Distant Lover

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Distant Lover Page 21

by Gloria Mallette


  She would be lying if she said Brent’s hot kisses, that his hand, that his hardness against her thigh didn’t feel good. Her libido had a mind of its own as she felt herself throbbing in Brent’s hand. She could feel herself sinking into the asylum of sexual fantasy that she had lived in for so long. But in those fantasies she had been with another Brent Rodgers, not this drug-using liar. Not this man who could do harm to her son.

  “No!” She pulled herself out of Brent’s tangled embrace. She looked at the drug-induced sick little smile on his lips. “Look, I can’t do this knowing you’re on something.”

  Brent cupped himself. “You want this, don’t you, baby?”

  Tandi glanced at what she was giving up. She shook her head. “Not like this.”

  “Okay. If the smoke bothers you that much, I won’t smoke around you.”

  “That’s just it, Brent. I don’t want you to smoke or do any drugs at all—whether I’m here or not.” She started for the door. He followed her.

  “Okay, no drugs at all—after tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll be clean. You’ll see.”

  “I will, won’t I?”

  She slammed the door behind her knowing she probably wouldn’t be seeing him the next day.

  36

  For two days Brent called, leaving messages on Tandi’s voice mail. He begged, he pleaded, he apologized. He swore on his soul he’d given up drugs—“I want you more than I want to get high.” Tandi doubted Brent had or could give up drugs that quickly, but she wanted to believe he was trying. She could only hope he was telling the truth, but his secret drug use only made her wonder what else there was about him she didn’t know about and probably couldn’t handle. She stayed away from him for two days and then because she was feeling unusually tense with Sporty due home, she went back to him. She needed some release. True to his word Brent didn’t bring his drugs out in front of her, but the stale, sickening smell of smoke rose above the floral room freshener he tried to mask it with. Despite that, his glistening eyes told on him, not to mention that he was overly eager to make love to her. All this time she thought he was naturally hot for her. Boy, was her ego bruised. Still, she needed to feel him inside her, filling the void that her life was so full of. She cleaved to Brent like her life depended on it. Maybe she was making a big deal out of nothing. Plenty of people used marijuana and cocaine socially and carried on productive lives, just as Brent was obviously doing.

  Truth to tell, if either one of them was a junkie, it was probably her. She needed him to satisfy her emotional needs as much as her sexual ones. At times, she felt like she had to get a fix, and like a junkie, hours after she had been with Brent, that fix would wear off and her body would quiver with a yearning so powerful it would awaken her out of a deep sleep and she’d have to go back for more. Like a junkie fighting her demons, she was beginning to not feel good about what she was doing. In her weakness, she was addicted to the sex Brent temptingly held out to her. The only time the shame she felt for her weakness dissipated was when she erupted into a gloriously orgasmic release of the pent-up frustration she was feeling about having to stay in Sporty’s house. Too bad that release was short-lived. Afterward, the tension returned.

  What Tandi had become aware of, was that when she wasn’t being made love to by Brent, thoughts of him no longer occupied her mind like they once did. In fact, the odd thing was, of late, disturbing thoughts of being made love to by Jared crept in and confused her. Where was that coming from? Such thoughts were supposed to be forever scrubbed from her mind, but they weren’t. Each and every day since she discovered Brent’s secret, thoughts of Jared making love to her took over where thoughts of Brent used to be. And that was weird since it had been a long, long time since they had even made love, not to mention that she didn’t want Jared after what he’d done and said to Evonne.

  But, Jared wasn’t letting Tandi’s mind rest. She was reminded that a good part of what she had known her true happiness to be had been with Jared. She could remember, oh so long ago, that their lovemaking never left her feeling empty. She would be full of him for days afterward. Just brushing up against him was enough to ignite her senses, and he used to know that. He’d touch her intimately and smile, apparently enjoying the feeling himself. That’s why it hurt all the more that he had stopped making love to her and had his affairs, including the one with Evonne. The fact that he had been lusting for Evonne was hard to take and all the harder to forgive.

  Evonne, on the other hand, after some soul searching, she partially forgave. A part of her would never forgive her for sleeping with Jared, while a part of her forgave her because she had been Jared’s victim. Since their talk, Evonne had become annoyingly contrite. She called every day to see how she was doing, and to see if there was anything she could do to help her prepare for Sporty’s homecoming. The answer was always no because she didn’t want to give Evonne an excuse to come over. She wasn’t ready yet to hang out with her like nothing had ever happened.

  On the telephone, she did tell Evonne about Brent. Later when she thought about it, she figured she told her because she wanted Evonne to know she had gone on with her life with a man who wanted her. About Brent’s drug use, she was mum. Evonne didn’t need to know everything.

  Buzzzz!

  The time of Tandi’s condemnation was at hand. Sporty was home.

  37

  The walls were closing in on Tandi. Her throat was tight. It was hard to breathe. Sporty was sitting in his wheelchair across the room, ten feet away, yet Tandi felt like he was up in her face. Everything about him choked her. His gauntness was stifling. His right hand, bony and long, lay limply on his right thigh; his droopy, saliva-shiny lips were nauseating to look at; and his hair was shades grayer. For Sporty this had to be a horrible nightmare—a nightmare of his own making—but for Tandi it was horribly unfair.

  Sporty glared hatefully at Tandi.

  She stared at him lamely, unable to say “welcome home,” unable to kiss him like a dutiful daughter, worse still, unable to feel remorse or pity for him. His angry eyes made her feel cold, inside and out. This was a mistake. She wasn’t going to be able to do this. Staring at him, she hugged herself protectively.

  “Dong stand thar look’ at ma lack tha!” Sporty breathlessly jabbered.

  “Dad, don’t get excited. Calm down,” Glynn said, solicitously patting him on the shoulder.

  Breathing laboriously loud, Sporty’s chest rose and fell like he had been running hard. A stream of saliva ran from in between his drooping lips onto his chin.

  Glynn pulled his handkerchief from his pants pocket. “Tandi, don’t just stare at him. Say something.”

  She cut her eyes at Glynn. “What do you want me to say? Welcome home, Dad?”

  “Go ta hell!” Sporty spat.

  “Damn, Tandi, watch what you’re saying. Dad’s speech is impaired, not his hearing.” Glynn dabbed at Sporty’s chin.

  Tandi felt nauseous. “Let’s be real, Glynn. He couldn’t care less what I say. In fact, he’d rather I get the hell out of his house.”

  “Gat damn right! Get out!”

  “See what I mean?”

  “Well, you made him say it.”

  “I guess I’m the one who made him as ornery as he is, too.”

  “Tandi, can’t we just do what we have to do?”

  “Glynn, I’m going upstairs.” She started out of the room, skirting Sporty’s wheelchair, going behind him, out of his line of vision.

  “Tandi, wait a minute.” Glynn lay the soiled handkerchief on Sporty’s good hand. “There are things you need to know.”

  “Didn’t you tell me everything yesterday?”

  “No, I didn’t. Tandi, this isn’t easy for him either. I wish you’d try getting along with him.”

  “Glynn, I gave up that masochistic vocation years ago.”

  Sporty hit the armrest of the wheelchair with his good left hand. “She dan’t got ta do nuthin’ fa me!” Saying that, Sporty slumped from the effort.

 
; “God, Tandi, have a heart. You can’t be getting him upset. The doctor said no stress. Look at how hard he’s breathing. Can’t you try and put the bad stuff between you two behind you and help him get better?”

  “Look,” she snapped, “don’t put that burden on me. I told you, I’ll stay for one month, long enough for him to begin to make progress and until he’s comfortable with his health aide, who, by the way, should be here. Where is she?”

  Glynn glanced at his watch. “She’ll be here any minute. Her name is Rose Montero.”

  “Hispanic?”

  “Do you have a problem with that?”

  “No,” she said, looking at Sporty, “but he might. You know how much of a bigot he is.”

  Glynn sighed. “Are you getting some sort of sick pleasure out of making this situation more difficult than it has to be?”

  “If I am, I’m not enjoying it. Glynn, I just don’t wanna be here.”

  “Look, sis, I really do understand where you’re coming from, but there’s only you and me. Dad can’t count on anyone else but us.”

  “I wonder why?”

  “Tandi, you don’t stop, do you? Just tell me, if you need to be here past a month, will you stay?”

  “Do I have a choice?” She wanted to scream. She felt trapped. “Glynn, I don’t know if I can do this. You need to be more involved in overseeing his rehabilitation.”

  “I’m gonna try to be here as much as I can, but you know my schedule.”

  “You’re a liar, Glynn. You’re putting it all off on me.”

  “Damnit, Tandi! Why are you so goddamn contentious? He’s your damn father, too.”

  She wasn’t intimidated by his closeness but she stepped back anyway, out into the hall. “You can’t prove that by me,” she said, rubbing the back side of her neck as she turned away from Glynn.

  Sporty placed his left hand behind the left wheel of his wheelchair. Straining, he slowly pulled the wheel forward, repeatedly, until he was able to turn the chair around to face Tandi and Glynn.

  “Don’t start, Tandi,” Glynn warned in a hushed voice. “He raised us alone. He did his best.”

  “Well, it wasn’t good enough.”

  “Damnit, what’s wrong with you?”

  Sporty glared at Tandi.

  “Tell you what, Glynn. Why don’t you just figure out when you can be here to relieve me.”

  “You know I have to travel for my job. I can’t stay here.”

  “I’ll work around your schedule.”

  “I don’t know when I might have to leave town.”

  “It seems to me, Glynn, you’re not willing to help your father because you’re not willing to put him first.”

  “I won’t be of any help to Dad or my family if I’m unemployed. I have to make a living.”

  Sporty’s eyes darted from one to the other.

  “And I don’t?”

  “You wouldn’t have to if you went back home to your husband.”

  Tandi felt her cheeks warm. “Then I wouldn’t have all this time to be here for your father, would I?”

  “Aa don’t nee non of yaw!” Sporty babbled.

  “I’ve been in on his recuperation from the start. That’s why I was at the hospital a hell of a lot more than you. Where were you, Tandi?”

  “Aa dadn’t vant har thar!”

  Tandi ignored Sporty. “You want a pat on the back, Glynn? Here,” she said, reaching around Glynn to pat him on the back.

  Glynn pushed her hand away. “Stop it.”

  “No, I won’t stop. You act like you should be applauded for the things you’ve done. Well, bully for you. It’s about time you did something around here. I’ve been doing around this house and for him all of my life, and for what? Not an ounce of gratitude from him ever.”

  “I can’t deal with this crap,” Glynn said, walking away from Tandi.

  Tandi wouldn’t let up. She followed Glynn back into the living room. “Does anyone care how I feel and what I’ve had to do around this house? No. It was expected of me, just like now. Glynn, tell me, why have we been treated so differently by this man we both know as our father? Why does he love you and treat me like something stuck to the bottom of his miserable life?”

  Sporty strained in his efforts to turn his wheelchair back around.

  “Maybe if you’d ever shown him some love, he might have reciprocated.”

  “He’s incapable of showing love to anyone, except maybe you.”

  Glynn scowled. “You’re getting real bitter, Tandi. You better—”

  “Stop! Stop!” Sporty shouted breathlessly. He angrily brought his left fist down repeatedly on the armrest of the wheelchair.

  “Dad, everything’s fine,” Glynn said. “Take it easy. My sister and I are relating.”

  “Says you.” Tandi cut her eyes from Glynn and narrowed her gaze on Sporty. He was wheezing. Each difficult breath gave her goose bumps. What if he stopped breathing while she was there with him alone? Glynn would blame her. Oh, God, why did she have to come back here? She should have gone to a hotel in Manhattan or even in another state. Thank God Sporty didn’t have a stroke when she was a child. She might have never escaped this house. If taking care of Sporty had been her fate back then, she would have never married Jared nor would she have ever had Michael Jared. No matter that Jared had let her down, she would never trade the life she once had with him for a minute of taking care of Sporty. As soon as this Rose Montero person was settled in, she was out of there.

  Glynn was patting Sporty on the back. “Okay, Dad, it’s all right. Tandi and I are through relating. Aren’t we, sis?”

  “If you say so, brother of mine.”

  Sporty shook his head. So did Glynn.

  “Tandi, can we please call a truce? Can we end this?”

  For Tandi it would never end, but she was tired of fighting. In the end, she was going to have to be in the house anyway, so what the hell. At least she let Glynn know what she thought of his pushing Sporty off on her.

  Buzzzz!

  “I have nothing more to say,” she said, starting for the door. “Oh, by the way, Dad. Iona Lewis keeps calling. She wants to come by to see you.”

  “No!” Sporty exclaimed.

  Tandi stopped moving toward the door. “Why not? She could be a big help to you.” And me!

  “No!”

  “He doesn’t want her over, Tandi, and you know that. Leave it alone.”

  “This is a fine time for him to break up with her.”

  Buzzzz!

  “Tandi, it’s his decision. Let it go. Are you gonna open the damn door or not?”

  Tandi opened the door. It was the health aide, and Tandi could not have been happier. “Miss Montero?”

  “Yes.”

  “Please, come in. I’m Tandi Crawford.”

  Rose Montero gave a little nod as she went past Tandi.

  “Hello, Rose,” Glynn said, rushing over and shaking her hand. “It’s good to see you again.”

  “Thank you,” she said, her accent evident. She swiftly scanned the room before looking at Sporty.

  Glynn led Rose over to him. “Rose, this is your patient, Glynn Belson.”

  Rose put her hand out to Sporty.

  He sneered at her and turned his head.

  Sporty’s rudeness irked Tandi. She huffed and turned away.

  Rose lowered her hand to her oversized tote bag.

  “Don’t mind him,” Glynn said. “This is his first day home so he’s not in the best of moods.”

  “Yeah, right,” Tandi mumbled.

  “Aa dong nee . . . nobody!”

  Tandi was biting at the bit, trying hard to not say anything.

  Again, Glynn put his hand on Sporty’s shoulder. “Dad, Rose is here to help you. She—”

  “No!” Again Sporty brought his left hand down hard on the arm of the wheelchair. “Out ma house!”

  “Glynn,” Tandi said, “I think you should tell your father to calm down and be nice before he ends up here by himsel
f. No one has to put up with his shit.”

  Sporty hit the arm of the wheelchair again, making it rattle. “Gat-damnit!”

  Glynn rubbed Sporty’s shoulder. “Tandi, you’re not helping the situation. It’s going to take time for Dad to get used to the idea that he needs help. It’s up to us to help him even though he doesn’t want our help.”

  Tandi smirked. “You want my help? Fine. I’ll help.” She turned to Rose. “Rose, it’s nearly time for lunch. I’ll show you the kitchen. I bought some soup so you don’t have to cook today. If you want to put your things down, there is a small room down the hall on the left.”

  “Thank you,” Rose said, uncertain if she should go off alone.

  “Come,” Tandi said, “I’ll show you the way.” As she left the room, Tandi said to Glynn, “Why don’t you take your father—”

  “Tandi!” Glynn exclaimed.

  Sporty glared angrily at Tandi. His bottom lip trembled.

  Tandi knew she was being childish, but she felt like the angry child who lived inside her for so many years was screaming to get out and confront Sporty while he was weak and unable to silence her voice. The whole time she was bitching with Glynn, she was aware of the angry glint in Sporty’s eyes. There never seemed to be a time when it wasn’t there. His stroke had not put that glint there; it had been there for years. As a child, it frightened her. He frightened her. Now that look angered her. It made her want to lash out at him, no matter what his condition.

  “Glynn, why don’t you get our father settled in his bedroom.” She strutted off down the hall, taking Rose along with her. “Rose, I hope you’re made of strong stock.”

  38

  “Yo no necesito esto!” I do not need this!

  “Rose! Rose! Hold still!” Tandi trotted alongside Rose swiping at her white blouse with a bunch of paper towels trying to sop up the chicken broth and noodles sticking to her, but it was like chasing behind a two-year-old. She couldn’t get Rose to stand still long enough to clean her up.

  “Rose, I have a T-shirt you can wear.”

  “No!” Rose angrily tried to pull her jacket on over her soiled blouse. “Yo no soy un animal!” I am not an animal!

 

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