear me out.” He rises and takes my hand, pulling me toward the playroom we’ve used before. “Sometimes we have to put ourselves in a position that’s painful, that’s humiliating, or that we fear. But after we go through it, we get what we need in the end. If we can get through that position with someone we trust, it makes it easier with someone we don’t.”
I allow Mark to walk me into the room and sit on the bed. No hairbrush. Thank goodness.
“Look, Mark,” I say matter-of-factly. “I’m not having anal sex with someone I trust, someone I don’t, or anyone else, because I’m not doing that with anyone ever! Never did it, never going to. Case closed.”
“Why?”
“Because, no. I’ve reached my limit.”
“Why is it a limit? Look Julia, I’m not going to force you. I’m not going to abandon you. But let’s just talk. Why won’t you have anal sex?”
“Because it hurts.”
“How do you know it hurts? You just said you never had it.” He sits up straight, clearly in rational mode. I’m leaning back against the headboard trying to work up a good answer to an honest question.
“Everyone knows it hurts. It’s common knowledge. Sun starts in the East, water is wet, anal sex hurts.”
“But what does it feel like after the hurt?”
“I… I don’t know,” I confess. “I’ve never really thought past the hurt.”
“That’s exactly what I’m getting at, Julia. I think I know a way to get you to trust me. But in order to do it, you’re going to have to get past the hurt. You’re going to suffer the pain, but you’re going to have to keep going because the reward is so much better. You need to trust me enough to know I wouldn’t hurt you, even when there’s some present pain. You’ve got to trust me past the hurt.”
I want to trust him. God knows I do. I consider what he’s saying and it makes a lot of sense. Still, I’m terrified by the prospect of this. I’ve never been this open, this intimate with anyone. Can I really do it with him?
“And,” he adds, “If you can learn to get through the hurt because of the rewards–I think I know how we can get that folder out of Blake’s office.”
“Look.” I raise my hands in surrender. “I know he’s an asshole, but I really can’t think about Blake and having anal sex with you at the same time. It’s really too much.”
&nbs
p; Mark laughs and kisses me gently.
“Then let’s leave Blake out of it for now, and work on that trust.”
I sigh and nod, more to feel his body against mine again than an urgent desire to test the limits of my trust of Mark. We undress in a slow and luxurious manner, with Mark kissing and caressing me as our clothes come off. He reaches down, rubbing my mound and getting me aroused. His lips pulling at mine and his hands over my body send shivers throughout my entire being.
I rub his cock and lean down to take it in my mouth, my lips pursing on his head, sucking with purpose and passion, hoping to bring him to such a quick place of pleasure he’ll forget all about this ‘plan’ for the night. He leans back allowing me to take more and more of him in. I feel him growing inside my wet, warm, welcoming mouth. Then he gently lifts my chin.
The Sandstone Affair (An Erotic Romance Novel) Page 13