She loved him madly; he was as unreachable as the most distant star.
And yet, there had been moments when Noah had looked at her… No woman ever born could be on the receiving end of such intense masculine interest and not be aware.
Kate longed to shake him now, to kiss him, to do anything to wake him. Tomorrow, he was going to hire a new man and they would be on the track again. Tonight they had privacy. This was their chance to talk, at least. Surely he owed her that much?
‘Noah,’ she whispered.
There was no response. He was exhausted, of course, and after everything that had happened today, and with the huge task that still lay ahead of him, his need for sleep was completely understandable.
Understandable, yes, but oh, so disappointing.
Kate supposed the wine must have made her maudlin, but on a scale of one to a hundred this disappointment felt sub-zero.
She tiptoed through to the bathroom, cleaned her teeth and changed, then climbed into the big white bed and turned out the lamp. In the pitch-black darkness, she lay very still, listening to the silence that went on and on.
Her body was tense and restless and she was sure she’d never get to sleep. She rolled to her left side and then to her right, and the mattress creaked each time.
She sighed heavily. What was she going to do? She was as wired as a ticking time-bomb and she’d never sleep. She decided to try one more time. ‘Noah,’ she called, quite loudly.
‘Yeah?’
Her heart leapt. ‘Oh. Did I wake you?’
‘I’m awake now. That’s what matters. What do you want?’
‘I—um—are you sure you’re comfortable down there?’
‘Yes, Kate. Snug as a bug.’ He yawned theatrically.
‘I—I know you’re terribly tired, but I was hoping we might talk for a bit.’
‘What about?’
‘The things we never talk about.’
For a moment, she thought he might laugh at her, or growl, but he did neither. ‘All right,’ he responded with surprising cordiality. ‘Let’s talk about this boyfriend of yours.’
It wasn’t quite what she’d had in mind.
‘W-what do you want to know about Derek?’
‘Did you split up before you came out here?’
‘No.’
‘When?’
‘Just before we left Radnor.’
She couldn’t see him, but she heard the way he let out his breath on a noisy sigh.
‘Is that all you wanted to know?’ she asked.
‘It wasn’t because of me, was it?’ An uneasy note had crept into his voice.
‘No, Noah. No, of course not.’
‘So why’d you break up?’
Here goes nothing. ‘Derek was cheating on me.’
Silence.
‘I didn’t find out till I came to Australia, but it seems that as soon as I was out of the UK he went to Germany with another woman.’
More disconcerting silence.
Then Noah’s voice drawled out of the pool of darkness. ‘Were you planning to marry him?’
Gulp. ‘Derek never—um—asked me to marry him.’
‘But if he had asked?’ he persisted in that quiet, half-amused way of his.
‘I—I might have.’
‘You had a lucky escape, then.’
‘Yes.’
In the quiet room, Kate could feel a pulse hammering away in her throat.
‘Kate?’
‘Yes?’
‘It’s insane to be married to the wrong person.’
Was he referring to his marriage to Liane? He had to be, but Kate was surprised he’d raised that delicate subject now. Then again, there was something very liberating about talking in the dark and not being able to see the other person’s reactions.
She hadn’t had a conversation like this since her school days, when girl friends had slept over and they’d talked all night long about their secret hopes and fears—mostly centred on boys, of course.
Perhaps this was the opportunity to broach the unbroachable. ‘Noah?’
‘Yeah?’
‘I can’t help asking—what went wrong with your marriage?’
He didn’t answer, which was rather unfair, she thought.
‘I told you about Derek.’
‘OK. OK…’ There was a rustle of bedding, as if he was getting more comfortable in the swag. ‘It’s hard to know where to start.’
‘The beginning is sometimes a good place.’
‘Thanks.’ He let out a heavy sigh. ‘OK. I met Liane the first time I went to Sydney for a slap-up holiday. Boy from the bush, trying to make a big impression.’
Kate smiled in the darkness. ‘I can see you: moleskin trousers riding low. Boots all shiny. Walking with a bit of a swagger.’
There was a snort from the floor. ‘Who’s telling this story?’
‘Sorry.’
‘But you’re probably right.’
‘About the swagger?’
‘About the shiny boots.’
She could hear laughter in his voice, and it surprised and delighted her.
‘Anyway,’ Noah said, ‘I went to a party and Liane was there, in this little white top and a tight white skirt, and she looked—’
Like a tart, thought Kate unkindly.
‘Like a film star,’ said Noah, and then he lapsed into silence.
‘Do you still miss her?’
‘I don’t, Kate.’
She digested this news, felt emboldened to ask more. ‘Was Liane always a city girl?’
‘Oh, yes. Through and through.’
‘So she didn’t like Radnor?’
‘First time I brought her out to Radnor, we’d just had a brilliant wet season. The place was as green as Ireland—truly looked like a million dollars. Liane thought she was on clover. She really fancied herself as a grazier’s wife. Saw herself rolling in money, living in the big house with a housekeeper or two to do most of the work.’
‘So everything started happily?’
‘Angus was her only problem. From the start, they just didn’t hit it off. I thought they’d settle down when they got to know each other.’
Kate wisely held her tongue.
‘Problem was, Liane was too used to getting her own way. She and her brother were incredibly spoilt. Their parents seemed almost scared of them, and gave them everything they wanted the minute they opened their mouths.’
‘I suppose she didn’t adjust well to the hard seasons at Radnor.’
‘Exactly. The next wet season failed and the one after that. Life got really tough and Liane—Well, she just gave up. She couldn’t stand the heat, the dust, the distance from the city, the loneliness. I thought the baby might help. But Liv’s arrival made everything worse.’
‘How? Was she sick?’
‘Fit as a fiddle. But even healthy babies are a lot of work.’
‘What happened?’
‘Liane ran home to her mother, so she could be pampered round the clock.’
‘Was she gone for long?’
‘Six months, the first time.’
‘Gosh.’ Kate tried to imagine it. ‘Noah, that must have been awful. Didn’t you see little Liv in all that time?’
‘I went to Sydney twice in those first six months, but both times were a nightmare. Liane’s mother treated me like a criminal for putting her daughter through such terrible hardship. She kept insisting I should leave the land and look for a job in Sydney.’
‘You would have hated it.’
‘I know. And by then I was damn sure if I’d given in to Liane, and changed my whole lifestyle to suit her, she would have still wanted more. I would never have kept her happy. Not for long. I’m not sure anyone can.’
‘I certainly can’t imagine you in the city,’ Kate said.
After another stretch of silence, Noah said, ‘But her mother had a point. If I’d really loved Liane, I might have tried to live in the city.’ He let out a heavy sigh. ‘Thing is, lov
e’s a very easy word to say and a hard word to mean.’
Kate’s heart skipped a beat. ‘Not if you’re saying it to the right person.’
He responded with a low sound, somewhere between a sigh and a groan, and she heard the sounds of him rolling over and settling more comfortably in his swag.
‘Noah?’
‘Mmm?’
‘Thanks for telling me.’
‘I can’t say it was a pleasure.’
‘You’ve been through so much—with the divorce, and the drought and now Angus’s death.’
He sighed heavily. ‘Not to mention my current lack of sleep.’
‘I suppose—’
‘Don’t suppose, Kate. It’s too late. Go to sleep.’
But we haven’t talked about us.
Or had Noah, in a roundabout way, already told her what she needed to know? His marriage had left him horribly scarred, and riddled with doubts. He would take a long time to heal, and by then she would be back in England.
There would be no ‘us’.
It took ages for Kate to get to sleep, and when she woke the cottage was filled with bright sunlight and Noah, fully dressed and ready for work, was standing beside her bed.
‘Have I slept in?’
‘No need to panic.’ He set a breakfast tray on her bedside table—a pot of tea, a covered plate, toast and marmalade. ‘You needed plenty of rest. You’re not going to get much over the next few days.’
‘Why? What’s happening?’ She sat up quickly, then she saw Noah’s expression, and her stomach lurched in a strange little sideways slide, like a skater slipping on ice. ‘Noah, what is it? What’s the matter?’
He cleared his throat, and looked at her breakfast tray instead of at her. ‘I’m going to need your help to get the cattle into Roma.’
‘Oh, is that all? I thought you must have heard terrible news about Steve.’
He smiled faintly, raised his eyes and quickly snatched his gaze away again.
Oh. Her skimpy nightdress was the problem. Kate suppressed a smile as she grabbed at the sheet and pulled it up to her chin.
He said, ‘I rang the hospital and Steve’s fine. At least, he’s as fine as can be expected. Mild concussion, bruised ribs, and a badly broken ankle. But he’ll mend after a couple of months.’
‘Poor fellow. He’s going to hate being out of action for so long.’
‘He’s already demanding to be let out of hospital.’ Noah picked up the teapot from the tray and poured tea into a cup and added a dash of milk and one sugar, just as she liked it. ‘Here, start this before it gets cold.’
With one hand keeping the bed sheet in place, she obediently sipped her tea.
Noah said, ‘My problem is, I’ve rung around everywhere and I can’t find a replacement for Steve.’
Kate replied with commendable gravity. ‘So that means you need me?’
‘Yes, Kate. I need you.’
I need you. Three simple words set her insides aglow.
The skin around his eyes crinkled as he smiled. ‘I’m not sure you should be looking so happy. If you take this on, you’ll be in the saddle for long stretches every day. And we won’t have the generator for the electric fence, so we’ll have to take shifts at night to watch the cattle.’
‘But they’re not likely to rush again, are they?’
‘I doubt it. I checked on them this morning and they’ve really settled down. But, even if they’re as quiet as church mice, you’re going to be stiff and sore and bloody exhausted by the time we get in to Roma.’
Kate didn’t care. She didn’t care how weary or aching she became. She would be droving with Noah. Truly pulling her weight and proving that she was suited to this way of life, even if Noah was desperate to send her home. She said meekly, ‘Noah, I’m your partner, remember? You know I’m willing to help any way I can.’
Bending quickly, he kissed her cheek, and she nearly spilled her tea. But then just as smartly he stepped away, shoved his hands deep in the pockets and stared at something on the far side of the room. ‘Can you be ready in an hour?’
Liv was so rapt about her newfound friends that she waved them off quite happily when they set off mid-morning.
Noah kept a weather eye on Kate as well as the cattle. She looked completely at home as she sat straight in the saddle, with her big shady hat crammed low on her head, but he was worried that a full day’s droving would be too much for her.
When they stopped at lunch, he unpacked sandwiches and fresh fruit that Annie had given them, and he insisted that Kate rest in the shade while he circled the perimeter of the mob, keeping watch.
He knew Kate was already uncomfortable and by nightfall she would be stiff and sore, and yet so far she hadn’t uttered one word of complaint. Gutsy didn’t go half way to describing this woman.
Kate watched, intrigued, as Noah set up an ingenious little system to cook their dinner that night. It folded away to almost nothing in his saddlebag, but became a pot on three legs which he stood over the small fire to cook a packet of reconstituted curry and rice.
Kate ate it as she sat with her aching back supported by a gum-tree trunk. ‘I can’t believe those dried-up chunks turned into real pieces of meat and corn. Oh, look, and there are peas and carrots too.’ She was enjoying the meal so much she could almost forget how much her back and her thighs hurt.
Still… She’d survived her first day as a drover and that was what counted. This evening there had been an added bonus—a holding paddock where the cattle could be yarded, which meant she and Noah didn’t have to keep vigil all night.
Just as well.
Already, Kate was struggling to stay awake, and she was so stiff and sore she wasn’t sure that her legs could carry her across the short patch of ground to her swag.
Resting her head against the smooth tree-trunk, she looked up through the branches to the astonishing purple of the twilight sky. The evening star was already up there, shining whitely. A blanket of clouds, backlit by glorious rose and gold, pressed along the tops of a ridge on the horizon.
‘I like the look of those clouds,’ she said, yawning. ‘I’d love to photograph them, but I’m afraid I’m too tired to bother.’
‘I like the look of them, too.’ Noah got to his feet and stood, hands on lean hips, staring at the horizon. ‘But for a different reason.’
‘Do you think there’s rain coming?’
His face broke into a quick grin. ‘Best chance I’ve seen in a long while.’
‘Could it reach Radnor?’
‘Hard to say.’ He came back and crouched beside the fire. ‘The rivers in the Channel Country usually depend on rain further north. After a good wet, it takes about six weeks for the water to flow from the Gulf, down through all the creeks and channels. That’s what we’ll be waiting for.’
‘I’m more than happy for it to rain up north,’ said Kate. ‘But I really hope it holds off here tonight. My first night sleeping out in the open.’
‘I’d be surprised if it rains tonight, but you’ll be OK. The swags are waterproof.’
She yawned again. ‘Actually, I think I’m too tired to care.’
He took her empty plate and she was yawning again, and her eyelids felt as if they’d been filled with lead weights. But when she closed her eyes she could still see the stars and swirling dark patches of cloud.
The next thing she knew she was off the ground. In Noah’s arms. Her eyes flashed open. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Tucking you into your swag. You were sound asleep sitting up.’
Kate was about to protest that she could walk, but with Noah’s gorgeous face inches from hers she came to her senses. She had a close-up view of the strong line of his jaw, shadowed by dark stubble. His eyes were almost silver in the fading light. He looked primitive and god-like.
And here she was in his arms, with her head against the solid warmth of his shoulder and the soft cotton of his shirt under her cheek, the hectic beating of his heart so close to hers.
She felt secure, safe and warm.
‘Here you go.’ Noah lowered her onto bedding encased within a waterproof envelope of canvas. ‘You’re completely worn out.’
Cocooned in warmth, Kate smiled sleepily up at him as he tugged off her boots.
‘Sleep tight.’ He spoke as gently as he might speak to Liv.
She closed her eyes and felt her aching limbs begin to relax as she nestled into the soft, cosy bedding. Almost immediately, she could feel herself drifting…drifting…She could sleep for a week…for a month…
Where would she be a month from now? Back in England? Oh no, surely not…?
Her eyes blinked open. Noah was still there, kneeling beside her, looking down at her with an expression of such haunting sadness that she had no choice but to close her eyes again. And she kept them closed, holding back scalding tears.
Because now she knew the truth. Noah was definitely going to break her heart. Again.
Noah sat, staring into the glowing coals of their fire. He poked at them with a stick and they responded in a shower of sparks. That’s how I am, he thought, wretchedly watching the red-hot pinpricks of fiery light. I’m like a bloody smouldering fire. Any time I get too close to Kate, I practically explode with wanting her.
Hell. It had nearly killed him last night to keep his distance when she’d come back to the cottage. She had no idea how close he’d been to throwing her onto that bed and ravishing her senseless.
This morning he’d gone through another round of torture when she’d leaned back against the pillows in that delicate scrap of silk she called a nightdress…
With a soft groan, he got up from the fire. A thin moon shone faintly from behind wisps of cloud, and he whistled softly to his dogs. They came quickly, tails wagging.
‘Let’s check out these cattle,’ he said, keeping his voice low so that he didn’t wake Kate.
Dogs at his heels, he strolled to the holding yards, shoving his hands deep in his pockets as he scanned the cattle. They were making their usual snuffling snorts and letting out the occasional bellow, but he was satisfied that they were settled. Best news of all, they were in good condition now after spending time in the ‘long paddock’, as drovers called the grassy stock routes.
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