“We have a song to rehearse. We need to focus on that.”
It pissed Chase off a little. Was she somehow trying to imply that he wasn’t serious about his music, or making this the best song ever? Since he didn’t want Kenzie—or anyone—to ever say that about him, Chase backed off a little. Fine. They’d rehearse. And they did.
They rehearsed tirelessly for the next few weeks, first just the two of them and Keith, trying out the different musical arrangements the producer wanted to explore with their song. And when they were all satisfied that the music was just right, they brought in a background vocalist to rehearse with, only for Keith to nix that plan after only one practice session. Chase was relieved. He wanted the song to be only about Kenzie and him. Their story. Raw, emotional, and from the heart.
Keith was a perfectionist, more so than any other producer Chase had ever worked with, and he brought out the best in them. On a couple of occasions, Chase wondered if they’d ever get it right, if the producer would be satisfied, and that made him dive in harder. Finally, Keith declared the song ready to record. They could hit the studio the very next day.
“Get some rest,” the producer said when they wrapped up the final rehearsal session. “Unwind, chill a little. Enjoy yourselves, but not too much. And be ready to go in the morning.”
Chase intended to follow the advice, but he didn’t want to unwind or chill alone. He’d spent the last two weeks with his own company, except for rehearsals, and he was getting tired of himself. He missed Kenzie. “Do you want to go somewhere?’” he asked, after Keith had left and they were alone in the studio where they’d rehearsed. “Grab some food, take a walk, maybe take in a little music?” He wouldn’t say no to return trip to the same honky tonk bar whose restroom they’d christened, but he sensed that was out of the question. Fine. He just wanted to spend a little time with her again.
She responded with a vehement shake of her head. “No, Chase. You heard what Keith said. We have a big day in the studio tomorrow. I need to relax, take a little break from the song.”
“Yeah, I do, too. That’s why I thought we’d go out, maybe listen to someone else’s music.” It seemed like a pretty good idea to him, but Kenzie let out an exasperated sigh.
“You don’t get it, do you, Chase? I thought I made it pretty clear, but I guess not. What part of ‘I don’t date. I don’t do relationships’ did you not understand?”Her tone wasn’t harsh, exactly, but there seemed to be a latent hostility to her statement.
“You said that, yeah. I just...” Just what? Chase searched for the right words. Words that weren’t overly presumptuous, and wouldn’t scare her away, but would make her realize that something had happened between them over the past three and a half weeks. Something he didn’t want to ignore or try to deny. “I thought perhaps you might be reconsidering that stance.”
“What? A few nights of really good sex, and you thought I’d be ready to go down that road again?” She laughed. “I can see all that platinum record success has gone to your head, but maybe you need to get over yourself.” Kenzie picked up her ukelele and her purse. “I’ll see you tomorrow in the recording studio. Don’t be late.”
So much for finding the right words. Chase made a fist with one hand and pounded it into his palm. Those were definitely not the right words.
***
Idiot. She was a freaking idiot, and Kenzie admitted as much when she met up with Annabeth after leaving the rehearsal session.
“You’re not an idiot,” her friend from rehab tried to reassure her. “You’re scared, which is completely natural after everything you’ve been through.”
“If you say so.” Kenzie stared down at the slice of pizza on her plate. It was pepperoni and sausage, with extra cheese, meaning it was a greasy and gooey mess, and fattening as heck. It also looked absolutely amazing. She picked it up and took a bite, enjoying everything about its greasy, fattening goodness. “He makes me feel things I never thought I’d ever feel again.” And that wasn’t even the whole truth. No, the truth was, Chase made her feel things she’d never felt before at all. For anyone. And that scared the crap out of her.
“Great,” Annabeth said. “So why aren’t you with him tonight? Why are you settling for me and that slice of pizza?”
“I’m not settling,” Kenzie insisted. “You’re a good friend, and I’ve been craving pizza.” It sounded good, anyway, right?
“In that case, thank you,” Annabeth said. “I consider you a good friend, too, and I always enjoy getting together with you.” She nodded in the direction of Kenzie’s now empty plate. “Are you going to have another slice?”
Was the first one gone already? It was, but Kenzie barely remembered eating it. And she was still hungry. “Yes, I am. Is that okay?”
Annabeth shrugged. “Fine with me. I’m having another, too. And while we eat, it might be a good time to remind you of some of the things we learned in treatment.”
Kenzie raised an eyebrow. She had a good idea where this was going. “Such as?”
Annabeth waved a hand in the air. “Oh, you know...that it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to experience different emotions, whether it’s lust, love, uncertainty, fear, or all of the above.” She reached for another slice of pizza from the tray on the table. “What’s not okay, what’s a recipe for disaster, or at least a ticket to relapse, is pretending you don’t have feelings when you really do, or avoiding those feelings because they make you uncomfortable. Or scared.”
Her tone was gentle, yet she still managed to trigger Kenzie’s defenses. “Thanks for the treatment summary.” She grabbed a slice of pizza. “Can I eat this now?”
“You sure can,” Annabeth said. “Eat as many as you want, and when we leave here, I’m going home with you.”
“Oh, great, you think I’m going to go puke it up,” Kenzie muttered.
“I hope not, but speaking as someone who has relapsed twice, I do think I know a little about the signs and triggers,” Annabeth said. “And you’re certainly giving off some warning signs.”
***
Instead of Kenzie, Chase settled for tossing back a couple of beers with Carey. It wasn’t the same, but he liked his manager and it beat spending the evening with his own company. He’d already done plenty of that the past couple weeks.
“So you’re ready to record this song tomorrow?”
Chase took a swallow of beer. “Sure am, and hopefully we can get it done in one take. Or maybe two.”
“With Keith Trainer? You think so, huh?” Carey’s laugh told Chase all he needed to know about that possibility. “You must be in a hurry to leave Nashville.”
“I guess.” The truth was, he wasn’t in a hurry to leave at all. But what was here for him? Kenzie had made it clear there wasn’t anything. “I came here to record a song, and I’m doing that. When I’m done, I’ll leave. Simple as that.” Except it wasn’t simple at all.
“Okay...and what about the awards show in Vegas?”
“What about it? Keith wants us to debut the song there, so we will. I’ll be there. A commitment is a commitment.” Why was this even an issue? “I’ll even wear cowboy boots and a damn Stetson, if someone wants me to,” Chase said.
“You?” There was the laugh again. “Boots and a Stetson?”
“Hey, I can hack it,” Chase said. “I’ve even learned to two-step since I’ve been here.”
Carey shook his head. “This I don’t believe.”
“Fine, but it’s true. I went out with Kenzie and she taught me to dance.” And it got us both so turned on, we ended up doing it in a bathroom stall. Yeah, probably better to leave that part out of the story.
Carey stared at his bottle as a frown etched on his face. “You and Kenzie, huh? I thought I warned you to tread carefully there.”
“You did, yeah. And I tried...”
“But?”
“But sometimes things just happen.” The words came out more defensively than Chase intended. “I wanted it, she wanted it...”
And now she apparently didn’t want it, but he still did. That left him with only one option. “Anyway, it’s done now. Over. As soon as we’re finished recording this song, I’m headed back to New England.”
“To do what?”
Try to forget that I came to Nashville to record a song and ended up falling in love. “Write new songs. Persuade Jordy to record again. Go back to rock ‘n roll. It’s my life, Carey. This...this was just a diversion.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Kenzie was grateful to Annabeth for staying the night, even if she didn’t think it was entirely necessary. Sure, she was a mess of emotions and feelings that she didn’t understand and was trying to ignore, but that didn’t mean she was going to binge and purge. No. She’d made way too much progress to go down that path again. She had too many positives in her life now, including the resurgence of her singing career. Because this song would mean a resurgence. Kenzie believed that. She could sense it.
She arrived at the Music Row recording studio to find Chase already there, relaxing in the lounge area with headphones on. He gave her a nod when she walked in the room.
“Hi,” she said.
He frowned and pulled the headphones off. “Did you say something?”
“Just ‘hi.’ I said ‘hi.”
“Oh, okay. Hi, yourself.” His tone wasn’t frosty, exactly, but it wasn’t warm, either. Not that Kenzie would blame Chase for being cold after the brush off she’d given him. She deserved it.
“What are you listening to?”
“An indie band called Continental Divide,” Chase said. “They opened for us on our tour last year.”
“Nice.” Kenzie walked over to the coffee pot and poured herself a cup. It wouldn’t have the flavor of gingerbread or hazelnut, like she preferred, but it was still coffee. “Does it relax you, listening to other people’s music?” She figured it must, since he’d suggested it to her yesterday. Was that how he’d ended up spending his evening, while she ate pizza and got a primer on relapse triggers from Annabeth?
Chase shrugged. “Sometimes, yeah. Not always.”
Okay, he definitely wasn’t a conversationalist this morning. Was it because of nerves, or because he was pissed off at her? Kenzie wanted to believe it was only the former, but she doubted it.
Fortunately, they were spared further awkward conversation when Keith came in the room with three other men, whom he introduced as the sound engineer, the mixer and the master-er. “Are you two ready to go?” the producer asked after the introductions were complete.
“I think so,” Kenzie said.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Chase agreed.
Keith nodded. “Good. We’ll get the click track down, then record the rhythms, followed by the harmonies and the melodies,” he explained. “Once we have all the tracks, and we’re happy with them, you two can be on your way, and these guys will work their magic and layer it all together into one incredible song.” He looked at Chase. “Carey tells me you’re anxious to head back east?”
“Yeah, I kinda am. I’ve got projects there that need my attention.”
“Then we’ll get this done. If any of your parts need re-recording, we can arrange for it to be done in a studio up there,” Keith said. “Heck, with our technology today, we could probably record this whole song without the two of you even being in a room together. I don’t want to do it that way, though. You guys have chemistry, and I want to be able to play off of that to enhance the feeling and emotion of the song.”
Kenzie only half-listened to the rest of the exchange. Her brain was too busy trying to process the first part. Chase was planning to leave Nashville, and from the sound of it, he couldn’t wait to go. Probably because she pushed him away. Good work, Kenzie. Way to make a mess of things as usual.
***
One or two takes? What a foolish thought that had been. If Keith was demanding in rehearsals, he was even more so when it came to recording. By noon, when lunch was delivered from a sandwich place down the block, it was obvious to Chase that there would be nothing fast about this recording session. The producer was true to his word, though, and they got it done in one day, even if it was a long day.
His obligations were satisfied, at least until the live performance. But that was still a month away. In the meantime, Chase was free to leave Nashville. Too bad it was the last thing he wanted to do. He took his time packing up all of his stuff, hoping maybe Kenzie would say the words he wanted to hear.
“So I guess this is it,” she said.
They were words, but not the ones he wanted. No, she was making it all sound very final, like she couldn’t wait for him to go, when all he wanted was for her to ask him to stay.
“I guess so, yeah. I talked to my bass player last night. He’s ready to get back to work,” Chase said. It was a lie, but Kenzie didn’t have to know that. Besides, Chase figured he could coax Jordy back pretty easily if he set his mind to it.
“Oh, that’s good for you, then.”
“Yeah, it’s definitely time.” Chase shuffled his feet and looked at the floor. Damn, this woman had sure managed to mess with his head and his heart. He’d come to Tennessee, brash and cocky, fully prepared to reject the producer’s pitch and be on his way. And now here he was, all but imploring Kenzie to ask him to stay.
“I understand,” was all she said. “Gotta get back to work.”
“Right.” Except he didn’t have to. Not at all. Chase could stay as long as he wanted, if he wanted. All he needed was a reason. “So, um, thanks for showing me around your city.”
“My pleasure,” Kenzie said. “Nashville’s an easy city to show off.”
The city. She was always quick to praise the city, yet she offered no kind words for the company she’d kept for the past few weeks. The man she’d all but begged to take her, right there in a dingy stall in the restroom of a honky tonk bar, and when Chase did just that, and made her come, she’d all but screamed his name, with little regard for whether they’d be caught. Great. One more blow, straight to the heart. Get out of here, Chase, before she brings out the dagger. He swung his satchel over his shoulder. “All right, I guess I’ll see you in Las Vegas.”
“Vegas?”
“The awards show, remember?”
“Oh, right. The ACMs. We’re singing our song. Sorry, I’m tired.”
“Yeah, me too. It was a long day.” So long that he should probably stay the night and catch a flight out in the morning, but Chase was increasingly anxious to leave. “Anyway, I guess I’ll see you around.”
One last chance, Kenzie. One last chance to ask me to stay.
She nodded and said simply, “Safe travels.”
There it was. The dagger. She couldn’t just let him down gently. No, she had to bring the dagger.
***
Coward. Coward. Coward. How many more chances, how many more openings, could he have possibly given her to ask him to stay? Yet Kenzie still couldn’t do it. Even as she watched him leave the studio and walk down the street, she’d opened her mouth to call after him. And no sound came out. It was like she’d lost her freaking voice.
Now Chase was gone, on his way back to New Hampshire and his band, probably ready to forget all about her. And who could blame him? She was a coward and an idiot.
Kenzie blinked back tears as she pulled out her phone and dialed her aunt. “Audrey, it’s me,” she said. “Is this a bad time?”
“There’s never a bad time for you, sugar.” Her aunt’s soft, Southern drawl was immediately comforting. “Is something wrong? Have you been crying?”
“No.” Kenzie sniffled. “Just allergies.”
“Mine always used to flare up this time of year, too,” Audrey said. “It’s been much better since I moved. Maybe you should come down to Florida.” It was the same request her aunt had been making for the past year and a half, ever since she left music behind and moved to Coral Gables with Eddie.
Every single time, Kenzie had said no, but now something changed. “That’s ex
actly why I called,” she said. “I need to get away for a little while. I thought I’d come see you.” She had to find something to occupy her time, and staying in Nashville would leave her with too many thoughts of Chase.
***
“I need to get to Boston,” Chase said, approaching the airline ticket counter. “As soon as possible.”
“Next flight to Boston’s not until tomorrow morning,” the agent said.
“Morning.” Exactly what he’d been afraid of when he’d hastily packed his belongings and rushed to the airport. “Are you sure there’s nothing else tonight? No red eye or anything?”
“No, I’m afraid not. The best I can do for you is Los Angeles. You might be able to catch a red eye from there, if you’re really that anxious to get out of here tonight.”
Los Angeles? It made no sense to go there first, then try to catch a flight to New England. It probably wouldn’t get him home much sooner than if he waited until morning to leave Nashville. But Chase didn’t want to spend another night in a city where all he’d be doing was missing Kenzie. No, the sooner he got out of Tennessee, the better. “Yes, I am. Go ahead and put me on the L.A. flight. I’ll figure out where to go from there.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Chase eventually made it to Boston, and then back to New Hampshire, but by a far more convoluted route than necessary, thanks to his desire to get the heck out of Nashville. At least he was back, though. It was time to get to work. He’d even gotten a start on lyrics to two songs during the flight. Okay, so they were lyrics about finding love and then losing it. Whatever. He was known for being brooding, anyway, so these would totally fit. Now Chase just had to get Jordy back into the fold. So far his bass player wasn’t responding to messages, which did nothing to improve Chase’s mood. Was everyone shunning him now?
Instead of going straight home, he went by Colin’s house first. Taylor answered the door, holding her son on her hip. “Chase, you look like hell.”
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