He flicked the light switch and my eyes grew round as I surveyed the room. Since our visit last night it had been transformed. I turned back to him, wordlessly waiting for him to explain.
“I want to be with you, because I love you. So much, sometimes I think my chest is going to burst with the love it's holding. I want you to be happy. I want to be happy and I swear to God, Charlotte; every minute I spend with you makes me happier. The past is just that - it's in the past. We can't change it, and you can't change how I feel about you. You've got some amazing abilities, but stopping me from loving you is something you'll never do.” He surveyed the room for a long moment. “You seem to like it up here and I wanted it to be a sanctuary for you,” he commented softly. He walked me around the room, pointing out things. “The Tines helped organize it while we were at the funerals. The couch folds out into a bed if you decide you want to sleep here.” It was a pretty little two-seater, upholstered in forest green. “I had a heater installed so you won't be cold and there's a refrigerator with a stock of food and drinks. Nonny supplied a teapot so you can make yourself hot drinks.” He pointed to the other corner. “Music, a TV and a DVD player.” He grasped my shoulders and gently turned me to face the other direction. “Some books to read and Rowena brought your easel and art equipment up here.”
“You did all this? For me?” I questioned, dumbfounded by such a beautiful gesture.
Conal looked self-conscious. “I had a lot of help. Ripley, William and Striker got the furniture up here. Rowena and the girls did the decorating. All I did was come up with the plan.”
I pulled away from him, wandering through the room and running my fingers over some of the books. The exposed glass had been covered with pretty lace curtains and the bare light globe had a shade. A quick peek in the refrigerator revealed chocolate, soda, cheese and crackers and milk. The television sat on a small stand and a pile of DVD's were stacked below it. The shelf beside the tiny stereo held a selection of music. I touched my easel as though I'd rediscovered a long lost friend.
Conal was watching, his face filled with apprehension and I ran back to him, leaping into his arms. “I love it!”
He hugged me close, holding me tightly. “I'm glad. I want you to come here whenever you need to be alone. I know how important this is to you.” He released me and stepped back a little. “Why don't I leave you alone and you can have a good look round? I'll come back later.”
“Don't leave.” I pressed my hands against his chest, his heart beating beneath my palms.
Heat flared in his eyes. “It's your room, Charlotte. I don't want to take that away from you. God knows you get little enough time to yourself as it is.”
“I want to share it with you.” I touched his cheek, tracing a line from his temples to his jaw and he closed his eyes, inhaling sharply. “This is somewhere you and I can spend time together without interruptions.”
He searched my eyes, seeking confirmation. “Are you sure that's what you want?”
“Lucas and I never spent enough time together. I don't want that to happen with us,” I admitted. “This room,” I scanned the little space that was now so comfortable, “it's somewhere away from everything. I can paint and you can watch movies, or we can curl up on the couch and talk. Nobody will bother us here. It's perfect.”
Conal smiled, placing his hands over mine. “I'm happy to share it with you. But whenever you want to be alone, all you do is say the word. I'll understand.” He lowered his hands to my hips. “I'm only visiting if you invite me.”
“I'm inviting you now,” I announced with a grin. “While I explore, you can make the first cup of coffee.”
Chapter 23: Tantrum
The funerals concluded by mid-afternoon the next day and we congregated in the mess to grab a bite to eat. A conference had been scheduled to thrash out the Fae situation, and we were due to attend in an hour.
Conal, Ben and Matt were discussing the Fae's request, weighing up the pros and cons of negotiating. Nick and Gabrielle were listening, adding significant points from time to time. For the most part I was silent, dividing my attention between their conversation and the spirits opinions.
“I don't think we have a choice. We have to bargain with the Fae,” Matt pointed out. “We don't want Archangelo returned to Sfantu Drâghici.”
A tiny smile played on my lips. A few weeks ago Matt hardly believed in this world – now he was an integral part of it.
“We have nothing to bargain with. The Consiliului have the Fae woman, the Fae have Archangelo,” Ben argued. “What can we offer?”
“The Fae can't be trusted,” Conal growled. “Whatever they agree to, they'll go back on their word.”
Ben offered him a wry smile. “History repeats itself. I recall being in a hotel room not so long ago, having a very similar discussion.”
Conal grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess that's true.”
“I'd like to know what Epi knows about Goren,” Matt said thoughtfully. He glanced around the table. “He knows something.”
“I agree,” Nick said. He scratched the scar on his cheek. " Goren greeted Epi like an old friend."
“Have you asked Epi?” I questioned.
The men looked uncomfortable, exchanging wary glances until Conal spoke up. “Epi hasn't been forthcoming about anything since the incident on the ramparts.”
“Is he okay?”
Nick snorted derisively. “As okay as the old man ever is. He's pissed off and ignoring us.”
Ben shot Nick a warning glance. “Epi is under a great deal of stress. Finding out your news was the proverbial straw breaking the camel's back, I'm afraid.”
I sighed heavily and stood up, discarding my lunch. Conal caught my eye, raising an eyebrow. “Where are you going?”
“I'm going to talk to Epi.”
Do you want us to come with you?” Ben offered.
“I think it's better if I go alone.” Epi's anger was directed towards me and I couldn't let the rift get out of control. Not when we had to confront the Fae situation tomorrow. Epi needed to recover from his snit before then.
Conal winked at me. “I'll see you at the meeting. Take a Katchet, just in case.”
I giggled. “Hopefully I won't resort to murdering him.”
“I was thinking more of protecting yourself from him,” Conal quipped.
I shook my head and walked away. Pushing the door open, I strode across the courtyard to the meeting hall. The children had been released from school and were outside, making snowmen and conducting enthusiastic snowball fights. I thought I'd much rather stay outside and play with them, than go and face off against Epi.
The ancient wizard was seated alone at the conference table, consulting a book and making notes on a clipboard. He glanced up as I approached, eyeing me for a split second before returning to his work.
“Hi, Epi.” I pulled up a chair and sat beside him, watching him for a few minutes. He ignored me, refusing to acknowledge my presence and my annoyance grew. “Why are you so angry?”
With painstaking care, he replaced the lid on his fountain pen, placing it on the table. “Why am I angry?” he began, his eyes enormous behind his glasses. “I discover you are having a baby and you wonder why I'm angry?” He pushed the chair away from the table and stood, turning on me like a miniature whirlwind. “Because it's a completely impossible situation, that's why! We are fighting a war and you are our primary weapon! For reasons unknown, you choose to get yourself pregnant! As if there was not enough to worry about, I discover you were having a sexual relationship with a vampire and didn't even have the forethought to consider guarding yourself against impregnation! What sort of fool are you? You face the biggest threat the supernatural have faced in millennia! You are the only pure Nememiah's Child and you are the only one capable of using the strength of the Angels!”
He ran out of steam and glared at me, breathing heavily. I glared right back, my anger reaching boiling point. I could hear Lucas
, imploring me to remain calm but I was beyond controlling my temper.
“Yeah, Epi. Trust you to think that way. This war is the most important thing in your life! Obviously you hate someone putting a spanner in the works. You insensitive, uncaring, son of a bitch! I didn't choose to get pregnant – it wasn't something I'd contemplated. It wasn't a conscious decision Lucas and I made, we wanted to prevent a pregnancy! You treat me like a five-year-old, but I'm not a child! I knew what I was doing! You wouldn't even begin to understand why I was 'having a sexual relationship with a vampire', and thanks for the compassion, by the way.” Using telekinesis, I lifted a chair and threw it with such force, it smashed into the wall and left a gash in the wooden paneling. “I loved Lucas, he was important to me and as inconsiderate as you seem to think it was, I wanted to be with him! I know I could die any day. He loved me and gave his life to protect me. That's what 'that vampire' did for me!” I stood up, thrusting the chair away so it skidded across the floor. Red rage had spiraled my temper out of control. I waved a hand at the conference table and an orb flew from my fingers, smashing it into smithereens. The sound reverberated around the hall like a tree crashing down and Epi leaped away, his expression quickly morphing from anger to alarm. “How dare you question me about having this baby? You, who've never loved anyone, never shared a special relationship with someone and hate the fact that I have!” My entire body shook with rage, my heart racing as I screamed at him.
The door slammed and footsteps approached. It didn't stop my explosive tirade. “I know what I'm facing, Epi! I don't need you to remind me over and over again! I know Archangelo is stronger than I am, I know he's more powerful! I'm the only one who can use the spirits in this war and I know that! What I don't understand is what the hell your problem is? Other than you think having a baby is going to stop me from fighting a war that you want to win, just so you get the God-damned glory! I've never once backed away from what you've asked me to do!” I brought my hand forward and produced a wave of energy. It collected every chair in its path, smashing them into a pile of kindling at the end of the room. “I have never refused to do anything! Every time that God-forsaken alarm sounds, I'm there, battling whatever Archangelo and the Drâghici throw at us! The one time, the one time, I could use some support, some encouragement, a few words to let me know you'll help me through this, you lose your God-damn temper and tell me I'm a fool!” I lifted my hand again but Conal captured my wrist and pulled me into his arms.
“Enough, Charlotte. Enough,” he ordered quietly. “Stop this before you destroy the entire building.”
I slumped against him, wrapping my arms around his waist and sobbing against his chest. He murmured something unintelligible and gently loosened my grip, handing me off to Marianne. She draped her arm around my waist.
“Come on, Charlotte. Let me take you home,” she said in a soothing tone.
She walked me passed the people who'd congregated in the hall, all were staring in shock and disbelief at the damage I'd caused. Nobody would look me in the eye. Except one person.
Rachel was standing amongst the crowd, her face filled with loathing as she turned to two women beside her and spoke. “Skanky ho,” she muttered beneath her breath. “He'll leave her now for sure. She might have convinced him she cares, but she just wants a father for her bastard kid.”
Marianne's fangs extended and she stared coldly at Rachel. Rachel appeared ready to retort, but a slimly-built man placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed none-too-gently. “Rachel, shut up, you idiot!” He offered Marianne an apologetic grimace and with a warning growl, Marianne guided me swiftly through the crowds and away from Epi.
Fifteen minutes later I was slumped on the couch at Rowena's, drowning in a bottomless bucket of shame. I knew the ramifications of my tantrum would be disastrous and I'd likely destroyed any respect I'd built amongst the people of Zaen. Rowena sat by my side with Marianne on the other and Gwynn had gone to make coffee. “Oh, God,” I groaned into my hands. “Now the whole damn city knows!”
Marianne massaged my back, tracing gentle circles against my spine. “They were going to find out sooner or later.”
“Not like this! Now they all think I'm insane!”
“They saw you lose your temper,” Rowena responded quietly. “It's something which happens to everyone.”
I uncovered my face and looked at her, raising an eyebrow. “Not everyone destroys a room full of furniture and screams like a banshee.”
Rowena's lips curled into a tiny smile, which she quickly controlled. “It was justified; you were angry with Epi.”
“What did he say that made you so livid?” Gwynn asked. She placed a steaming mug of coffee in my hand, then knelt on the floor, placing a reassuring hand on my knee.
I shrugged morosely. “I asked why he was so angry and he launched into a rant, saying it was a completely impossible situation and it was selfish of me to get pregnant.” I sipped the too-hot coffee, then blew across the surface to cool it. “Then he yelled about me making love with Lucas and not having the forethought to take precautions. He called me a fool and reminded me, again, that I'm Nememiah's Child and the only one capable of controlling the spirits. You'd think I'd deliberately gotten pregnant to make life difficult for him.”
Rowena bristled, her eyes flashing with anger. “I'll kill him. How dare he be so judgmental?”
Misaki knocked at the door and came in, her smile compassionate. She dropped down into a chair and flicked her braids back from her shoulders. “Conal said to tell you that he's with Matt and Ben and they're dealing with Epi. The meeting's been delayed by an hour.”
I groaned, dropping my face into my hands again. “How can I face everyone after what I did?”
“Charlotte, you lost your temper. You threw some stuff around,” Marianne spoke matter-of-factly. “You did a spectacular job of throwing stuff around, but it's easily fixed. You've done nothing wrong. You'll go in there with your head held high and they'll soon forget about it.”
I attempted a smile. “You're right. Guess there's nothing left to do but pick myself up and deal with it.”
“Absolutely,” Misaki said. She grinned happily, clearly delighted. “Now the secret is out, I can start knitting clothes for the baby.”
I eyed her curiously. “You can knit?”
Misaki shook her head. “After a fashion. I knitted a jacket for Kazuki when I was pregnant. One sleeve ended up three inches longer than the other. But I'm sure I'll improve with practice.”
“We can enjoy the pregnancy, now we don't have to keep it secret,” Gwynn agreed.
“We can have a baby shower!” Rowena suggested. “Not now, of course, but a few months from now.”
I listened to their excited chatter and began to relax, sipping the coffee. They were excited and I could appreciate the Tine women's enthusiasm – they would never have babies of their own. It would be nice to share my baby with them.
“Our baby,” Lucas reminded softly.
“Our baby,” I agreed with a gentle smile. “I should have listened to your warning.”
“Epi deserved it,” Lucas growled. “Although perhaps the furniture destruction was excessive.”
I repressed a giggle. “You haven't been around lately.”
“I'm always with you, Charlotte.”
“I know. I thought you'd say something about Conal.”
“There's been no need. You're a grown woman, you know your own mind.”
I licked my suddenly-dry lips. “You're not… upset?”
“On the contrary. I'm delighted. He will protect you and love you.” He paused for a moment. “As a matter of fact, he's doing a fine job of protecting you from Epi right now.”
I cringed. “He's angry?”
There was cold fury in his voice. “Absolutely livid. As I would be. The old man had no right to speak like that.” He sighed heavily before continuing more calmly. “Enjoy some time with your friends before the meeting. I'll talk to you soon.”
“I love you.”
“As I do you.”
Gwynn was watching me and a little smile curved her lips. “Lucas?” she guessed.
“How did you know?”
“You get a certain look in your eyes when you're speaking to him.”
I nodded, soothed by the conversation with Lucas. My reactions to hearing him were changing as time passed. What had been so distressing eight weeks ago was morphing into a sense of contentment by retaining contact with him. I had to wonder if the changes related to my fledgling relationship with Conal, or whether I was coming to terms with his death. There were no points of reference for a situation like this - how many people could speak to their deceased loved ones? I was practically certain I was unique.
“Is it strange to hear his voice?” Misaki questioned softly.
I shook my head, offering her a tiny smile. “It's not strange. I've been hearing these voices all my life.” I scratched my head thoughtfully. “I think I'm lucky – I still have contact with Lucas. I have contact with everyone I've ever loved.”
“How many spirits do you have contact with?” Misaki asked. Her brown eyes were alight with curiosity.
I shrugged. “I honestly don't know. Somewhere between one and two thousand at a rough guess. It increases all the time, every time I meet new people.”
Rowena leaned forward. “Do you think it will work with the Fae?”
Recalling the first time I met Goren, I shook my head. “I don't think so. Goren touched my arm and I didn't get anything from him.”
“Which will make it harder to know if we can trust them,” Gwynn suggested.
“I can still speak with the spirits and they'll counsel me.” I smiled wryly. “They're always willing to offer advice about something, even if it isn't much help.”
There was a gentle tap on the door and Conal walked in, followed closely by a contrite Epi. Conal's expression was calm and his black eyes warmed when he surveyed the scene in the living room. “Sorry to interrupt, ladies. Epi wants to speak to Charlotte.”
The Knowledge of Love Page 18