But when it comes to these guys, and by that, I mean the three other dudes I’ve spent the best part of ten years making a life and a career with. I see them as my brothers from another mother, there is nothing and I mean nothing I wouldn’t do for either of them.
When Connor got the phone call from Allie telling us what had gone down in Johnny’s apartment, it was like I was back in the same nightmare we all lived through only a month or so ago when it was Connor in this joint.
I’m not usually a nervous person, I’ve always been confident in everything that I do, so sitting here in this waiting room, waiting to hear if I could possibly lose one of my brothers for a second time, well let’s just say I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to do something, even if it meant I had to charm a middle-aged nurse to get some answers. I would; no questions asked.
Walking over to the nurses’ desk, I straighten my shoulders and lean against the hardwood placing my chin in my hand before giving the grey-haired women sitting opposite me my best smile.
“Whatever it is you want; the answer is no.” She doesn’t even look up at me as she says it.
Not one to give up at the first sign of failure, I take a glance at her name badge and decide it’s time to get personal.
“Look, Mary is it? My best friend has been in surgery for hours now, and we’re all getting somewhat a little antsy in there.” I say, my voice smooth and steady, even though I’m feeling anything but that on the inside. I can see her rejection of help coming before she even opens her mouth.
“Max Spector?” I hear from behind me.
I turn to see a doctor who looks entirely too young to have graduated from medical school.
“That’s me.” I answer suspiciously. “Fantastic, now before you carry on trying to get information from our nurses, shall we go into the waiting room and I’ll inform everybody what’s going on with Mr. Owens?” I shit you not, my stomach falls through my backside at the way he says those words. If Johnny was alive and he’d had a successful surgery then this doctor would at least have a small smile on his face, yet he has nothing, his face is like a blank piece of paper. My shoulders slump inwards, a lump the size of a golf ball makes an appearance in my throat. Watching this doctor tell Karina that the father of her baby is never going to hold their child is going to kill me.
Karina
Something that I would never have expected to happen, has just actually happened.
Max comes and sits next to me, taking my hand in his and squeezes it tightly in a show of support.
Now if Max is being like this, I know the worst is yet to come.
“Look doc, don’t beat around the bush. Is Johnny alive or is he… dead?” I hear Connor ask, getting straight to the point.
“Mr. Blackwood please, I know you’ve all been on pins here waiting, if you can just give me a chance, I will explain everything.”
Connor goes back to his seat, wrapping an arm around Allies trembling shoulders.
“Before I jump in with all the ins and outs, let me tell you this; Johnny is alive.”
I slide from my chair, collapsing to my knees as I weep at the news. He’s alive.
But my relief is soon short lived.
“Although he’s alive and breathing, it’s because a machine is currently doing it for him. There were some complications, so he’s not out of the woods just yet. Due to the angle the bullet entered Johnny’s body, it completely severed his right kidney, now he still has his left one and you can live with just the one kidney normally. Only when the bullet dispersed, the fragments from the bullet also embedded themselves into the surrounding tissue and left kidney. Now we’ve managed to get everything out of the remaining kidney and its holding out for now, but it won’t last long, the damage to it is too severe for it to survive much longer. So, unless we get Mr. Owens a kidney transplant in the next forty-eight to seventy-two hours, then I’m afraid the outcome won’t be what you're all wishing for. I’m so sorry.”
My heart shatters into tiny little pieces, never to be put back together. I can’t except this, I won’t. My dad maybe a grade A twat, but he made me the person I am. And what I am is someone who doesn’t give up unless I have to, I will sell my soul to the devil if it means I find him a kidney. I’m not prepared to give up on him. Before the doctor has the chance to leave the room, I get up from the floor on shaky legs.
“He can have my kidney.” I declare.
The whole room gasps in shock, at the same time they all look at me like I’ve lost my marbles.
“K... Karina. What are you doing?” Allie asks me.
I can see the desolation on her face, she thinks I’m doing this on a whim, or out of guilt, maybe I am. But I will not let the man I love die.
“I’m doing what needs to be done Allie, that man needs me and I’m not going to let him down. You’d do the same if it was Connor, so please don’t try telling me you wouldn’t do the same as me right now.”
Her expression soon changes, as she takes me in her arms and hugs me, at the same time she whispers in my ear.
“I love you, I’ll support you no matter what.”
I extract myself from her arms and offer a smile of thanks, then I make my way to stand in front of the doctor.
“Well… what are you waiting for?” I question.
“Miss Vale, as much as what your offering to do is beyond generous. I’m afraid you simply can’t be a donor, and for two important reasons.”
“Really and what are they, please do enlighten me doctor.” I’m getting snappy and agitated now.
“For starters your pregnant, I can’t perform that kind of surgery without putting you and your baby at risk, secondly the chances of you being a match to Johnny are very slim. The perfect donor would ideally have to be either a blood relative or at a push at least a male.”
He’s got to be shitting me with all this bullshit.
“So, what am I supposed to do? Just sit here and hope someone else dies, just so he can live? I can’t do that. I won't. But I have to do something, because if he dies then my life will be over.”
I feel someone wrap their arms around my shoulders, steering me back to my chair.
“We know your only trying to help Karina, but yours and Johnny’s baby needs you. We can’t have you putting yourself at risk like that.” Looking up through my blurry vision. I see that it’s Mark, Johnny’s dad that is trying to settle me down. That in itself surprises me, I was convinced they hated me.
I’m in utter despair, I don’t know what else to do that will help him. My plan failed… miserably.
Wiping my tears away with the sleeve of Johnny’s jumper I put on before we left his apartment, I look around the waiting room at all the solemn faces around me. That isn’t the only thing I notice though. The guys who I happen to know that Johnny considers his brothers all pass some non-verbal communication between them, then without saying a word all three of them stand from their chairs, giving the doctor who is still standing there like a spare part amongst us all, giving them a sharp nod before leaving the room.
I’m currently sat in one of the private rooms in the intensive care unit, my head is resting on my arm as I hold Johnny’s hand in both of mine. He looks so peaceful. You wouldn’t think there was anything wrong with him, there isn’t a single scratch on his handsome face, not one trace that he’s currently a broken man. If it wasn’t for the breathing tube coming out of his mouth, you would think he’s just sleeping after a busy day.
The door to Johnny’s room quietly opens and Lizzy, his mum comes and sits in the chair across from me.
“Mark was tested a few hours ago, I’m afraid he’s not a match Karina. I’m still awaiting my results, but I’m not holding my breath.”
Once we were all told we could go and see him now, his parents volunteered to donate one of their kidneys to him with them being his blood relatives, but it doesn’t seem to be getting us anywhere. Our options are now limited, and the chance of Johnny making it out of here alive, and to
watch his child grow old with me, are getting slimmer and slimmer by the hour.
Lizzy leaves me alone again with Johnny, whilst she goes to get a drink from the canteen, asking if she could get me anything. I told her I wasn't up to eating anything just yet. Only the baby had other ideas, as I feel a big kick in my side. She laughs telling me she'll grab me something small just to keep my energy levels up. Just before she left, she placed her hand on my belly after asking if it was ok to do so and tells me. ‘Growing a life is the most precious thing a woman can do, and once they're born you'd do everything and anything for them. Treasure every single moment you have with them as you never know when your time is up.’ She then kissed Johnny on his forehead and wiped her tears away then walked out of the room without saying anything else. But she's absolutely right, time is precious, and you need to spend it wisely.
It's been twenty minutes since then, and if I'm honest I’m liking the peace and quiet. It's short lived though, as the doctor walks in at the same time as Max.
Max of all people. I've seen a different side to him since we've been here. I like this side to him, it's raw to see. But why is he here and with the doctor?
“Max? What's going on?” something isn't right I can tell, he looks uncomfortable standing there.
Max Comes to stand behind me, then he grips my shoulder making me stop. Which causes the string of questions to die on my tongue.
“Please K, just listen to what the doctor has to say.”
I don’t want the doctor to talk if he’s going to tell me bad news, as far as I’m concerned Johnny’s still with me and if he’s going to say they are out of time then I don’t want to hear it.
“Ok, I have news. We've ran some more tests, the lads wanted to help so we had blood tests done on all of them, turns out Max here was a match.” I can feel my heart beating against my chest, I know what the doctor is telling me, but I can't get my head around it still.
I’m living in a dream, I must be.
“Max… is a… match?” I look over my shoulder and up to him, he's got a small smile on his face. “You'd do that for me? I mean for him? It's not a joke, right? This isn’t you being your usual twatty self is it?” Why I think he'd joke about something like this I don't know, but Max is the joker of the group, so you never know with him. And I thought we'd have to wait ages to find someone who would be able to donate a kidney.
“It’s not a joke Karina, but the fact that you'd think I would joke about something like this, kind of hurts my feelings.” He places a hand over his heart, as I’ve wounded him, and I instantly know he’s being sarcastic.
For the first time since I’ve been in this room, I let go of Johnny’s hand and leave my seat.
“Thank you so much Max, I can’t even begin to describe what you’re about to do and what this means to me. You’re giving my baby their father back.” I sob as I wrap my arms around his neck, getting his t-shirt wet with all my tears.
He rubs my back in a calming gesture then yet again shows me more of the side to him I’ve never seen.
“I may joke about K, and generally be a dick 99.9% of the time, but there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my family, and that’s exactly what Johnny is, he’s my brother. And if I can give him his life back, then by god I will do whatever it takes. Granted when this is all over the fucker is going to owe me big time.” He says the last bit laughing.
Bringing my arms down from his neck, I step back and mouth another ‘Thank you’ to him.
We both turn back to the doctor who’s just staring at us like we’ve got two heads.
“What happens now?” I ask.
“Well, we now start Johnny on some medication to reduce the risk of his body rejecting the new kidney for the next twelve hours, whilst we take Max and prepare him for surgery. Then all being well with the two of them, we take them both into theatre tomorrow evening and do the transplant.” The doctor explains.
Leaning over Johnny, I whisper in his ear hoping that he can hear me.
“Did you hear that John Boy, you’re going to be ok. Max is going to fix you up real good. You just hold on a few more hours and everything will be ok.”
Max
For the life of me I never thought I would end up being a kidney donor whilst I was still alive.
But I am.
I’m shitting myself about it all, but who wouldn’t?
I’m doing the right thing though, I just know I am. And if it means we get our best friend/brother back and Karina gets her soul mate back as well, then it’ll all be worth it.
When we all got tested I never thought I would be a match, so when the doctor said I was I didn’t have to think twice about agreeing to do this. I know if it was me in Johnny’s position that he, Liam and Connor would do the same if they could. Then when we went and told Karina, the elation on her face, well let’s just say that it cemented it in stone even more for me.
I had to do this.
I’ve never been in hospital before as a patient, believe it or not, I’m a healthy person.
I’ve been sat in this hospital bed for almost seven hours, I’ve been poked and prodded, I’ve even had a scan on my kidneys to make sure they’re in tip top shape, now I’ve just got sit and wait a few more hours before the surgery whilst they pump Johnny full of medication, so he can receive my organ without complications.
“How are you holding up in here?” Liam asks as him and Connor come through my room door.
“Shitting bricks, but I’m alright though.” I admit.
“What you’re doing is amazing Max, if one of us could take your place right now, then we would in a heartbeat.” Connor says.
“I know, I’ll be ok and if it means we have Johnny back giving us shit again then all this will be worth it.” I say with a smile. “Anyway, it’s the least I can do. After all, I’m the reason he had to cut his hair off.” I joke.
“You do know when he’s up and about, he’s still going to kick your arse for that don’t you?” Liam laughs.
“Yeah, I know, but at least he’ll be alive and that’s the main thing.”
“Can we come in?” A small voice asks.
All three of us turn to the door, and we see Johnny’s parents, Mark and Lizzy standing there.
Walking over to my bed, I see that Lizzy has been crying and Mark looks like his whole world is hanging by a thread.
“Max, we can’t thank you enough for doing this. You really are a lifesaver.”
“It’s ok, honestly I don’t mind.”
“Well, we just want you to know how grateful we are to you.” Mark tells me.
“I’d do the same if it was any of the guys in this situation.” I blush, embarrassingly so. I’m not normally a man who blushes, but with all these people singing my praises it can’t be helped.
“How’s K doing?” I ask to no one in particular.
Connor goes to say something, but he’s stopped short when the doctor who’s performing the operation also enters my room, I swear this is some sort of test to see how many people you can fit into one small room.
“You ready to do this? Because it’s time.” He says, as he rubs his hands together.
I’m confused by what he’s saying, it shouldn’t be happening yet. Johnny needs to finish having all sorts of drugs pumped into him. If they’re doing the transplant now, it means something is seriously wrong.
“I’m ready, but why now? I thought John needed all kinds of medication first.” I question.
“He does… only times running out quicker than we expected. I’ve just had his latest kidney function tests back and the remaining kidney is deteriorating quicker than we expected, so it has to be now before it’s too late.”
As the doctor talks Lizzy is quietly crying in Marks arms, they clearly didn’t know about this till just now. Connor and Liam have both gone a deathly white colour, both of them look petrified.
There’s only one thing for it.
“Let’s get this show on the road then Doc.”
Max and Johnny have both been in theatre almost five hours.
If I’ve paced the waiting room and corridors once, I’ve done it a thousand times. I just can’t sit still; my heart is in my mouth and I feel sick as a dog. I’m just glad I ate a couple of biscuits that Lizzy got me from the canteen earlier.
When the doctor told me, they were bringing the operation forward by a few hours, I thought he wasn’t going to make it, but so far no one has come to us, informing us that one of them is dead. I’m taking that as a good sign for now. I have to stay optimistic, if I don’t I’ll crumble, and I can’t do that, Johnny needs me.
“Mofo? Why don’t you come and get some fresh air with me?” Allie suggests. “You can’t keep walking these halls the way you are, you’re going to drive yourself insane at this rate.”
She’s right, I will.
If I stay here though, I feel closer to Johnny and if I leave I feel like I’m letting him down somehow.
Allie being the best friend that she is sees my turmoil.
“We’re only going to go outside by the main doors K, we won’t go far. You’ll still be here if anything happens.”
I nod my head as an answer to her, at the same time she links arms with me and we head to the doors.
Taking that first step outside is like heaven, I take deep breaths in filling my lungs with clean air and not that sickly air you get when you’re in a hospital.
“Feeling any better?” Allie looks at me expectantly with her eyebrows raised.
The bitch is enjoying this, she loves knowing she was right about what I needed.
“I am, thank you Al. For everything.”
“What are best friends for if they can’t stand by their friend when she needs her the most? You did it for me mofo, I wouldn’t let you go through this alone. Mofo’s for life, remember that.”
We stand in a comfortable silence, just enjoying being outside and people watching when the sliding doors whoosh open and Liam comes barreling through them. He stops, bends at the waist with his hands on his thighs.
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