by Joss Wood
“Thanks.”
“At least I didn’t say you look like hell.” Brodie pointed her spoon at him.
Kade winced. “Sorry, but you did. You are looking better. Still tired, but better.”
“I’ve been living on chicken soup.” Brodie sat down and nodded at his bowl. “It’s good, try it.”
Kade dipped his spoon, lifted it to his mouth and Brodie waited. When he smiled slowly and nodded she knew he approved. “It’s my mom’s recipe. A cure for all ailments.” And, years later, still doing its job.
They ate in comfortable silence until Brodie looked around the loft and sighed. “My dad was a builder. He would’ve loved this place.”
“You sound uncomfortable when you talk about your parents,” he said. “Why?”
Because she was, because she felt guilt that they’d died and she didn’t. Because she still missed them with every breath she took. Kade waited for her explanation and, despite her tight throat, she told him what she was thinking. “It’s just hard,” she concluded.
“You’re lucky you experienced such love, such acceptance. They sound like they were incredibly good parents.”
Brodie pushed away her plate, looking for an excuse not to talk. But she couldn’t keep doing that, not if they were going to co-parent. She needed to learn to open up, just a little. “They were. I was the center of their universe, the reason the sun came up for them every morning.” She rested her chin in the palm of her hand. “That makes me sound like I was spoiled, but I wasn’t, not really. They gave me more experiences than things. They gave me attention and time, and, most importantly, roots and wings. I felt...lost when they died. I still feel lost,” Brodie admitted. “And so damn scared.”
Kade took one more sip of soup before standing up. He picked up the bowls and carried them to the sink, leaving them there. On his return trip, he stopped at Brodie’s chair and held out his hand. “Let’s go sit.”
Brodie put her hand in his and followed him across the room to the mammoth sofa. Kade sat down and pulled Brodie next to him, placing his hand on her knee to keep her there. They looked at the city lights and Brodie finally allowed her head to drop so her temple rested on Kade’s shoulder.
“What scares you, Brodie?”
Brodie heard his quiet question and sighed. “Love scares me. Feeling attached and running the risk of losing the person I am attached to scares me. Being a mommy scares the pants off me.”
“Why?”
“I know how quickly life can change. One day I was bright, happy and invincible. The next I’d lost everyone that mattered to me.” She had to continue; she couldn’t stop now. “I not only lost my parents in a single swoop, but my two best friends, too. I survived the accident with minor physical injuries and major emotional ones.”
He didn’t mutter meaningless words of sympathy. He just put her onto his lap, his arms holding her against his broad chest.
Him holding her was all she needed.
“Tell me about your childhood,” she asked, desperate to change the subject.
Kade stared out the window at the breathtaking views of False Creek and the city. Brodie wondered if he ever got used to it. Kade, reading her mind, gestured to the window. “I do my best thinking here, looking out of this window. It’s never the same, always different depending on the time of day, the month, the season. It’s a reminder that nothing stays the same. As a kid my life was nothing but change.”
Brodie half turned so she could watch his face as he talked. This was the first time they’d dropped some of their barriers and it was frightening. This was something she’d done with her friends, with Chels and Jay. She was out of practice.
“After my mom died, my dad packed up our house, sold everything and hit the road. He wanted to see the country. He wanted to paint. He couldn’t leave me behind and he wouldn’t stay so I went along. I went to many, many different schools. Some for months, some for only weeks. In some places I didn’t even get to school. My education was—” Kade hesitated “—sporadic.”
Brodie knew if she spoke she’d lose him so she just waited for him to continue talking.
“But while I hated school, I loved to play hockey and I could always make friends on the ice. Especially since I was good and everyone wanted me on their team. But invariably I’d find a team, make some friends, start to feel settled and he’d yank me off to someplace new.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So in a way we’re the same, Brodie.”
Brodie frowned, unsure of where he was going with this. “How?”
“You’re scared to become emotionally involved because you’re scared to lose again. I’m scared for the same reason.” Kade dropped his hand to pat her stomach. “We’re going to have to find a way to deal with those fears because this little guy—”
“It could be a girl.”
Kade’s smile was soft and sweet. “This baby is going to need us, what we can give her. Or him. Individually or together.”
His words were low and convincing and Brodie finally accepted he wasn’t going to change his mind about the baby. He was determined to play his part parenting their child. Okay then, that was something she would have to get used to.
So, how did they deal with their attraction while they learned to navigate the parenting landscape?
“Problem?”
Brodie wiggled her butt against his long length and heard his tortured hiss. “The fact that we are stupidly attracted to each other is a problem.”
“It is?”
“I am not falling into a relationship with you just because we are going to be co-parents, Kade.”
A small frown pulled his strong eyebrows together. “Were we talking about a relationship?”
“I just... We just...” Dammit, he made her sound like a blithering idiot.
“Relax, Brodie.” He touched her lips, her jaw. “I want you, just like I wanted you forty-five minutes ago, last week, six weeks ago. Not because of the baby but because you drain the blood from my brain. It’s a totally separate issue from us being parents. We can do it.”
“I don’t see how.”
“That’s because you could complicate a three-piece jigsaw puzzle,” Kade teased. “So we slept together again...”
“Yeah, we weren’t supposed to do that.”
The corners of Kade’s mouth tipped up in amusement. “On, the plus side, at least we know you won’t fall pregnant.”
“Ha-ha.” Brodie stared at his broad chest. “I still think we should try to be friends. Our lives are complicated enough already without dealing with sex.”
“Why can’t we be friends who make love?”
“Because it never works. What if you meet someone you like, someone you desire more than me? I still have to find you two more dates. What if you fall head over heels in love with one of them?”
Kade’s hand on her thigh tightened and then relaxed. “What if the sky fell down in the morning?” he drawled. “Do you always borrow trouble like this?”
Her sky had fallen down and trouble had landed on her door. She just wanted to protect herself from it happening again. Was that so wrong? Talking to him, opening up, was dangerous. If she wasn’t careful she could love him. She couldn’t—wouldn’t—allow herself to do that.
Brodie started to move away, to climb off his lap, to find some physical and emotional distance, but his arms held her close.
“No, don’t go, Brodes. Just rest that brain of yours, take some time to regroup. Stop thinking.”
It was such a huge temptation to rest a while in his embrace. Surrounded by him she felt like nothing could hurt her, that the world and her life weren’t quite as scary as she imagined them to be.
“Just rest, sweetheart. We’ll figure it out, I promise.” Kade’s deep voice sounded almost tender.
Brodie curled into him and placed her cheek on his chest, her ear directly over his heart. If she closed her eyes she would just drift off...
* * *
Brodie rolled over onto her stomach and looked across the coffee table. It was a beautiful day and the sky was a bright, clear blue. Beyond False Creek the Pacific Ocean looked grumpy and the wind teased the water, creating white horses on its surface. If she ignored the morning sickness, she felt better than she had for days, maybe weeks.
Last night, instead of thinking, planning, shoring up her defenses, instead of arguing, she’d allowed Kade to pull her head back to his chest and loop his arms around her. His hand, drawing lazy circles on her back, had lulled her to sleep. She had a vague memory of him picking her up and placing her on the large couch and wrapping his long body around hers as she slept. He’d kept her restless dreams at bay and the feeling of being protected, cared for, had allowed her to drop into a deep, rejuvenating sleep.
Brodie sat up and pushed her hair out of her eyes. She looked over her shoulder and saw Kade standing at the center island, watching her. Something deep, hot and indefinable sparked between them and Brodie bit her bottom lip. Sexy, rumpled man, she thought. How was she supposed to resist him?
“Come here, Brodie,” Kade said, his voice as deep and dark as his gaze, the order in it unmistakable.
She knew what would follow if she stood up. She heard it in his voice, saw it in the desire flashing in his eyes, in the way he gripped the counter, tension rippling through his arms. He wanted her...
Brodie knew she shouldn’t, knew this was a mistake but she stood up anyway. On shaky legs, she crossed the space to the kitchen, walked around the island and stopped a foot away from him. Seeing a half-empty glass of orange juice, she picked it up and took a long sip. Excitement and desire caused her hand to shake and orange juice ran down her chin.
Kade wiped the droplets off with his thumb. “I have to kiss you.”
Brodie started to speak but Kade shook his head. “No, don’t say it’s a mistake, that we shouldn’t be doing this. Just forget about everything else. This is just about you and me... There are no other complications right now. They’ll be back later, but right now...? There’s nothing but you...and me.”
“I was just going to tell you to hurry up,” Brodie whispered, lifting her face. “Hurry up and kiss me, Kade.”
Kade leaned forward, cupped the side of her face in his hand and lowered his mouth to hers. Part of her thought that if Kade did nothing else but kiss her for the rest of her life, she could die happy. Another section of her brain just squawked warnings: they had to be friends only. She still had to be his matchmaker. They shouldn’t be doing this. If the media found out they would go nuts. Then Kade took control of her mouth, her brain shut down and she felt energized, revitalized, as if he’d plugged her in to recharge.
“Take me to bed, Kade,” she muttered against his lips as her arms looped around his neck and her fingers played with the taut skin there.
Kade groaned. “Yeah, that was my intention. Except that my bed is too far.” Kade used his forearm to push everything standing on the center island to the far edge of the block before bending his knees and wrapping one arm around her hips. In one easy, fluid movement he had her sitting on the island, their hands and mouths now perfectly aligned. Brodie placed her palms on Kade’s shoulders and tipped her head to give him better access so he could brush his lips against her neck, her jaw, her cheekbones.
“You are so beautiful.”
She wasn’t, not really, but right now she believed him. Feeling sexy and confident, she dropped her hands and gripped his T-shirt, slowly pulling it up and over his chest, wanting to get her hands on those muscles. Kade used one hand to finish pulling the T-shirt over his head and toss it to the floor. Brodie sucked in her breath. His track pants were low on his hips, displaying his ripped abdomen, those long obliques over his hips. Those sexy muscles made her feel squirmy and stupid and so, so wanton.
Brodie’s fingers drifted over his abdomen and hips, the side of her hand brushing his erection. She heard Kade suck in a breath. Liking the fact that she could make him breathe faster, that she could make his eyes glaze over, she pushed her hands inside his pants and pushed them over his hips to fall into a black puddle on the wooden floor.
“Whoops.” She smiled against his mouth.
“Since the urge to strip is all I ever think about when you are in the room, I’m not complaining,” Kade said, his mouth curling into a delighted smile.
His smile could melt ice cream, make women walk into poles and stop traffic. It heated up every one of Brodie’s internal organs and made them smile, too.
He had a hell of a smile, Brodie thought, especially when she felt it on her skin.
Nine
A few days later, Brodie parked her car next to Kade’s and ran an appreciative hand over the sleek hood. Had Kade realized this car was something he’d have to give up or, at the very least, that he’d need to buy a new one to transport the baby? There was no room for a car seat and she doubted a stroller would fit in the trunk.
So much was changing, Brodie thought as she headed to the entrance of his apartment building, quickly keying in the code to open the front doors. She and Kade were sort of lovers, kind of friends, about to be parents. The parenting bit was the only thing she was certain of, she thought as she walked into the private elevator that opened into Kade’s hallway.
Kade could rocket her from zero to turned-on in two seconds flat. And he was funny and smart... She was crazy about him.
Brodie rested her head against the panel of the elevator, petrified she was building castles in the air. She was pregnant and it was so natural to look to the father of her baby for sex, for comfort. It made complete sense. Who wanted to be a single parent, who wanted to go through this frightening, exhausting, terrifying process alone? But castles built on fantastic sex and thin air and wishes could collapse at a moment’s notice. Kade wasn’t going to be her happily-ever-after guy. She didn’t believe in happily-ever-after. She believed in getting through, doing the best she could, building a safe and secure life. There was only one person she could rely on 100 percent and that was herself.
Brodie hit the emergency stop button and rested her forehead against the elevator door. She had to pull back from him, had to put some distance between them. She was being seduced by what-ifs and how-it-might-be’s. She couldn’t afford to think of Kade as anything more than the father of her child. He was her temporary lover but he wasn’t her partner or her significant other.
He definitely would never be her husband.
The last time she’d planned her future she’d had it ripped from her. She’d lost everyone she’d loved in one fell swoop and she refused to take that risk again.
She couldn’t taste love, hold love and lose love again. That was too big a risk to take.
She smacked the emergency button and the elevator lurched upward.
No, she’d had her fun...too much fun. It was time to back the hell away and get a handle on this relationship. She needed to dial it back to a cordial friendship. She could do that. And she would do that before the story broke in the press. Presently the press saw her as nothing more than his matchmaker but they’d soon sniff out the truth. With her spending nights at his place, they’d been lucky to keep it a secret this long.
Luck, as she knew, always ran out.
* * *
Kade walked into his loft, ignored Mac and Rory and Quinn, and walked straight over to Brodie. He picked her up and turned her upside down so her head was facing the floor. She gurgled with laughter and placed her hands on the floor to steady herself.
“Kade, she’s pregnant!” Quinn grabbed his arm. “What are you doing?”
“I’m getting blood to her head, something that was obviously missing when she chose my date,” Ka
de replied, easily restoring Brodie to her feet. “She’s lucky I didn’t hang her over the balcony.”
Brodie wiped her hands on the seat of her pants and sent him a cocky smile. She hadn’t been remotely scared at being tossed around like a doll, Kade mused. Her eyes were bright and full of mischief. “Really, Stewart?”
Brodie attempted an innocent shrug. “What? She’s a biokinetics engineer and a part-time entertainer.”
“And a full-time loony. She wants to be a freakin’ mermaid.” Kade pointed an accusing finger at Brodie.
“What are we talking about?” Mac asked, mystified.
“The latest date Brodie and Wren sent him on. He had lunch with her today,” Quinn explained. He turned to Kade. “You do know it’s weird that you’re going on these dates while Brodie is pregnant with your child?”
No, the thought hadn’t occurred to him, he sarcastically, silently replied. Brodie and he had an understanding—basically, they both understood they had no idea what they were doing. “Blame Wren. Besides, the dating is done.”
“When did you do date number two?” Mac asked.
“A couple of weeks back. Teacher, triathlete. We had lunch,” Kade answered him. “I am now off the dating hook.”
“Anyway, getting back to today and this date—” he pointed a finger at Brodie “—revenge will be sweet.”
Brodie didn’t seem particularly concerned, so Kade left her to talk to his friends and headed for the kitchen. On the plus side, he’d fulfilled his duties to Wren’s publicity campaign. The public could vote, speculate and talk about his love life until the damn cows came home but the only woman who interested him, on any level, was standing on his balcony, carrying his child.
He opened the fridge, yanked out a beer, saw Quinn behind him and reached for another. Kade handed Quinn a bottle and closed the fridge door with a nudge of his knee. He cracked open the beer and took a long swallow. He looked across the loft to the balcony where Brodie stood. It was a nice evening, his friends were here and he’d ordered Thai for dinner. He’d had a busy, drama-free day and then he’d joined Quinn and Mac on the ice for a workout. While the news had been unexpected, he was going to be a father and he was starting to become excited at the prospect.