by Lee Quail
“I’ll never hurt you like that, my love.”
Afterwards, Edward turned off the light and spread an arm across Raw’s chest. Sleep came to Raw easily, but Edward lay with his eyes open, staring at Raw’s beautiful face.
One and a half years, Edward thought as he stared at Raw. That’s how long it took after the hit and run for Raw just to walk with a profound limp. Hell on earth had always been prefight training in Curisco senior’s boxing gym, from the early morning hours until late into the night. These last twelve months of Edward’s life had been more than hell.
Edward’s eyes grew heavy as sleep, like a kind friend with a gift, visited him the second time that night.
***
In the morning, after Raw had left the house to brush the horses, Edward checked his Facebook profile to find eight unread posts. A couple of jokes made him laugh out loud. Two posts from Angelica and one from Maria, Raw’s mother. One person wanted to be his friend and a private message waited to be read.
He clicked on the friend request and blinked. For a moment he couldn’t believe what he was reading.
The request was from a Gregory Basye Sander.
Edward’s eyes opened wide.
He blinked again just to make sure he was reading the name properly.
It couldn’t be!
Gregory Basye Sander. His father? His fucking father!
He grabbed the laptop with such excitement that it slid out of his hands, but he caught it just before it became airborne. Running towards the stables, he called out for Raw and nearly fell when he missed a step.
Raw brushed Queen Anne’s mane one last time.
“What the hell, Ed? You’ll kill yourself. Take it easy.”
“It’s…Raw. Look. Look!”
Raw took the laptop from Edward’s shaking hands and silently read the friend request.
“Fuck me,” he said, scratching his head.
“He wants to friend me. I don’t believe this…” Edward paced the stable floor as the sun’s rays spiked through the wooden latticework. “I haven’t seen him in what? Seventeen years. Jesus, what do I do?”
“Just take it easy. One, I would love to meet the man who helped conceive you, the most amazing person in the world. Two, you need to ask yourself, do I want to see this man who abandoned me?”
Edward stopped pacing. “But he didn’t abandon me, Raw. He visited me on my birthday every year and every Christmas. He was in the air force. And, as far as I can recall, he’s gay. He didn’t abandon us. It was the other way around. My mother abandoned him. She ran. God rest her soul.” He turned his eyes up to the heavens. “I love you mom but you did run. You didn’t want me turning gay like dad, right?”
“Rewind just a little,” Raw said, frowning. “Your dad is gay?”
“Yes.”
“You’re gay. Your dad’s gay. Are there any straight men in your family?”
“My dad came out to us seventeen years ago. It’s one of the reasons he didn’t marry my mom. Then suddenly I never saw him again.”
“And this is what your dad looks like?” Raw pointed at the profile picture on the tablet. A bearded man walking away from a helicopter parked behind him and the downwind of the rotors catches his thick, wavy, anthracite hair, with a long quiff cascading over his left eye. Long sides combed back, greying slightly at the temples. He wore a three-week designer trimmed, dark beard and moustache in a long, lean face.
Edward nodded. “That’s him.”
“Now I know where you get your looks from. You told me how alone you were growing up. That you could never forgive him for not trying to find you.”
“I know what I said, Raw. But this? This changes everything. He’s reaching out. It proves he has been looking for me.”
“How do you know this is your dad? It could be a scammer.”
“That’s him. The eyes, the nose. Damn, he looks like a Roman gladiator. It’s him, Raw. It’s him. Just as I remember him.”
“There’s a private message for you. Have you read it?”
“Not yet. You think it could be from him?”
“Open it and see.”
Edward opened the message.
Hi. If this is Edward Canton my son, I would love to see you. Please lord let this be you. If this is you, you’ll know I’m a pilot in the air force. Your mother’s name was Sue and your uncle’s name is Stephen. I don’t know where you are and I have missed you so much over the years. I don’t have your cell number. Mine is 0848102078, please call me if this is you. If you aren’t my son, please ignore this message and I am truly sorry for the inconvenience.
“Fuck!” Edward said, tears floating like dewdrops down his cheeks.
“Will you allow me to accept his friendship?” Raw asked.
Edward stared at Raw through a pot of tears and nodded. “Let’s do it together.” They clasped hands and clicked on Accept.
The lump in Edward’s throat wouldn’t allow him to speak.
“When you’ve calmed down I think you need to phone him,” Raw said.
“Tears of joy, Boxer. I’m ready now. I’m trying to remember his voice. It was a husky voice. I wonder if it’s still the same.” Edward tried pressing the numbers on his cell phone but his fingers trembled wildly.
“Let me help you. What’s the number?” Raw punched in the number and handed the phone to Edward.
“Hi. Gregory speaking.”
Edward hesitated a moment until Raw nudged him with an elbow.
“Hi. Are you there?”
“I…I’m looking for Gregory Basye Sander.”
“It’s Gregory speaking, who is this?”
“I got your Facebook message.”
A moment’s silence passed.
“Edward?”
Edward couldn’t speak. Emotion overcame him the moment he heard Gregory’s voice. “It…it’s me. Do you remember where we went the last time you saw me?”
“You wanted to see the helicopters that day. It was your eleventh birthday.” Only Gregory would know that.
Then Gregory broke down and each word caught in his throat. “I miss you. I miss you. I’m sorry but I’m also crying.”
“Dad, oh man. I never thought I’d ever hear from you again,” Edward said, stumbling over his words.
“Sorry, I…let me stop for a moment. I’m just a little overwhelmed.”
Silence followed as Edward heard Gregory sniffing back the tears on the other side.
“Are you okay?” Edward asked.
“I am so okay.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m at home. Waterkloof Airbase in Pretoria. I’m on leave and painting the house believe it or not. The walls look gross. Needs a fresh coat of paint.”
“That’s awesome. Do it now and you won’t need to paint again for years to come.”
“Your voice. You’re all grown up.”
“Yours is just as I remember.” Edward laughed loudly. “Dad, I have someone who wants to say hi.” His voice, caught in emotion, went up a decibel. “His name is Raw. Short for Rawson. My husband.”
Edward handed his phone to Raw busy wiping his own tears, but smiling from ear to ear. Edward quickly switched on the speaker.
“Hello, sir.”
“Hi Raw. So you’re the man who stole my boy’s heart.”
“He stole mine too, sir.”
“Rawson? Raw? What do you like being called?”
“Raw is great, sir.”
“Perfect. Hope you’re looking after him.”
“It’s the other way around, sir. He’s looking after me.”
“I can’t wait to meet you, Raw.”
“Dad,” Edward interrupted. “Dad…you’re on speaker phone now. How about you come visit us?”
“I’d love to. I have three weeks leave. I want to see you and meet this guy who stole your heart.”
“How about as soon as possible. Please, dad. Like now.”
“I need to finish painting...”
“No.
Please, Dad.” Edward sniffed. “The painting can wait. Please, please.”
“Okay. I’ll pack a few things and come to you. Where are you?”
“In the Drakensberg. Mom left me this place. It’s called Canton’s Cottage. You’ll love it.”
“I heard she had passed on. “
“Cancer. Five years ago. But we can talk about that when you get here.”
“Give me the co-ordinates and I’ll leave as soon as I can.”
“Awesome. Oh, and we’re celebrating our first wedding anniversary this weekend. We’ve invited some people. A friend of ours is already on his way. He’s a detective in the police force. Just so that you know, it’s going to be a full house. And….and you stay as long as you want okay so bring more than just an overnight bag,” Edward said, laughing.
“I’ll see you in a few hours. If I get lost I’ll phone.”
“There’s a general dealer on the side of the road not far from here, once you get there let them know we’re expecting you and they’ll contact us.”
Two hours later Edward’s cell phone rang and he snapped it up.
“Edward, it’s Gregory.”
“Hi, Gre…I mean, dad.”
“You don’t have to call me dad, you know. Gregory is just fine.”
“I’ll remember that. Thank you. Please tell me you’re coming.”
“I’m on my way. I left about half an hour ago.”
“That’s perfect.”
“I’ll see you and Raw in a couple of hours.”
“Drive safely, da…Gregory.”
Edward ended the call and elbow snapped the air. “Perfect!”
4
Thursday
Edward wanted flowers in the house so Julia placed wild mountain flowers in all the vases. Raw wanted the cottage and bungalows aired; she turned on the freestanding fans and let them run for several hours. Cutlery – clean and shining. Linen in the three surrounding bungalows washed and smelling spring fresh. Jacob mowed the front lawn and raked the white, pebble pathway. By early afternoon everything was set. Edward offered Raw a coffee liqueur on the front patio and made a toast. “Here’s to a successful couple of days, my love.” They linked hands and gulped the brown liquid down in one go, then kissed.
“I’m excited to meet your dad,” Raw said.
“I can’t wait. I’m sure he’ll be here soon,” Edward said, checking his watch. “Wouldn’t it be co-incidental if both Shane and dad arrived at the same time?” Edward said, laughing.
“I doubt that would happen.”
“Just thinking out loud.” Edward was quirky that way.
“Can I ask you something without you taking it up the wrong way?” Raw asked.
“Sure.”
“Is your dad bi?”
“As far as I know, he isn’t. Maybe he was back when he met my mom. I don’t actually know. I remember having a chat with him when I was a kid and he told me he was gay.”
“Do you remember how it felt to know your dad is gay?”
“It didn’t bug me at all. I was happy for him. But, I’ve been without my dad seventeen years now. We have tons to catch up on. I still can’t believe that he reached out for me.”
“He sounds like an awesome man. When he gets here I’ll leave you two to catch up on all those years,” Raw said, swallowing another tot of liqueur.
“I’d prefer it if you stuck around while we spoke.”
“You sure?”
“Of course. At least then I don’t have to repeat our conversations to you.” Edward said, giggling.
Edward’s cell phone rang and he answered quickly. James, the owner of the general dealer, announced their first guest.
Shane had arrived.
“James, before you go, there’s another, older guy who will stop by and ask directions. Let me know as soon as he arrives, won’t you?”
“No problem, Ed. I’ll keep you informed.”
Edward turned to Raw. “It’s Shane. He’s on his way.”
***
Shane’s right arm had tanned red while driving. His blue short pants looked rumpled as though it needed urgent ironing out. Edward and Raw hugged and welcomed him into the cottage where they offered him an end-of-the-road liqueur.
“Where’s your better half? I thought he’d tag along.” Edward asked.
“Old Brown Sherry. Love the stuff,” Shane said taking the small glass from Raw. “Joe’s going to Bloemfontein on a business trip.”
Raw said, “Harsh. It must be hell for you.”
“How was the journey?” Edward asked.
“The traffic bottlenecked as I left Johannesburg this morning around ten. A road block on the M1.”
“We don’t miss that at all,” Raw said, laughing.
Shane laughed and the dimple on his chin stretched.
“My dad will be here soon, I hope.” Edward said.
“Your dad? You’ve never told me about your parents.”
“I don’t really speak about them, My mom is buried in the open ground behind the house, and my Dad never married her so I kept her surname,” Edward said.
Raw interrupted. “This is really special. Edward hasn’t seen his dad in seventeen years. So I expect there’s going to be a lot of celebrating and catching up.”
“That’s a hell of a long time. If you don’t mind me asking, why?”
“Have another OBS,” Edward said, pouring him a second glass. “Seventeen years ago, my mother cut ties with him after he announced to us that he was gay. I was a kid at the time and had no influence on her decision.”
“So, who found who?”
“He found me. On Facebook of all places.”
“When did this happen?”
“Jesus, you’re full of questions,” Raw said, laughing.
“What do you expect from a detective?” Shane held out his glass and Edward poured him another liqueur.
“This morning Edward opened his Facebook page and saw this friend request. It was Gregory. He also left a private message that left us crying like babies. We asked him to join us this weekend and he’s on his way.”
“Fuck. That’s amazing. You sound as though you’re really looking forward to meeting him.”
Edward nodded excitedly. “It’ll be good to have him in our lives. I’ve missed him.”
“You say he’s gay? That’s something. Damn, that’s something.”
“It sure is,” Raw said, smiling. “You must be tired out from the drive, Shane. Let’s show you to your bungalow where you can refresh. It’s not far from the main cottage. Just behind the stable.”
***
Gregory arrived at the general dealer and stretched after climbing out the car. A cool chill swept over his beard and arms. The sheer mountain behind the diner ascended in sharp crags and cliffs into the light of the sky and Gregory felt a little puny, but the early evening shades of vermillion left him in awe of the mountain’s robust magnificence.
Awall of warm air enveloped him Inside the shop,.
“Hi there,” Patricia, the assistant, said.
His almond shaped hazel-brown eyes hypnotized her.
“I’m looking for directions to Canton’s Cottage. Edward said I should stop here and ask.”
James came through from the back and smiled. “Edward is expecting you. A cup of coffee? On the house.”
“Thanks, but…”
James silenced him with the palm of his hand. “Patricia, get this man a cup of coffee to take away. It’ll warm you as you drive into the mountain.”
“That’s very kind of you.”
Patricia prepared the coffee while James explained the route to follow.
“You’ll see a windmill up ahead. That’s Canton ground. Look for a gate on the right. You’ll also see the orange house. That’s Edward’s place. It’s only another ten kilometres from here and forms a boundary with the Ukhahlamba Drakensberg World Heritage Site.”
Gregory repeated the directions and thanked him with a thumbs up.
> Patricia handed him the polystyrene cup of coffee and stepped back.
“You related to Edward?”James asked.
“I’m his dad.”
“His dad? Hmmm,” he said, studying his face. “Yes, I can see the resemblance. Enjoy your stay, then.” James said, walking him to the door.
The wind had started up and the air was colder. Driving into the mountain, he noticed a cluster of bucks on the side of the road and signs cautioning him to slow down. He ignored the sign; he wanted to see his son urgently now. The faster he drove, the more excited he became.
Out of a bend in the road, he spotted the windmill. For the first time in years, he felt anxious and he stopped on the side of the road. His hands trembled and a lump formed in his throat. He had to be strong. His heart thumped wildly like a drum beating in the distance. How many times had he imagined this? Everything in the last seventeen years of his life had led to this moment. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then turned the ignition and drove off slowly towards the windmill and the orange house on the hill.
The gate hung askew and old Joshua welcomed him. The sun had disappeared behind the mountains. The vermillion hues in the sky and the single orange house reminded him of a scene in a Hopper painting.
Raw and Edward held onto each other on the front patio as he drove up to the house.
Raw let Edward loose and he dashed towards the car like an expectant dog that hadn’t seen his owner in hours.
“Dad!”
Gregory alighted and ran into Edward’s arms where they remained like glue to paper for a few moments. Their strength complemented each other as if they would never let go.
Gregory, overcome by emotion, said nothing. Like a petal hugged by the full envelope of a blossoming flower, he had found his safe haven and he couldn’t free Edward from the embrace. Eventually he whispered, “Can you feel my heart beating?”
Edward nodded.
“This is the best moment of my life,” Gregory said. “I’m so sorry.”
Edward lifted his head and stared into Gregory’s deep eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry about. Absolutely nothing.” He wiped the tears off Gregory’s cheeks. “Nothing.”