Not at First

by Phalla S. Rios

“I said, I don’t want you running away,” he mumbles.

  “Then you need to start talking,” I say.

  He sighs. “I started a business and that took four years of my life and then I started another, then I met someone I couldn’t stay away from…the end.”

  I shake my head to the typical Kevin. “God, you are insufferable.”

  He chuckles.

  “Did you ever call your family?” I ask, through his laughter.

  “No…I left on bad terms, remember?” he says sliding his hand into my hair.

  He removes his hand letting my hair falls away through his fingers.

  “Do you want to tell me about her, the person you met?” I ask. “Never mind…you don’t.”

  “You’re right,” he smirks. “Let’s make out now,”

  “No,” I wiggle away from him, and this time, he lets me go.

  “Are you going to be okay? We can always leave,” he says to me when I am back on my feet.

  “We can’t break your sister’s heart…she is your sister, right?” I ask sounding unsure.

  “Yes, she is.” He smiles that crooked grin of his. “Let’s get back to my party.”

  Kevin takes my hand when we descend down the stairs. He stops abruptly at the bottom and turns to me.

  “Ready?” He asks, lifting my hands to his lips. He rubs the back of my hand across his lips and kisses it.

  “Yes,” I tell him, trying to sound as sure as I can be.

  He drops my hand and nods. Kevin walks ahead of me back through the kitchen and out to the living room. Everyone is sitting in the living room. Kevin’s mom gives us a small smile. Lola gives me a hug. “You okay?”

  “Yes,” I whisper.

  “Let’s eat.” Natalie jumps up from her seat. “Sorry guys, I gave the housekeepers the day off, don’t want them witnessing how crazy we are. So it’s serve yourself day.”

  “Yeah, like they don’t already know.” Cody laughs walking over to the food with Lola.

  “Shut up, Cody.” Natalie mutters.

  Lola and I sit next to each at the dining table after we each grab a plate full of food.

  “Everything okay, now?” Lola asks with a low voice.

  “I think so,” I answer her, taking a bite of the barbeque chicken.

  “I’m happy you stayed.” Lola tells me, shoving a fork full of mac and cheese in her mouth.

  “Me too,” I admit.

  Kevin’s step-dad takes a seat right in front of me. He looks over my shoulder to something behind me. I follow his gaze. Kevin is standing by the food talking to his mom, Natalie and Cody. He narrows his eyes at us.

  “Well, I better make this quick before your boyfriend comes over and stops me from saying what I have to say to you.” He mumbles.

  I want to correct him and let him know that Kevin is not my boyfriend but I don’t. Instead, I stare blankly at him to let him know he has my attention.

  “Look…I’m sorry I called you a bitch, I was out of line. It’s just that when I see my wife hurting…I see…red.” He rakes a hand through his gray hair and nervously looks past my shoulders again. His eyes open wide.

  I turn around to see where Kevin is, but my view is block by Kevin’s stomach. I turn back around to face his step-dad.

  “I’m just telling her I’m sorry, you don’t have to look at me like that.” His step-dad grumbles.

  Kevin takes a seat next to me with his plate. He doesn’t say anything back to him.

  “Do you like the food?” Kevin asks, eyeing my plate of food.

  “Yes, it’s very good.” I answer him and glance to his plate. “You didn’t get the barbeque chicken. It’s really good.”

  “Can I have some of yours?”

  I break a big piece of chicken with my fork and place it into his waiting mouth.

  “Mmm…that is good.” Kevin closes his eyes.

  I let out a loud giggle at his goofiness.

  “Um…there’s other people at the table you know.” Natalie breaks into my moment with Kevin.

  I look around and notice everyone is now sitting at the dining table watching us. Embarrassment creeps up my neck to my face and I flush crimson red, I bend my head down to hide my face from everyone.

  “I see you smiling,” Kevin tells me, a hint of amusement in his voice.

  With my head still bent, my smile grows wider. Kevin rubs up and down my thigh, sending shivers through my body. I place my hand over his, stopping his manipulation of my body, which is seriously causing a dangerous pool of desire deep in my belly.

  Kevin grips my thigh letting me know he doesn’t like that I am stopping him, but he only does it for a second. Smoothing out his palm he gently rubs the spot where he gripped and takes his hand off my thigh.

  I realize I’m still looking down like a dumbass and slowly lift my head to face everyone again.

  “Welcome back to the party,” Natalie sarcastically says to me.

  I give her an impish grin before looking around the table. Kevin’s step-dad and mom have an almost empty bottle of wine in front of them.

  “Thank you for ordering such yummy food, Natalie,” Lola says. “And Happy Birthday to you, Mister Kevin.” She bends her head forward to look past me to him.

  “Thank you,” they both tell her at the same time.

  “I’m going to get the cake, no body move!” Natalie exclaims jumping up off her seat and half running, half walking to the kitchen.

  Cody and Kevin chuckle watching their sister walk away. I get up and gather everyone’s empty plates and take them into the kitchen.

  Natalie pulls the cake out of the fridge as I am walking in. She turns, smiles at me, and places the cake on the kitchen counter.

  “Oh good you’re here. Can you place the candles all around the cake?” She hands me the candles and grabs the plates from my hand.

  “Sure,” I make a zigzag pattern across the cake and giggle to myself.

  Natalie walks back to the cake and laughs. “No wonder Kevin can’t let you go, you guys have the same twisted mind.” She scoots the cake to the edge of the counter and slides it onto her hands. She nods her head toward the door to let me know to follow her.

  I do as directed, and follow, all the while thinking about what she’s just said. Is Kevin better off without me? Maybe he is, but I’m not ready to give him up yet.

  Natalie sets the cake in front of Kevin and gives her brother a hug. He caresses the back of her head and locks eyes with me. Kevin’s eyes are sad and he whispers something to Natalie, she nods her head, and moves to the other side of him, wiping her eyes as she walks.

  Kevin notices the candle arrangement on his cake. He shakes his head, while laughing softly to himself. He snakes his arms around me when I get to him.

  “You did this to the candles, didn’t you?” He asks.

  I wink at him and wrap my arms around his waist, giving him a quick squeeze.

  Natalie lights the candles and we sing happy birthday to Kevin. Before he makes his wish, Kevin looks around the room at us, his gaze stopping on me. He bends his head and gives me a light peck on the forehead before he blows out his candles.

  “What did you wish for?” I whispered to him.

  “Something you’re not able to give me.” He tells me.

  I stare at him, waiting for an elaboration on what he’d just said, but I don’t get any. Kevin was already walking away talking to his brother, while Natalie and his mom cut the cake. I take this moment and sneak away to make some sort of semblance to the cluster fuck of emotions running through me.

  I find the nearest bathroom right next to the family room. I shut the door and lock myself in. Pressing my back against the door, I slide all the way down and tuck my legs under me. I let out a breath of air. Just having this moment alone is already calming my jittery nerves.

  I bury my face in my hands and sigh deeply. When did my life become a big jumble mess of craziness?

  I smooth out my hair and climb back to my feet. As I am wa
lking out of the bathroom, I find Kevin’s mom right outside the door.

  “Excuse me,” I say, trying to duck away from her.

  But she’s too fast, she pins me against the wall with just her finger.

  She’s drunk.

  I know from my past experiences, you don’t try to fight a drunk. Instead you have to manipulate them into thinking they have the upper hand, you agree with everything they say.

  “You took him away from me!” She shouts in my face. The finger on my chest digs in.

  I wince from the pain, but I don’t break away from her stare down.

  “I didn’t mean to take him away,” I say, even though I really don’t know what she is talking about.

  “No, you little cunt, you did. And now you are keeping my baby boy Kevin away from me too.” She turns her face and wipes the tears from her eyes, her finger digging deeper into my chest.

  “Mom, what are you doing?” Kevin steps cautiously to us.

  He gently removes his mom’s hand away from me, and she burst into tears.

  “Why does she get to keep ruining my life,” his mom cries into Kevin’s chest.

  “Mom, you have to let the past go. It’s not her you are mad at, she didn’t do anything wrong.” Kevin cradles his mom’s head as if she is a child.

  “He was my everything and she took him away.” She breaks into shaking sobs.

  “Mom, come with me,” Natalie takes their mom into her arms. “You should take Angel home, now. I will take care of Mom.” Natalie walks away from us, her arms around her weeping mother.

  Kevin grabs my hand without saying anything to me and we walk back to where everyone is at.

  “I’m taking Angel home. I’ll see everyone again another day.” He tells them as we are walking by.

  I let Kevin drag me as I walk behind him; my face focuses on the ground. I quickly stop in the den to grab my wristlet and phone off of the couch. We quickly walk out the house and into his truck.

  We sit in silence staring out of the window in front of us. Our breathing is heavy. I’m not sure what just happened with is mom. Did she see me as someone from her past? Who the hell did I steal from her?

  I turn to Kevin, the look on his face breaks me from my thoughts, and I instantly grab him, and pull him in for the hug of his life. Kevin wraps his arms around me and pulls me onto his lap.

  “I promise to hug you every chance I get for as long as you will let me,” I tell him, surprising us both.

  Where did that come form?

  Kevin arches his eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything back to me. Instead, he moves my hair out of my face and tucks it behind my ear. He then places both of his hands underneath my ears, his thumbs caressing my cheeks.

  He pulls my face close to his and he kisses me on my nose, cheeks, chin, and then my forehead. He doesn’t touch my lips. I groan loudly, letting him know I don’t like what he’s doing.

  “Why are you not kissing me?” I ask, not hiding my annoyance.

  “I did kiss you,”

  “You didn’t kiss me on my lips,” I pout.

  “Angel, you belong to someone else.” He reminds me.

  My mind flashes back to when he took me to see the stars, he kissed me. Even though it was just a peck on the lips, but it was a kiss nonetheless.

  “You kissed me before,” I remind him.

  “I know. I let myself get carried away.” He removes his hands from my neck and clamps them onto my waist.

  “I want you to kiss me,” I whisper looking away from him.

  He shakes his head, “No.”

  I give up and try to slide off of his lap, but he pulls me back on.

  “Stay with me tonight,” he says, looking vulnerable.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  Kevin cups my chin with his hand, and brings my eyes back to him. “Tell me why?”

  “We are both with other people,” I look away from him again.

  What Kevin doesn’t know is that our relationship shifted to something more intense than just a friendship tonight. I feel for him in a way that I have never felt for anyone else. I would do anything he asked of me, no questions asked. But, there’s that little part of me that is scared of a broken heart from Kevin. I don’t think I can live through the heartbreak, if Kevin was to tell me he didn’t want me anymore.

  “I need you, Angel.” His voice is low and sad.

  I place my hand on his cheek, my eyes move back to him. I look directly into his eyes, letting him know my seriousness when I tell him what I’m about to tell him.

  “I want you to kiss. Me. Now…before I go home with you.” I whisper.

  Kevin pulls my head closer to his and runs his tongue along my lips, side to side. I lick my lips after he is done, wanting to taste him, on my mouth. He smiles that crooked grin of his watching me become desperate for him.

  He then captures my bottom lip with his teeth pulling slightly. I stick out my tongue and slide it across his top lip. Kevin grunts and let go of my lip.

  “You play dirty.” He tells me before his lips devour my mouth.

  His kisses me hotly and rough, our lips wet sliding off of each other. His tongue dances around in my mouth, wanting so much more than just a kiss. My body responds by moving to straddle him and grinding against his jeans wanting more of him. I pull his head closer to me. I whimper when we can’t seem to get close enough.

  Kevin starts to rub between my legs through my tights, sending me into a frenzy of lust.

  “I want to touch you there.” He says breaking our kiss just for a second.

  I nod when his lips are back on mine. Kevin doesn’t hesitate. His hands are in my tights instantly. His fingers glide over my clit; leaving his thumb on my hard nub, he pushes two fingers inside of me. I gasp not expecting what he has just done and I start to moan loudly.

  “You’re so fucking wet,” he says groaning into my mouth.

  He thrust his fingers deeper into me while his thumb does crazy, delicious circles around my hard, throbbing clit. Kevin breaks our kiss, his lips trail down my chin and then down to my neck, where he kisses and sucks me. His fingers move in and out feverishly, which sends me over the edge, and my orgasm hits me hard. I hear myself screaming his name, but I keep my eyes closed enjoying the sensation coursing through my body.

  “God, I’m going to get addicted to you.”

  I open my eyes to find his fingers in his mouth. Kevin removes his fingers slowly from his mouth watching me the entire time.

  “Let’s go home now,” I say panting and climbing off him.

  “Sit next to me,” Kevin tugs the hem of my dress.

  I scoot back to sit right next to him as he starts the ignition. I watch his face as he drives us back to his place, his eyes are no longer sad. They are now filled with contentment.

  “I still need to show you around the apartment, don’t I?” Kevin says tossing his keys in the bowl on top of a table in the foyer. “I promise to do that tomorrow.” He winks at me.

  I set my wristlet and phone into the bowl with his keys as I follow him to the master suite. “So…I guess the guest bedroom is still not ready?” I ask him when we step into the room.

  “Nope,” Kevin walks to his closet.

  I follow right behind him, all the way to the end of his closet. Kevin opens his drawer and pulls out a t-shirt. He hands me the shirt.

  “Where is the pajama pants to go with this?” I ask holding the shirt up.

  “You don’t need them,” Kevin takes off his leather jacket and hangs it up.

  When he starts to strip out of his clothes, I open the drawer, and pull out the pants myself. Kevin grabs me by my dress and pulls me back to him as I’m walking away.

  “I want you naked in my bed tonight and I was being nice by giving you the t-shirt to put on, for now.” Kevin’s lips are on my ear, he nips the lobe before he releases me.

  He takes the clothes out of my hand and places them back in the drawer. Kevin removes my dress from
my body. He hooks his thumb into my tights and slides them down my legs, his hands sliding against my body the whole time.

  “Your skin’s so soft,” he murmurs.

  I step out of my tights when they pool around my ankles. Kevin reaches behind me and unclasps my bra. He removes the strap slowly off my arms. Both of his hands cup each of my breasts and he kisses me, passionately. His hands leave my breast and caress down the side of my body to my panties. He doesn’t remove them the old fashion way, he yanks until they break into his hands.

  “Kevin,” I say his name panting, breaking my silence.

  Kevin grunts and tosses the torn material to the floor. He takes off all of his clothes, throwing them all over the floor. He pulls my body to him and lifts me up carrying me to the bed. Kevin gently lays me down and crawls between my legs.

  “Hi,” he says when he’s on top of me, his forearms resting on either side of my head.

  My reality slams on top of me, choking me. I gasp to let some air out through my mouth.

  “Kevin, this is wrong,” I whisper, not able to meet his gaze. I focus on his chest instead.

  “What is wrong?” He asks already knowing my answer.

  “Don’t make me say it.”

  “What? That, I will never be good enough for you?” His words cut me.

  “I-I just want to do the right thing for once in my life,” I force my eyes to look into his. “I want you, more than you know. But, I know that, when tomorrow comes we are going to hurt the two people we dragged into our lives.”

  Kevin rolls off of me and proceeds to climb out of the bed. “I’ll get you some sleeping clothes.”

  He walks back out of the closet, wearing shorts. He hands me the clothes before making his way back to his side of the bed. I put them on and slip back into the bed. Kevin’s back is to me.

  “Can you still hold me while we sleep?” I asks, my hand on his shoulder ready to move him back to me.

  “Yes,” Kevin flips back and lies on his back pulling me to him.

  I rest my head on his chest. He wraps both arms around me. I take this moment to finally study his tattoos. On his biceps there’s an angel holding on to a broken, bleeding heart and the word always right beneath. My fingers lightly trace over the angel.