by Cat Johnson
“Oh.” Her happiness whooshed away.
“Maureen, I could listen to your voice all day and night and feel happy, but I desperately need a shower, and I haven’t slept since two nights ago. Can I call you later this evening after I get a few hours’ sleep?”
“Sure. But I um”—she swallowed hard—“I have a date tonight.”
That was met with an incredibly long stretch of silence.
“Oh.” There was a definite edge to his voice. It didn’t make her feel very good.
“John, I don’t want to go—”
“Maureen, listen. You don’t have to explain to me.” No matter what John said, she could tell by his tone he wasn’t happy.
“But I want to explain. I have to go for that article I’m writing. Remember, I told you about it—”
“Maureen, it’s fine. I’ll just call you tomorrow morning.”
“I’m supposed to sleep at Peter’s tonight, but I can come home instead—”
“No. Keep your plans. I’ll get in touch with you. I have your cell phone number.”
“Okay.”
“I’ve really gotta get to bed.”
Why did she feel like they’d taken a huge step backward? Probably because they had. She’d mistrusted him and then told him she was going on a date with another man. She’d be lucky if she ever heard from him again.
“John?”
“Yeah?”
“We’re okay, aren’t we?”
“We’re fine.” His voice softened again, almost enough that she believed him. Almost.
“John?”
“Yeah?”
“I…” She smothered what she’d almost let slip out. Now was not the time to say I love you just because she feared she was losing him or he might be killed during this secret assignment before she got to meet him. “Um, are you in danger doing this secret thing you’re doing?”
“No, not so far. I don’t think I will be. Don’t worry.”
“You don’t sound very sure.”
He laughed. “I’m not sure of a lot right now, but I honestly don’t think I’ll be put in danger. At least not at this point.”
That wasn’t enough of a reassurance for her liking. “I need you to know something before you hang up and go do whatever you have to do and before I go on this last date that I don’t want to go on.”
“What’s that?”
I love you. “I, uh, I’m really happy I met you, even it is hasn’t been in person yet.”
“I’m really happy I met you too. Maureen, I hate to cut this short but I truly can barely stand up, and I don’t know how long it’ll be before I get called back in today so…”
“Oh. That’s okay. I just wanted you to know.”
“I’m glad you did. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
After your date. She heard what she imagined were his unspoken words clearly in her mind and wiped hot tears from her eyes. “Okay.”
“Have a good day and night, Maureen.”
“All right. You too.” She hung up and flung herself onto the bed face first, sobbing and in no mood for a date. She would go. Since she was managing to fuck up the relationship she had with the last good man on earth, she’d soon have nothing but her writing career to lean on.
Story of her life. Maureen let out a bitter laugh. She would go out tonight and hope for a disaster date worthy of writing about, but until then she would cry her eyes out.
John awoke to the sound of a bugle call outside.
Recognizing the familiar sound of evening colors, he knew without checking the clock he had slept the day away. The call signaled sunset and that the flag was being taken down, folded and brought inside for the night. Funny, didn’t matter which country he was in, the sounds and routines on a military base were the same.
In a few hours it would be time for lights out for the rest of the base, but John had slept all day, waking just in time to realize Maureen was most likely out on her date at that very moment. Just peachy.
He ran his hands over his face in frustration, shocked he’d slept as well as he had with the knowledge she’d be out with another man tonight eating away at his brain. That was a testament to exactly how exhausted he had been and to his Army training—sleep when you can because no one knew when the opportunity would come again.
Now that John was well rested and wide awake, the thought of Maureen’s date had him seething mad, jealous and insecure all at once, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
“Fuck.” The word sounded throughout the room as he made his way, feet dragging, to the bathroom.
He’d just finished brushing his teeth while obsessing over where Maureen was, who she was with and what she was doing, when a loud knock sounded on the door of his room. Wondering who was here so late, and having a feeling he knew already, John quickly pulled on pants in addition to the boxer briefs and T-shirt he’d slept in.
Dressed, mostly, he opened the door and Hank Miller muscled into his quarters. That kicked John out of his round of self-pity pretty quickly.
“So I just got out of a meeting with Gordon—last night’s team leader, not the other one.”
Miller was just getting out of a meeting with Jimmy Gordon at twenty-hundred hours? Apparently time of day didn’t matter in the teams. John didn’t say that, but remained quiet so Miller could continue.
“I think it’ll be best if you hang around with the guys on the team for a week or so. Join them for their workouts. The team meetings. See how you get along. Get a feel for it before you make your decision.”
John raised a brow. “My decision, sir?”
Commander Miller smiled. “Gordon was very impressed with your performance last night.”
“Thank you, sir. I’m glad he was pleased.” John didn’t think it was anything impressive. He had gotten the team from point A to point B without getting them blown up or captured, but that was pretty much it.
Of course, in between points A and B they had encountered a few obstacles. Such as an ambush where two of the men playing the insurgents had been eliminated by John’s team. Jimmy, who John had stationed up on a rock ridge as oversight, had taken one guy out long range with his laser sniper rifle.
Jack had taken the other one out by sneaking up on him, relieving him of his weapon and then pretend-slicing his throat with his knife. John had put Trey to work then, interrogating the third member of the party who had staged the mock ambush. The lone survivor was foreign-speaking so Trey had questioned the insurgent until he’d revealed the location of the other bad guys.
During the night, John had found all three of the hidden mock IEDs. Unlike his former missions where he could just order Gonzo to blow the shit out of the IED to disable it, Black OPS liked to sneak in and out quietly. So he’d had to use Bull and his knowledge of explosives to disable them when possible and simply avoid them when not.
John had even used BB’s diving ability to sneak across a huge lake and take count of the number in the band of pretend insurgents camped out there.
All in all, this little training test of Miller’s had probably tied up dozens of highly skilled operatives and cost thousands of dollars in manpower and resources, all for little old him. It was kind of insane.
After being in the sand box for two back-to-back tours, John wasn’t used to fake threats or wasting valuable resources. It was all very strange, almost a joke. During the past year he’d spent too much time worrying a real IED would knock out half his platoon to take last night too seriously. Though he supposed these kinds of trainings were necessary, he’d received most of his expertise on the job where a mistake cost you a life—your own or one of your brothers in arms.
It had been one hell of a long night topped off by Maureen hitting him with her bombshells. First, that she didn’t trust him enough to believe he wasn’t married, then that she was going out on another damn date with God only knew who.
Damn. That had hit him all on no sleep and little food. What the hell could he have s
aid? He couldn’t tell her what he was really doing in North Carolina.
John couldn’t even tell her to not go on the damn date. It wasn’t as if they’d discussed dating each other exclusively. He’d figured they could make that official after they met. He didn’t know he had to stake his claim before meeting her or she’d keep dating other men.
Hell, did he even deserve to have any claim on Maureen? She deserved better than him. He was so stubborn and angry, or maybe just chicken, that John couldn’t even bring himself to tell her what he really wanted to—that he thought he loved her.
John had nearly blurted out please don’t go because I love you. But he hadn’t and now it was too late. She was out with this guy.
He couldn’t worry about that now. Hank Miller was in his room talking about him making a decision. Yeah, because John was really equipped to make a decision that would change the rest of his life at this point in time when everything felt upside down.
One more thing to deal with.
“Jimmy was more than pleased with you, Blake. I think it’s safe to say, barring any unforeseen events over the next week, the position on Zeta is yours if you want it.”
Zeta. So this mystery team did have a name. John hoped if he did decide to take the position all these secrets were contained in a “Welcome to the Black OPS” handbook somewhere.
“Thank you, sir.”
John smothered a sigh. Another week with the team. Another week before he could get away from here to see Maureen. Another week for her to go out on another date with another guy like she’d done tonight. That thought nearly killed him.
“Blake? You don’t look so happy. Anything I can do for you?”
John shook his head. “There are just some things I need to take care of, sir. I’m fine.”
“Tell me what you need and I’ll arrange for it.”
Let me fly to my girl before I lose her forever to another man. “Access to a computer and a ride to a cell-phone dealership will do for now.”
Miller nodded and smiled. “I guess you didn’t have much need for a cell phone where you were.”
“No, sir.”
“I’m sure Coleman can get you a laptop you can use while you’re with us. The man collects them. I’ll give him a call. And we can hook you up with both a vehicle and a phone after the team meeting tomorrow morning.”
“That would be great, sir.” That easy, huh? This ask-and-you-shall-receive attitude in the Black OPS, the exact opposite of the way things were at camp in Ramadi, was taking some getting used to.
“Not a problem, Blake. We all work together here. We ask a lot of the men on the teams. In exchange, we give them a lot. It makes life easier for everyone. If you need something, just ask. Don’t play the martyr over the small shit. There will be plenty of opportunity for self-sacrifice when the big shit hits the fan.”
John nodded, but somehow that little speech about self-sacrifice seemed far from encouraging.
Chapter Eighteen
In his very own black SUV and armed with a borrowed computer from Matt, John arrived back at the base late the next morning. He’d also picked up a brand new, month-by-month cell phone he could cancel should he end up in Germany after this week instead of joining Miller’s team.
As far as his time here with Zeta, there’d been the morning meeting he’d sat in on. There would be a workout beginning in another hour, but right now his time was his own. John sprinted directly for the desk in his room.
He didn’t have much time to contact Maureen, and a phone call would be faster, but the irrational side of him feared hearing something he didn’t want to know by calling. He’d get online first in hopes there’d be an email from her or, even better, a blog post saying her date last night had been the worst of them all.
John had trusted Coleman when he’d said the bachelor quarters had wireless Internet and that John didn’t need a cable or anything to connect, but he still held his breath. After pushing the power button, he waited for proof.
Just as promised, the laptop picked up the WiFi and connected. John suppressed a whoop of victory and signed into his inbox. An email from Maureen with an attachment waited for him.
Heart pounding, he opened it and read her words.
Dear John,
Please read the attached. It’s the article my agent requested for the magazine. Now that this is written, my obligation has been filled, and I’m no longer double dating with Peter.
Yours,
Maureen
The tone of the email wasn’t her usual. No playfulness. No flirting. Then again, their last phone conversation hadn’t been like their others either. He could read the uncertainty in her words, but judging from the email, she was done with the dating. She really had gone on this last one because she had to for this article.
That was really, really good to hear. He read the story through to the end, only slightly ashamed at the fact he was rejoicing this date seemed to be as bad as all the others.
John picked up his new cell phone and dialed Maureen’s number.
The moment she answered, instead of hello, he said, “I need so badly to see you. Like now.” The last word came out nearly as a growl, but he couldn’t help it. The thought that Maureen had been out on a date with another man—even a disastrous double date she’d vowed was the last—brought out the caveman mentality in John.
“I’m very happy to hear you say that.” She sounded as if she was laughing and crying at the same time. “I want to see you now too, as soon as possible, but that could be difficult since you’re somewhere down south and I’m here in New York.”
“Yeah, I guess right this minute is out of the question, but soon.” Something twisted low in his gut. Yearning, if he had to put a name to it. He sighed. “It looks like I’m stuck here for another week. I don’t think I can get to New York before then.”
“Can I come to you?”
Could she? His head spun with the possibilities. Who would know if she did?
Miller would know, that’s who. John hadn’t been around him much, but from what he’d seen, and from little hints the team had let slip here and there during the time he’d spent with them, Miller had a sixth sense about his men.
It was worth the risk. He envisioned finishing a workout with the team and then going straight to a hotel room to Maureen for a workout of an entirely different nature.
That would be the perfect life. Throw in a little food here and there, and John would be a very happy man.
“You would do that? Come all the way down here to be with me?”
“Yes. Of course I would. If you’re allowed to tell me which airport.”
Since there were multiple military bases in North Carolina, he wouldn’t be compromising anything to give her the name of the airport to fly into. He wouldn’t tell her exactly where he was or what he was doing here. The nearest airport was huge. Millions of travelers must pass through there. Who would notice little Maureen among them?
“Fly into Raleigh/Durham.”
“North Carolina. Okay. When?”
“As soon as possible.” He laughed. She was really coming to him.
“All right. I’ll check the flights and see what I can get.” He could hear the smile in her voice. “I’ll call in sick to work if I have to. Maybe if I can get a standby flight I can be there tomorrow. Do you have any time off?”
“I don’t really know what the schedule is, but I don’t care. Even if I have to run in for something, I’ll get back as fast as I can to be with you.”
“I’d like that. I’ll have to be back here for work eventually, but I’ll stay as long as I can.” She sighed. “It’s going to be really hard for me to leave you.”
“It’s going to be really hard for me to let you.” But until then, they would have entire days—and nights together. That sounded pretty damn good to him.
John waited at the arrivals gate at the airport and scanned the terminal for Maureen. He was concerned she might not recognize him. She’d tol
d him long ago she had the picture of him and the guys in front of the tank as her desktop wallpaper on her computer. He looked very different now out of uniform and not covered in body armor and dust.
But she had told him that since she only had that one grainy photo Jazzy had posted on the support website, she’d studied it for hours, just like he had hers. If she had fallen in love with him with that photo being her only sight of him, he could only hope her seeing him clean and in normal clothing would make him seem even more attractive.
He spared a glance over his shoulder, half expecting Miller or one of his black-clad minions to show up and drag him away to the brig for spilling secrets to a civilian.
Luck had been on John’s side so far. He’d trained with the team for most of last night, which meant today was all his. He could meet Maureen’s flight and spend the day with her.
While still perusing the crowd of travelers and wondering if she’d recognize him, John heard an increasingly familiar and sweet voice nearby say his name. He turned and saw emerald green eyes looking up, way up, into his eyes.
The woman he loved but had never met.
A huge, uncontrollable smile spread across his face. He leaned in for a kiss and then paused. Was it too soon to kiss her? They’d done so much already on the phone together but this felt different.
Maureen, a good head shorter than his own six feet, reached up to touch the black T-shirt covering his chest. Standing on tip-toe, she rose nearer to his face.
Still much shorter than him, even on her toes, she let out a short laugh. “Kiss me. I can’t reach you.”
John flashed back to the short story she had written about their first meeting. In that, he’d walked right up, grabbed her and kissed her breathless. That had worked pretty damn good in the story. He could definitely do that.
“My pleasure.” He grabbed her face in both hands and lowered his head toward hers.
The look on her face would stick in his memory forever as anticipation, laughter and desire all competed.
His arms, looking oversized next to Maureen’s, soon engulfed her small form. She was more petite and delicate than he’d imagined from the picture that had been his touchstone during his last few weeks of deployment.