by Lee Quail
“If he so much as touches you I’ll be on him like Rocky Balboa.”
“I appreciate that.”
“Come on, let’s take a dip,” Gregory said.
“Water’s cold. Freezing.”
“You scared of a little cold water?”
“No. Scared of freezing water.”
“Then sit on the pier while a real man negotiates freezing water.”
“Taking a dip in cold water, like last night, isn’t my idea of a romance.”
“Last night was your fault,” Gregory laughed out loud. “Trust me to choose a guy who rocks boats. Anyway, who said anything about romance? Just kidding. Kidding. Come on, jump in with me.”
“You’re crazy, you know that?”
“Half crazy. You’re the other half.”
Shane gazed at Gregory’s fine body. Such perfection. His thighs, abs and arms thick with muscular energy. Suddenly Gregory defrocked and dived into the freezing water with a splash that echoed across the lake.
“Come on in. It’s not that bad.”
Having experienced the visionary delight of Gregory’s nakedness, not for the first time this weekend, but now for the second time, Shane peeled off his clothes and jumped in, splashing water into Gregory’s face.
Gregory reached out, grabbed Shane’s head and dunked him beneath the surface for a moment. He came up splattering and shivering.
“Jesus, it’s fucking cold!” Shane shivered.
“Don’t be a wimp. It’s invigorating.”
“Invigorating, huh?” Shane yelped and dived into the water between Gregory’s legs and surfaced behind him. Before Gregory could turn, Shane leaped onto his back and dragged him below the surface.
Both resurfaced facing each other.
Gregory reached out to touch Shane’s face and just stared.
Shane swallowed hard as Gregory leaned in for a kiss, the space between their bodies seemed miles apart and their lips met briefly. Shane said, “Come closer. I want your skin touching mine. Kiss me again.”
This time Gregory moved in with his entire body. Shane wrapped his legs around his waist as their lips met in a kissing frenzy that sent Gregory spinning into space.
“Don’t let go,” Shane whispered. “It’s wonderful being with you.” His lips on fire.
“Guys! Guys!”
They separated when Raw called out.
“We’re here. In the water!” Gregory replied.
Raw took a seat on the jetty and giggled at them.
“You guys taking an innocent dip, or maybe you just love freezing water, or you enjoy doing other things. We want to have a chat with you.”
Shane said, “You caught us having a good time.”
“I can’t come out right now. It’s complicated,” Gregory said, blushing.
“Neither can I,” Shane said. “But this water is fucking freezing so I’m coming out anyway. Close your eyes,” he insisted.
“Close my eyes?” Raw said, laughing. “You think I haven’t seen what a dick looks like?”
“Fine. Feast your eyes then.”
“I’ll shut my eyes. Respect, for Gregory.”
“Good lad. See, at least I taught you some manners,” Gregory said, climbing out of the water onto the pier. Shane followed suit and quickly dressed.
“Okay, you can open your eyes now.” Gregory said.
“What were you guys up to?” Shane sang out.
“Just chatting, having a good time.”
“Maybe we kissed,” Shane said.
“Maybe,” Gregory echoed and winked.
“Maybe we had glorious sex in this freezing fucking water.”
“That too. It was great by the way.” Gregory said.
“We should try it again sometime. Without interruptions.”
“You guys know how to rub it in,” Raw said, walking beside them.
“It was close, I mean the rubbing in,” Gregory said, laughing.
“Gregory!” Shane smacked him across the bum.
At the house Edward offered them a cup of coffee and suggested they all sit at the wooden table made from railway sleepers in the kitchen.
“Edward and I are thinking of coming back to Johannesburg,” Raw said.
“That will be fantastic,” Gregory raised his mug to his lips.
“But we need a place to stay for a short time,” Edward concluded. “It needs to be close to Curisco’s gym because we want to continue coaching boxing.”
“I live closer to Pretoria,” Gregory said, grimacing. “I’d say yes, but I’m not anywhere close to Curisco’s Gym.”
“You’ll always be welcome at my place,” Shane said.
“What about Joe and your sister? Are you sure you’ll have enough room?” Raw asked.
An awkward silence followed.
Gregory glanced at Shane. “Joe again.”
“You know about Joe?” Edward asked.
“Everything. I think,” Gregory said, staring at Shane.
“I’ve told him about Joe. Not everything though. Gregory knows we’re engaged.”
Edward glanced at Raw with a worried look on his face.
“Since we’re on the subject of Joe, he texted me twenty minutes ago. He’s furious that you won’t answer his calls and texts.”
“I turned my phone off.”
“Maybe you should turn it back on. He’s on his way here.”
The blood drained from Shane’s face and he glanced at Gregory.
Gregory dropped his mug onto the table. His heart beat faster. Said nothing.
Raw leaned forward and placed his elbows on the table. “Is there something going on that we don’t know about?”
Gregory pulled his brow tight and looked at the ceiling. “I think you guys know what’s happening here.”
Suddenly Shane leaped from his chair. “There’s nothing going on here, Greg. We had a good time, that’s all. Nothing can ever come out of it.”
Gregory stood, stupefied at Shane’s words. Raw and Edward glanced at each other and Shane turned his back on them. “Gregory and I have had a good time together. I wish it could have been more, Gregory, but it’s time to face reality. I’m going to marry Joe and that’s all that needs to be said.”
Edward stood up and wrapped an arm around Shane.
Shane pushed him away. “Stop, Ed. I wish it could have been different but it’s not. Gregory, I’m sorry.”
Gregory didn’t say a word. He had wanted to believe with all his heart that Shane would break up with Joe, and now all he had was a memory of their lovemaking, their kisses, and their whisperings of sweet nothings.
“I’m so sorry, Greg,” Shane repeated, walking out of the house, down the stairs to his bungalow.
Gregory glanced at Raw first, then Edward. “Sleight of hand.”
“Am I imagining this? Half an hour ago you two were in that freezing lake playing with each other like two kids and at the mention of Joe, Shane becomes confused and unable to put two and two together. Is this for real?”
“Like I said. Sleight of hand.”
Raw frowned. “Explain.”
“Now you see us together, happy and content. Now you don’t. Joe’s the trigger word.”
***
In the privacy of his bungalow, Gregory pulled out the half bottle of Jack Daniels and drank copious amounts of the warming liquid.
He couldn’t see himself without Shane in his life. He had no right to lead Shane up a path of hope when really, with Joe around, there was none.
An hour passed quickly and so did the Jack Daniels.
Edward knocked on the door and Gregory called out from his bed.
“Come.”
Edward entered and stood in the doorway.
“You know I’ll stand by you, Dad. No matter what. I know you like Shane and you’re hurting right now, but…”
Gregory laughed out loud. “You think I’m in pain?”
Edward approached him and sat on the edge of the bed. “He’s a good friend
with a great heart and we’re just as upset as you are, but there’s nothing we can do about it. Only he can.”
“You heard him, Ed.
Edward said. “Before I say anything more maybe you should talk to Shane before Joe gets here.”
Gregory got up, then fell back onto the bed.
“You’re drunk, dad.”
“What if I am? Does it matter?”
“Maybe talk to Shane when you’re sober.”
“Fuck that. What needs to be said needs to be said now, not when I’m sober.”
Gregory tried to get up again and he wobbled slightly, but managed to walk to the door. Edward took his elbow and helped him over the path to Shane’s bungalow.
On the way there, Gregory’s feelings peaked and his hands curled up into tight fists. He got to Shane’s door and called for him.
“Shane. We need to talk!”
A few moments later, Shane opened and it looked as if he had been crying.
He stepped aside, allowing Gregory to pass. Edward waved and shrugged, then turned to leave.
“Don’t go. You stay,” Gregory said, calling him to the door.
“What’s going on, Ed?” Shane said.
“Dad wants to talk.”
Shane stared at Gregory and shook his head.
“You’re drunk, Greg.”
“So what. I’m drunk and I’ll be sober in the morning but you’ll still be unhappy.”
“What do you want to talk about?”
“Us. You and me.”
“I thought we had covered all that.”
“No. No. No. You covered that, not me. You used me. Yes, that’s the right word, used me and made me believe that you and Joe would be a thing of the past.”
“I’m engaged to him. I can’t pretend that’s not true.”
“What about the sex we had. You and me. Oh I see, it was just sex, you needed to see how big I am. You needed to taste to see if you could eat more. Now you’ve tasted, it’s all over. I wasn’t tasty enough. I told you this would happen and you said you wanted more than just sex.”
Shane stood at the window of his bungalow with his arms folded over his chest. “You know that’s not true. I just don’t want the shit to hit the fan when Joe gets here. We’ve had enough kak this whole weekend.”
“I understand that. I get it. But you don’t know what love is, do you? You think you love Joe but you don’t. When are you going to realise that?”
“You talk about love as though you’re the expert. You haven’t had a relationship in years and you reckon you know everything about love. All I want is peace.”
“How can you have peace when he beats you up, makes you feel uncomfortable, embarrasses you because of how he sees you fitting in with him. He controls every aspect of your life and you want to marry this guy?”
“What the fuck do you want me to do? I told you what he would do if I break the engagement. I don’t want that.”
“I know what I can do.”
“No, Gregory. I won’t allow you to ruin the rest of your holiday. Just let it go, man. Let me go. I made a choice. I must live with it. This whole thing we have going on is crazy.”
Edward stepped forward when Gregory buried his head in his hands, realising that no matter what he said, there was no way out of this situation.
“The only thing that’s crazy here, is you, Shane. I was thinking you’re the only one for me. You’re everything I ever wanted or needed. You came into my life and showed me that I need not fear coming out. I hung on every word you said to me. I believed in you. I wanted more. I wanted us to be real.”
Shane shook his head, his face filed with sorrow. “Me and Joe, that’s reality. You think I run home to him every day and we make desperate love. You think he’s someone who completes me. You think wrong.”
“I think I’ve heard enough, Shane. Tell me now, who is it going to be, Joe, or me?”
“Please don’t make me choose, Greg. There’s more to it than you realize.”
“Stop. I’m not interested. Whatever you have to say, save it for another idiot.”
Gregory turned and walked out. Edward grabbed his arm but he shook it loose and continued walking across the pathway to his own bungalow.
10
Shane fell onto his bed and lay there for several moments thinking about how he had fobbed Gregory off at the mere mention of Joe’s name. Why was it so difficult to choose the right person? He got up and went to the bathroom, jumped into the shower and brushed his teeth when the text message came through.
Greg: Am I just a cheap fuck to you?
Shane: Did you really think all I wanted was a cheap fuck?
Greg: Yes
Shane: So mistaken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Greg: I’m so sorry, Shane
Shane: Me too
Greg: I’ll be leaving in the morning. You won’t have to see me again.
Shane: You’re hurting me.
Greg: I’m hurting you? You just broke my heart!
Raw knocked on the door and called out.
“Hey, sexy man! Joe’s just arrived. Come up to the house.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.”
Shane left his phone on the bed and walked up to the house where he found Joe chatting with Edward and Raw on the patio.
“Babes!” Joe exclaimed. He put down his coffee liqueur and stood up to hug Shane.
“Hi, Joe,” Shane said, stepping coldly into his open arms.
“What, you’re not happy to see me. I thought I’d surprise you.”
“I’m thrilled.”
“Give him a liqueur Raw, he seems a little flustered. Maybe a drink will loosen him up.”
“It’s okay. Nothing for me thanks.”
“Give him a drink, Raw.” Joe insisted.
“He doesn’t want a drink,” Raw said.
“I said give him a drink.”
Raw poured a small glass and handed it to him.
“Now let’s greet each other properly. Here’s to us, my man. Good to see you.”
“Yes, wonderful.”
Shane threw the liqueur down his throat and Joe said, “Give him another. You look like hell, my man. Show me to your bungalow. Hope it’s better than that fucked up hotel I stayed at in Cape Town.”
*Kak = Afrikaans meaning shit.
Gregory
I couldn’t sleep.
Shane had left me cold.
All I could think about was him in the arms of another man. Our relationship began and ended at Canton’s Cottage. A brief affair. A moment in time that brought me such happiness. A brief affair that left me in awe of the man who slipped through my fingers.
I understand I was guarded at times when I met Shane, and maybe it’s about a lack of affectionate spontaneity. I’ve always avoided public affection because I had to make sure that no one in the military knew about me being gay. In private, well, that’s another matter altogether. I couldn’t keep my hands off him. Kissing. Hugging. Constant eye contact. Skinny-dipping. Caressing his naked body. I loved every moment. I could stare at him forever because to me, it was like touching. Canton’s Cottage will always be that special place. The place I met and lost the man of my dreams. Not even a note to God would bring him back.
If anything, Shane had broken me in like a wild horse needs breaking. I knew what I had to do when I got back home.
Joe’s arrival had destroyed me.
Meeting him was like walking on pins. I had to tread carefully. Edward called me from my bungalow and insisted I come up to the house to meet Joe.
“I don’t want to meet him, thanks.”
“Dad, are you okay?”
“Yup. I’m fine. Just don’t want to meet that fucktard.”
“Cool. I’ll see you later.”
“If I’m sleeping don’t wake me.”
I fell asleep thinking about Shane. It seems all I do lately is think about him, in my arms and in my bed, in me. We never got that far, but the sex we had was more than
great.
I awoke around two in the morning with voices shouting in my head, but the voices were coming from across the way, from Shane’s bungalow. Arguing. Something crashed to the floor with a loud bang.
I dressed in a pair of shorts, open vest, and hopped over to Shane’s bungalow. Knocking, I called out, “Shane! Open up. What’s going on?”
“Gregory, go away, please.” Shane replied.
“Open up, Shane. I swear I’ll break this door down.”
Just as I was about to knock again, the door flung open and Joe stood in front of me.
“Are you fucking deaf? You heard him, fuck off.” Joe closed the door but I wedged it with my foot and fuck, it hurt.
“If you don’t leave now, I’ll get Edward and Raw down here.” Joe said, threatening.
“Get them.” I pushed the door open wide and stepped in. Shane sat on the floor a corner of the room, hands covering his face.
“Shane what’s going on here?” I said, bending down to pick him up but he shrugged me off.
“Leave me. Don’t touch me.”
I turned to fucktard. “What the fuck have you done to him?”
“Who the fuck are you anyway?”
“Doesn’t matter. I know who you are. Let me tell you this right here and now, if you so much as touch Shane again, I’m going to break your fucking neck. Now stop this shit. It’s two in the morning. People sleep at this time of night.”
“It’s okay, Gregory. I’m fine. He didn’t hurt me. Please just go. I can take care of myself.”
“Look at you, Shane. You’re cowering, shivering in a corner. That doesn’t look like fine to me. And what’s with breaking things. These things don’t belong to you,” I said to Joseph. “That vase of flowers was his welcome gift.”
“You heard Shane. Get lost. I don’t have to talk to you.”
I picked Shane up from out of the corner and swung my arms around his shoulder. He buckled over and I nearly dropped him.
“What the fuck? Shane can’t walk. What the fuck did you do, retard? Shane, where did he hit you?”
Shane mumbled but I heard his words. “In the kidneys.”
“In the kidneys? You fucking idiot,” I said facing Joe.
I placed Shane gently on the bed and turned to face the fucktard standing in front of me. I don’t know what Shane had seen in him. His eyes were darker than Lucifer’s. His skin taught and almost plastic looking. His hair seemed to be falling out and a red rash spread across his neck.