by Len Webster
Max slowly folded the piece of paper. Returning it to his pocket, he added, “I never knew Emily. I wish I had because looking at all the people just inside this church alone, it’s clear she was a wonderful, loving woman. And I’m honoured to be the one who gets to love her daughter and hear the wonderful stories and memories of her from Josephine.”
Max nodded at Mr Shames and then walked away from the podium. He went down the short steps and back to his spot next to Josephine. The moment he was comfortable, she reached out and grasped his hand. He turned his head slightly to see her looking at him.
“Thank you, Maxwell,” she whispered before returning her focus to Mr Shames as he gave a speech about death and living. He spoke of Emily as if he knew her and then finally, “La Vie en Rose” began to play as images of Josephine and her mother were shown on the screen.
They were beautiful.
The very first had been of Emily holding Josie as a newborn.
It was like a time capsule.
Pictures of Josie and her mother through the years.
Her mother holding her hand with a sign that read, “My first tutu!”
Then her mother hugging a small Josephine in a school dress.
In the early pictures, her father was nearby or holding her hand.
After what Max presumed was when he had left for Berlin, it was just Josie and her mother. The pictures continued through Josie’s teenage years, and her mother had barely aged.
Emily Faulkner was beautiful.
Even in the last picture.
The picture Stella had told him was the last picture they had taken together. It was when Emily was cleared to leave the hospital. Two weeks before her death. It was a picture of Emily, Josie, Stella, and West in a backyard, smiling.
Max squeezed her hand, ensuring that she knew she would never be alone.
She had him.
She had Stella and West.
She had his friends.
She even had her father.
She would survive her grief.
He was sure it.
Mr Shames thanked everyone for attending the funeral service and announced that the reception would be held at the hotel across the road, but Max remained seated with Josie on the pew. As people began to approach them, Josie got up and hugged and thanked those who gave her their condolences. Max stood by her side and also thanked them for attending the service.
And when the man in the tailored black suit approached them, Max froze.
“Dad,” he breathed, surprised. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here for Josephine,” he stated as he gave Josie a tight smile and then leant over and hugged her. When he pulled back, he said, “Your mother was beautiful, Josephine. I’m so sorry you lost her so early.”
“Thank you, Mr Sheridan,” she said in a small voice.
He nodded. “Do you mind if I speak to my son really quickly?”
“No. Not at all.”
Max gazed down at her. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. I’ll be here,” she answered.
“All right,” Max said as he gestured for his father to lead him away from Josie. They made it to the side door of the church, away from the groups of people who began to encroach on Josie.
His father set his hands on Max’s shoulders and looked him in the eye. “I’m so proud of you, Maxwell.”
Max stilled. His father had never once expressed any ounce of being proud of him before. Never really saw it on his face until now. “You are?”
“I am. Up there, I saw a man I wish I could be. I knew you used to be in love with that Sarah girl, and I worried you’d never move on from her. But as you read Josephine’s speech, I heard the love in your voice. Saw it on your face when you paused. You made me a proud father today because you stood there and supported the woman you love who is grieving. I just wanted to say how proud I am of you. Since she came into your life, you’ve matured and seem so much happier.”
“I can’t disagree with you on that. She’s made my life better, Dad,” he agreed.
“I have to head back to the office. Don’t come back to work. I’ve had Ruby send your clients to me. I want you to look after her, and when she’s ready, tell her that I still want her to do her placement at our firm. She deserved that spot, and I have no plans to hire anyone else. When someone turns down a placement at Gordon Sheridan, they leave an impression, and she sure left one the day I met her. As I’m sure she did with you. Now, take care of her. Don’t rush back to work. Support her, Maxwell.”
“Josie went to you for a placement?”
He nodded. “You remember Jason? He’s her tutor. He recommended her.”
“Why didn’t she take it?”
“I think it was because I’m your father and you were leaving for Boston.”
His heart dipped at the mention of Boston. “I made such a mistake when I thought leaving her was what I had to do.”
“I know, Maxwell. But you came back, and she needs you more than ever. I love you, son.”
The heaviness in his chest lightened as he stepped forward and hugged his father tightly. Emily’s death made him realise just how quickly life could change. Even though he’d held resentment against his father for some time, Max loved him. “I love you, too, Dad.”
Somehow, accepting condolences became easier after a while. So many of her mother’s friends and employees expressed their grief and spoke of how wonderful her mother was. It was happiness and torture the moment they began to tell her their favourite memories of her mother. She was glad they thought of her so fondly. She was relieved they had good memories rather than the ones Josie had of seeing her mother so sick.
“Thank you,” Josie said to a man named Andy who delivered her mother’s products to her store.
“Your mother was a wonderful woman,” Andy said before he stepped away and Clara, Stevie, and Ally approached her.
“You guys came,” Josie said in awe. She hadn’t expected to see them. Max had told Noel that her mother had passed away, so she assumed he would tell Clara. Her mother’s death was in the paper and had made the rounds on social media. That was how her ex-boss, Danny, had found out and called her. Josie had thanked him but told him to stay in California. Her mother wouldn’t want him to travel all that way. But he had sent her flowers and a box of chocolate chip cookies.
“Of course, we came. We’re so sorry, Josie,” Ally, her boss at the bakery, said as she wrapped her arms around her. Then Stevie and Clara hugged her.
It was heart-warming to have friends who cared so much.
She adored them.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you,” Josie said as she swallowed her sob, not allowing this one to come out.
The girls stepped away, and Clara shook her head. “We understand. I loved your mother, Josie. I still have that picture of her from the bakery when she helped that day we had all those firefighters come in and beg us to donate cupcakes for their open house. We didn’t have enough hands, and she helped bake for free.”
Josie laughed as the memory came to her. “Is it the photo of us on either side of the fireman holding her?”
“Yeah. I’ll send it to you.”
“Oh,” Stevie said as she pulled something out from her handbag. “It’s from Julian. He wanted me to give you this.”
Josie took it from her. “What is it?”
Stevie sighed. “It’s lyrics to ‘Josie and the Pussycats.’ He wrote them out and changed some of the words for you. Even tried to draw you, but he stuffed up. So that’s why there’s a giant cross on the corner of the page.”
To her surprise, she let out a laugh as she unfolded the page. Then she laughed harder as she read some of the lyrics Julian had written. She folded the paper and glanced over at Stevie. “Where is he? I need to tell him that I think he’s an idiot.”
Stevie chuckled. “He went to find Max with the boys.”
“Right. Max.” Josie breathed.
“Max was amazing up
there, Josie,” Ally stated.
Josie didn’t need to be told twice.
Her love for him seemed to double, if not triple, the sets of beats her heart made. She loved him. She would never be able to express just how thankful she was for him.
“Yeah,” Josie agreed.
“You really do love him,” Clara stated rather than asked.
Josie nodded. “I do. He’s—”
“Excuse me,” her father said, interrupting her. “I’m sorry, but could I speak to Josephine for a moment?”
“Ah, sure,” Clara said, and her father glanced to his right and flinched.
“Clara Lawrence, it’s been a while.”
Clara smiled, to be polite no doubt. She was one of the rare few who knew about her relationship with her father. “It has, Ambassador Faulkner. It’s actually Parker now. I got married earlier in the year.”
“That’s right, you did. And Josephine was one of your bridesmaids.”
Josie was surprised her father remembered. It was one of the things she had slipped in during their phone call to reach the mandatory five minutes she promised him.
“She was,” Clara confirmed with a smile.
“Is everything okay?” Josie asked.
“Yeah. I’d like to speak to you, though, if that’s okay?”
“Sure. I’ll be back,” Josie promised her friends, and her father led her down the aisle and out into the foyer. She smiled at those who attended her mother’s funeral, and her father walked her to an empty corner. When he spun around, she began to say, “Dad, about—”
“You were grieving,” he said as he stepped forward and clutched her shoulders with his hands, holding her still. “Josephine, I’d like for you to come back to Berlin with me.”
She stilled. “What?”
“I leave tomorrow night.”
“You want me to go to Berlin with you?”
He nodded. “I’d like for you to meet your sisters and Johanna. I want you to be part of our family.”
Josie was too stunned for words to leave her mouth.
“We have an apartment in another wing of the manor we live in. There’s plenty of room. The girls want to meet you. I’d like a chance to be a proper father to you, Josephine. I’d like to really get to know you. Seeing those images of you and your mother and the times I have missed gives me this emptiness. I don’t want any more regrets. I don’t want to lose you as my daughter, Josephine. Please come to Germany.” Tears rolled down his face.
Josie’s lips seemed to dry as she parted them. “I-I … You want me to go to Berlin with you?”
He nodded. “Please? Give me a chance. Let me be your family again.”
“Josie, I just saw Clara—oh, hey, Mr Faulkner,” Stella said, unknowingly saving Josie from answering her father.
“We’ll talk later,” her father said and then sidestepped her. “You did a wonderful job with the funeral, Stella.”
“Thanks, but it was all Max. I just did the photos,” her best friend downplayed.
Josie spun around and watched her father make his way back into the church.
“Josie, you’re pale. Are you okay?” Stella asked, concern boomed in her voice.
Josie nodded. “He leaves for Berlin tomorrow night, Stella.”
“Oh.”
“He wants me to go with him.”
“Ooooh.”
“He pleaded for me to go. He wants us to be a family,” she added.
Stella’s green eyes flashed. “But your family is here,” she said, sounding hurt. “With me and West. We’re your family, Josie.”
“Stella, I just lost my mother. As much as he’s let me down, he’s my dad. And I made a promise to her that I would try with him.”
“But I’m your family, Josie,” she cried as tears consumed her eyes. “I’m your family.”
Josie’s heart broke as she realised she had disappointed the one person in her life who she had never wanted to. She quickly wrapped her arms around her best friend. “I’ll think it over, okay? I’m sorry, Stella. What was I thinking? I have you. I have West. I have Max. You’re my family. Always have been. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Stella held her tighter. “If you have to go, I’ll be waiting for you to come home. But I don’t want you to go to Berlin. I’m going to miss you if you do.”
It was as if Stella already knew Josie’s choice.
Watching her mother’s casket lower into the ground was one of the hardest things Josie had to witness. There was nothing she could do but watch. Her mother hadn’t wanted to be cremated. Besides there not being many flowers at her funeral, she had explicitly expressed her desire to be buried. And it was a wish she had fulfilled for her mother.
After the final shovel of dirt covered her mother’s grave, Josie let out that breath burning her lungs. Pain was strange. She knew it hurt her, but it made her feel. Made the numbness dwindle. Josie had stayed at the reception for an hour before she decided to leave. Stella and West had stayed behind to play hosts for her. And on her way out, she told her father that she would think about Berlin. She had to talk to Max. They weren’t in a relationship, but she felt like they were. She loved him. And she couldn’t bear to go without him.
Max held the door open as she stepped inside her apartment. She heard Max set her bag on the hallway table and then close the door. It felt so natural to have him do so. Felt so natural to have him stay with her. The only time he went home was to pick up fresh clothes every morning. She loved having him with her. But it was selfish, too. Max had his own apartment. His own career. His own life. And the thought had her swaying towards going to Germany with her father. She wasn’t sure how long she’d be gone. University was over for her. She had already failed two units with her exam no-shows. Her mother was dead, and her father was her only blood relative left.
She had also made a promise to her mother that she would try with her father.
And she wanted to get to know Heidi and Angelika.
She wanted to get to know Johanna.
She wanted to be a part of a family again.
“Josephine,” Max whispered behind her. He set his hands on her shoulders and pressed a kiss into her hair. “Are you okay?”
She nodded. Then she spun around and linked her arms around his neck. Her eyes roamed every feature on his face as reasons to stay collided with her reasons to go.
“I love you,” she breathed.
“I love you,” he said in that breathless tone she loved.
“Thank you for today. For the past nine days. I know I haven’t really said much, but I really appreciate you standing up there for me. You gave my speech the soul it was missing.”
Max’s eyes watered. It was the first time she had seen him with tears in his eyes since her mother had died. “I did nothing but read the words you wrote.”
“You made them sound beautiful.”
“Can I ask you something?”
She nodded. “Of course, you can.”
“I know this isn’t the best time to discuss us. You lost your mother just over a week ago, and it makes me feel selfish asking you this, but being up there, I realised … I want to …”
Josie’s arms untangled as she palmed the nape of his neck.
She knew what he wanted to ask.
Her heart craved it.
Needed it.
“Maxwell, please just ask me.”
His hands latched onto her wrists as he let out a shaky breath. “Can I be more to you?”
“You already are more, Max.”
He shook his head. “No. I want the title. I want to be yours, Josephine. I know you love me. I know I’ve fucked up before. I made a mistake that I could never forget. I let you down when you needed me the most. I don’t want to take advantage of you, but I just need to know. When you’re ready, can I be your boyfriend? Can I someday have a key to your apartment? Can I finally imagine the rest of my life with you?”
Oh, God.
Pain.
So
much pain entered her chest.
Maxwell Sheridan wanted commitment with her.
But Berlin.
“I-I,” she stuttered. “Max …”
Despair consumed his light brown eyes. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” she said as she brought her hands up to settle on his cheeks. “I want to be with you. I want to be your girlfriend. I want you to have a key to my apartment—even though West isn’t allowed one because Stella likes opening the door for him. I want you to feel at home with us. I love that you imagine the rest of your life with me. Because I want that, too. But …”
“There’s a ‘but’?” he whispered in pain as his hands left her wrists and fell to the sides of his body.
“There’s a ‘but,’” she confirmed.
The agony that consumed his face had her closing her eyes. She felt him press his forehead against hers and urged, “Tell me.”
Josie opened her eyes and looked in his. “My dad wants me to go to Berlin with him. He wants me to meet his wife and his daughters. He wants me to be a part of his family, Max.”
He instantly pulled away from her. He seemed at a loss. She didn’t blame him if he stormed out. He had put his heart on the line, and she had destroyed his desire for commitment with the idea of her being in Germany with her father.
“And you want—”
God, what have I done?
“No,” she blurted out, making her final decision. “I want to be with you. I want to finally be with you.”
He seemed to be in disbelief with her answer. His eyes wide as he shook his head. “But you want to meet them, don’t you?”
“I do.”
“And you want a relationship with your father?”
“I want us to get along.”
“But—”
She shook her head. “No, Maxwell. I was stupid for even considering going to Berlin. My life needs to be with yours right now. I love you so much, and I am so sorry that I even thought about leaving.”
Max stepped forward, grasped her by the shoulders, and crashed his lips to hers. Josie clutched his shirt between her fingers as she kissed him back.