“Gosh, that’s sad. But anyway, yer both adults so it ain’t improper. Besides, he used to be your best friend,” she said in a comforting tone, as she placed her hand on my arm.
“I guess you’re right. There ain’t anything wrong with having a friend over for dinner, even if he is a single, handsome man.” I agreed with her.
“So he’s still good looking, jah?”
“Yes, Nadine! He is very good looking. Maybe better looking than I remember him being when we were kids,” I admitted with a giggle.
We both sat in silence for a few minutes, leaving my last words lingering in the air. After a while of watching my sister working intently in her flower garden, I felt guilty that I had left a mess in my kitchen for Abigail to deal with. I knew I should get home to take over so she would go to school. Being late Monday morning, I was getting a good head start on being behind in my laundry chores as well. Meanwhile, I could see my sister had already begun the chore and had a full clothesline of freshly washed linens.
“I need to go home and get my wash on the line before the sun gets too high in the sky, or I’ll never get it all dry before dark,” I said as I stood to my feet.
“Wait a minute. Tell me how you managed to run into the new doc?” Nadine asked.
“Oh no! I forgot!” I said as I lifted Eva’s dress to reveal the chicken pox that hid behind the pink lotion that Bradley had provided for the itch.
“She’s got the chicken pox, Jane! Now my kids are gonna get them too.”
She sounded a little frustrated.
“I am so sorry, Nadine,” I tried apologizing.
“No sense worrying about it now,” she offered with a crooked smile. “They were bound to get them sooner or later.”
Eva and I walked down the lane and stopped at the mailboxes before turning toward home. I sifted through the week’s worth of mail that the children had neglected to collect. At the bottom of the pile was a letter to Elijah from the auction house in Shipshewana. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to open it or not, so I put it on the bottom of the pile and looked through the rest of the pile again. The walk home felt like it lasted a small eternity due the sudden weight of Elijah’s letter that rested on my mind. My desire to open the letter was greater than my yen for ignoring it, due to my increasing curiosity with each step that I took toward home. As I entered through the screen door from the back porch, I tossed the letter on the counter with the rest of the mail. I wanted to read it and wrap up any lingering business Elijah may have had with the auction. But after a second thought, however, I knew I had laundry to get done. After much debate, I decided to read it after preparing the noon meal. The kitchen was already mostly clean, but Abigail usually left the pans for me to wash, and this time was no different.
I looked out the kitchen window to see where Simon might be, and spotted Abigail hanging wash on the line instead of going to school. I pushed aside my thoughts about the letter for the time being and rushed out to help my daughter with what was supposed to be my work. I felt a little guilty that she had begun the chore on her own, yet grateful at the same time that she would do what was needed without being told.
Before I got halfway to her, Abigail shouted to me that she hadn’t taken the time to put the next load in the washing machine since she was late for school, so I blew her a kiss and turned to take care of it, while she trotted off to school. When I walked back through the kitchen, the letter was still where I left it, leaving me with feelings of eagerness to make the time move quickly toward the noon hour. I forced myself to leave the letter in its place, willing my mind to forget it for the time being. Rather than surrendering to my curiosity, I went into the laundry room to do my weekly chore. My mind wasn’t on my work, but I trudged through it anyway. The morning seemingly passed by as slowly as it possibly could, filling me with a bit of aggravation, but I tried to pray though it. Patience was never one of my virtues, and I desperately needed an extra dose to get me through this morning.
After the dishes had been done and three loads of wash had been hung and two put away, I put the last load in the washer and went into the kitchen to prepare the noon meal. I eyed the letter repeatedly while I cooked, but I was determined to wait until I had the time to sit down to read it. I was limited for time in getting the noon meal before Abigail and Jakob would be home from school to join Simon and Eva.
One by one, the children trailed into the house, stopping at the sink to wash their hands. Once everyone was seated, Simon said the blessing over the food. With Eli at the public school, he ate in the cafeteria and wasn’t able to make the trip home at noon. Although we missed having him home mid-day, he was always with us at dinnertime, making us a more complete family. After cutting Eva’s food and serving the other children, I got up and went to the counter to retrieve the letter.
Before opening it, I looked around at the curious faces before me. We had always talked at the table and here I was about to read the mail, and I knew they didn’t understand. I smiled a nervous smile and tossed the letter back in its place on the counter, beginning a conversation with the children that I knew I would miss once they left to return to school after the meal. Not wanting to be selfish, I spent the rest of the day finishing my chores, keeping Simon busy, and playing with Eva in her very cranky state.
After putting another coat of pink lotion on Simon and Eva, I tucked in the children and said prayers with them. I then retired to my room with the mysterious letter clenched tightly in my hand. Saying an additional prayer in my head and taking a deep breath, I opened the letter slowly.
Dear Mr. Zook,
When we were cleaning out our storeroom facility, we came across the Hoosier Cabinet that you had purchased more than a year ago. As I went through our files, I discovered that you paid storage fees up to October of last year. Our files indicate that you had arranged for delivery on October 4th, and I would like to extend my sincere apologies for not doing so. Due to an error on our part in neglecting to deliver this item to you, we would like to deliver it without charging you additional storage fees. Please contact our office at (219) 875-7000 to arrange a date of delivery.
Sincerely,
James Yoder
“There must be some mistake,” I said out loud.
Elijah knew I wanted a Hoosier Cabinet, but I couldn’t figure out why he had purchased it instead of making one himself. I looked down at the letter, looking for clues as to why it was never picked up or taken care of by Elijah. As I reread the letter, I couldn’t believe I had missed the evidence the first time through. Elijah had obviously purchased it for my birthday as the letter indicated, and had paid storage up to that point. Unfortunately, he had passed away before he had the chance to take care of it. My heart caught in my throat as I realized he had planned to surprise me with the cabinet. I had wanted one for some time, but had put it out of my mind due to the changes that had taken place in my life. I wasn’t certain what I intended to do about the letter, or if I would even contact Mr. Yoder. I had mixed feelings about having the cabinet delivered without Elijah there to share it with me. After all, it was his surprise, and he would never get the opportunity to share it with me.
I laid the letter on the night-stand and put my head on Elijah’s pillow. Normally I had felt sad when I did this, but tonight, my thoughts surprisingly turned to Bradley. I suddenly felt a slight excitement over the upcoming dinner with Bradley and wondered if I had finally healed from all the effects of Elijah’s death.
****
In the morning, I felt stressed from tossing through a sleepless night. Even though I had spent most of the night thinking about my dilemma, I still did not feel that I had satisfied a conclusion. I rolled over in my bed, alert to the crowing of the roosters in the yard. Lifting my head from the pillow, I suddenly heard the hens squawking. One look at the clock on the nightstand, and I knew that Elizabeth had to be out there feeding them. I glanced at the letter that lay beside the clock, wondering if I should take the time to pick it up again. I insti
nctively reached for it, pulling it close to my heart, as though by some miracle it could soak into my heart and filter to my brain. The temptation to read the letter through was greater than my desire to pull my tired bones from my bed, so I opened it. I closed it again when I became teary-eyed. Right then I decided to pick up the gift that Elijah had been unable to bless me with.
I felt a sudden burst of energy as I reached for my robe, intending to get breakfast before Eli would leave for school. It had seemed a small eternity since we had all been together at the morning meal, and I determined to make my old habit a new one. There would no longer be a reason to neglect my routine that I had adopted over the years. I breathed a quick prayer asking that God would bless me with the strength to make it through another day, then, I skipped down the stairs to greet my children with a hearty meal to send them off into the world. I smiled and thanked the Lord that today was the day of the month that the women of the community went into town to purchase goods from Forks General Store. I knew that Papa would not mind making a detour to the flea market after all the purchases had been made. I had a strong sense of excitement about where I would place the large piece of furniture. In fact, I knew just the spot.
****
On Sunday, I found myself trying on several dresses before I decided to wear the pale yellow with the cream-colored bow. It was my favorite, but I didn’t want to appear too dressed-up.
Eli entered the room complaining that his last clean shirt had a tear in the arm, and I knew I didn’t have time to mend it before we needed to leave for church. As he stood next to me, I realized that he was taller than me, and I hadn’t even noticed that he had grown recently. He was now the same height as Elijah and had nearly the same, strong build as his father. I poked my head into my closet, pulled out one of my husband’s shirts and held it up to my son. I hadn’t been able to remove them from the closet and store them because I hadn’t thought I was ready to part with them until this moment. I lifted the other Sunday shirts from the closet and handed them to Eli.
“These will fit you. Yer papa would be proud if he could see you wearing his things. He’d be so surprised at how tall you’ve gotten.”
He was a little hesitant in taking the shirts until I told him that his father would be unhappy if he knew that his things were sitting around collecting dust instead of being put to good use. He agreed with me and walked slowly away from me, then, returned to give me a quick hug before leaving the room.
When he returned in his father’s clothing, it took my breath away because it was like seeing Elijah when he was his age. He was a handsome boy, just like Elijah had been. His appearance took me a little by surprise, but it didn’t make me sad the way it may have even a week ago. While I tied the black bow tie around his neck, he got a serious look on his face as though he were pondering some serious issue.
“What’s wrong with my handsome son?” I asked.
“I was just curious about something,” he answered.
“What’s that?”
“Are you planning on marrying Doc Bradley?” he asked sincerely.
I nearly choked on the deep breath that I pulled in.
“Why would you think a thing like that?”
“I don’t mean any disrespect, Mam, but you’re still young and the younger kids could use a papa.”
“They have a papa,” I stammered.
“Jah, but you love the doc, right?” he asked innocently.
“I loved him when he was a young boy and I was just a young girl. We are adults now and just friends.”
“But I know you’re lonely, Mam,” he consoled. “And if you loved him once, then surely you could love him again, jah?”
“Being lonely ain’t a reason to marry somebody. I loved yer papa, and we had time to court proper-like. Doc Bradley is only coming to dinner, not to court me. And we are just friends, okay?”
I looked him in the eye, waiting for him to answer, but he cast his eyes downward and walked away as though he were disappointed in my answer. Until then, I hadn’t realized he might have been referring to himself as needing a father around. It had been the hardest on Eli to live without Elijah because he had taken on most of the responsibilities that his father could no longer fill.
I wonder if Bradley will offer to marry me. No. That’s foolish. What man in his right mind, wants to marry a widow with six children? And I don’t want him proposing out of pity.
I had mixed feelings about Eli’s statement, but I wondered about the possibility of falling in love with Bradley enough to want him as a husband. The way I was feeling, I couldn’t see ever falling in love again; even with someone as handsome as Bradley. I had loved him when we were kids, but I had outgrown him when I moved away and fell in love with Elijah. Childhood crushes didn’t count in my line of thinking—it defied all logic as I knew it. Still, Eli had been right about me being lonely, and I longed to be loved again.
After Eli left the room, I experimented with my hair a little, wondering how I should put it up on my head. Eva entered the room asking for help in putting her kapp in place. We only wore them to church services and family gatherings, for that was not something Elijah ever enforced as a daily rule. He accepted that his children were not fully Amish, so he did not normally expect strict rules to be followed regarding the Amish attire.
I pinned the kapp snugly to her head and tied the string loosely, while she complained that the pins pinched her scalp. Since Bradley had said the incubation period for the chicken pox was past, I figured it was safe to take the children to church with me. I knew if nothing else, they might relish the opportunity to play out in the yard instead of sitting for such a long service. Abigail assisted me in getting her into her dress, while Elizabeth begged for help in finding matching stockings. I made one final inspection of my children, then, gave Eli the cue to go out to the barn and hitch the horses to the buggy so we could ride to church.
Eli steered the horses, keeping their pace in check. Elijah had done a fine job of teaching his son how to train his horse. Thinking about my deceased husband no longer caused me pain, but brought me joy as I watched the bits of him that still existed in his children.
****
The tiny church was overcrowded, making the room unbearably warm. The children and I took a seat in the back of the church, hoping it would be cooler near the double doors that hung open. Bradley, who had been greeting several families up front, spotted me and walked toward where we were sitting. He tipped his hat and bowed slightly to me.
“May I sit with you and your lovely children on such a fine day?” he asked politely.
“Yes…sir,” I stammered.
Eva pushed across me, leaving the only open seat on the bench right beside me. I felt a little awkward having him next to me, but concentrated instead, on the reason I was at the church in the first place.
Keep your eyes on the Lord, Jane. I am here to worship, and I ain’t got any reason to be looking to the left or to the right.
I perched my chin in an upward fashion, determined to listen to every word that the preacher was saying. I would leave the worrying to God, and I would pay attention to Bradley at dinner after the service. Meanwhile, the preacher spoke of leaving your past behind you and moving forward in God’s will. I took that to mean that I was doing the right thing by not dwelling on Elijah’s death any longer, and that resuming my friendship with Bradley was probably not a bad thing. I wasn’t certain what God had planned for my future yet, but I was open to His will.
Eva fidgeted somewhat with her kapp, looking as though she would start whining. Bradley held his arms out to her, and she went to him without question. He sat her on his lap and began to adjust the pins in her headdress. When he was through, she smiled happily, stepped down from his lap and quietly resumed her spot on the other side of me. I was impressed by the gentleness that he displayed since he had no children of his own to have gained such a quality. I looked into his blue eyes and the familiar friendliness that his face held. A smile bri
ghtened his face, causing me to return a weak smile in his direction. I tried my best to tone down the look just a bit, not wanting to appear flirtatious, even though I felt elated by his attention toward me.
By the time the service ended, the sun hovered high in the sky, causing all of us to fan ourselves from the heat. The buggy ride home was slightly breezy, but the tight squeeze from our entire family riding together was almost unbearable. We had outgrown this buggy years ago, but Elijah never saw the need to get a second one. The one we owned was the biggest that the buggy-maker had, and even it was a tight fit for all of us. Bradley had offered to take the two younger boys with him, but I didn’t think that it would look too proper, so I declined his suggestion.
After the horses had been tended to, Bradley and the boys exited the barn. I watched them from the kitchen window as they started a game of catch with the baseball, while I prepared a crust for an apple pie. The fire in the stove was quite warm by this time, and was nearly ready for the chicken to begin roasting. Abigail and Elizabeth peeled potatoes, while Eva ran to the hen house for fresh eggs that would be hard-cooked for an appetizer. After I assembled the pie, I put it aside and sifted through canned jars in the pantry looking for green beans, then, located the spices that I would rub on the chicken before I placed it in the wood cook-stove.
Little Wild Flower Book Two Page 16