‘Ye—es.’ He dragged the word out, making it sound unbelievably cautious.
‘So, you know, I’m—I’m—’ Frantically, she discarded words like ‘free’ and ‘in love’ and hunted for something safer. ‘I don’t need to race back.’
Noah dropped his gaze to the mustard-toned carpet. ‘But surely Derek isn’t the only attraction in England? What about your mother? Your job?’
‘What about you, Noah?’
His head snapped up.
‘Are you going to pretend we aren’t the slightest bit attracted to each other?’ Kate couldn’t believe she’d finally asked that question. She held her breath as she watched Noah’s face grow grimmer and grimmer, and she wondered if it was possible to die of embarrassment.
Behind her the kettle came to the boil, but she ignored it.
‘When you kissed me this morning, what was that about? Were you simply excited about the rain?’
He groaned softly, then he stood, said slowly, sadly, ‘Kate, I’m not the man for you.’
‘Isn’t that for me to decide?’ Her voice quavered tremulously. ‘Or are you actually telling me that I’m not the woman for you?’
He looked at her, his eyes dark with pain. ‘I guess that’s exactly what I’m saying.’
Noah, don’t do this. I know that’s not true. Be honest.
‘And—and do you think it’s irrelevant that I love Radnor?’
He shook his head. ‘On the contrary. That’s a big part of the problem.’
‘How?’
‘We share Radnor, Kate. We’re business partners. But if we—’ He came closer and lifted his hand as if he wanted to touch her cheek.
Her heart almost stopped beating.
‘You’re so lovely, Kate. And this chocolate-silk dress is driving me insane. To be honest, there is nothing in the world I want more than to help you out of it.’
‘I—w-wouldn’t object,’ she said, blushing madly.
His mouth twisted, and with a choked sigh he let his hand drop and he shoved it into his jeans pocket, as if he needed to keep it out of harm’s way. He said, ‘I think you might object if you knew there was a catch.’
‘What catch?’
‘The best we could hope for is a brief affair.’
I’ll take it, Kate almost told him.
‘There’s no chance of anything long term,’ he said.
‘And you know this in advance?’
He nodded solemnly. ‘When it comes to my emotions, I’m running on empty, Kate. I seem to have lost faith in my instincts.’ He looked down at the carpet again. ‘You know what I’ve been through. When I married Liane, I thought I loved her.’ He released a sigh. ‘But now I can only feel pity for her, and an emotion so far removed from love it frightens me. I—I don’t know what love is any more.’
Kate took a deep breath. ‘Well, here’s a funny thing, Noah. I was foolish enough to fall in love with you when I was seventeen. And I’ve never really recovered.’
For one crazy moment, she thought he was going haul her across the carpet and into his arms. But then he frowned at her, as if he was wrestling with a new problem. Very quietly, he said, ‘I don’t deserve you, Kate.’
‘Love’s not about deserving.’
‘But it is where you’re concerned. Think about it. You’ve given and given. From the minute you arrived on Radnor, you’ve been extraordinary. You’ve looked after Liv, Steve—all of us. I’ve given you nothing in return.’
She fingered the grass bracelet around her wrist, then, suddenly weary and on the verge of breaking down, she sank onto a plastic chair. ‘I may as well confess the whole painful, ugly truth. I’ve never been able to fall in love with any of my boyfriends. And—and it’s because of you, Noah.’
‘I should never have kissed you.’
She gave him a weary smile. ‘All it took was one kiss—nine years ago. Crazy, isn’t it?’
‘No, Kate. Not crazy.’
His answer lingered in the air between them, resonating with promise, like the first notes of a beautiful song. Kate held her breath as she waited.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he said inadequately.
So…
There would be no song.
Her mouth trembled as she struggled to ignore the shattering pain inside her. The only way to survive this was to be brave.
‘I suppose you can’t help it, Noah. You didn’t try to make me fall in love with you. It just happened.’
He gave a bewildered shake of his head. ‘But I’m not right for you, Kate. Not any more. And it’s too late to undo the damage.’
‘Is it?’
Two tiny words, trembling with shameless hope.
Noah heard them and fought down his rising panic. He couldn’t bear to watch this wonderful, wonderful girl walk out of his life, but what right had he to try to keep her?
He’d thought this through so many times and he’d always come up with the same answer: she needed a man who could love her confidently. Completely. How could he make her understand his fears? His doubts?
‘Is it really too late, Noah?’ Her face was white.
He swallowed the painful block of ice in his throat. ‘I can’t give you the kind of promise you need.’
If his marriage had taught him anything, he’d learned that a mad attraction was not love. Right now, he wanted to strip that sexy dress from Kate’s pale, softer-than-silk curves, to take her to bed and lose himself in her. But she was too fine a woman to demean with an offer of love that fell short of the mark.
Noah needed to pace, to think, to find the right words to explain all this without hurting her.
The room was too damn small for pacing. He ran an anguished hand over his face, let out a wretched sigh.
Behind him, Kate said, ‘I think you’d better go.’
He spun round. She was standing very still with her head high and her shoulders back, like a warrior woman facing up to her fiercest enemy.
Oh, God. All he had to do was tell her now that he loved her and he could make everything right.
It should be so easy. With three simple words…I love you…he could banish those dreadful shadows from her eyes. He could make her smile.
He so wanted to see her smile. In the best of all possible worlds, he would wake every day to Kate’s sweet, warm smile.
All she asked for was love.
Love. Ever after.
If only he could believe it was possible.
‘Noah, I’m very tired. Will you please leave?’
Warrior Woman had crumpled. Kate was white and trembling, clutching the edge of the counter, as if she needed its support.
‘But I haven’t explained anything properly.’
‘You don’t need to explain. I understand perfectly.’ She pointed to the door. ‘Believe me, I’ve got the message.’
Desperately, he clutched at straws. He couldn’t let it end like this. ‘Perhaps we could talk this through in the morning?’
‘Yes,’ Kate said flatly. ‘We can talk in the morning. But, for now, goodnight. I need you to go.’
‘Darling, it’s so good to hear from you at last. Your phone’s been out of reach for ages and I’ve been worried. How are you?’
Kate looked out at the grey rain sweeping across Laguna Bay and squeezed her face muscles in an attempt at a smile. If she was smiling, her voice might sound brighter. ‘I’m fine, Mum.’
‘Are you sure, Kate? You don’t sound fine.’
‘Honestly, I’m right as rain. And, speaking of rain, it’s pouring all over Queensland, which is really good news, because they’ve had such a terrible drought.’
‘I see. That’s nice, dear, but you’re babbling, and you only babble when you’re upset.’
Kate blinked back tears. ‘I’m not upset. Really.’ Liar. She’d cried so much in the past three days she was afraid she’d caused permanent damage to her tear ducts.
‘Have you finished the cattle drive?’
‘Yes. It went very well, but I’ll tell you all ab
out it when I get home.’ Perhaps by then she would be able to mention Noah Carmody’s name without another dam burst.
‘I can’t wait to see you, darling. When will you be back?’
‘Next week. I’ll be arriving in Heathrow at four o’clock on Wednesday afternoon.’
‘Oh, darling, that’s lovely. Fantastic, actually. You’ll be back in time for our celebrations.’
‘What are you celebrating?’ Kate had never heard her mother sound so girlish and excited.
‘Kate, you’ll never believe this. Nigel has asked me to marry him and I’ve said yes.’
Just in time, Kate clamped her hand over her mouth and stifled her cry of dismay.
‘Kate, are you there?’
‘Yes, Mum.’ Oh, good grief. She couldn’t believe she was jealous of her mother. The poor woman had been a widow for such a long time and she really deserved this happiness. ‘Wow, that’s—fabulous news. I’m so, so happy for you.’
‘I was half expecting that you might have news, too, Kate. About your young man.’
‘No. No news.’ Kate said this in her most decisive ‘let’s drop it’ voice, but her mother was too happy and curious to notice.
‘Are you disappointed, darling?’
‘No.’ Liar, liar. ‘I had a fabulous time bringing the cattle along the stock routes. It was quite an adventure, you know. I took some amazing photographs, but now I’m ready to come home.’
‘So where are you? Back at Radnor?’
‘Actually, I’m at Noosa. It’s a seaside resort, over on the coast, and it’s beautiful.’ She couldn’t admit that she’d run away from Roma, leaving the motel in the early hours and catching a bus heading east.
‘The beaches are just beautiful here, Mum. Of course, they’re not looking their best now with all the rain. But there’s a walk through the national park that takes you out around the headland. And the shops are gorgeous. I’m having a break here before I fly home.’
It was more or less the truth. More accurately, Kate was holed up in Noosa, trying to pull herself together before she faced the ordeal of returning to England to pick up the tattered shreds of her life.
Her days were spent walking in the rain, or sitting and staring at storm-tossed seas while she reminded herself over and over that this misery was self-induced. It was the price she had to pay for foolishly falling in love with Noah Carmody for a second time.
Tourist brochures about Noosa and posters in shop windows showed how stunningly beautiful this beach could be when the weather was calm and sunny, but the recent storms and the angry, desolate waves matched Kate’s mood. She’d spent entire afternoons sitting in cafés set right at the edge of the sand.
Endlessly, she’d watched the surf seethe and boil until it finally spent itself on the shore, running up the beach in thin, lacy frills. She wished she could be like those waves. If only she could hurl her heartbreak into the universe, let her despair finally crash on some distant shore and disperse, getting smaller and smaller until it was a mere droplet that no longer had the power to hurt her.
But there was no simple quick fix for her problem. The process of rebuilding her broken heart for the second time was going to be as slow and agonising as it had been the first time. Worse, actually, because her feelings for Noah were based on so much more than one kiss. She’d taken his daughter into her heart. She’d joined him in his work…endured his hardships…shared his triumphs. But now she had to put that sorry misadventure behind her.
It would be much easier if she and Noah weren’t joint owners of Radnor. That connection was a killer. But Kate was confident she could find lawyers and accountants who’d negotiate a deal which allowed her share of the property to gradually transfer to Noah at a rate he could afford.
In the end, Kate would be a rich woman, and no doubt she would still be working very hard at being happy in England. And Noah, as full owner of the property he loved, would be living his dream.
It was still raining on Tuesday afternoon, Kate’s last afternoon in Australia. But despite, the dismal outlook, she drank her usual cappuccino at a table on the edge of the beach. Afterwards, she walked back along Hastings Street, stopping at the tiny supermarket to buy a tin of tomato and basil soup and two dinner rolls for her evening meal.
Then she continued on, past fashion shops, trendy art galleries and ice-creameries, to a boardwalk that took her around the headland to Little Cove where her holiday cabin nestled among towering gum-trees.
The fellow in charge of Reception gave her an extra warm smile as she walked through the foyer with her damp shopping bags and dripping umbrella. ‘Miss Brodie,’ he called. ‘I have some lost property for you.’
Kate couldn’t think of anything she’d lost. ‘Are you sure, Fred?’
He retrieved an envelope from a row of numbered pigeonholes behind him. ‘This was handed in while I was on my lunch break.’ When he saw Kate’s frown, he said, ‘It has your name on it, but if there’s been a mistake just pop it back and we’ll do our best to find the right owner.’
‘All right. Thanks.’ Still frowning, Kate accepted the envelope. Her name was scrawled in spiky handwriting on the front.
Puzzled, she slipped it into her bag and hurried along the brick path to her cabin, dodging puddles, shiny, wet palm fronds and drooping hibiscus flowers.
Inside, she dumped her shopping on the counter in the kitchenette and pulled the envelope from her bag, slipped her finger beneath the flap and tore it open.
When she looked inside her heart leapt high and hard. She hadn’t seen the Valentine’s card for almost nine years, but she would have recognised it anywhere. She’d made it herself—a photo of Noah striding through the home paddock, carrying a bridle in one hand, and a saddle on his shoulder, framed by a red heart and pasted onto purple cardboard.
She’d sent this to him when she was eighteen.
Her heart began to pound and her vision blurred. She couldn’t believe he’d kept it all this time. Couldn’t believe it had reached her now. In Noosa.
Why?
How?
Her hands shook as she opened the card, and she felt a quick flash of embarrassment at the prospect of seeing her name written inside. But there was another surprise!
A circle of dried woven grass.
The bracelet Noah had made for her.
She clapped a hand over her trembling mouth as she remembered how this bracelet had looked the last time she’d seen it—lying forlornly on the bedside table in her motel room in Roma. She’d left it there because she couldn’t bear to keep such a painful memento.
Now, here it was.
His gift to her…
And her gift to him.
But where was Noah? How had he found her?
Until this moment, Kate’s hasty departure had felt totally reasonable, but now she wasn’t so sure. He must have found her. Who else could have handed this in at Reception? Her heart slammed hard in her chest as she rushed to the door of her cabin and scanned the rain-washed gardens, hoping to see him.
Two children in yellow raincoats were running and squealing and stomping in puddles, but otherwise the gardens were empty.
She sank against the door frame. How could she bear this suspense? Fred had been on his lunch break, so he hadn’t seen the person who’d delivered the envelope. Even so, he might have heard something. She should go back to Reception and ask more questions.
Without stopping to fetch her umbrella or her keys, or to shut the front door, she ran back down the path, and as she rounded the last cabin she almost bumped into a tall figure in a dark waterproof coat.
A jolt of heat flashed through her all the way to her rubber flip-flops.
Noah.
He looked very tall and more than a little damp and every version of wonderful. And he was smiling at her. ‘Kate, I’m so glad I found you.’
She pressed a hand against the thumping in her chest. Her head spun dizzily. ‘How did you find me?’
‘I rang your moth
er. She was enormously helpful.’
Noah’s gaze dropped to the bracelet on her wrist, and the card, and his eyes glowed with heart-stopping warmth.
‘You kept the card all this time, Noah.’
‘Of course I kept it, but I’ve been such a fool.’ He reached out to touch the bracelet. ‘When I saw this and realised you’d gone, I knew I’d made the worst mistake of my life.’
‘Is that why you’ve come all this way?’
‘Yes. I was ready to go to England if I had to. We didn’t finish our conversation.’
She gave him a teary smile. ‘Should we get out of this rain.’
Threading his fingers through hers, he said, ‘We can go anywhere you like, as long as you don’t disappear again.’
Giant butterflies danced in her stomach as they went back along the path to her cabin. Noah discarded his coat and hung it in the porch.
‘You’re wet,’ he said, as if he’d only just noticed her damp state.
‘It doesn’t matter.’ Nothing mattered if Noah had come to her for all the right reasons.
He was wearing his customary long-sleeved shirt, blue jeans and riding boots and Kate, in a rain-splattered yellow sundress and flip-flops, thought he had never looked more wonderful. Her heart ached as she took in each dear, familiar, handsome detail of his face.
‘So you want to finish our conversation?’ she said in a voice that trembled.
‘I want to start a new conversation.’
Kate held her breath.
‘I can’t put my feelings into verse the way your lovely card did, but I love you, Kate.’ His face broke into a beautiful smile. ‘I mean it. Honestly. Even though I rattled on about not knowing how to love.’
‘You were very convincing,’ Kate said carefully. She’d suffered terribly in the last few days, and this abrupt transformation was hard to take in. ‘What changed, Noah? Did you remember that I can help you run Radnor, that I can be your business partner and look after Liv?’
A look of intense dismay came over him and he ran a distracted hand through his hair. ‘I already knew that. Hell, Kate, this is not about convenience.’
She swallowed and took an instinctive step back, but the room was too small and she bumped into the wall. Noah came closer, blocking her escape, and his hands came to rest on the wall on either side of her, trapping her.
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