by Max Hudson
“Here you are.”
The barista handed Oscar his drink.
“Thanks.”
Oscar took the coffee and was surprised by the steadiness of his hands.
Then Shaun pursed his lips and asked, “Has anyone ever told you that you look just like an older version of Garrett from Garrett’s Guide to Life?”
Oscar’s small surge in confidence took a direct hit and he sucked in a deep breath through his nose, trying not to panic.
“Yeah… I get that a lot,” he joked. He even managed to summon the iconic sideways smile of his childhood from the depths of his malfunctioning brain. The barista laughed.
“You even sound like him. That’s crazy, man. Must be annoying sometimes.”
“It’s not that bad,” Oscar lied, clutching his coffee tight. There was an awkward silence, and Oscar took this as his cue to leave. He raised his cup in a strange sort of salute.
“Thanks for the coffee.”
“Of course. Have a good day, sir. See you next time,” Shaun said, effortlessly reentering business mode.
Oscar exited the cafe and walked back the same way he had come. His heart was beating just as fast as it had during his encounter with Shaun the barista, but this felt different. His nerves were still present, but he felt lighter somehow. Empowered.
A few steps away from the cafe, he removed his glasses with his free hand and shoved them into his pocket next to his debit card. And then, after walking past a few nearby businesses without incident, he reached for his hood as well.
He hadn’t realized how sweaty he had gotten since leaving the apartment, and the breeze felt incredible on his head and neck, even better than the warm California sun shining down on him. An incredulous smile forced its way onto his face and, although shaky, he took the deepest, most satisfying breath he had managed in years.
Back at his apartment, Oscar sat down at the dining room table and took a sip of his crowning achievement. The coffee was dreadfully bitter, but that didn’t really matter; the feeling of accomplishment was sweet enough.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“I really don’t want to do this,” Jesse confessed for the millionth time.
“Well I do,” Oscar said, patting his back. “And that’s rare, so you better get over it.”
Oscar had been in a particularly self-deprecating mood lately, but Jesse suspected it was only because he was in such a good place. He’d been making weekly trips out of his apartment and helping Jesse on shooting days. He’d even surprised Jesse by getting an actual, professional haircut, which of course just made him look even more devastatingly handsome.
“Fine,” Jesse sighed. “Let’s get this over with.”
The two of them got out of the car and Jesse handed his keys over to Jeffrey, whose sole job was to take care and organize the Sugar family’s massive garage. Meanwhile, Oscar was marveling at the scope of the estate.
“It’s even bigger than it looks on TV,” he remarked.
He didn’t even know the half of it. There was an entire wing of their house that no cameraman had ever set foot in. Still, on camera or off, the mansion was a sight to behold. It was over thirty thousand square feet and the entire exterior was constructed with imported Italian bricks. There was also a black iron railing that spanned across the entire second level, making for a three hundred and sixty-degree wraparound balcony. They didn’t have anything crazy like a movie theater, or a bowling alley, but only because their mom thought those things would be tacky. They certainly had the money and the space for it otherwise.
After several minutes of him gawking at the house, and the roundabout in front of the house, and the duck pond in the middle of the roundabout in front of the house, Jesse finally swooped in to drag Oscar inside. If not, they could be there for hours.
Jesse was glad that Oscar seemed so calm and excited about this. It was probably just because he already knew everything he needed to know about the Sugar family thanks to the show and Jesse’s meticulous priming. Either way, Jesse was grateful for it. He didn’t know what he’d do if they were both freaking out about this meeting. Probably cancel it and try again another day.
The two of them walked in and followed the sound of laughter into the formal dining room where everyone was already gathered and waiting for them to arrive. The room was actually one of the smaller ones in the house. The walls were plain white and the only two big focal points were an antique china cabinet and a luxuriously draped table for twelve. Right now, the table was decked out with white and gold centerpieces and gilded chairs to match, but it changed every couple of months.
Jesse's parents were seated at either end like bookends. You’d think they’d want to sit next to each other and talk like any regular married couple, but no. Status was more important to them. On the right side of the table next to the fancy china cabinet was Katelyn’s brood, which consisted of her, her husband Jackson, as well as Mariana and Skyler. On the other side was Isabel, who was currently making funny faces at the twins, thus fueling the laughter that they’d heard all the way from the front entrance. Next to her was Leah, who was, predictably, on her phone.
There was one small camera set up and recording in the corner, but nobody there to move or operate it. It was just a plain old boring, continuous shot. Jesse had insisted on that, much to his mother’s dismay. He just didn’t want this dinner to come across as forced or staged. This was his real life. His first time bringing home anyone he cared about. That was much more important than any show.
As Jesse and Oscar entered the room, everyone’s heads turned toward them in unison. It felt just like walking in late to first period. Jesse couldn’t help but notice how his father’s eyes lingered on Jesse and Oscar’s intertwined hands. The two of them had never really had a formal discussion about the whole gay thing. Jesse had just assumed he was okay with it. Looking at him now, he really hoped he wasn’t wrong.
“Uncle See See!” Mariana shouted suddenly. “Is that your boyfriend?”
Mariana and Skyler’s big blue eyes were wide with excitement.
Jesse felt himself going red. He let go of Oscar’s hand and loudly cleared his throat.
“Yes,” he said. “Guys, this is Oscar. Oscar, this is everyone. I’ll let them introduce themselves.”
Everyone but the twins stood up and Oscar circled around the table shaking their hands. It was clear that the adults in the room were starstruck and wanted to ask Oscar a million questions, but they reined themselves in. Jesse watched from the sidelines and tried not to have an aneurism.
Once the proper introductions had been made, Jesse and Oscar took their seats. Oscar chose the middle one, right next to Isabel, and Jesse squeezed in beside him, leaving one empty chair next to his father. An awkward silence descended. His mother had to be the one to break it.
“Brianna,” she called out to their personal chef with a clap of her hands. “We’re ready for appetizers now.”
Oscar looked at him as if asking, is she for real? Jesse grimaced and slid down in his chair. He should have known that his mother would have pulled out all the stops. Poor Brianna had probably been in the kitchen slaving over a three-course meal for eleven people all day long.
A few seconds later there was a loud pattering of feet on tile as Brianna and her hired crew of servers for the evening speed-walked from the kitchen to the dining room. All of them, except for Brianna herself, were carrying loaded silver serving trays stacked with plates. They expertly moved in between the seated guests and presented them with their food.
“Good, evening,” Brianna said, slightly out of breath. “Today I’ve prepared for you all a tomato basil bruschetta with a whipped ricotta dip, followed by baked lobster tail and a low-sugar, vanilla creme brulee. I hope you enjoy.” She directed that last sentence at Oscar with a smile.
Brianna gave a little bow and then scurried out of the dining room along with her servers. The silence returned, but this time it was a bit less awkward since they now had food to dig into. Jesse watc
hed Oscar’s face as he took his first bite of the bruschetta. As he chewed, his eyes fell closed in delight. One bite in and Oscar was already in food heaven. That was at least one positive thing for Jesse to hang onto.
“So, Oscar,” Mariana said. In true kid fashion, she had scraped the tomato and basil onto her plate and was now soaking her bread in the cheese dip. “What do you do?”
Jesse tensed, and so did most of his sisters, but Oscar put a calming hand on his knee under the table.
“I used to be an actor,” he explained patiently.
Mariana reacted as though that were a completely normal career choice, because to her, it was.
“Why used to be?” she asked.
While she was distracted asking questions, Skyler reached over and started stealing bites of her sister’s deconstructed food.
“I’m retired,” Oscar said with a shrug. “That means I don’t have to work anymore unless I really want to.”
Mariana nodded sagely and turned to her mother.
“Mama, I want to be retired,” she said.
Katelyn laughed and patted her daughter on the head.
“You’ve gotta get a job first before you can retire, kiddo.”
Mariana considered it.
“Okay,” she said finally. “I want a job and then I want to retire.”
Everyone at the table, even stressed out Jesse, cracked a smile.
“Wait ‘til you’re a little older peanut,” Jackson said soothingly. “Then see if you still want a job.”
Mariana pouted for a moment, but ultimately decided to let the retirement planning go for now. Leah took up the conversation after that.
“Jesse told us you like cooking. Is that true?”
Oscar nodded, a bit shyly.
“I like to dabble with recipes. I uh, have a lot of free time on my hands.”
Leah quirked her brow.
“Uh huh,” she said slowly. “And what else do you like to do with all of that free time?”
Jesse wanted to smack the innuendo right out of her mouth, but Oscar remained unfazed.
“I listen to a lot of podcasts. I try and take care of plants, though I’m not very good at it. I watch a lot of TV and movies. I’m actually a really big fan of your show. I never watched it before meeting Jesse, but now it’s one of my favorites.”
Leah smiled, flattered.
“Okay Jess,” she said with a nod. “I officially approve of this one. He has good taste.”
Jesse rolled his eyes at her, but he was actually relieved. Leah was usually the hardest nut to crack, and if she had warmed up to Oscar this quickly, chances were the rest of them would as well, if they hadn’t already.
But his relief was short lived. Oscar was talking to Katelyn about some of his favorite episodes of the show while the servers were scooping up finished plates and bringing out the main course. Jesse’s mother was leaning to the right with her mouth cupped over her hand. Jackson was leaning into her with a frown. This was another one of her dirty tricks, always appealing to her son-in-law and not her actual blood. Jackson had a much harder time putting his foot down and calling her on her bullshit. He just wasn’t the kind of guy to be rude to his wife’s mother, no matter how rude she was being in return.
“It just doesn’t seem fair that he gets to ask about our show, and we don’t get to ask about his,” Rhianne whispered, loud enough for the whole table to hear.
Jesse’s blood went cold. He felt Oscar stiffen beside him. Silence fell over the table. The only sounds were that of the lobster being gently set down before them.
“Mom,” Isabel chided with a scowl. “Not cool.”
Rhianne took a swig of her wine without comment.
“It’s all right,” Oscar said in an attempt to diffuse the tension. “I’ll answer whatever you want.” He licked his lips and his eyes darted across the room. “But first could I uh, borrow your restroom?”
“I’ll take you,” Jesse said, already pushing his chair back.
Oscar placed a hand over Jesse’s fingertips to stop him.
“I can find it,” Oscar said, then he lowered his voice so that only Jesse, and possibly Isabel, could hear. “I really just need a few minutes alone.”
Skyler shot up out of her chair.
“I can show him where it is!” she said eagerly. “Come on Mr. Jesse’s boyfriend.”
Oscar stood up and walked around the table, stooping low to take hold of Sky’s small hand as she led him to one of the guest bathrooms. As soon as they both disappeared from sight, Jesse hid his head in his hands and plopped his elbows down on the table, manners be damned. He let out a mighty groan.
“Don’t be so dramatic, Jesse,” his mother chided, as if she had any room to talk.
Isabel reached over Oscar’s empty chair and patted him on the back.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine. If he watches the show, then he knows how we get sometimes.”
Jesse wasn’t convinced. He wanted nothing more than to abandon his lobster and barge into the bathroom so he could whisk Oscar away. That probably wouldn’t end too well though, especially if Oscar had really needed to go.
Surprisingly, it was Jesse’s dad who was finally able to settle his nerves enough for him to stop plotting escape routes and continue on with his meal.
“He seems like a nice kid,” he said. “Not an ounce of body fat on him either.”
From Raymond Sugar, that was practically a glowing recommendation. Jesse nodded his agreement and did his best to put his mother’s cattiness aside. A minute or so later, Skyler returned and quickly jumped into a conversation with Isabel about the cartoon they were now both obsessed with. She was acting completely normal, like nothing weird had happened at all. Kids were great, Jesse decided. Maybe he and Oscar could have them some day.
Oscar was gone for several minutes, but when he finally came back, he did so with a confident gait and a smile on his face. He returned to his seat next to Jesse and hooked his foot under his boyfriend’s ankle to silently let him know he was all right.
“Sorry about that,” Oscar said, placing his napkin back over his lap. “Now, where were we?”
Things went pretty smoothly from there. After assuring them at least a dozen times that he didn’t mind, Jesse’s sisters started asking him about Garrett’s Guide. He told them about his old costars, what the scripts had looked like, which props and set pieces he’d kept after the show was over. He was handling it incredibly well, but Jesse still felt the need to step in before they started asking about his hiatus or his family or his PTSD.
“Well this has been fun, but I think I’m going to show Oscar around a bit before it gets too late.”
He looked around the table, daring someone to object. When nobody did, he took Oscar by the hand, and not so gracefully made his exit.
“Thanks for the dinner!” Oscar called out as Jesse dragged him along.
Jesse didn’t bother showing Oscar the rest of the house. He just dragged him up to his bedroom where he slammed the door behind them and fell into Oscar’s waiting arms.
“Ugh. I feel physically exhausted,” Jesse complained. “I’m sorry that was so over the top, but that’s my family. They seem to like you at least. I was honestly expecting it to be way worse.”
Oscar squeezed Jesse tight.
“Don’t be sorry,” he said. “I actually really like them. I can see what you mean about your mom being difficult, and your dad seems kind of intimidating, but your sisters are cool. I’d definitely want to hang out with them again. Kind of makes me wish I had some family of my own lying around.”
The words pierced a hole right through his heart and Jesse pulled back with a frown. He felt like the world’s largest prolapsed anus. Here he was complaining about his fucked-up family when Oscar’s fucked up family had gone off and gotten themselves killed. He apologized and told him as much. Oscar immediately waved it off.
“My suffering has nothing to do with your suffering,” he said. “Please don’t turn
this relationship into a misery competition. Besides, this only feels awful because it’s the first time. It’ll get easier the more I interact with them, right?”
Jesse sighed and allowed some of the tension to leave his body.
“Yeah. You’re right.” Then he cracked a wry smile. “It’s nice having you be the one to talk me down for a change. Where did you learn all that earthly wisdom, huh?”
“I didn’t,” Oscar admitted. “I just called Connie when I was in the bathroom earlier.”
Jesse snort laughed and then pulled Oscar in for a kiss. In that moment, he felt like he was watching the man he loved transform and grow right before his very eyes. It was easy to picture a day in the not too distant future where Oscar left his apartment for good and never looked back.
Later that night after taking Oscar home, Jesse took the camera that had been perched in the corner of the dining room and brought it up to his room with him. He wasn’t an expert; the lighting was weird and it didn’t look as good as if he’d had Ted set up the shot for him, but he pressed record anyway. He had some things that he wanted to get off his chest right then and there.
“I feel like I’ve always kept up these walls between my family life, my on-camera life, and my personal life. But now, after introducing Oscar to my family, I feel like I’m one step closer to knocking down those walls. It feels like this crazy big thing. It’s scary and uncomfortable and completely new, but it’s also really validating in a way. Almost like I’m giving myself permission to be the one, true me, as opposed to three lesser versions of myself.” He gave the camera a small smile. “Now I’ve just gotta work on keeping up the habit.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Oscar was sitting on the floor at Jesse’s feet in the second—and slightly less formal—living room at Sugar Manor. All of Jesse’s family, friends, crew members, and their accompanying significant others were gathered around the largest television Oscar had ever seen and preparing to watch the premiere of Jesse’s show, which after much deliberation, had finally been titled, I’m Coming Out.