The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible
Page 40
uncommon literal interpretation of, 19
see also fertility; pregnancy; twins
Bennett, Roger, 35-36
AJ advised on surrendering control by, 36
Bentley, Wes, 153
Berkowitz, Mr. (Bill), 268
AJ chided for missing prayers by, 250
AJ's alarming lies to, 53-54 doing commandments loved by, 250-51
guided through a properly devout day by, 141-44
learning how to separate a mother pigeon from her egg with, 184, 185-88
offering (potentially) nonkosher water to, 140-41
ready-made rituals favored by, 148 on rights vs. responsibilities, 251 shatnez testing demonstrated by, 23-25, 36
shofar lessons also given by, 206 spiritual questions fielded by, 24-25, 203
as totally religious (doesn't
straddle both worlds), 68
bestiality, 91, 135
Bible:
alcohol-friendly theology sought in, 231-33
apocalypse sections of, 190-92 atheist's confrontational approach to, 97
authorship issues of, 200-201 baffling and federally outlawed rules of, 8; see also Most Perplexing Rules; rules, biblical circumcision a huge part of, 319 "clobbered" antigay passages in, 266-67
committing idolatry in, 328-29 December holidays not
conspicuous in, 121
dysfunctional father-son stories in, 230
an estimated three thousand versions of, 9, 335
fundamentalism vs. modernism on, 67
as history's most mistranslated text, 70-71; see also
mistranslations, biblical importance vs. unworthiness of humans in, 107-8
Jubilee year of, 63-65, 262
living and dying alone not a major theme in, 322
more than seven hundred rules found in, 8
needy aided through financial laws of, 63
Bible (cont.)
passages to be remembered in, 149 references to the poor in, 270-71 serving God, not self-help, as the
point of, 208
sheep and shepherd references in,
211
as snapshot of something divine,
328
status-quo vs. liberation motif in,
284
weights and measures a significant
topic in, 230
Wikipedia compared with, 200 wisdom and barbarism of, 93 see also Hebrew Bible; New
Testament; Old Testament;
Torah; specific books
Bible for Dummies, The, 9
"Bible Is Pro-Choice, The," 309 Bible project, 14
cognitive-dissonance strategy in,
21, 256, 335
conceiving of, 1-7
God's approval sought for, 80 Julie informed about, 7
mental breakdown feared in final
stretch of, 313
near-universal worries about, 7 Perez-Zerah story as metaphor of,
315-16
preparing groundwork for, 7-13 pretending vs. being a better
person in, 324, 327
settling on Bible version for, 8-9 as a solitary mission,
paradoxically, 213
splitting up the testaments in,
10-11
uncontrolled joy at end of
controlled experiment, 326 Bibles, 14
for easily embarrassed subway
riders, 9, 29
inadvertently pilfered ex
girlfriend's Revised Standard
Version of, 7-8, 235
King James Version of (1611), 8,
58-59, 99, 340
return of inadvertently pilfered
ex-girlfriend's Revised
Standard Version of, 332 statistics on, 335
waterproof (for diluvian events), 9 biblical astronomers, 63
biblical library, orderly classification
of AJ's books in, 292
biblical literalism:
in Bible project, 3-7, 119, 289-90 body parts potentially lost to, 10,
289-90
in disciplining, 40
in evangelical Christianity, 11, 56,
253, 257, 262-63, 265
extremely brief history of, 71,
336-37
in the Jacob and Esau story,
238-40
logos vs. mythos in, 277, 336 miraculous events and, 276-77 "original intent" sought as test
for, 10
of Passover seders, 233-36
picking and choosing in, see
cafeteria religion
pointed and amusing critiques of,
201-3
potential risks in, 9-10
pro-choice and pro-life claims of
support in, 308-9
of Red-letter Christians, 270 Samaritan-style, 216
of the ultimate type, 294-99 U.S. policies shaped by, 6
Big Love, 136
binding:
of commandments, 35, 149,
197-98
of Isaac in near sacrifice, 197 of money to hand, 197
see also tefillin
bird-headed humans, image makers'
loophole found in, 105-6 bird's nest ritual, 150, 185-88
getting the mother to take off in,
187
how God might look upon this
arcane exercise, 188
kosher bird required for (urban
pigeons qualify), 186
birds you can't eat, 170, 307
birthdays, ignored by Witnesses,
75-76
Blair, Ralph:
Bible's allegedly antigay passages
parsed by, 266-67
at Bob Jones U., 266
gay evangelical study group
conducted by, 264-68, 269 pleasingly shrinkish looks of, 264 Blake, William, on biblical
ambiguities, 309
blasphemers, blasphemy, 281
capital punishment for, 10, 91,
156, 293
blessings:
mixed, twins as, 159
for obedience to God, 113
Bob Jones University, 266
Bob the Builder, 78
body parts, missing, 10, 289-90 Bono, Jubilee movement given boost
at NPB by, 65
Book TV (C-Span), 151-52
Borg, Marcus, 284, 336, 337, 338 on "natural literalists," 67
on prophetic acts, 88
Borowski, Oded, on primitive tefillin,
198
Bossman, David, on biblical-era
groupiness, 213
Boteach, Shmuley (third most famous
Orthodox Jew), 162, 165 Bourdain, Anthony, highly rated on
AJ's coveting list, 81
Boyd, Gregory, 271-72, 340
brontosauruses, juvenile but orderly,
59-60
Brown, Dan, 256, 340
Brown University, 91, 142
Bruckheimer, Jerry, 191
Bryan, William Jennings, 61-62 Darrow's exchange with, 62
BUFF (Brothers United for Future
Foreskins), 318
Bugs Bunny, creationist blacklisting
of, 61
Bullock, Clyde, "The Rod" formerly sold by, 40
Bush, George W., 124, 297
cafeteria religion, 4, 6, 327-29
AJ's version of, 329
extending the metaphor of, 327-28 as picking and choosing, 4, 6, 50,
203, 223, 327
Cain and Abel, vegetarian fellowship of, 307
Calvin, John, 105
Campolo, Tony, 67, 269, 290
on not keeping your millions, 271
Canaanites, God-approved genocide against, 245
capital punishment, biblical, 245, 246 for adultery, 4, 91-94, 293
for being bad, 91
for bestiality, 91
for blasphemy, 10, 91, 156, 293 for hitting parents, 277, 278 for homosexuality, 10, 293
for incest, Sabbath breaking, and shiftlessness, 91
Catholic Church, Catholicism:
/> biblical interpretation in, 70 coveted rituals of, 255
Deuterocanonical works in, 337 IVF denounced by, 116-17, 337 Old Testament version of, 335 stance on polygamy of, 137-38
celibacy, as first choice of the holy, 134, 286
Central Park (West Side of), 300 elderly adulterer stoned by
Esquire editor in, 92-93
ex-uncle as onetime moveless guru of, 101-2
Chariots of Fire, 38
Charity Navigator website, 38
Chasid Shote (righteous idiot), 119
chickens, ritual, 160-65, 327
above-the-head twirl of, 164 best way to grab hold of, 163-64 gender-oriented division of, 163 painless dispatch and final
destination of, 162, 164-65, 338 see also kaparot
choice, restrictions on, 141-44, 268, 332 Chris (Bible salesman), 9
Christian Bible, see New Testament; specific books
Christian literalists:
Bible's figurative language acknowledged by, 62
conservative politics of, 67
doctrinal gradations of, 11, 63 Jewish method of exegesis vs., 253 in Scopes "monkey trial," 61-62 see also biblical literalism; creationism; Creationist Museum; fundamentalists
Christian right, 262, 293
Christians, Christianity:
"Cafeteria," 327
effect of creationism on, 56 "moral" vs. "ritual laws"
distinguished by, 48, 255 Old Testament relevance as viewed among, 254
original intent in biblical
interpretation of, 66
polygamy in, 135-38
traditional laws and observances discontinued by, 12, 47-48
Christians, conservative, 59, 67 AJ's undertaking baffling to, 12
Christian Scientists, 76
"Christian" tattoo parlors, 48
Christmas:
Bible not informative about, 121 Witnesses' ignoring of, 75, 121
Chronicles, Second Book of, on yielding to the Lord, 35
Church of God with Signs Following, 295-99
Christian literalism and
spontaneity in, 297-99
copperhead handled and returned to its box in, 280, 298-99 hypnotic effects of, 298
speaking in tongues at, 298 the strange is made familiar in, 299
Church of the Holy Sepulchre, 227
circumcision:
as AJ's heritage, 321
biblical importance of, 319-20 demands for reversal of, 317-18 of Jacobs boys, 317-21
on list of Most Perplexing Rules, 319
medical benefits seen in, 318 primitivity and tradition of, 320-21
sensation reportedly blunted by, 318
CleanFlicks, 131, 132, 286
ClearPlay, list of sins and sexual modalities downloaded from, 131-32
Clooney, George, bloviater's cadenza on, 100, 100
clothes:
with accessories, for field work, 92
for Adam and Eve, 41
all white, see white garments of Amish, 31
of ex-uncle Gil, 102, 103
forbidden, see forbidden clothes in gay stereotype, 265
how they make the man, 122-23 for P. Diddy's birthday, 123 respectfulness as AJ's new standard in, 28-29
for seders, 234
wearing tassels on corners of, 6, 17, 88, 92, 122, 142, 180, 192 worries about mixed fibers in, see shatnez
cognitive dissonance, 21, 256, 335
Complete Idiot's Guide to the Bible, The, 9
computers, biblical permissibility of, 15, 47
conception:
ancients preoccupied with, 19 in IVF, 116-18
see also being fruitful and
multiplying; fertility;
pregnancy
confession, prayers of, 95
Constitution, U.S., finding original intent of, 65-66
Coral Ridge Hour, The, 72
Corinthians, First Epistle to:
on covering of women's heads, 30 on hair length, 181
on love recording no wrongs, 273 women in church admonished to keep silent by, 328
coveting, 195, 203, 227
of charity CEOs, 38
a few things worthy of, 26
finer points of, 27, 336
Covington, Dennis, on serpent handlers, 294
cows:
in biblical times, 173
kosher issues when cheese is made from enzyme in stomachs of, 69
purification by one that is red and perfect, 188; see also red heifer unsolved murder as occasion for breaking neck of, 20
cow's milk, goat's milk as
replacement of, 173
creationism, 56-63, 200, 277
on age of earth, 58, 107-8
astonishing mental gymnastics of, 60
far-right fundamentalists in, 11 feeling of being less inconsequential taught by, 107-8
meaning of "day" in, 58
moderation in, 63
on racism, 59
Creationist Museum, 44, 56-63, 166, 258
astrophysicist of, 60
awesome lobby of, 57
pop culture monitored at, 61
Crocodile Dundee (movie), 58
Crown Heights:
eighteenth-century life still seen in, 162
experiencing kaparot in, 160-65 subway to Hasidim of, 84
why bottled water is a winner in, 140
see also Hasidic Jews
cud-chewing debate, 59
Daily Life in Biblical Times (Borowski), 198, 302 Daly City, Calif., Karaites living in, 69 dancing:
with Hasidim, 84-86, 214, 326 of King David, uptight wife's illfated reaction to, 84, 326 at Natalia's bat mitzvah, 325-26
Daniel, Book of, on God protecting the nearly martyred faithful, 77
Darfur, aid to, 11, 38, 59, 327
Darrow, Clarence, 62
Darwin, Charles:
AJ's unforgettable factoid about, 56
Noah's ark in disconnect with theory of, 67
David, King, 147, 200, 211
Absalom and, 188-89, 230
harps inspired by, 168
Nathan's parable on Bathsheba and Uriah heard by, 195
progeny of, 159
rock hurling learned while
shepherding by, 212
wardrobe malfunction during dance of, 84, 326
wives of, 84, 135, 137
David, Larry, 36
David (cousin), 117
David (Esquire colleague), 70-71 David (friend), 13, 132
David (Israeli) tithing tried on, 214-15
David (Julie's friend), 197
Da Vinci Code, The (Brown), 256, 340 Davis, Kenneth C., 335
Dawkins, Richard, 98, 305
Dawson, Rosario, interview with, 131, 133
Dead Sea Scrolls, 66