by Zoe Dawson
Then he dragged me even closer and buried his face into my neck. With his hot breath fanning my skin and his strong, muscular arms around me, I slept.
#
Rory
Misty, silvery pieces of awareness drifted through me. The softness of a female form pressed against me. I sighed with the feel of her wrapped around me.
Savannah.
Savanah!
Holy shit! What had I done?
My eyes popped open, hoping for a second that I was only dreaming that I had taken her to the dark side last night. She was innocent no more.
I turned and looked into her beautiful face, her eyes still closed and her breathing even. Her lashes were dark against her pretty skin. They fluttered and slowly opened. For a moment she started at me, then her face contorted and she jerked up and looked around.
“Oh, God,” she whispered, and my heart sank.
She pushed off the bed and backed up.
“Savannah, babe. I’m sorry,” my voice heavy with remorse, raspy with sleep. “I didn’t mean to be so rough. Sometimes I can’t control myself.”
“Oh, God,” she said again. “My clothes?”
“Bathroom,” I replied.
Her chest heaving, she said, “I’ve got to go.” She rushed into the bathroom and came out dressed. Even when she raced out of the room, I couldn’t move. Shame swamped me, and I felt sick that I had even touched her. She was obviously reacting to the way I had treated her.
When the upstairs door slammed, and then the outside door, I came to my senses. She was barefoot, and as far as I could remember had no ride. I jumped out of bed and dragged on a pair of jeans and grabbed a T-shirt. Stuffing my feet into a pair of slip-on black sneakers, I raced down the stairs, vaulting the railing when I was halfway down. Soon as I hit the floor, I ran for the door and burst out onto the sidewalk. She was just standing there looking at the mess she’d made last night.
Her eyes rose to mine and her face contorted as she bit her lip. Moisture flooded her eyes.
“It’s okay, babe,” I soothed, desperate to make everything all right.
She shook her head as I set my arm around her. “What did I do? Rory?”
“All okay. It can all be fixed. It’s just plants, dirt and shit. It’ll be beautiful again.”
I led her to my car. “You want me to take you home?”
“Oh, God, no! I can’t go home looking like this. Take me to River’s.”
She didn’t look at me, and I was feeling like a total shithead.
When I pulled up, River opened the door and rushed out. Brax stood in the doorway, and I met his eyes, and was shocked to see support and compassion I had never seen in him before. He took one look at Savannah and shut the door behind River as she ushered Savannah through.
He came down the stairs and leaned on my door. “You okay, huckleberry?”
I looked away from him. “Sure, Brax. I usually destroy women after they’ve been with me.” I gripped the wheel, my chest full and my throat cramping.
He set his hand on my forearm and squeezed, shaking his head. “She’s not destroyed. She’s pretty terrified. Looks to me like you turned her world upside down, and she doesn’t know how to handle it.”
“Fuck!”
He squeezed again. “You need some time off? Or, maybe we should go somewhere and talk.”
I almost got whiplash looking at him. Brax? Go somewhere and talk? WTF? “No. I’ll be there tonight and…uh…thanks, but, no I’ll be fine.”
“You look like you might be crashing to me. But I should have known. Marines always face the battle and fight. Semper fi.” He said and backed up.
“First in, last out. Ooh-rah,” I said bitterly.
I drove home and worked on my shop. All my supplies had arrived, and by the time I finished, I was ready for my first customer. I went upstairs a numbing pain washing through me, ignoring all the unpacking I had to do. I picked up the empty bottles of whiskey and thought about why I had been drinking last night.
I threw one of the bottles and it exploded against the tiles. Disgust with myself, and with my father’s legacy, twisted like snakes in my gut. “I fucking hate you!” I screamed. “For doing this to me, you sick sonofabitch.”
I closed my eyes and sank down to the kitchen floor. He was dead, and there wasn’t any way I could scream at him until everything I’d bottled up had been dumped where it belonged: in his brain, not mine. The blood flashed in my mind—my mother’s, and then my father’s, as it flew from my fists while I pummeled the shit out of him.
My mom was the best damn human being I had ever known. She had sheltered me and protected me with everything she had. But I hadn’t been able to save her. Hadn’t been able to stop him from coming into our apartment and murdering her. The pain and the guilt and the agony of that night worked on me. Crushing me.
And, in my anguish, I wanted Savannah. I wanted to hold her down and pound into her. I wanted to make her submit, force her to do the things to me that I needed. I curled into a ball on the floor, pressed my hands to my temples, trying with all my might to make those needs go away, but they only intensified.
I wanted her.
I didn’t deserve her. What if…oh, God. What if what had been in him was in me? Sins of the father.
I gulped a breath and squeezed my eyes shut. In my mind’s eye, could see myself hitting him and hitting him, and the rhythm of my fists merged with the rat-tat-tat-tat of my weapon as I annihilated insurgent after insurgent, almost fearless in my drive to kill. The feelings and emotions got all mixed up with pride in duty, faithful service, watching my brothers’ backs, them watching mine, considering me a valuable member of my team.
“Rory.”
Ethan’s voice penetrated my fall into darkness. I opened my eyes to see him kneeling in front of me. “Brax called me. It’s going to be okay, man.”
He wrapped his arms around me, lifting me off the floor, and he held me. War has a way of making you throw macho shit right out the window. These guys you fight with become something more, more than guys, more than men, they become your brothers. He was the only person other than the authorities who had shown up to the scene who knew everything. He had been there for me in Afghanistan and Iraq. Told me repeatedly how I was worthy of the uniform I wore and helped me start to believe it.
He was the brother I never had, and he was the brother of my heart if not my blood.
“Okay, I got you,” he said softly. “I will always have your back. Ooh-rah.”
“Ooh-rah,” I repeated, my voice breaking and I let everything go.
Fifteen minutes later, while Ethan plied me with water and food, I spilled my guts about Savannah. How she and stolen in to take over a place deep inside me, part of the marrow of my bones.
“You can only be yourself, Rory. If Savannah can’t handle that, she’s not the right person for you.” He paused until I looked at him. “You’re not a monster like your father. Shit, man not even close. What you want isn’t that twisted. It’s the way you express yourself and what you need. But, here’s a thought. Why don’t you give her some time? According to River, she’s dealing with some heavy shit of her own.”
I leaned back and gave him a smirk. “You think you know everydamnthing, don’t you?”
He chuckled and cuffed me on the back of the head. “I do.”
“Well, I can’t wait until you find someone who’s in the marrow of your bones, my friend. We’ll see how much you know then.”
“No one has ever moved me like Savannah is moving you. I look forward to that day,” he said and that didn’t surprise me.
Ethan was the kind of guy that took everything straight on. He was fearless, never gave up, and was the most grounded guy I had ever met. I’d seen him motivate and lead men like he was born to it. Stand up in battle with bullets whizzing, take down the enemy with a ruthless force that left some of us breathless. He was a top of the class marksman and had earned most of his medals just because he was doing his j
ob. He was a dangerous son of a bitch, but you wouldn’t know that just by looking at him. He had looks, charisma and I’d seen him charm and handle everyone from little old ladies to rough and tumble Marines. He’d had plenty of female attention, but unlike me, Ethan was choosy there. If he had become a preacher like his father, he would have been damn good at it. He was also one of the wisest guys I’d ever met.
“What the hell are you doing with your life, man? Your father come around?”
“I’m going to start bartending at Outlaws, so you don’t have to take so many shifts. Otherwise,” he shrugged, “I haven’t got a clue. Still working on that. And, no, on my daddy. He’s really disappointed in me and we barely speak. My momma is real sad, but after what happened with Verity, she’s been very supportive. I just wish my daddy understood. Maybe one day he will.”
It was my turn and I wrapped my arm around his neck and got him into a headlock, squeezing. “Maybe one day,” I said. He got out of it as easily as breathing and took me down. He drew a bark of laughter out of me as we wrestled for control. He gave me hope.
#
Savannah
“Are you sure you want to go home, Savannah?” River Pearl looked so worried about me. Her voice was soft. “You can stay here with us.” Over her shoulder I saw Brax nod.
I closed my eyes to get control of my crazy emotions. “No, I was the one who went over there. I’m the one who is to blame. I shouldn’t have gone near him.”
She hugged me hard. “You know that I’m there for you, sweetheart. Brax and I and Boone and Verity.”
“I know. Thank you. I love you, too.”
By the time she dropped me off, I looked much better than when I ran out of Rory’s loft. I closed my eyes, remembering when consciousness first returned to me. Remembered what I had shared with him, and I was overwhelmed and scared. Then I saw the mess I made out of his beautiful landscaping. I had to fix that right away. As soon as I told my mother what I was going to do.
I opened the door with purpose, and walked through the house to the kitchen.
“Savannah, I’m ready to discuss wedding plans,” she said, standing at the counter and sipping her morning coffee. “I have the perfect venue. I think we’ll do cabbage roses, and of course white cake with white frosting. We have so much to do if you’re going to get married this summer.”
I set my hands on the counter and said, my voice rising as the words poured out of me. “I love tulips, not cabbage roses and if I were to have what I wanted for a wedding cake, it would be chocolate all around.”
“What? No, tulips are so…pedestrian and chocolate…for a wedding cake?”
I glared at her, my words short and clipped. “You don’t run my life, momma. And all this is moot. I can’t marry Gray. Not to please him, and certainly not to please you.” Her eyes widened and she set down her mug with an audible sound. The blood drained from her face. My satisfaction was complete. I was going to take control of my own damn life! “I’m interested in someone else. Someone who’s in tune with me, a connection I never thought was even possible. I want the opportunity to explore that relationship.” I slammed both fists down on the counter and she jumped, looking at me like she’d never seen me before. “And I plan to go to college to be a landscape designer like Boone.”
She came around the counter and grabbed my arm. “Bah, I knew he was trouble. He’s making you throw away everything you’ve wanted.”
I wrenched my arm out of her grip. “No. It’s what you wanted. Not me.”
She scowled and smoothed her hand over her already-perfect hair. “You’re forcing me to take action against him. Run him out of town. Is that what you want?”
“Run him out of town? What are you talking about?”
She narrowed her gaze. “I’ll have the bank call in his note. I can do it. You know I can.”
I gasped. “What? No! You can’t do that.” With my knees threatening to buckle and my insides scored by a flash of hatred and heat, I said, “He’s worked so hard to get where he is.”
She sniffed. “It’s for your own good. I’ll give you a day to think about it before I take action.” She turned and went upstairs. Her door closed with a final, decisive click.
I went upstairs to change and go to work, but before I left, I went to the school I had scoped out and put in my application. But an hour later, I was so worried about Rory, tired of this conflict with my momma. She wasn’t going to give up until I did what she wanted me to do. Now I’d involved Rory in our battle, and he was going to lose everything because of what I’d done.
I quickly collected all the plants and pots I needed. When I pulled up to Rory’s, I saw Ethan Fairchild jam on his helmet, mount his sleek bike and roar off.
I got down to fixing everything I had wrecked last night, aching and crying while I worked. How could I fix this? How could I extricate Rory from this terrible mess?
Let him go.
Everything in me rebelled. I didn’t want to, and my anger and hatred toward my momma boiled over.
I rose and brushed the dirt off my hands. Walking into his shop, I saw him behind the counter. He turned at the sound of the door. My insides went still when I met his eyes. His mouth compressed into a hard line, and he was staring at me with a grim look. Only he wasn’t really looking at me. He was looking at my legs. I glanced down, a horrible realization dawning on me when I saw the marks on the inside of my thigh just below my shorts. Four bruises, four distinctly aligned bruises. I remembered the look on his face when he’d tried to apologize for being too rough—and I remembered the rough pressure of his hands on me everywhere during our frantic, driving passion.
On the heels of one realization came another, It was self-reproach I saw in his eyes. Oh, God, on top of everything, he was feeling guilty about what happened last night.
Chapter Five
Savannah
There was no way that I would let him suffer for another minute. Damn, if only I had realized. He swallowed, and my throat contracted at the sick, naked look in his eyes. What if this was tied to something else? To something I didn’t know.
I wanted to know it all. Everything about him.
While Rory stood watching me with torment in his eyes, with such gut-wrenching need, I was fully aware for the first time in my life of what it meant to give, to be vulnerable, to be soft so I could be strong.
The revelation set off a tidal wave of feelings, and my breath hitched. On a soft sob, I called his name and rushed toward him. Threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him so tight, holding on to him for all I was worth.
For just a second he froze, then with a gruff sound, he enfolded me in a fierce embrace, holding me as if I were his next breath. Fighting against tears, swallowing hard, I closed my eyes and cradled his head against mine, stroking his shoulders.
Then I kissed the side of his neck, threading my fingers into his hair, and caught his face between my hands.
“I loved everything we did last night. Everything. That’s not why I left.” I looked up at him, the richness, the wholeness of my feelings nearly overwhelming me again as I tightened my grip on his face.
I felt his chest expand and the air escape, as if he’d been holding his breath since I bolted.
“Savannah, babe...”
Despite all the things that had gone wrong, this was right.
“Those bruises…” He held me tighter.
“Why don’t you tell me what you need to tell me, sugar?”
He took another deep breath. “My father abused my mother. For most of my life I tried to fight him, but I was too small, too weak.” The pain and the fear he’d experienced was swamping me. He took a breath, a hush dropping over his words. “He beat her, and when she’d finally had enough, she broke off from him, sent him to jail. But he…came back. He knew I would try to stop him, so he took me out first. I never even saw him coming. When I woke up, he had her, and before I could do anything he stabbed her over and over,” his voice broke, his breathing ra
gged. “Finally I rammed into him and started swinging. Everything in me hated him and wanted him dead. There was so much blood.”
In the silence of that violence, I asked, “Did you kill him?”
“No. He was convicted of her murder and sent to prison. He died there three weeks later. Shanked by another inmate. I was glad. I was so glad.” He buried his face in my neck.
“What happened after that?”
His voice muffled, he said, “I went into the service. I chose the Marines because I wanted to prove him wrong. Prove to him that I was strong enough. I didn’t want to be like him. But there were times during battle when I just wanted to kill. It didn’t have anything to do with my service. I met Ethan in basic, and he was dealing with his own father issues. He’d bugged out after refusing to be a preacher like his old man wanted. We bonded over that. I told him everything one night when we were shitfaced, and you are only the second person I’ve ever told.”
“Last night…”
“Last night was me, Savannah. That’s what I need. Have ever since I started having sex. I’ve been called a freak, weird, controlling…” His words were so tentative.
“And good at it?”
A small smile curved his mouth. “Yeah, that, too.” He shifted against me, but held onto me just as strongly. “I don’t know if it’s the way I handle the emotion and the anger. I just know it gives me control and I…” he looked away. “I love everything about it.”
“You changed me last night. Showed me a part of myself that is fierce and bold and daring. I wouldn’t want to change who you are, or what I’ve learned about myself. What you want isn’t a bad thing, Rory. It’s the way you express yourself. I had no idea I liked it so rough. But I did and, for the record, you never hurt me. Not once.”
“I’m scared that what was in him…”
“Lives in you?”
“Yes,” he whispered.