He colored guiltily. “What does that have to do with anything?”
Hank shook his head at the blatant evasion. “You know the answer to that one, pal. Think about it.”
Todd did little else the rest of the day. He didn’t like the answer that kept coming up.
Chapter 11
A holiday party always seemed to bring out the worst in Liz’s students. As excitement mounted, it was more and more difficult to keep their attention on their lessons. Even though she tried to keep their interest by devising holiday themes for their assignments, by lunchtime they were virtually out of control.
Losing patience finally, she stood at the front of the classroom and said very softly and emphatically, “If I don’t have quiet in here by the time I count to five, there will be no party.”
A stunned hush promptly fell over the room.
She nodded. “That’s better. Now until our parents get here, I want you to write an essay describing your Halloween costume and why you chose it. There will be a prize for the best essay. Any questions?”
She looked around and saw that notebooks were being hurriedly opened. No hands went up. “Okay. You’ll have about twenty minutes.”
As she finished giving the instructions, she turned and saw Todd watching her from the doorway. He’d dressed in western garb, complete with red bandanna at his neck, cowboy boots and a hat that looked as though it had served an extended tour of duty on a dusty, lonesome trail. The outfit suited him. Her heart thumped unsteadily as she went to join him. She had an unexpected longing to desert this classroom and head west with him before sundown. An image of cool Montana nights and the glow of camp fires held an undeniable appeal to a heart that had never before yearned to roam.
“Howdy, pardner,” she teased in a voice that was surprisingly steady. “I like the duds.”
“You look a mite fancy for a place like this,” he observed with a pretty fair imitation of a Texas twang. “In fact, you look as though you ought to be sipping mint juleps with Scarlet and Rhett.”
She brushed a hand over the wide hoop skirt that suddenly made her feel delicate and feminine next to his blatant virility. “It’s a little much, but it was all the costume shop had left in my size, unless I wanted to come as a robot.”
His eyes blazed approvingly. “This is a definite improvement over clinking metal. I like skirts that swish. As for that neckline…”
Liz felt the heat rise in her cheeks. She’d known that darn neckline was too revealing. She’d figured no third-grader would notice. She hadn’t stopped to consider how Todd would react. Or had she?
“Did you bring everything in or do you need to go back to the car?” she said.
He grinned wickedly at her nervous change of subject. “Okay, Miss Liz, but we’ll get back to that neckline later. I have the cookies and the punch mix here.”
“Then you might as well start setting up. It’ll give the kids hope that this party is actually going to happen.”
When they’d put the trays of cookies on a table set up in the back of the room, he leaned down to whisper, “I don’t suppose it would be proper for the teacher to get caught being kissed by the room mother.”
“Good deduction,” she said as her pulse zipped along.
“So what do we do to kill time until we start this shindig?”
Forcing herself to be matter-of-fact when her thoughts kept zooming back to the last time Todd had been in her classroom, she said, “I’ve put out the punch bowl. You can start mixing the juice and ginger ale. Jamey’s mother should be here in a minute. She’s bringing the cups, plates and napkins. Once everything’s ready, we’ll have the costume parade. You two get to be the judges. The principal will be the third judge.”
“Are there criteria?”
“Scariest and most unusual.”
“Are Jamey and Kevin disqualified? I may be biased, but I do think my son looks especially handsome in his Indy 500 jumpsuit.”
“He still can’t get your vote. He and Jamey get extra cookies for giving up the right to compete.”
“I suppose that’s fair. I’d go for the cookies myself, if I hadn’t been the one who baked them. After you left last night, I must have tried one from every batch just to be sure they tasted okay. I’ve decided that a sugar binge is every bit as deadly as drinking alcohol. My stomach still rolls over at the sight of all that orange goo.” He shuddered convincingly.
“That is not goo,” Liz protested. “It’s frosting. Admittedly, they may not look much like pumpkins, but they’re just fine. The kids will love them.”
“Hey, you’re the one who drew the faces on them. Don’t blame me if they look weird.”
When they’d finished making the punch, Todd’s expression turned serious. “Do we have time to talk before the party gets rolling?”
Liz glanced around the room. “If you can talk fast. Chaos tends to erupt without notice.”
“I’ve been thinking about what you said last night.”
Her head snapped up at that. Her hands stilled over the trays of cookies. “About Sarah?”
“Yes. I talked to Hank about it, too. He agrees that maybe it’s time to try to find her, for my sake as much as Kevin’s.”
Liz felt her heart begin to thud. That wasn’t something she’d considered when she’d made the suggestion. She hadn’t been thinking of Todd, at all, only Kevin. “I’m not sure I understand,” she said uneasily.
He touched her lips with the tip of his finger. “No frowns, sweetheart. Hank thinks maybe I’ve let the memories of the past ruin the future for me. He thinks seeing Sarah will put them to rest.”
“Do you agree?”
“Not entirely, but I’m willing to look for her for Kevin’s sake, anyway. I think you’re both right about that. I talked to a detective before I came over here.”
“What did he say?”
“That it could take awhile, that I shouldn’t get my hopes up, that people who want to vanish generally cover their tracks pretty well, especially when they’ve had a four-year head start.”
“For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing the right thing,” she said, though her voice shook. She couldn’t quite bring herself to meet his gaze. She was afraid of what she’d see there. Was he beginning to anticipate seeing Sarah after all this time? How much claim did his ex-wife still have on his heart? For her to have had the power to hurt him so badly, he must have loved her very much.
“Your opinion is worth a lot,” he said, tilting her chin up until she had to face him. “I know how much you care about Kevin. That’s the reason I’m doing this. The only reason.”
Still filled with doubts despite the reassurance, she nodded and abruptly turned to go back to the front of the room.
“Liz.”
She looked back.
“Don’t say anything to Kevin. If we find Sarah, I want to talk to her first, see where she’s coming from before I tell him about this. I don’t want him hurt again.”
“I understand. This is something between you and your son, Todd. It has nothing to do with me.” She wanted so badly to be brave, to face the possibility that this could cost her everything. Instead, her tone simply came out clipped and icy.
He sighed, no doubt understandably confused by what he must view as her sudden change of heart. “You’re wrong, Liz. It has everything to do with you. Because of you, Kevin may have his mother back in his life and you and I may be able to move on with our life.”
Todd’s words were nothing more than an empty promise, she kept telling herself as despair wrapped itself around her. Ed had solemnly repeated the wedding vows and, in the end, they’d meant nothing.
Worried and trying not to let it spoil the party for the kids, she went to help them begin getting into their Halloween costumes. Never in her life had she been more thankful of the noisy distraction of thirty-five high-spirited eight-year-olds. Never had she been more in need of those shy smiles and exuberant hugs. She felt as if her entire life was suddenly hang
ing in the balance. She’d never expected to feel that way again. She hadn’t wanted to let any man get that close. Now it looked as though her worst fears were coming true. She was dangerously close to losing the man she loved.
It was nearly a month before Todd heard from the detective he’d hired. On the Monday before Thanksgiving, Laurence Patterson called with the news that he’d found Sarah. She was living in a small town in the Florida Panhandle. She was working as a hostess in a restaurant at a resort hotel on the Gulf coast. She’d never remarried, though there was apparently an older man with whom she’d been involved for the past year.
“I have a picture I can send you. Do you want me to talk to her or do you plan to take it from here?” Patterson asked.
Todd wanted the whole thing to go away. He’d almost convinced himself that the search was going to turn up no news and that he and Kevin would go on with their lives just as they had been for the last four years. He would convince Liz to marry him and they would all live happily ever after. The easiest thing would have been to ask for the picture, pay the detective for his time and pretend that it had all been a dead end. He had seen Liz’s doubts magnified out of all proportion over the last few weeks. He could put them to rest once and for all by not involving Sarah in their lives.
But he knew he’d never be able to look either Liz or Kevin in the eyes again, if he told the lie.
“Send the picture and your bill, but I’ll take it from here. Do you have a phone number and address for her?”
Patterson gave him the information, including her schedule at work. When he’d hung up, Todd turned around and stared out the window at the tropical setting he’d created in his backyard. Today it didn’t have the power to soothe him. He wanted Liz. He needed her sensible advice, her gentle smile and the love that radiated from her, even as she protested that she didn’t believe in the emotion. He knew, though, that he was on his own with this one. He had to make the decision, plan how he would handle the meeting. He had to live with it. Then he had to convince Liz that they were going to be just fine.
He glanced at the picture of Kevin on his desk and made up his mind. He called his travel agent and booked a flight for the next day. Putting it off would only make the prospect loom larger.
At noon Tuesday, his heart hammering, he walked through the bright, airy lobby of the Sea Tide Inn and through the French doors leading to the restaurant.
He saw Sarah before she saw him. Reed slender, blond and elegant, she was seating a family of six at a large, round table that overlooked the Gulf of Mexico. She was friendly, which didn’t surprise him. She’d always been a wonderful hostess. What amazed him was that she was thoroughly at ease with the kids. She actually seemed to be enjoying their teasing boisterousness.
It was only when she came back to her hostess station and caught sight of him that her smile faded. Her eyes widened in shock. Her step faltered. She tried a tentative smile, but couldn’t maintain it.
“Hello, Sarah,” he said quietly. To his astonishment there was no anger underlying the greeting. In place of love-turned-to-hate, there was only emptiness. So many years of wasted energy, he thought with regret. At least he would be able to return to Liz at peace, knowing that the love he felt for her was whole, untainted by the past.
“Todd, what are you doing here?” She sounded more curious than dismayed.
He smiled faintly. “Frankly, I’m a little surprised myself.”
“Then this is a coincidence?”
“No. As a matter of fact, I hired a detective to look for you.”
The color drained from her face. “Why? Nothing’s wrong, is it? Kevin…”
“He’s fine. Do you have time to talk?”
“Actually, no,” she said, then looked around, clearly distraught. “Maybe I could find someone…”
“No. It’s not necessary, really. This can wait.”
“Are you sure? Could you come back about two? I should be able to take a break by then.”
He nodded. “I’ll be back.” He touched her hand in a brief gesture of reassurance. “Don’t worry, Sarah. I promise everything’s okay.”
He spent the next two hours driving around the area, trying to understand his initial reaction to this meeting, which had been such a long time coming. He’d realized at once that Sarah no longer mattered to him, that her decision to go might very well have freed him from a relationship that had been all wrong from the first. At the time he’d been too caught up in the rejection, too furious at the apparent ease of her abandonment of Kevin to think clearly about the wisdom of what she was doing.
By the time he went back to the inn, he was in control of his emotions, looking forward to a final resolution. She was waiting for him, watching the door anxiously. Her expression brightened when she saw him.
“I thought we could have some lunch here, if that’s okay with you,” she said. “Even though the worst of the rush is over, I’m technically still on duty. I’ll be able to keep an eye on things.”
“No problem.”
They settled at a comfortable table and ordered lunch. The waiter and busboy both treated Sarah with deference and she was genuinely kind to them.
“You seem to have found a niche for yourself here,” he observed.
“I like it. The owners are wonderful people, the staff is great and I enjoy meeting so many tourists.”
“Is it what you expected to find, when you left us?”
“Not exactly, but I’m content. I’ve grown up a lot in the last four years.” She stirred her coffee, though she’d put nothing in it. It was the only hint now of her continued nervousness.
“How is Kevin really? You’re sure everything’s okay?” she asked finally.
“I’m surprised you’re interested.” He regretted the bitterness the minute he’d made the remark. He hadn’t come to make accusations, only to move ahead.
She turned sad blue eyes on him. “I’ve always been interested, Todd. I just figured I’d given up the right to ask. I thought you both deserved a clean break. It was all I had to give you.”
He hadn’t counted on her still hurting. She was the one who’d walked away. He’d expected her to be carefree. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make this difficult for you. Kevin really is fine. I brought along some snapshots. Would you like to see them?”
There was a touching eagerness in her expression as she took the photos and went through them slowly, asking questions about where they’d been taken, how old he’d been.
“He’s grown so much,” she said with a sigh, when she’d looked at the last of them. She continued to hold them, running her fingers idly across the surface of the top photo as if she were caressing her son. She couldn’t seem to drag her gaze away.
“Kids have a way of doing that. It seems every time I turn around, he’s outgrown the clothes I bought.”
“He’s in school now?”
Todd nodded. “Third grade.”
“How’s he doing?”
“He’s had some problems,” he admitted reluctantly.
She frowned and put the snapshots back in front of him. “What sort of problems?”
“Behavior problems, at least that’s what first got my attention. It seems you weren’t the only one who thought he was unmanageable. His teacher this year finally forced the issue. We’ve had Kevin tested. He’s dyslexic, just like me. A lot of his anger was caused by frustration. He’s getting help now and things are better. Not perfect, but better.”
“I’m glad he’s getting help.”
“And I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. It might have saved him some rough times. It might have made a difference for all of us.”
“Don’t blame yourself. Neither of us was very good at communicating back then. I was better at yelling and running. You just wanted to stick that stubborn head of yours in the sand.”
“You’re not the first person lately to point out that my obstinacy gets me in trouble,” he said with a rueful grin. He hesitated. “Sarah, d
o you want to come back?”
At her stunned expression, he said quickly. “I don’t mean to stay. Just to see Kevin again. I think knowing that his mother still loves him might make a big difference in his life. This isn’t an impulsive decision. I’ve been thinking about it.”
Tears spilled down her cheeks at the invitation and for once Todd felt something at the sight of them. He pitied her for all the wonderful years she’d lost with her child. “You really wouldn’t object?” she said in a choked whisper. “You’d let me see him?”
“You could spend Thanksgiving with us,” he said, praying that Liz would understand. “I know it’s short notice, but somehow that seems like the perfect time for a family reunion.”
She reached across the table and clasped his hand. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough for doing this. I know how badly I hurt you. I can imagine how difficult it must have been for you to come.”
“I love our son,” he said simply. “I had to come.” He stood up then. “I’ll make the arrangements and get back to you, Sarah.”
He was almost out the door, when he found himself turning back. She was sitting right where he’d left her, following him with eyes still luminous with unshed tears. He’d left the snapshots on the table and she was holding them tightly.
“You won’t disappoint him, will you?” he said.
She shook her head. “Never again, Todd. I promise.”
Liz felt her world shift and tumble off kilter when Todd called to tell her that Sarah would be coming for Thanksgiving.
“You’ve seen her, then?” she said in an amazingly calm tone. A chill seemed to settle over her.
“Today. I flew up to the Panhandle this morning. I didn’t tell you before I went because I wasn’t sure what I’d find. Maybe I just needed to handle it on my own.”
“If she’s coming here, that must mean it went okay.”
“She’s changed, Liz. Or maybe I’m the one who’s different. I don’t know. She misses Kevin. I could tell. I showed her pictures and she cried. I had to ask her to come. You understand, don’t you?”
“Of course, I understand. This is what I wanted, remember?” But she hadn’t wanted this. Not on Thanksgiving. She had wanted the three of them to spend the holiday together, like a real family. It was exactly the sort of dream she’d warned herself against having. It was turning into a nightmare.
Miss Liz's Passion Page 14