Leaving

by Audrey Holland

  I smiled and curled up on the couch for a couple of hours sleep before morning. There was no way I was going to sleep in the bed I had shared with Brad.

  ESCAPE

  I didn’t notice the police car that cruised by several times during the evening. I didn’t know that Brad had asked his partner Fred to keep an eye on the place. I was busy loading the van with the last of the things I had packed the night before, when the phone rang. Jesse ran screaming into the garage! “Mommy, Mommy, Daddy is on the phone!”

  He yelled in panic.

  I took him in my arms. “It’s okay, Jesse. Don’t worry, you’re safe.” I hugged him to me. Putting him down, I walked into the house and picked up the phone. “Hello? Is that you, Brad?”

  “Yes, it’s me. I’m going to beat that brat for dropping the phone in my ear!”

  “No,” I answered firmly. “You are never going to touch that child again.”

  I heard his sharp intake of breath. I had never spoken up like that before.

  “Well, we’ll just see about that! Now get your ass in the car and come pick me up at the airport.”

  “No, Brad, you’ll have to call someone else for a ride.”

  “What?” he screamed in my ear. “You bitch! And while we’re at it, what the hell do you mean by taking off like that? And stealing my money! You embarrassed me in front of my family. I even had to beg some money from my old man to get home.” He sounded absolutely furious. In my mind’s eye, I could see the dark red suffusing his face and the hateful glitter in his eyes.

  I gripped the phone tightly. “I embarrassed you? Ha, you did that all on your own!” I took a deep breath and said with more courage than I felt, “What, are you tired of Mona already? I thought she would at least keep your interest for a week.”

  There was dead silence on the phone. “Who told you about Mona?” he asked.

  “You did.”

  “Don’t be stupid, I know you aren’t the smartest cookie on the block but now you’re being really stupid. When did I tell you I was screwing around with her?”

  “When I walked up to you at the reception and you were dancing with her,” I answered with only a slight quaver in my voice.

  “Oh, so that is what this is all about? You’re jealous, aren’t you? Just because I was dancing with someone else and she’s much prettier that you.” I could hear the sneer in his voice.

  “Dancing?” I said loudly. Now I was getting angry. My hand shook as I gripped the phone hard. “Dancing? With your head between her legs? You aren’t that athletic!” I slammed the phone down on the receiver and then grabbed the phone cord and yanked it out of the wall. It had been hard wired in and I totally destroyed the wire. I threw the phone at the wall in the kitchen and left a big hole in the Gyproc. Let him fix it.

  The boys were both standing staring at me with huge frightened eyes. I grabbed them and, after a quick hug, herded them out to the garage. We were leaving, right now. I didn’t even stop to close the garage door. I knew he was near – the airport was only fifteen minutes away by car. He could call his partner Fed and be here in just half an hour. I did take time to go to the bank and withdrew all the money in our joint accounts. I chafed at the slowness of the teller and her multitude of questions. Then I went into the safety deposit box and dumped everything into my purse. I’d sort it out later and if some of it was his, I’d mail it to him—maybe.

  I then took off, heading for the bridge, anxious to get on the highway heading east. I would head for my mother’s place first to let my family know what was going on, then I was going to keep going until I felt safe. I had several thousand dollars hidden in the van and if I was careful, it would last until I had a job and could support myself and the boys. If I hadn’t stopped at the bank, I would have made it across the bridge at least. But Fred cut me off just on the bridge approach. He forced me to the side of the road and stopped with his car blocking traffic. As luck would have it, Brad and Fred’s boss, Sergeant Thomas, was two cars back—my luck, that is.

  Sergeant Thomas came to a stop with the rest of the traffic and flipped on his flashing lights. Brad was already beside the driver’s door, yelling at me to unlock it. I refused and just sat there, my face white and staring straight ahead.

  Both boys were crying in fright, but I couldn’t help them just then. I turned to Jesse. “Don’t unlock the door!” I said in my best no-nonsense voice. He hiccupped but nodded. They both crouched down on the floor behind my seat.

  Fred was behind Brad, trying to talk him into calming down. It wasn’t working. I could hear them, voices only slightly muffled by the glass.

  Sergeant Thomas walked up and asked Fred, “What is going on here?”

  Fred shrugged. “I’m not sure. Judy is real mad at Brad and I think she’s trying to leave him. I’m just trying to keep him from hurting her.”

  Sergeant Thomas turned to Brad. “Okay, Mitchell, cut this out! Come back to my car right now. We need to talk.”

  Brad turned on him, his face white and barely controlled. “This doesn’t concern you. This is my wife and she’s acting like a fool. I just want to take her home.”

  “It concerns me when two of my officers are making a spectacle of themselves in the middle of a major bridge. You have traffic blocked. Now, go back to my car while I speak to your wife.”

  “She’ll just tell you some stupid lie about me cheating on her,” Brad said sullenly. It was more than I could take. I felt a white hot anger explode in my chest. I slammed the door open, knocking Brad back a couple of paces. I jumped out and slammed the door behind me, making sure it was locked. I dropped the keys down the front of my blouse to come to rest between my large breasts.

  “Stupid lie?” I yelled. I have a voice that is both melodious and strong, but now with my anger it was brittle. It still carried and everyone within a hundred feet could hear me. All the commotion had brought people from their cars to watch. There were housewives, truckers, several dirty, rough-looking bikers and some young guys who looked like college kids. I didn’t care. I had been pushed too far.

  “Stupid lie? Then explain to me and these people how you came to have the smell of that slut’s cunt all over you at your sister’s wedding reception?”

  Brad looked around, his face white and for the first time he looked scared. “Now, Judy, don’t shout,” he said pleadingly. “I don’t know who told you that but it’s a lie! I wouldn’t do something like that! And you should really watch your language, the boys can hear you.” He was trying to sound shocked and I saw him glance at Sergeant Thomas. I really didn’t care what Sergeant Thomas thought about my language and my sons were crying so hard they wouldn’t remember anything I said. I glared at him. “Nobody told me. I smelt it when I walked up to you when you were dancing with her.” My voice was still ringing with my rage. “It was in your hair, on your breath and all over you.”

  The bikers whooped and laughed.

  Brad looked at me in surprise. “How would you know what that smells like?”

  “Oh, come on! I have one and they all smell pretty much the same. It sure as hell wasn’t mine.” I glared at him, giving him a taste of the loathing he had shown me. His face went red and then white again. His sergeant and partner were looking at us both in shock.

  Finally, his sergeant cleared his throat. “That’s enough, Mitchell. Go get into my car, right now.”

  Brad glared at him and opened his mouth to argue.

  “Now, or I’ll arrest you for creating a public disturbance.”

  Brad took one last look at me. “I’ll find you, you bitch. You’re going to pay for this!”

  I looked back at him with the sudden realization that I wasn’t afraid anymore. I laughed.

  “Yeah right! You haven’t got the guts to touch me. I’ll drive your pecker so far up in your belly you’ll forget you ever had one.”

  At this the bikers, truckers and the college kids all applauded and yelled encouragement. Sergeant Thomas was livid. “Mitchell, move it, now
!”

  Brad literally scurried to the police car and climbed in.

  Sergeant Thomas looked at me for a long minute and then said, “You’re sure?”

  I nodded.

  He patted my shoulder and turned away, heading for his car.

  Fred was still looking at me. I looked back at him, wondering what was going to happen now. He winked and smiled. “I’ll get out of your way.”

  The crowd all cheered as I dug the keys out of their hiding place and got back into the van. The boys were crying and Jesse was shaking.

  Oh God, I thought , I’ve scared the pour little guys. I held out my arms to them and pulled them tight against me.

  “Mommy, you shouldn’t say things like that to Daddy. He’ll hit you!” Jesse sobbed.

  “It’s okay, Jesse. Daddy will not hit me. He’s scared of me now.” I kept my voice gentle.

  “Really? Why? He’s bigger and stronger than you are.”

  “Yes, he is, but he’s a coward. He won’t hit anyone who might hit him back.” I kissed his cheek and wiped away his tears.

  He looked at me and I could see the wheels turning in his little head. He was a thinker and it wouldn’t take him long to figure things out.

  “You and your brother climb back there now and buckle up. I need to drive. Okay?”

  “Okay, Mommy,” they both answered.

  I waited and watched as Jesse helped his brother get buckled in and then slid over and did up his own seatbelt. Sam had quit crying and was busy sucking his thumb. He grinned at me, a line of drool hanging from his chin. I laughed and squeezed his foot. Then I turned around and started the van. When I went to pull back into the traffic, I saw that I had an escort. Fred was right behind me and the bikers were behind him. Sergeant Thomas and Brad had disappeared.

  YET ANOTHER BETRAYAL

  When I reached the other side of the bridge, Fred honked and turned off. I waved goodbye to him and continued on. The bikers now fell in behind me. I watched them, grinning and watching me in the side mirror. After a couple of miles, I realized that they were not going to turn off. I turned off at the next exit and pulled into a gas station. They were right behind me. I got out and walked straight up to the big guy in front.

  “Hi, I want you to stop following me.”

  “Aw, come on, sweetheart. I like a woman with fire. And you’re the prettiest little thing I’ve seen in a long time.” He grinned and looked me up and down.

  For the first time in my life, I didn’t blush. “I don’t care. I just want to be left alone, so get lost.”

  He looked surprised at my bluntness. A couple of the others started to snicker. He sighed and said. “Too bad, baby, we could have had a lot of fun together.”

  I shook my head. “Not likely—you’re not my type.”

  I turned and went back to the van. After filling the tank, I pulled out, heading east and was happy to see that they headed back west.

  I was driving through the mountains on the way to the interior where my mom lived. The boys had fallen asleep shortly after we left the gas station. Suddenly, it felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and I doubled over in pain. Oh no, I thought in panic, I can’t get sick now! I took a deep breath and tried to keep going. The pain in my stomach wasn’t going away. I saw the turn off for a picnic area so I pulled over and parked in the shade. It was a beautiful spring day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and the river beside me made a happy gurgling sound as it rushed over the rocks. I didn’t notice any of it. I stumbled over to a picnic table and sat down, wrapping my arms around my knees. I kept telling myself, it’s okay, it’s just all the stress and not eating properly for so many days. It all just caught up to me!

  I forced myself to relax and then a most curious thing happened. I felt as though there was a struggle going on in my mind. It felt like something fighting to get to the surface. Like last summer when I went too deep when I was diving and fought my way back to the surface filled with panic. What was this? A thought maybe? A memory? I closed my eyes and forced myself to relax so the thought, or whatever it was, could get out. Then, in the blink of an eye, it was there. The knowledge that this wasn’t the first time Brad had cheated on me. I now remembered when we were engaged and he stood me up. I found out later that he had gone to a party with a nurse. Strangely, I couldn’t remember ever thinking about it again until now.

  Then there was the time when Brad said to me shortly after we were married, “You better treat me real good, because now you’ve got a rival.” He was laughing and looked excited. I had asked him what he was talking about and he replied. “The judge’s daughter has the hots for me.”

  And he laughed again. We had only been married just over a year at that time. And I couldn’t remember ever thinking about that incident again, either.

  The next memory that surfaced was when we moved to North Vancouver and we had gone to visit Fred at his apartment. We were all sitting around having a drink. The apartment door was open and a couple of girls walked by and called to Brad and Fred from the doorway. They left quickly when they saw me sitting there. Brad got up and said to me, “I’ll be right back.” He took off down the hall after them. Fred got up and followed him, a look of total panic on his face. I remembered sitting there, stunned at being left so suddenly alone. Finally, I got up and went to the door. Fred was standing outside a door further down the hallway. There was a lot of loud laughter coming from that apartment, and I could hear my husband’s voice. Fred looked at me and then away, like he couldn’t meet my eyes. I turned back into the apartment and picked up my purse and jacket. I walked slowly out and down the stairs. I climbed into our car and drove home. Brad didn’t come home for several hours.

  I couldn’t remember ever calling him out on any of these incidents. I must have buried them deep in my subconscious soon after they occurred. But why? Was it cowardice? I really didn’t think so, but right then nothing else seemed to make sense.

  The memories washed over me like waves on the ocean and when they eased I found the pain in my stomach had eased as well. I still felt sick, but I was not doubled over in pain any more. I got up slowly and went back to the van. I don’t know how long I had been sitting there. The boys were quietly playing in the back of the van. They looked at me with very worried expressions.

  Jesse piped up. “Mommy, are you sick?”

  “Yes, I had a tummy ache, but it’s better now.”

  I drove on toward my mother’s place, thinking over and over about the memories that had come back. Was I a coward? I didn’t think so, it didn’t quite fit. If it was because I was a coward, why couldn’t I remember these incidents until now? You would have thought that it would have played on my mind continually, both what he did and my guilt at not being able to stand up to him. So, if it wasn’t cowardice, what was it? I didn’t know where to go from there. I decided that I really needed to talk to someone about this. But who? Not my mother. No, she liked Brad too much to be objective. I would just have to think about it for a while. Maybe something would come to me. Right now, my head was spinning and the boys were arguing and needing my attention.

  Before we got to Mom’s, I stopped and fed the boys. It was just after supper time and I knew my mom would have hustled around to feed them instead of sitting down to talk to me. I didn’t want to burden her with everything that had happened but I needed her undivided attention while I explained my separation and what was going to happen now.

  When I pulled up at Mom’s house, she met us at the door with tears in her eyes. I grabbed her in a hug and said, “Mom? What’s the matter?”

  She put her arms around me and whispered so the boys couldn’t hear. “I just got off the phone with Brad.” She looked searchingly at me. “Have you eaten?”

  “Yes, Mom, we ate.” I laughed and turned to Jesse. “Jesse, please take Sam and go play in the back yard for a while so grandma and I can talk.”

  I helped them out the back door and made sure the gate was latched so they could
n’t stray, then turned back into the kitchen. Mom watched me with a very concerned look.

  “Have you been on a starvation diet? You clothes are just hanging on you!”

  “No, I haven’t been dieting on purpose. I just can’t eat much right now and I’ve been too busy to think about it. It can’t hurt though, maybe I’ll get rid of these extra pounds now,” I said lightly.

  “But you’ll make yourself sick!” Mom turned to the fridge and started rummaging around.

  “Mom, stop, please,” I said urgently. “I don’t want anything more than a cup of tea. And we need to talk.”

  I turned and sat at the kitchen table, next to the window so I could watch my boys in the yard.

  Mom plugged in the kettle and sat down opposite me.

  “Okay, first tell me what Brad said.” I noticed that I was wringing my hands nervously and forced myself to stop.

  “Well, he said that you had packed up the boys and were moving back home with me. He said that someone told you a stupid lie about him and that you won’t listen to reason. He said he would never do anything to hurt you or the boys and that his life is not worth living without you.” She stopped and took a deep breath. “Oh, Judy! He was crying, sobbing so hard he could hardly talk. You need to go home and make up with your husband. You know he is a real good man.” Her eyes filled with tears at the memory of the sobbing, broken-hearted man. A man she had looked up to and admired. A man she thought of as strong and reliable. She had always thought that I had made the best choice of a husband—much better than my sisters. I stared at the table for a full minute. “Kettle’s boiling.”

  Mom got up to make the tea. I was thankful; it gave me a few minutes to work out an answer. I didn’t want to have to tell my mother this much but he had taken that option away from me.