With a huff, Dinah lowered him to the chair. “What am I going to do with you, Colt Hardin?”
The way she tilted her chin and crossed her arms and the patch of flour on the edge of her nose lightened his mood. Adorable didn’t describe Dinah McKinnie, but that’s what he thought at that moment. He wiped away the flour with a gentle finger. Her eyes widened, but then turned quizzical. “Tell me,” he demanded. “What’s got you so riled up?”
Dinah let out a sigh, and then said, “Mrs. McDaniel.” She returned to beating the dough. He didn’t like the distance between them, so he moved to another chair; one within reach of her scent.
“What did the woman do?”
“She was talking about James, in the dry goods store.” Dinah gesticulated wildly, her arms causing a cloud of flour to rise in the room. “She spoke loud enough for everyone in town to hear. I think she should be hung for her crimes.”
“I think you’ll have trouble getting a posse together for that. What did she say?”
Dinah slammed her palms down on the table. “She said James was a murderer.” Her chest rose and fell with exaggerated breaths, and Colt had to force his attention to her face.
“Could you imagine that sweet boy ever harming anyone?” Dinah demanded.
James standing with the axe when Colt had grabbed Dinah, flashed in his head. Did the boy have a demon in him, too? The memory of what he’d done to Dinah caused guilt to wrap its way around Colt’s heart and squeeze tight. He swallowed.
Dinah wiped her hands on her apron. “What is it?”
“I just…did I ever apologize for…for hurting you?” Colt couldn’t look at her, not when he recalled how he’d scared her. The easy flirtation he’d engaged in mere moments before was long gone.
She placed her finger under his chin and lifted it to face her. “It was wrong, but I knew you wouldn’t hurt me.”
“How did you know that?”
“I saw it in your eyes. There’s good in you, Colt Hardin. There must be. You risked your life to save mine. You are one of the bravest men I’ve met in a long time.” She bit her bottom lip, causing it to redden. “I never thanked you for coming to my rescue the night those men did this.” She gestured to his still healing wound.
He covered her hand with his. “No need.”
They stood there a moment, looking at each other, as if searching for new information. But then she slid her hand away and turned back to the dough. So be it. Perhaps she had forgiven him for his past actions, but Colt wasn’t sure he’d ever forgive himself.
“Tell me why Mrs. McDaniel said that about James,” he said gently.
“She said something about the way his parents died.” Dinah rolled the wooden pin harder on the dough, her fingers turning white from her tight grip. “But I know that boy wouldn’t hurt anyone.”
“Dinah. I care about James, too. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to care about any of the children, but having little Emma tell me stories and tuck me in with her doll at night, well, that sort of thing gets to a man.” He shook his head, still amazed at the girl’s persistence. “Anna, cooking and bringing me food, and asking questions about her ma. James’s bravery and standing guard at the window when it’s open.” Colt heard his own voice falter. “How could one not care for them?”
Dinah dropped the rolling pin and touched his forearm, skin-to-skin. His heartbeat returned to that wild march. “Then you aren’t a monster, after all.”
“I wouldn’t go that far. But I’m worried that James might have my tendencies—anger that turns a man wild, and hatred that eats one up inside.” Memories of his life and crimes boiled to the surface, and Colt slipped his arm free of Dinah’s attention, knowing he didn’t deserve her care or concern.
“What happened to you?” she whispered. “Why won’t you accept that people care about you?”
“I don’t deserve to be cared for, not after what I was ordered to do. Not after what I did.” His voice was strained, his throat closing to cut off the words he never spoke about. Ever.
“Tell me.” Dinah sat at his side.
His ribs throbbed, his emotions exploding at the closeness of her body and the distance in their worlds. “I’ve never spoken of it. If I told you, you’d run from this room and never want to look at me again.” But would that be such a bad thing? Dinah shouldn’t be here. Nor the children, either.
Dinah’s palm pressed to his cheek, nudging him to look at her. “Trust me. I have witnessed more than you think.”
“Dinah,” he groaned. “You’re a special woman. You deserve so much. I’ve done more than you could imagine in the name of war. I don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you.”
“You’re not evil. Even if you were, you’re not that man now. I see a gentleness in your eyes. People change.”
“You’ve changed.” He cupped her hand that in turn cupped his face. The connection between them was almost palpable. “You look happier now. The day you arrived, you were angry and disappointed. I thought you were going to start slinging mud at everyone. That is, until you tripped.” He couldn’t help but laugh at the memory of the fancy-acting Dinah, the Southern belle, face-down in the mud.
A smile crossed her lips. “You enjoy my humiliation too much, sir.”
Colt kept Dinah close when she made to move.
“I thought you were spoiled, and knew nothing of the world, but I was wrong. You were so brave with those men the night of the attack. And then so smart and capable at tending my wounds, and beautiful the entire time you were doing it. You obviously are more than a Southern girl who needed her pa to take care of her and provide for her every whim.”
Her light smile faded. “That’s good, because I don’t have a father anymore.” She blinked back the moisture filling her green eyes. “Or a mother, or brothers. Although my sisters are alive, I don’t have them anymore, either.”
Colt removed her hand from his face and held it to his heart. “I’m sure you miss home.”
Her tears escaped, and she raised her face to look at the ceiling, blinking harder. “I’m not sure what home is anymore.”
He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her tight, to make all her pain disappear. It gutted him to see her suffer. But he couldn’t even move without pain. All he could do was wipe her tears away. And give her an offer. The wounds that had flattened him were healing. Between his limited abilities, Anna’s cooking knowledge, how skilled James had become with the outdoor chores, and Emma’s ability to help keep house, and Samuel stopping by to assist with farm work, Dinah was no longer essential to their household. He took a deep breath before saying gently, “I know it’s been difficult for you here. I’ve been horrible to deal with, and now, you’ve been forced to stay and care for me.”
“No. I made you a promise.”
“A promise I exacted under conditions that would have made it difficult for anyone to refuse.” Colt swallowed hard, knowing the next words would be the most difficult he’d ever spoken in his life. “I’ll pay to send you home. You may return to your sisters.”
“You’re leaving?” Emma’s little voice came from the open door.
Dinah gave him a shocked glance, then stood and backed away. She came to Emma and knelt before her and Anna, who’d walked up from behind. “What is it?” Dinah asked, worry clear in her voice. “What’s wrong? Why are you home from school so early?”
Emma held out her arm and pulled up her sleeve. “I got chicken bites.”
“Chicken pox. Teacher sent her home, and me and James.” Anna pointed to James, bringing up the rear.
“You all have it?” Colt asked.
“No, just Emma, but we were sent home too, on account that we can’t remember if we ever had it. The doctor was out, but Mrs. Smith said she’d send him when he returned.”
“But Dinah, are you leaving us?” Emma’s lip trembled.
“No.” Dinah said, her voice void of emotion.
Colt had to wonder, did she mean it? Would she stay w
ith them? He was scared and hopeful all at once.
“Now, let’s get you into bed. Does it itch too badly?” Dinah asked Emma.
“Aha, real bad. I want to scratch and scratch and scratch,” Emma complained, shaking her head, the white blond hair flashing about. Her face took on a quizzical look. “But I don’t remember a chicken bitin’ me.”
“Chickens don’t give you chicken pox, silly,” Anna teased, but then her gaze landed on the table and on the mounds of flour all over her once-clean kitchen. Her lips pressed tightly together. If there was one thing the family knew about Anna, it was that she liked things neat and tidy.
Dinah sighed. “I tried to make dinner. It was going to be a surprise, but I’m afraid I did something wrong again. Don’t worry. I’ll get Emma settled in bed, and then I’ll clean up. I guess I’m not such a good cook. Some mother I’d make.”
“You’d make the best ma.” Emma threw her arms around Dinah’s waist.
Colt had to agree. Miss Dinah McKinnie sure would make a good ma. And a good wife, too.
Chapter Eighteen
Later that evening, Dinah tucked Emma into bed and sat by her side. “You come get me if you itch too badly tonight.”
Emma smiled and nodded, but she scratched her arms again.
Dinah worried the girl would scar if she kept that up, so she tried to think of a way to distract her. “Do you want me to tell you a story?”
“No.”
“Really? I thought you liked stories.”
“I do, but tell me what your home’s like. Anna says it’s different than here.”
Dinah nodded and climbed into bed next to Emma, curling her into her side. “Oh, it is.”
“Tell me, tell me, tell me. Pleeease.” Emma entwined her fingers into prayer hands.
“All right, but only if you close your eyes while I tell it.”
“Okay.” Emma closed her eyes tight, but then opened one lid before relaxing again and wrapping her tiny arms around Dinah.
Once the child was still, Dinah shared her former world. “Before the war, our trees were green and lush. They were everywhere. During the summer, everything was green. There are rolling hills and small mountains. It’s much different than here. We had a magnolia tree in front of our home that bloomed the most sweet-smelling flowers. Large white ones, that I could smell all the way from our verandah. We’d have parties and dancing in our home all the time. Mother always entertained. Our house was large and full of people. Our land stretched as far as I could see from my bedroom window.”
“Sounds pretty. Do you miss it?”
Dinah stroked Emma’s hair, the soft, long strands glossy and wavy. “I did, but after a time I couldn’t wait to leave. My home wasn’t the same after the war. I don’t think it’ll ever be the same again. That life is over.”
“You sound sad.” Emma hugged her tight around her middle, opening one eye and peeking. “I don’t want you to be sad.”
“You know what? I’m not. For the first time since the war, I’m not unhappy. You know why?”
Emma shook her head.
“Because I get to hug you each day.” Dinah held tight to the little girl and knew she couldn’t up and abandon Emma. She couldn’t just leave, not right now. Not when Colt remained wounded and James still wasn’t talking. Not to mention poor Anna, having to do all the cooking and cleaning instead of getting to be a young girl.
“You promise?” Emma asked. Her little arms started shaking. “I already lost one ma. I don’t want to lose another.”
Tears wet Dinah’s cheeks. “I know, honey. I know.” She was torn. She had a chance to save her sisters if she took Andrew’s proposal, but she’d lose Emma, Anna, and James.
Dinah stayed curled up by Emma for a long time, stroking the girl’s hair until Emma’s arms relaxed and she breathed heavily. The precious sound and sight of a sleeping Emma made Dinah think there was nothing more special in the world.
She eased off the bed, careful not to wake the child, and made her way into the hall. There, she saw Anna and Colt waiting for her. James sat in the chair by the window, standing guard as usual.
“It’s getting chilly,” she said. “I think we can sleep with everything locked up tonight, so we don’t have to be on alert with open windows. James, why don’t you get ready for bed? You, too, Anna. I’ll finish the dishes.”
Anna toyed with her skirt for a moment, then looked up at Dinah. “I think you should go, if you’re going to go. Emma can’t handle any more heartbreak,” she said, her voice cracking. She stomped back to the bedroom, and James raced after her.
“We couldn’t help but overhear. Did you mean what you said? Are you staying?” Colt asked, his voice sounding lighter, yet strained. He sat holding his ribs, and she could only imagine how much pain he was still in.
“You need to get back in bed. You’re overdoing it. If the doctor doesn’t come by in the morning, I’ll go see him. He should check Emma, and see you again.”
“You’re avoiding the question,” Colt pushed. His eyes looked dark and wounded in the light. His large shoulders were slouching, but he still commanded the room.
Dinah went to the window and looked out at the bright stars, trying to not look at a man that any woman would find attractive. A man who’d rescued her from certain death. A man who could be so very tender with the children in his care. “This world is so big, isn’t it?” she murmured.
Colt joined her at the window, his hands resting on her shoulders. She liked it when he touched her. It made her feel safe, protected, adored…but not in the same way that the young men back on the plantation had adored her, or even how Andrew claimed to cherish her. No, this was deeper, more connected. “It is, and you’ve traveled a long way. You said you’re happy here, but I can tell you’re not; at least, not completely. It’s as if you left a piece of yourself back in Georgia.”
“Yes.” Dinah closed her eyes and inhaled the night air that smelled of coming rain. She shivered with the chill the wind brought.
“That’s why I went to the creek that night.” Dinah lowered her chin to her chest in shame. It all sounded so ridiculous now.
“I don’t understand.”
She knew she had to tell him the truth. It was time to deal with life, instead of hiding from it. Keeping her voice low, as she was not yet certain the older children were asleep, she said, “Mr. Sanbourn, your business partner. He met me in town the day I took the children to register for school. He declared his love for me. He said he was divorcing his wife, and after that occurred, he wanted to marry me.”
“And you believed him,” Colt said, his voice deep and accusing.
Dinah pushed from him and went to the center of the room. Her shoulders tensed and she wanted to scream, but she held it inside. “What? Do you believe I’m so unattractive a man would not fall in love with me at first sight?”
“I didn’t say that. But Andrew wouldn’t leave his wife.”
Her emotions bubbled and roiled inside her. “It’s not that I wanted him to. He said it was a done deal. I’d never be the one to break up a marriage. He said the divorce was occurring, and that until it did, and he was free to marry me, he would put me up in the hotel and pay all my bills, with no demands on me.”
“I bet he did.”
“No, you don’t understand. He expected nothing in return except for me to consider his proposal. And he offered me something that I couldn’t refuse.”
“What’s that? Money? Servants? Parties?” The old version of Colt with anger and clipped speech poked his head out and snarled. “So, you sold yourself to him like one of the working women at the brothel, I see.”
Her temper flared. She stomped and fisted her hands on her hips. He glowered down at her, with dark eyes and tight cheeks. “You’re mad at me? I didn’t lie and cheat and promise you things I’d never give you. I’ve only told you the truth.”
“You’re wrong. Andrew would do all those things. He’s in love with me,” she said, her tone firm
.
“No, he wants you. There’s a difference.”
Dinah gasped. “How dare you say such things.”
“Why? Because you don’t want to hear the truth? The truth that you are a desirable woman, a beautiful, exciting, intelligent enough woman that a man would sell his soul to have? That Andrew almost had you where he wanted you, and you’d get nothing in return? He’d never leave his wife. All he wants is to be important.”
“What makes you an expert?”
“Because I know the real Andrew Sanbourn. He likes to hurt people, to order others to hurt them, and all this sickness is wrapped up into a smooth-talking future politician. He would never leave his wife because she’s his ticket to office. Her family is deeply rooted in politics and heavily connected. He’d never give that up for you. He’s a scoundrel. A user. You sold yourself for…for...what?”
“My sisters!”
Chapter Nineteen
Regret surged through Colt as he watched Dinah drop her head into her hands. He rubbed her back in an attempt to soothe her. How he wanted to take back his words, his assumptions. “I’m sorry. I thought—”
“You thought that all I cared about was wealth.” She moved away from him, pacing the floor. “You had every right to think that of me. I did want that. I wanted comfort, fine clothes, servants to tend to my needs, the sounds of laughter and music. I wanted the life I’d had before the war stole it away. At least, I thought I did. Now… Now I don’t know what I want.”
“Why did you never ask me to help your sisters?” he asked, but the guilt weighing him down told him that he already knew the answer.
She scoffed. “I didn’t believe your help was available.”
Colt mentally swore at himself. He hadn’t been a kind and gentle man, and had treated Dinah miserably when she first arrived. He eased onto the sofa, his ribs protesting from sitting up so long. “Sit with me and tell me about your sisters.”
Love on the Plains Page 10