Home On the Station/Noah & Kate/Daniel & Lily/Luke & Erin

by Barbara Hannay

  Poor Gracie suddenly looked uneasy. ‘It’s the old people, Missus. Old Sandy and Uncle Ben. They know the lore and they can see secret things. Sandy dreamed you would come back.’ She grinned shyly. ‘And here you are. Drinking coffee with me—instead of tea.’

  ‘And the coffee was lovely.’ Erin gave Gracie’s wrinkled brown cheek a kiss. ‘I’ll try to see you again before I leave.’

  ‘Afternoon, Gracie.’ Luke gave a brief dip of his head and then turned abruptly.

  Erin walked with him back to the main homestead, her mind buzzing. What did the old Aborigines mean? Did they believe that forces beyond her control were at work? That this return to Warrapinya was destiny? The idea both excited and alarmed her.

  ‘Don’t try to read too much into what Gracie told you.’

  She looked up to find a spark of amusement in Luke’s cool eyes.

  ‘You have to admit it’s uncanny, Luke. How could those old men know? Why would they dream about me?’

  He grinned slowly. ‘Sandy collects the mail and he knew that you’d written to me. Maybe the rest was wishful thinking.’

  Wishful thinking. Were there people on Warrapinya who wanted her to come back? It was a strangely stirring thought. An impossible thought. She couldn’t live here. Taking a deep breath, she said quickly, ‘I’m sorry Joey got a fright.’

  ‘Mommy!’ Joey’s voice called loudly from the veranda. And then he came running down the steps and zipping across the grass towards Erin. He hurled his arms around her waist, clinging tight. ‘I thought you’d gone already.’

  ‘No way.’ Wrapping her arms around him, she hugged him to her. ‘I was talking to Gracie. You know I’ll be here for two days.’

  Erin glanced towards Luke. She’d sensed a deeply brooding tension in him that had been brewing ever since they landed. She supposed he was regretting his invitation.

  To her surprise, Luke offered to accompany her and Joey when they wandered down to the stables to inspect the famous Raven. But he didn’t contribute to their conversation and kept at a distance, so she decided that he’d come merely to keep an eye on his son. Any awkwardness was covered by Joey, who bounced happily between the two of them, filling the gaps of uncomfortable silence with helpful chatter.

  After the stables, they walked to the bull paddock, because Joey had to show Erin Warrapinya’s massive prize Brahman bull and then they went, via the chicken run and the vegetable patch, down to the creek.

  Erin remembered the creek and the way it had been reduced to a mere trickle in the dry season only to regularly flood its banks in the wet. Today there was a moderate flow, a legacy from the previous summer’s rain, Luke told her.

  Shaded by gum trees and paperbarks, the water looked clear and pretty as it ran over smooth round stones. The banks were covered in soft green grass and at the water’s edge there were clumps of longer dark green reedy grass and broad flat rocks.

  ‘Let’s take a spell, Joey.’ Luke pointed to rocks that were perfect for sitting.

  There was a moment of hesitation when Joey realized his parents were going to sit on separate rocks but, to Erin’s relief, the boy came and sat with her, nestling close with his head pressed against her breast.

  The only sounds were the gentle ripple of the water and the bell-like calls and warbles of birds in the trees overhead. It would have been relaxing if she hadn’t been so tensely aware of Luke and the way he sat with his wide shoulders against a tree trunk and his hands resting loosely over bent knees, his cool gaze on her.

  ‘He’s nodded off,’ he said after some time, and she looked down to see that Joey had fallen asleep, nestled against her.

  She settled his head lower on to her lap and stroked his soft hair, pleased to see that the bump on his forehead was already much smaller. And she observed with a kind of detached interest her bare pink and white fingernails. Before they’d left Townsville she’d dashed to the beauty parlour opposite Luke’s apartment to have her nail varnish removed and her nails filed shorter so that her hands wouldn’t scream City Woman.

  She looked back at Luke. ‘I’m pleased you wouldn’t let Joey get back on that pony just yet,’ she said.

  He almost smiled. ‘Actually, I’m rather pleased he wanted to. There are plenty of kids who would balk at getting back on a horse after coming a cropper.’

  ‘Joey’s a gutsy kid,’ she replied, letting her motherly pride show. ‘And I guess he’s stubborn too.’ Cautiously, she added, ‘Like you.’

  Luke’s eyes widened just a little. ‘Maybe he’s stubborn like you,’ he said and he smiled slowly—a little sadly at first—but then more warmly so that his smile creased his handsome face and lit up his eyes in an intensely charming way that did terrible things to her insides.

  A breathless awareness of all that they’d lost hovered between them in the still afternoon air. The feeling filled Erin’s throat so that she had trouble breathing. She was remembering another afternoon when she and Luke had made love down here on the quiet creek bank. She remembered the incredible pleasure of Luke’s strong hands bringing her body to fiery life, remembered the heat of their longing, the breathless passion as they came together.

  And she knew with certainty that he was remembering it too.

  She felt so hot and confused that she found it safer to look down at Joey again.

  Eventually she said, ‘Joey’s had a big day, but if he sleeps too long now we’ll never get him to sleep tonight.’

  Luke stood. ‘I guess we’d better wake him.’

  ‘Hey, Joey.’ Erin shook the boy gently. ‘It’s time to go back.’

  Luke stepped on to their rock. Super-conscious of him, Erin stared at his brown leather riding boots and his blue jeans that seemed to go on for ever. And then his strongly muscled brown arms reached down and she felt the electric shock of his hands brushing her thighs as he scooped Joey from her lap.

  ‘Come on, little mate. I’ll give you a ride on my shoulders.’

  Joey smiled sleepily as Luke lifted him high and Erin scrambled to her feet, her heartbeats hammering madly.

  The sun was sinking fast as they walked back to the homestead, and Joey wasn’t inclined to talk much. Luke pointed out a group of wallabies grazing near a clump of wattle and he identified birds for Joey—a black falcon gliding in circles high overhead, a flock of pink and grey galahs skimming close above the treetops and a family of star finches busy in the grass.

  But while Luke was at ease and happy with Joey, he reverted to being formal and polite with Erin, and she wondered if she’d imagined the wonderful way he’d smiled at her down at the creek.

  After dinner that evening the boys commandeered Luke for a bedtime story and Jenny and Erin sorted out the kitchen.

  ‘The boys just adore Luke’s stories,’ Jenny said as she stacked the dishwasher while Erin attacked a baking dish with a scouring pad. ‘It’s a wonder they don’t have nightmares, though.’

  ‘Why?’ asked Erin. ‘Are the stories scary?’

  ‘Yes, but that’s what the boys want.’ Jenny laughed. ‘The scarier the better. You know the sort of thing—daring, edge-of-the-seat escapes from wild animals or bloodthirsty pirates.’

  Erin smiled. ‘Luke always had an interest in writing fiction, but he never seemed to have time for it. At least, not when I knew him.’ She paused in her scrubbing, remembering the day she’d met Luke in New York when he’d been on his way to meet an agent. She’d often wondered what had happened to his dreams of writing.

  Jenny’s eyebrows arched high with surprise. ‘Hasn’t Luke told you that he’s been writing again?’

  ‘No—no, I don’t think he’s mentioned it at all.’

  Jenny frowned thoughtfully as she closed the dishwasher door and then she stepped closer to the sink where Erin was working. Folding her arms across her chest, she leaned a hip against a cupboard door. ‘I know this is absolutely none of my business, Erin, but there’s no chance you two might give things another go, is there?’

  He
at flooded Erin’s face. ‘No chance at all. Why would you bother to ask?’

  Jenny looked embarrassed and shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Wishful thinking, I guess.’

  Erin worked hard at a black spot on the metal pan. ‘Joey’s having a wonderful time here. I’m dreading when he has to say goodbye to Luke at the end of this holiday.’

  ‘It’ll be harder for Luke. He’ll be losing both of you again.’ Jenny leaned closer. ‘You’ll rub your fingers to the bone before you get rid of that spot. It’s been there for years.’

  Erin stopped scrubbing and forced a half-choked laugh. ‘This black spot’s probably been there since I burnt the roast. Actually, I did that fairly regularly when I was first married.’

  She shouldn’t have said that. Suddenly the floodgates opened and she was swamped by another rush of memories. Pictures of herself in this kitchen.

  As she rinsed the pan and set it on the drainer she remembered the way Luke would come up behind her when she was working at this sink, the way he’d wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed the back of her neck. She remembered the cheeky suggestions he’d whisper to her and the way she’d flash hot and cold with excitement, and the way she used to lean back into him, relishing the reassurance of his arms about her and the protective shield of his body.

  And yet somehow, some-crazy-crazy-how, here in this room, in this house at Warrapinya, she’d let that perfect love and perfect marriage self-destruct.

  Drying her hands quickly, she tried to pull her thoughts away from that, but suddenly, without warning, her lower lip began to tremble violently.

  ‘Oh, honey.’ Jenny threw an arm about her shoulders and hugged her.

  Tears slipped down Erin’s face. ‘I didn’t think it would be so hard to be here with Luke again,’ she whispered.

  ‘I know, I know,’ Jenny said soothingly.

  Her sympathy was too much. Before Erin knew what was happening, she was weeping on Jenny’s shoulder, weeping for the memories of her marriage, and for the way Luke had looked at her today.

  But heavens, she mustn’t carry on like this. Jenny was Luke’s cousin—she didn’t want to be sobbed over. Screwing her face tight, Erin struggled to stem the tears. She forced her head up, sniffed loudly and took a deep breath.

  ‘Good grief,’ she said in a shaky whisper. ‘I don’t know where that came from.’

  ‘I do,’ said Jenny. ‘This reunion has knocked both you and Luke for six.’

  ‘We shouldn’t have waited so long,’ Erin said, and sighed. ‘Everything was so strained when the divorce went through. I took off. Luke wouldn’t talk. I guess it’s been hard for either of us to get over it, because there’s never been any—any sense of closure.’

  ‘Dare I suggest that’s because neither of you really wanted your relationship to end?’

  ‘Oh, no,’ said Erin quickly and then, with her hands pressed to her temples, she shook her head. ‘I don’t know any more. I feel so confused.’

  Stepping back a little, Jenny eyed Erin thoughtfully. ‘I’m no counsellor, but I’m sure you should try to have a really good talk with Luke before you leave.’

  ‘What about?’

  ‘That’s where I can’t help you, because I simply don’t know what you need to talk about, but I know Keith and I would have been divorced years ago if we didn’t get whatever bugged us out in the open.’

  ‘It’s too late for Luke and me to save our marriage,’ Erin said. ‘Joey’s my main concern now.’

  ‘Well, talk with Luke even if it’s only for Joey’s sake. After all, it’s usually the children who end up paying for the problems their parents don’t want to talk about.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Erin softly. ‘I’m afraid that’s very true.’

  Jenny glanced at the clock on the wall above the stove. ‘That bedtime story will be finished. I’d better go and say goodnight to the boys.’

  ‘Me, too. I promised Joey I’d tuck him in.’

  Jenny smiled gently. ‘You might want to wash your face first.’

  ‘Oh, yes.’

  As Jenny bustled off, Erin hurried to the bathroom, wet her face-cloth with cold water and pressed it to her eyes in a vain attempt to reduce the bright pink evidence of tears. Satisfied that it was reasonably effective, she went on to the boys’ sleep-out.

  Luke was just leaving and he gave her a curt nod. ‘Joey’s waiting for you.’

  Miffed by Luke’s tone, which hinted at mild reproach, she breezed past him and bestowed her warmest smile on her son as she sat on the edge of his bed.

  ‘How was your story tonight?’

  ‘Awesome,’ he said. ‘We had to escape from a tiger shark by swimming through an underground tunnel and then we had supper with mermaids.’

  ‘Oh, my gosh, that does sound exciting.’ She gave him a kiss and a cuddle. ‘Now sleep tight.’

  Her emotions were still running high as she stood looking at the row of beds with their blue blankets and blue and white striped sheets and pillowcases. The four little boys were all clean and sleepy and safely tucked in and she felt very mushy and motherly, as if she could kiss them all. But she knew small boys had a low tolerance for kisses from women who were not their mother.

  ‘Goodnight,’ she said and, as the chorus of goodnights faded, she switched off the light and left the room.

  The light in the passage outside had been turned out and she didn’t know where the switch was. Blinded momentarily, she had no choice but to find her way by stretching her hand and feeling along the timber panelled wall. Two thirds of the way down the hall her fingers touched a belt buckle. Denim. A man’s jeans.

  She jumped, snatching her hand away. ‘God, Luke, what are you doing here in the dark?’

  ‘Just making sure the boys settle down okay.’

  ‘Don’t you think I’m capable of settling them?’

  ‘Of course you’re capable,’ he said gently. ‘You’re a fabulous mother.’

  Adjusted to the darkness now, Erin could see his face—the heartbreakingly familiar planes and angles, the unsettling light in his eyes, and—oh, help—the shadows and curves of his lips.

  ‘You’ve always been very good at saying goodnight,’ he said and his voice was a lazy, silky rumble. She saw the same look in his eyes that she’d seen down at the creek and a dangerous heat stirred low inside her.

  She should keep walking.

  But she didn’t.

  ‘Erin,’ Luke breathed in a husky whisper.

  They stood touching close, trembling in the darkness and she couldn’t drag her eyes from him. He was staring at her. He was looking at her mouth and his intention was unmistakable. He wanted to kiss her. He was going to kiss her.

  Aching need rose through her, blanking out sensible thoughts. She wanted Luke’s kiss and her lips parted in breathless readiness.

  She couldn’t worry any more about whether this made sense. She didn’t want to think whether it was right or wrong. She just wanted it to happen.

  She wanted Luke to kiss her.

  Luke wanted to kiss her.

  Slowly, slowly, he was leaning closer.

  And she was melting towards him.

  He drew her into his embrace and his lips brushed her mouth in a tentative tease that sent flames licking deep. Ah, yes. She was parched earth desperate for rain.

  And then Luke settled his open mouth on hers and she sank helplessly into him—into his warm, soft, slow kiss.

  Five years. Five long years of separation and loneliness. So long she’d waited. Too long.

  ‘Erin,’ he whispered again, making her name sound beautiful, mysterious and special.

  I’m here, Luke. I’m here.

  She lifted her hands to his shoulders and they kissed deeply, tenderly, savouring each other, letting layer upon layer of memory unfold, so that this kiss felt like a part of every kiss they’d ever shared. Sweet. Hungry. Poignant. Fierce.

  Their need and urgency mounted. Erin’s hands slipped around Luke’s neck and next moment
Luke was crushing her mouth, moving his lips over hers with an aching desperation that sent her blood pounding.

  His hands slid over her, claiming her, moulding her shoulders, slipping down her sides to the curve of her hips, cupping her bottom, pulling her tightly against him, wringing a soft moan from her.

  He trailed kisses over her cheeks, her chin, her eyelids and then he returned hungrily to her mouth.

  She matched him kiss for breathless kiss. Everything about Luke felt so right. He had been right for her from the very first moment she’d seen him in Times Square when he’d laid claim to her heart and she’d felt he was her destiny. She’d known then that his arms were created to hold her. His lips were designed for hers. How on earth had she lost him?

  How on earth…

  Oh, God.

  Oh, dear God.

  She had lost Luke.

  She’d left him. They were divorced.

  And she should never have come back.

  Icy fingers of reality wrapped around her throat, choking her. What was she doing? What was Luke doing? How could they forget that this wasn’t right? This was a mistake. Madness. She struggled away from him.

  ‘Erin, come here.’ His hands reached for her waist.

  She ducked away. ‘No,’ she cried in a frantic whisper.

  He reached for her again.

  ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ she demanded.

  ‘You know exactly what I’m doing.’ He kept his voice low but it vibrated with impatience.

  ‘But we mustn’t.’ She knew she was overreacting, but she was scared, so scared of falling mindlessly into another huge mistake.

  ‘Why mustn’t we?’

  ‘Because—’ Breathless and shaking, Erin stared at him. She didn’t have an answer so she grabbed the first excuse that came into her head. ‘Because you’re simply trying to prove Joey wrong—that I don’t have a kissing phobia.’

  He swore softly. ‘And what if I am?’

  She cast a frantic glance down the darkened hallway. Were the boys asleep? She and Luke were whispering, but she would hate Joey to hear them. ‘You invited me here for two days, Luke. I came here for Joey’s sake, and you—’

  ‘I kissed you.’