by Fiona Wood
Heart racing, she opened her hand. The vial was gone. Misplaced. Disappeared. On her chair. On the floor. Up her sleeve.
Who cared?
The wind screeched and pushed at the windowpanes.
The deed was done.
She walked stiffly the few dark steps across to her bed, fell back onto her pillow, still dressed, and went to sleep crying silent hot tears, in the miserable consciousness of believing the unbelievable, and clenched against the effects of the unwished wish.
chapter 52
The morning leaked through her window, poisonous and grey.
Fruit and yoghurt. Toast and Vegemite. Despite the bleak new world to which she had woken, it lifted her spirits to see her mother looking better – lighter. A little smile hovered where usually her customary look was – what was it, exactly? Something more like resignation.
‘So, Ma . . .’
‘Vân Ước.’
‘You were already asleep when I came in?’
‘Yes, I slept well.’
‘Has something happened?’
Her mother was really smiling now. ‘Last night I spoke to my sister, Hoa Nhung.’
‘What?’
‘Yes. I called her on the telephone.’
‘Fantastic! That’s – I’m so happy.’
‘We spoke for a long time.’
‘Did you speak about . . .?’
Her mother nodded. ‘She saw things differently. She was very pleased that I had not been taken, on the boat. She felt proud to protect me. She knew she’d saved me. And she used that feeling – of strength – to help heal.’
Vân Ước had always felt the shadow of sadness and guilt for the things, unspoken until now, that her mother suffered. Her mother had felt sad and guilty about her sister’s suffering. And about leaving her own mother. No doubt her grandmother felt sad and guilty for sending her daughters away, not really knowing they’d be safe, just hoping. Guilty, too, perhaps, about leaving her own family when she married, to look for better fortune and a new life in the city. How far did it go back? Was it her job to break this chain?
Might things change now the story had been told?
A secret like that might shut you off.
A secret like that might turn you inwards.
A secret like that might stop you from being able to hug your own daughter.
She picked up her lunch, and gave her mother a quick hug. ‘Bye, Ma. I’m so glad you called my auntie. This is a great step. Do you think she might come and visit us?’
She was ready to talk about it for as long as her mother wanted to. But her mother just smiled and turned her gently away, in the direction of the door.
‘Study hard, con. We can talk some more after school.’
As the lift shuddered to the ground floor, she tried not to think of Billy, tried to remind herself that things were okay in the universe at large. Or, at least, in certain small parts of the universe at large. Sure, she had a pulverised heart. True, she had nothing to look forward to, other than the better part of two years of being, once again, ignored by Billy.
But on the upside, she’d started being proper friends with Lou and Michael.
And things were definitely, finally, looking better for her mother. After all that time, some comfort, some truth, some connection.
But, still, it didn’t take away the lump in her throat that felt like a stone.
She stepped outside into the cool fingers of autumn, into day one.
Today, this very day, would be the worst day; day two – that’d be bad too, really, really bad, but just a smidge less bad than day one.
She took a firm breath, instructing tears to stay inside.
The number of days it would take before her affection for Billy diminished would surely exceed those left between now and when school finished next year.
She looked up from the path, and headed for the gate.
She blinked. Twice. And again.
A tall, handsome boy with messy blond hair, wearing a Crowthorne Grammar tracksuit, was hurrying towards her.
‘You’re here.’
Billy put a casual arm around her shoulder, but it wasn’t enough; he looked at her, eyes still shiny with all they’d shared last night, and enfolded her and her backpack into a proper hug, as though he couldn’t get close enough.
It was as though he still liked her despite the unwish.
Or, to put it another way: he still liked her?!
Her heart rate doubled and redoubled. He released her, lifted her hand and kissed the inside of her palm.
‘Of course I’m here. We said we’d walk together. How would it be fair for me to deprive you of my company for longer than necessary?’
She did her best to look stern. ‘Well, for cool native impudence, and pure innate pride, you haven’t your equal,’ she said, calmly enough, though her heart was crazy-pounding . . . I stopped, feeling it would not do to risk a long sentence, for my voice was not quite under command.
Billy recognised that the quote was from Jane Eyre. ‘Remind me – in this exchange, am I Jane or Mr Rochester?’
‘You’re Jane.’
‘Okay. Just so we’re straight on that.’
Once upon a long time ago she believed in magic.
But this was looking like a simple case of a girl who liked a boy who liked her back. And a wish that came true, because – sometimes they do.
They stopped on the bridge and as she turned him around to face her, resting her hands on his shoulders and leaning up to open her lips against the lips of Billy Gardiner, she thought, with a satisfied sigh, Reader, I kissed him.
The Beginning.
Acknowledgements
Heartfelt thanks to James Adams, Thanh Bùi, Susin Chow, Kaz Cooke, Claire Craig and the Pan Macmillan team, Cath Crowley, Katelyn Detweiler, Sarah Griffiths, Jill Grinberg, Margaret Gurry, Jeremy Hetzel, Simmone Howell, Farrin Jacobs, Julie Landvogt, Ali Lavau, Olivia McCombe, Giulia McGauran, Monica McGauran, Iola Mathews, Reba Nelson, Diễm Nguyễn, Như-Quỳnh Nguyễn, Cheryl Pientka, Lisa Hop Tran, Vicky Tu, Libby Turner, Michael Wicks, Jamie Wood, Zoe Wood, George Wood.
Thanks to Creative Victoria, and to Writers Victoria and the National Trust for Glenfern Writers’ Studios.
About Fiona Wood
Fiona Wood’s first young adult novel, Six Impossible Things, was shortlisted for the Children’s Book Council of Australia (CBCA) Book of the Year, Older Readers. Her second, Wildlife, won the CBCA Book of the Year, Older Readers and was shortlisted for a number of other awards. Her books are published internationally. Before writing YA fiction, Fiona wrote television scripts. She lives in Melbourne with her family.
www.fionawood.com
Also by Fiona Wood
Six Impossible Things
Wildlife
Fiona Wood
Six Impossible Things
I saw Estelle for the first time that day.
She stopped outside our place and stared up into the bare branches of the footpath plane tree. First checking there was no one nearby she turned slowly around and around and around, framing her view of the twig-snaggled sky with a hand held to her eye.
Then she walked into the house next door, half-dizzy, smiling, and carrying my heart.
There’s this sky she likes.
Fourteen year old nerd-boy Dan Cereill is not quite coping with a reversal of family fortune, moving house, new school hell, a mother with a failing wedding cake business, a just-out gay dad, and an impossible crush on the girl next door. His life is a mess, but for now he’s narrowed it down to just six impossible things . . .
‘Dan Cereill is an odd sock and an absolute sweetheart. His journey thought the joys and stings of first love, suburbia, humiliation and reinvention will make you smile and cheer for the underdog. It’s impossible not to l
ove this book!’
Simmone Howell, Everything Beautiful
Praise for Six Impossible Things
‘. . . sparkles with humour and the crazy-brave feeling of discovering love and adventure at 14.’
Herald Sun Weekend
‘This is a sparkling debut . . . Wood deftly flips and humorously twists the pains and pressures of family imbroglios. She is one to watch.’
Weekend Australian
‘This is a sprawling novel full of literary references, quick-witted dialogue and memorable characters. Unmissable.’
The Age
‘****. A great read.”
Good Reading
‘This novel is so charming . . . a modern-day fairytale that’s neither too sweet nor too dark.’
Better Homes & Gardens Magazine
Fiona Wood
Wildlife
Life? It’s simple: be true to yourself.
The tricky part is finding out exactly who you are . . .
In the holidays before the dreaded term at Crowthorne Grammar’s outdoor education camp two things out of the ordinary happened.
A picture of me was plastered all over a twenty-metre billboard.
And I kissed Ben Capaldi.
Boarding for a term in the wilderness, sixteen-year-old Sibylla expects the gruesome outdoor education program – but friendship complications, and love that goes wrong? They’re extra-curricula.
Enter Lou from Six Impossible Things – the reluctant new girl for this term in the great outdoors. Fragile behind an implacable mask, she is grieving a death that occurred almost a year ago. Despite herself, Lou becomes intrigued by the unfolding drama between her housemates Sibylla and Holly, and has to decide whether to end her self-imposed detachment and join the fray.
And as Sibylla confronts a tangle of betrayal, she needs to renegotiate everything she thought she knew about surviving in the wild.
A story about first love, friendship and NOT fitting in.
'A beautifully crafted novel with achingly real characters that I couldn't get out of my head.'
Melina Marchetta
Praise for Wildlife
‘Enchanting . . . Wood tackles the big themes head-on: identity, friendship, justice, love, death. Her characters are all compelling and believable . . .’
New York Times Book Review
‘Relationship dynamics and the shock of death are explored with heart, but most refreshing is the rational way in which teen sex is treated.’
The Age, Spectrum
‘. . . Wood’s writing is contemporary cool. The writing style has the lucidity and economy of a verse novel, but one set in prose.’
Weekend Australian
‘Wood has captured real teen emotion and soul while conveying positive messages about dealing with the stuff of life – friendship, betrayal, love, loss and sex.’
Reading Time
‘Wood’s understanding of teenage voice shines in this dual account of unlikely friendship. Fresh, funny, and heartbreaking . . .’
VOYA (starred review)
‘With exceptional candor, honesty, and nuance, Wood tells a heartening and compelling story of the importance of agency, self-confidence, and true friendship.’
Booklist (starred review)
First published 2015 in Macmillan by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Ltd
1 Market Street, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia, 2000
Copyright © Fiona Wood 2015
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
All rights reserved. This publication (or any part of it) may not be reproduced or transmitted, copied, stored, distributed or otherwise made available by any person or entity (including Google, Amazon or similar organisations), in any form (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical) or by any means (photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise) without prior written permission from the publisher.
This ebook may not include illustrations and/or photographs that may have been in the print edition.
Cataloguing-in-Publication entry is available
from the National Library of Australia
http://catalogue.nla.gov.au
EPUB format: 9781743539859
Typeset by Post Pre-press Group
Cover design: Sandy Cull, gogo:Gingko
Cover images: Getty Images, Shutterstock
The characters in this book are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons,
living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Love talking about books?
Find Pan Macmillan Australia online to read more about all our books and to buy both print and ebooks. You will also find features, author interviews and news of any author events.