by Zoe Dawson
Chapter Three
Rory
I watched Savannah go and knew that Boone was quite aware of what had been going on here. One look at her flushed face and kiss-swollen lips gave it away, no matter how casual she’d been.
The minute Boone heard the door close downstairs, all that power turned on me, and he shoved me hard against the wall. My head slammed back, connecting, and I welcomed the pain, even as the room spun a bit.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he yelled. Brax, who didn’t know her that well, had already warned me off, but this overprotective Outlaw was ready and willing to kick my ass. I hoped he didn’t try. I didn’t want to hurt him.
“Just exactly what you think I’m doing, Boone,” I taunted. Maybe it would be better if he kicked my ass. I thought I deserved it, and it looked like he agreed with me.
He glared at me, and his eyes narrowed to a dark, tormented blue.
“If you hurt her, I swear, friend of my brother-in-law or not, I’ll break you.”
I already felt broken. Boone was a guy and understood exactly what I wanted. But he didn’t know the depths of my needs and appetites.
I closed my eyes and he retreated. When I opened them he was pacing, his fists clenched. “Look, I don’t normally do that. But, she’s special. Really special, Rory. You get that?”
I met his eyes and felt ashamed of the way I was thinking about her, but I couldn’t stop myself. It was part of me. What I needed.
I sank down the wall into a crouch, my jeans tightening over my thighs. I leaned my head back. “I get it. I already warned her off. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t have much control around her, and she has a mind of her own.”
“Geezus. I know a girl just like that, and I had sex with her without knowing it, fathered a son without knowing it, and married her. Sometimes I wonder what else I don’t know.”
I laughed. “Shit, man. I guess it works out for some of us.”
“Rory, just be careful. Her momma—”
“I already know, and I promise I won’t initiate anything. But, Boone, I can’t control—or resist—Savannah.”
He huffed out a hard breath. “I’ll talk to River Pearl. She’s close friends with her.”
“Don’t get River involved. Dammit, Boone. She will kick my ass. Just leave it.”
“All right. I will. And, I hear you. Just be smart.”
“That’s easy for you to say.”
“I feel your pain. I had a headstrong woman after me, and I couldn’t fight it either.” He ran his hand over his hair. “You better get going. Brax needs you.”
After I quickly changed my paint-spattered pants, I walked out with him, and as he got into his truck, he said, “For what it’s worth, I respect you, Rory.”
“That is worth a great deal, Boone. Thank you.”
He nodded, and as he drove away, I shrugged into my T-shirt and pulled the keys out of my pocket. I knew Brax was waiting, but I turned around and surveyed the front of the building. She’d done this for me. For me. There went my heart again, beating and melting and wanting. I slipped into the car and drove towards Outlaws.
#
Savannah
I walked into the house and someone grabbed me from behind and swung me around, and before I could even catch my breath, his mouth was on mine. I forced myself to kiss him back. As we parted he looked down into my eyes with such happiness, it made my heart ache. Here I had just been kissing another man. It wasn’t exactly behind his back, because I hadn’t made up my mind about Gray, and he knew it. It was what my family wanted, but I still felt confused. My feelings for Gray were tangled up with my need to discover for myself what I wanted.
“Gray, you startled the hell out of me,” I said. My momma was giving me a narrow-eyed glare from the doorway. It was also clear she’d seen my reaction.
“I had a few days off, so I came early. Aren’t you glad to see me?”
“Of course,” I said plastering on a smile. “It’s just that I’m all sweaty from work. Let me get changed and I’ll be right down.”
I backed up and retreated to my room. A lot of people had flings before they settled down. I told myself that exploring a hot, purely sexual relationship with Rory was okay. Men did it all the time. Sowed their wild oats. I tried to convince myself that I had no emotion tied up in Rory Finnegan.
I was aware that Rory was interested in sex. I had to accept that he might not want to engage in anything more with me. Gray didn’t have to know what I was doing. I had a right to find out for myself what I wanted.
“What was that all about downstairs?”
I tensed, every muscle rebelling about my momma once again getting into my life like it was her own. I turned around and said, “Please. Let me handle my own life. I think I know what I want.”
“No you don’t. You want to throw away a good, solid relationship for a little sexy danger with that…that…tattoo artist bartender. Antique store my sweet rump. Really, Savannah. He is—”
“A decorated Marine. He put his life on the line for us, Momma. For his country. Now he just wants to open up his own business and live. He has that right.”
“Not with my daughter. That’s not what you were made for, Savannah.”
“Ohmigod. If he is my choice, will that change who I am in your eyes?”
“You are not going to make him your choice. Are you?” There was real panic in her voice.
“No. He’s not exactly chasing me. He’s keeping his distance.” It was true. Even during the kiss I could feel he was trying to hold onto his control.
Checking the slim gold watch she wore, she delicately smoothed the wrinkles from her skirt, sighing in relief. “Dress up for dinner, Savannah. Don’t push me on this. Be the proper lady I brought you up to be. This planting and growing nonsense has to stop.”
“Growing,” I muttered under my breath. “That was the whole problem wasn’t it? She didn’t want me to grow out of her fantasy-spun illusions when I was a little girl. I wasn’t a little girl anymore.
“What did you say?”
“Nothin,” I said. She gave me one of those momma I’m-watching-you looks. She turned on her heel and sashayed out of the room. I sat down on the bed and closed my eyes. I could see that this was going to be a battle, and all I wanted to do was march out of the house and do what I wanted. But she was my momma, and I had to respect her because of that.
I dressed up in a pretty pink dress that showed off my shoulders and cinched in at my waist. I put on the heels and did my hair. Then I went downstairs and let Gray flatter and flirt with me. By the end of the night I was sick inside. I didn’t really know who I was anymore.
I felt impotent and beaten at the sight of my momma’s happiness, her smug victory. If I wasn’t such a coward, I would shout how much I hated all the pretense and the airs. But, like it or not, I had been born into this life, and it was my legacy. If my momma had her way, the torch would pass to me and Gray with our 2.5 kids and our future fairy-tale life.
My momma actually believed this was a phase, an adolescent rebellion, and that I would settle down and do my duty.
After Gray left, I retreated to my room, and this time I locked the door. My momma came by and tried the doorknob, but I just said, “Goodnight.”
Three days passed, and I went out with Gray every single night. Tried to forget about Rory and accept that no matter how much I wanted my life to change, it wouldn’t. When Gray wanted to go to Outlaws, I went with him. Rory was at the bar, and he saw us come in. I felt numb and insubstantial while I danced with Gray, and tried with all my willpower not to look at Rory.
When Gray got caught up with some of his friends, I went outside to get some air. The rain had stopped, and everything was damp and fragrant and glistening. Rory was walking to his car, and before I could stop my feet, I raced over to him. “Rory.”
He stopped and turned around. “Savannah. Go back inside.”
He went to jam his key into the lock, a
nd I grabbed his arm and dragged him behind Outlaw’s. “Did Boone hurt you? He’s like a big brother to me.”
He laughed harshly. “He shoved me. He was pissed, but he didn’t hurt me. He told me he’d break me if I hurt you.”
“I’ll talk to him.”
He slid his hands up my arms and clasped them, shaking me a little. Hauling in a ragged breath, his agitation was clear. “No, Savannah. This is a disaster waiting to happen. You were doing so well. You didn’t even look at me all night.”
His words were tinged with hurt, and that made my heart ache. “You’d only know that if you were looking at me. All night I wanted to be with you instead. Can’t you see that?”
His hands gentled and he closed his eyes, the war with himself was clear and it only intensified my wanting. Winding my arms around his neck, I tucked my head under the curve of his jaw, letting my breath go as his strength, warmth and solidness enveloped me. “This is really hard, Rory, so don’t make it harder.”
Surprisingly, he held me for several moments as if he didn’t have the willpower to push me away. Finally, I let go and he cupped my jaw. My pulse went haywire, desperation coursing through me. He exhaled slowly, and said, “I’m trying not to. I get it. Your family has expectations, and you already have plans. He looks like a fine, upstanding citizen.”
I would almost believe from the cold look on his face that he really meant what he said, except there was pain and heat in his voice, and his jaw was clenched. Something that had been tight inside me loosened, and I couldn’t fight the emotion running rampant through me.
I pressed against him again and he made a soft sound, his arms going around me. “He is, but that’s not the point. You said you wanted me.”
He made another soft sound, one of reproach. “I shouldn’t have. I was wrong to even touch you. I know better.”
I breathed in his scent and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Why do you say that? Why do you think you don’t deserve my attention? Because of my age?”
His arms tightened. “That, and other things.”
He avoided my eyes and there was something so…vulnerable there. This was a man who had fought life and death battles. A battle-hardened veteran, and he seemed so strong and balanced. What could put that kind of look in his eyes? The need to comfort him, listen to him and find out every detail burned in me, feeding my hunger for him. “Rory. What things?”
“Savannah?”
The sound of Gray’s voice made me crazy and I clenched my fists in Rory’s shirt as he pulled away. “Rory, I just want to get to know you. Gray and I…ever since I saw you, I’ve been confused. I haven’t been this way before.”
“It’s just hormones,” he snapped.
“Savannah!”
“Go,” he pleaded. “Forget about me.” He gave me a little push, and I ran right into Gray.
“Hey, are you okay?” He said, steadying me with an arm around my shoulders.
When I looked back to where Rory had been standing, he was gone. Anger sparked in me. He was being such a jerk. All I wanted to do was talk about what happened whenever we were in the same room. How I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I felt humiliated and rejected.
“Yes, I’m fine. I just came back here to get some air. The bayou is beautiful at sunset.” In the parking lot, I heard an engine come to life. I leaned into Gray as he pulled me to his side.
He was such a nice guy. He really was. I needed to say something, but the words were trapped in my throat. My pledge at sixteen hovered between us. There was such resistance from Rory, and I should do what he told me to do. “Gray, could you please take me home? I’m getting a terrible headache.”
“Of course,” he said, but I heard the disappointment in his voice. This was his last night here, and we were such good friends. I had great affection for him. When we pulled up in front of the house, I said, “Thanks for dinner and dancing.” Before he could do anything I was out of the car and heading to the safety of the house, tears already building in my throat, flooding my eyes. I heard his car door open and the sound of his footsteps. He grabbed my arm and turned me.
“Savannah, is there something wrong? Did I do something wrong?”
I took a breath and let it out. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just tired.”
“You should quit that job. You don’t need it.”
“I love my job, Gray,” I said, unable to hide the irritation in my voice.
We stood there awkwardly for a moment. He slipped his arm around my waist and said, “Savannah, I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I want you to marry me this summer. Marry me so we don’t have to be apart anymore.” He reached into his pocket, and I stood there feeling as if a flood was washing me away from what I really wanted, and I was powerless to stop it. I was going to drown because I couldn’t even swim.
“Gray...”
He blinked, pulling the ring box out of his pocket. “I know this isn’t what we talked about, but I miss you. Your momma thinks it’s a good idea. She helped me pick out the ring. I’m going to be busy with the military and the thought of being apart from you is killing me.”
He stood there giving me that profound vulnerable look and with apprehension clawing at me, building into a full blown panic, he said, “Savannah…will you marry me?”
I closed my eyes, suspended for a moment. The front door crashed open.
“Of course she will,” my momma said gleefully. My father and brother came out of the house, and everyone was congratulating us. Tears tracked down my face for another man even as I was trapped into accepting the proposal of another. Gray slipped the ring onto my finger, and my chest felt like it was going to explode.
I smiled and hugged everyone back. Gray looked so happy.
I felt like I was in someone else’s dream, but it was what I wanted, right? It was what we’d been building up to. Gray had to go. As soon as he left the next day, I told my momma I needed some time with River. She allowed me to go over to her house.
When I got to her front door, I knocked, and Brax answered with a frilly pink apron on. I smiled because he looked amazingly cute.
“Hey, sugar, River’s in the living room. Her mouth is watering for my cheesecake,” he said loudly and with that irresistible Outlaw grin.
“Ooh, I’m just in time,” I said with a smile, but my stomach was in knots. As I stepped inside, River rose from the couch.
“Hey, what’s going on?” She was in a pair of white shorts and yellow tank top, looking fresh and beautiful, her long blond hair in a ponytail.
“I got engaged last night to Gray.” I blurted out and as soon as I did, I felt even sicker.
Her blue eyes cut to Brax, then down at my hand. “That’s wonderful, but where’s your ring?”
I burst into tears as River Pearl rushed to the door and took me into her arms.
#
Rory
I was glad I had finished moving in…well, almost moving in. I still had dishes and pots and pans in their boxes. But I had a bed and a furnished bedroom, living room, and dining room. The artwork I had stored in New York City had arrived and was propped against the wall next to the door leading to the balcony. The shop was almost ready to open. But I sat on the balcony with the doors open, guzzling more fine Irish whiskey than was good for me.
Hah, Irish. That described me pretty good. Fighters and drinkers. I normally didn’t touch the stuff. Swore I wouldn’t. But seeing Savannah with that guy. That tore me up.
I closed my eyes, and the faint sound of battle sent a warning prickle along my skin. I was on the battlefield, on a rooftop, taking mortar fire after only about three hours of sleep. We were waiting for relief. The enemy advanced, and I poked my head up just far enough to make out their positions. Every one of them looked exactly like my dad. I opened fire and kept firing, but he kept coming and coming. The bodies piled up, and I was screaming and cursing, my gut on fire.
I jerked out of the dream and fell off the chair, hitting the flo
or with a thud. I opened my bleary eyes, my coordination shot. Good for nothing little git. You’ll amount to nothing, less than zero.
I buried my face in my arms, my body on fire. The need for something, anything, to control had me panting and shuddering. I rolled and came to my hands and knees. Pulling off my T-shirt and dropping it, I stumbled and caught the edge of the table.
When I’d regained my balance, I moved on and finally made it to the bed. I stripped off the rest of my clothes and flopped onto the mattress facedown, trying to control my thoughts. But I couldn’t. Savannah burned behind my eyes, and I burned for her, twisting in the sheets over the things I wanted to do with her. I think I might have slept, but I wasn’t sure for how long. I heard something like breaking pottery.
I pushed up in bed, still reeling a bit from the effects of the whiskey. I grabbed a pair of jeans, but only zipped them, glad to find I was much steadier on my feet. Heading to the front, I opened the door to find Savannah yanking out the flowers she had planted, surrounded by the broken pots shards, dirt and plants scattered across the sidewalk.
She was feverishly destroying what she had created.
“Baby,” I said softly, going down to her, seeing the streaks of dirt on her face, her tears.
“No, don’t…I can’t…” She burst into tears and I pulled her against me, then picked her up. She was barefoot, wearing just shorts and a blouse.
She felt so good against me, even though the dream was still ripe, still rolling through me with a wave of anger and pain.
How many times had I killed my father in my nightmares?
I shut the door with my heel and locked it. She was so soft and distraught. I wasn’t sure what happened, wasn’t sure this didn’t have to do with me.
She wrapped her arms around my neck, the cool feel of her hands soothing against my hot skin.
I wound my way up the spiral staircase and through my room directly into the master bathroom. I tried to set her down, but she clutched at me. “No,” she said softly, weakly, her speech slurred. Oh, fuck. She’d been drinking, too.