by K J Taylor
‘Y’know, you don’t have to do things just because other people think you should,’ said Ambit.
‘Yes, I do,’ said Etarina. ‘I’m the princess. I have duties.’
‘Having duties isn’t the same thing as having a life,’ said Ambit.
‘Some things are more important than that,’ said Etarina.
‘If you say so,’ said Ambit.
Etarina moved a little closer to him, and stroked his forearm. ‘You know, you could come to the capital as well,’ she said. ‘You’re a great warrior. You would be welcome to join my father’s army.’
‘I could be persuaded,’ Ambit lied, turning on his most dazzling smile.
‘Then maybe you could help me,’ said Etarina. ‘You could come with me to search for the Chosen One.’
‘Sounds like great fun,’ said Snarl.
Etarina gave the demon a filthy look. ‘I still don’t understand why you’re travelling with a demon.’
‘Because he’s my friend,’ said Snarl, returning her look. ‘We’ve been friends since we were imps.’
‘I’d be careful if I were you, Ambit,’ said Etarina. ‘You might think this demon is your friend, but one day she might decide she likes your bones better than the rest of you.’
‘All right, that’s enough.’ Snarl lifted her spiked tail and waved it menacingly. ‘I’m willing to help you get to Daisyfield safely, but I won’t allow you to talk to me that way. Understand?’
Etarina looked down her nose at the small demon. ‘Creatures like you killed my brothers, and my uncle, and hundreds of our soldiers,’ she said. ‘I’ll speak to you however I like.’
‘And why do you think that happened?’ said Snarl. ‘Your kind attacked us first.’
‘That is a lie!’ Etarina shrilled.
Ambit cringed. ‘All right, all right,’ he said. ‘Let’s just keep you two apart, okay? We’ll be in Daisyfield this afternoon and then we can go our separate ways.’
‘It can’t come quickly enough,’ said Snarl, and after that she went on ahead, refusing to speak to either of them for the rest of the journey.
They reached Daisyfield in good time; earlier than expected, in fact. It was a large, sprawling settlement built in the middle of a meadow covered in, yes, daisies. Farmland took up the plains beyond the town, but the meadow itself had been left intact, and the smell of flowers filled the air as the three travellers stopped.
‘All right, we’ll go on ahead and I’ll come back in the morning and meet you here, Snarl,’ said Ambit.
Snarl snorted steam at him. ‘I would prefer to say goodbye to our new friend here.’
‘Come on, Snarl. I need to buy food,’ said Ambit. ‘If they’ve got a jewellery shop, I might be able to get you some snacks, too.’
‘Fine,’ said the demon, ‘but be careful.’
‘Always am,’ said Ambit.
‘Liar.’
‘All right, I’m carefully reckless,’ said Ambit. ‘See you later, Snarl.’
He gave her a wave and walked off over the meadow with Etarina, who took the opportunity to throw a sneering look at Snarl.
Ambit and the princess entered the village and found everyone out and about. They found a seat to rest on and Etarina reached for her moneybag.
‘Well done, Ambit,’ she said as she counted out the demon eyes. ‘As promised – one hundred demon eyes.’ She handed them over. ‘And in return for your discretion . . . here are another fifty.’
Ambit stuffed them into his own moneybag. ‘Pleasure doing business with you, Rainbow,’ he smiled roguishly. ‘Now then . . .’ He looked around and spotted a pub. ‘Can I buy you a drink before we say goodbye?’
Etarina smiled back. ‘I would be honoured.’
Ambit woke up at dawn the next morning and quietly slipped out of the hired room, leaving the princess asleep. His head was pounding, but he got dressed and snuck out with practised ease.
Daisyfield was waking up. A few farmers were bringing the previous day’s produce into the main square, so Ambit stopped to buy a good stock of food. After that, he found a shop which was just opening, where he was able to buy a bag of assorted semiprecious stones for Snarl, and a new shirt for himself. That done, he strode off out of the village without a backward glance.
It was still early, but he found Snarl already waiting for him in the meadow.
‘There you are,’ she said.
Ambit took a long drink from his water bottle. ‘You sound relieved,’ he said.
‘Did you get rid of the shrew?’ asked Snarl.
‘Yeah,’ said Ambit. ‘She’s not even awake yet. I’d have said goodbye, but better not risk it.’
‘Then I’m relieved,’ said Snarl. ‘Now let’s get out of here before she comes running after you.’
‘Can do,’ said Ambit. ‘I say we head into demon country – she’ll never follow us there.’
‘Good idea,’ said Snarl.
‘Oh, and Snarl?’
‘Yes?’ said the demon.
‘I’m . . . uh . . . sorry about how she talked to you,’ said Ambit.
‘I’m just glad we got rid of her,’ said Snarl. ‘But thank you. Anyway, you made sure she’ll regret meeting us,’ she added with obvious satisfaction.
‘Hey, we saved her life, didn’t we?’ said Ambit. ‘Anyway, it wasn’t like that – we had a great time. Maybe she didn’t like you, but she’ll always be glad she met me.’
‘Oh, certainly,’ said Snarl, but she added in an undertone, ‘Don’t you ever change, Ambit.’
‘Wouldn’t dream of it,’ he said. ‘There’s no room for improvement. Anyway, why don’t we . . . oh shit.’ They had just come in sight of demon territory again, and Ambit slowed as his speech did. Snarl had already stopped, and both of them stood and stared at what came toward them.
Up ahead, marching straight for the border, was an army of demons.
They were in all different sizes: some human height, some small and four-legged like Snarl, some half as tall again as Ambit, and much bulkier. And, at the back, was a line of gigantic demons the size of elephants – six-legged, horned, tusked, their backs lined with rocks like massive axe blades. None of them were carrying weapons, but they didn’t need to.
‘Okay, we have two choices now,’ Ambit said at last. ‘Either we run to the village and warn them, and then stay to help fight this lot off, or we run away.’
‘You’re not going to leave everyone to die, are you?’ said Snarl.
‘I don’t want to, but what if I end up saving the day?’ said Ambit. ‘You’re the one who was being paranoid about that yesterday. And the princess is there.’
‘It could be a problem,’ said Snarl, ‘but you should at least tell them.’
‘And then we can run away,’ said Ambit.
‘That should work,’ said Snarl. ‘We can’t fight them by ourselves, anyway.’
‘What’s this “we” business?’ said Ambit. ‘Last time I checked I was the one doing all the fighting.’
‘Never mind about that – just go,’ said Snarl. ‘I’ll stay here and see if I can talk to them. They won’t suspect anything from another demon.’
‘Are you sure?’ said Ambit. ‘What are you going to tell them?’
‘I’ll think of something,’ said Snarl. ‘Run!’
Ambit turned and ran.
His head seemed to swell with every thudding step, but he forced himself on, sprinting over the meadow and into the village, where the farmers had finished setting up their stalls and most of the population were out and about, buying.
Ambit went straight to the nearest stallholder. ‘Six apples, please – and by the way, there’s an army of demons coming.’
The seller handed them over. ‘Two demon eyes, thanks. Hold on, did you say an army?’
‘Yeah, there’s about a hundred of them,’ said Ambit. ‘You’d better let people know.’
‘Okay, will do,’ he said, and then added, ‘Have a nice day,’ through force of habit.
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‘If I don’t get killed and eaten by demons, I will,’ said Ambit.
He stuffed the apples in his bag and hurried on, telling everyone he came across that there were demons coming.
‘Better tell Northrop about it, then,’ one woman answered. ‘He’s our warrior.’
‘Oh yeah?’ said Ambit. ‘Where can I find him, then?’
‘Probably off in the woods practising with that sword of his,’ said the woman. ‘He’s an expert with it, you know. He even goes off into demon country to fight them, and brings the eyes back for the poor.’
‘I already don’t like him,’ Ambit muttered.
‘Well, he’s the one to call if there’s a problem with demons,’ said the woman.
‘Right, right.’ Ambit moved on, hoping he wouldn’t bump into Etarina. By now the village was abuzz with the news he’d just given them, but nobody looked very bothered. Maybe they just didn’t believe him.
‘That’s funny. I thought I really sold the story,’ Ambit said to himself. ‘Oh well, whatever.’
Feeling he’d done his duty for the day, he started to head out of the village, but before he had reached the edge of the marketplace a voice stopped him in his tracks.
‘Where do you think you’re going, spearman?’
Hearing that, Ambit did something he would come to regret: he stopped and turned around.
The man who had shouted at him was standing in the middle of the marketplace, looking like the very image of heroism: tall, broad-shouldered, square-jawed and muscular. His eyes were gold and his hair striped with sky-blue, paler than Ambit’s own, and he carried a long, shining sword strapped to his back.
‘That’s better!’ he said loudly, seeing he had Ambit’s attention. ‘Now come back here, will you? Demons are coming and we need all the help we can get.’
‘Yes, I just helped by bringing everyone the bad news,’ said Ambit. ‘And now I’ve got places to be and people to do, so . . .’
‘Oh, no, you don’t,’ said the sword-carrier. ‘You’re going to stay here and help us fight. Don’t be a weakling. You know how to use that spear. I can tell from the way you walk.’
‘Give me a break,’ said Ambit. ‘You just made that up.’
‘I did not,’ said the swordsman. ‘I can tell you’re a worthy warrior to fight by my side. What’s your name, spearman?’
‘Ambit, and I really should –’
‘My name is Northrop,’ the hero interrupted, ‘and it’s my honour to meet you. Now come – we need to rally the village!’
‘No, you need to shut the fuck up and I need to split,’ said Ambit. ‘Goodbye.’ He brushed off the hero’s protest and made a dash for it, but he was too late. The front line of demons had already reached the meadow and begun to cross it. Ambit ran around the edge of the village, hoping to get out from the other side, but the demons had circled around to cut off anyone trying to escape. Ambit found himself confronted by two of them and stopped.
‘I’m not here to fight anyone. I just want to go,’ he told them.
One of the demons, a human-sized specimen with long spikes on her shoulders, glowered at him. ‘Too bad,’ she said. ‘We’re here for the one with the shiny weapon.’
‘Er, this spear doesn’t look so shiny to me,’ said Ambit.
‘Nice try, Northrop, but we know who you are,’ said the second demon. ‘You’re the one who comes into our homes and kills our friends for no reason with your shiny weapon.’
‘I’m not Northrop,’ said Ambit. ‘He’s back that way, acting like a giant prick.’
The female demon shook her head and waved some of her friends over. ‘Let’s deal with this one first.’
‘Right.’ Ambit pointed his spear at her, and sincerely wished he wasn’t so hungover.
The demon ran at him, surprisingly fast, her tail swinging for his face. Ambit leaned sideways to avoid it and stabbed the spear-point into her hip. The demon howled, and Ambit stabbed her again in the leg for good measure. He left her to fall over and then skipped back in time to deal with her friends. Two of them attacked him at once, but he hooked one of them behind the knee with the barb at the back of the spearhead, and hit the other one in the thigh with a downward thrust that slashed the demon’s flesh open. All three of them went down, and Ambit left them to it as he ran back to the village square. The rest of the demon army had already entered Daisyfield and spread out through the buildings. They ignored the running villagers, only attacking those who attacked them first, but even then most of them were more interested in Northrop.
The village hero had found himself a spot with his back to a wall and was busy fighting back with impressive sweeps of his sword, which was indeed shiny. Four demons were already dead, and Ambit couldn’t help but notice that the shiny sword in question didn’t seem to be melting.
‘Spearman!’ Northrop yelled, spotting him. ‘Come over here and help me!’
‘Get fucked,’ Ambit suggested, and ran off back toward the pub.
He collided with someone in the doorway, and backed off hastily when he saw who it was.
‘You!’ Etarina screeched. ‘You bastard – where did you go? Were you even planning to say goodbye? Well? Were –’ She broke off mid-shriek when she saw the demons, and the shriek turned into a genuine scream.
Ambit clapped his hands over his ears. ‘How about you get inside and you can yell at me later?’
But the princess had stepped outside, and her eyes were fixed on Northrop. ‘It’s him,’ she said in disbelief. ‘That’s the Chosen One! I’ve found him!’
‘You what?’ said Ambit.
Etarina was already making straight for him. ‘He’s the Chosen One!’ she said in her obnoxiously high-pitched voice. ‘The man from my dreams!’
Ambit reached out to stop her, but too late – a pair of demons had spotted them, and one of them nudged his friend and said, ‘Look! There she is. That must be the princess – the one with the multicoloured hair!’
Etarina pressed herself against Ambit. ‘Do something! Save me!’
‘I thought that was the Chosen One’s job,’ said Ambit, but he heaved a sigh and got his spear ready anyway.
The demon who had recognised the princess motioned to his fellows, and one of them threw over a large leather sack. The first demon caught it and lumbered over. ‘We’re taking the female,’ he told Ambit, ‘so don’t get in the way.’
Ambit pointed the spear at him. ‘You really don’t want to take her, she’s way too annoying. Seriously, she’ll drive you mad if you keep her around for long. I only managed to put up with her for a couple of days.’
The demon ignored him and made to bat him aside. Ambit pushed the princess behind him and crouched back ready to attack.
‘Ambit,’ a voice called, ‘over here!’
His head turned and he saw Snarl. She was standing on a rooftop, waving her claws at him. The quick distraction was more than enough for the demon in front of him, who shoved him aside and snatched Etarina. She screamed in ear-splitting protest, but her captors stuffed her into the sack and carried her away out of the village.
‘Hey!’ Ambit shouted from the ground. ‘Northrop! They got the princess!’
Northrop had already seen what was happening. He came running, sword raised. ‘Princess! I’ll save you!’
Ambit got up and scrambled out of the way. ‘Yeah, that’s right! He’ll save you! Go on, Northy, do your thing!’
Northrop chased after the demons, but now their giant friends had arrived. Two of them came crashing into the village, crushing buildings under their feet. The demon carrying the princess in a sack climbed onto the back of one, and the giant turned around and stomped off toward demon territory. Northrop went after it, but he might as well have tried to cut down a wall. A second giant demon put itself in the way and made an impressive attempt to step on the hero. Northrop retreated, shouting, ‘Don’t worry, princess! I’ll find you! I’ll go to the ends of the earth if I have to!’
‘Hav
e fun with that,’ Ambit told him from a safe distance. The demons were about to resume their attack, and he started to look around for Snarl. She wasn’t on top of the building anymore.
Northrop had started to attack the demons who had stayed behind to deal with him. Ambit watched, half hoping they’d win, but no such luck. Northrop cut the demons down with impressive ease and sent the rest of them running.
‘Tell me where you’re taking her!’ the hero yelled after them.
‘To the king,’ a wounded demon answered. ‘And if you try to take her back, you’ll die.’
‘You’ll pay for this,’ said Northrop. ‘I swear it.’
‘Swear away, human,’ the demon told him, and limped off after her fellows.
Ambit had seen enough. He retreated, still searching for Snarl. ‘Snarl, where are you? Come on, will you?’
Thankfully, the small demon showed up a moment later, coming out from a hiding place and dashing over to him. ‘Ambit, come on – we have to go.’
‘You’re telling me?’ said Ambit. ‘These people are crazy.’
He started to turn away, but too late. Northrop was coming after him.
‘Spearman!’ he shouted. ‘Ambit! I need your help –’ he broke off, seeing Snarl. An instant later he started toward her, sword raised. Snarl backed off, hissing, and the sword swung down at her head.
Ambit’s spear blocked it. ‘Leave her alone, meathead.’
Northrop stared at him in shock. ‘What are you doing?’
Ambit put himself between the hero and Snarl. ‘You heard me. Leave her alone.’
Northrop’s confusion flipped over into anger. ‘You!’ he said. ‘Now it all makes sense! You’re a spy for the demons! You told them about the princess!’
‘I did not,’ said Ambit, but other people had already heard the accusation.
‘He’s a spy!’ someone shouted. ‘They’re both spies! Get them!’
‘Oh, hell,’ said Snarl.
‘You can say that again,’ said Ambit. ‘Let’s make a break for it.’
‘Right,’ said Snarl.
Ambit ran, following Snarl, but villagers had already run ahead to surround them. Snarl ran straight at them, and only one was stupid enough to try and grab her. She made her getaway while he was nursing his blistered fingers, leaving Ambit faced by a small but definitely angry mob.