I squeezed my eyes shut. “You really don't want to know.”
Conal ran his fingers through my hair. “I think I do. I need to know the enemy Charlotte, so I know what I'm dealing with.”
I shuddered at the recollection of what Archangelo had said. “It's horrible, Conal,” I whispered.
Conal drew himself upright, his eyes cold and hard. “Tell me.”
I sat up beside him and Conal wrapped me in his arms, holding me tightly. I haltingly described the last two confrontations with Archangelo. “When he attacked you and Lucas, he told me he was in love with me. He… kissed me.” I shuddered. “It was disgusting.”
Conal's arms tightened protectively and he muttered a curse under his breath before I continued. “He told me I'd only followed him because I wanted him.”
“The guy is delusional,” Conal growled.
“It gets worse. When you were away and he got into the city, he was… aroused when I found him. It was… uh… obvious. He told me I would become his wife and I said no way that would ever happen because I hated him. He asked if that was because he'd killed you and Lucas,” I stopped, my lip trembling with emotion and it took a few seconds to gather myself enough to continue. “And he suggested neither you or Lucas could ever be man enough to satisfy me… and only he could.”
Again Conal cursed furiously, in a burst of expletives best not repeated.
“I completely lost it. I lost my temper and told him Lucas was man enough to get me pregnant before he died.” My voice had dropped to a whisper and I trembled. “I should never have told him.”
Conal picked me up and deposited me into his lap, drawing the covers up to my shoulders. “I can understand why you did, Sugar. You must have been really pissed with him when he said that shit about Lucas.”
“And you,” I whispered against his neck.
“I'll protect you from him. I swear to God; I will never let him near you again.”
“I know you'll do your best,” I murmured. “But I'm frightened.”
“I know, Sugar,” Conal said softly. “I'll protect you. I not going to let anything happen to you.”
“If he wants to kill me, I'm not sure I can stop him,” I admitted quietly.
Conal squeezed his eyes shut. “Don't talk like that, Sugar. I can't bear it. The thought of losing you, when we've only just found each other again – it's more than I can deal with.” He tightened his grip unconsciously. “I want you to train with me and Nick again. I want to be close to you all the time, so I can keep you safe.”
I raised my head, looking into his eyes. “Conal, I don't know if I can. To train with you, fight with you…” My voice faded away as my chest began to ache at the thought of losing him. “At least if you're not with me out there, you have a chance.”
Conal lowered his head, his lips caressing mine. “I won't stay away during a battle, Charlotte. I can't do it and I won't. Wherever you are, I'll be close by, making sure you're protected.”
I nodded, knowing Conal wouldn't change his decision. “All right. I'll come back to train with you.”
Conal rested his head against the wall. “I've been thinking about this. We should train in a group of four.”
“Why?”
“More protection for you.” He sighed, stroking my cheek. “They're after you, Sugar. No matter what else happens out there, the Drâghici want you dead. Archangelo obviously wants something entirely different and that's just terrifying. In a team of four, we could protect you better.”
I licked my lips, nodding thoughtfully. Whilst I doubted it would matter how many people I fought with, it seemed to be something Conal believed in and I wanted to give him any reassurance I could. “Maybe you're right. We'll talk to Epi tomorrow.”
“I already have. He agreed it's a good idea.”
A smile stole across my lips. “Thanks.”
Conal kissed me again, a little more insistently. “I'm going to keep you safe, Charlotte.”
I slid my arms up and wrapped them around Conal's neck, holding him tightly. Conal moaned, seeking out my mouth and he kissed me deeply, his hands rubbing soft patterns against my back. He maneuvered us until I was laying back against his arm, cradling me as I returned his kiss, my mouth exploring his own. I dropped my arm from his neck, trailing a path across his shoulder with my fingertips and down his arm finding my way to his chest.
Conal broke away with a frustrated growl. “Sugar, you're driving me wild,” he muttered hoarsely, carefully depositing me on the bed beside him. “Keep doing that and I'm really gonna struggle with any self-control I've got.”
“I'm sorry.”
“Don't be.” He lay down again and captured me against him.
We lay together silently and I heard the tempo of Conal's heartbeat slow to normal pace beneath my ear before he spoke again. “Do you think Epi's right? You'll be able to bring the spirits back so everyone can see them?”
“I don't know,” I admitted. “I haven't got a clue how I could do it.”
Conal lapsed into silence for a minute. “I guess you could bring Lucas back. If you wanted to.”
I rolled over so I could lean my forearms on Conal's chest and see his face. His black eyes were fathomless as he returned my gaze, his expression carefully masked. “Conal, Lucas is gone. Even though I can hear him and see him – even if I could bring him back so others could see him, he's still really gone.” I brushed my hair back from my face, thinking how best to explain what I was thinking. “However he appears, it would never be permanent. He's gone in that way, forever.” I inhaled deeply. “And I'm with you now.”
Conal lifted his arm, rubbing his fingers through his hair. “I thought you were with me, once before.” he stated evenly. “Guess I'm feeling insecure.”
I leaned forward, dropping my lips onto his for a brief kiss. “I love you, Conal. I really do.”
Conal squeezed his eyes shut. “What if Lucas could come back?”
The question hovered between us for a few seconds as I digested it. Wondering how I could make this right for him. “He can't, Conal. I know that and you know that.” I traced my fingers across his jaw, ran my fingertips across his lips. “I wouldn't have agreed to you moving in here with me, if I wasn't certain of what I wanted. I wouldn't be kissing you if I wasn't certain.” I flushed. “I wouldn't be imagining the things I imagine when I look at you, if I wasn't certain.”
A slow smile spread over Conal's mouth as he opened his eyes and gazed up at me. “Sounds like you have some fantasies of your own, Sugar.”
I bit my lip and nodded. “Don't ever think I don't want you – I do. I want you to kiss me and hug me and – more. It's not something I can rush into and you said yourself, you're not comfortable with the idea while I'm pregnant.”
Conal sighed. “I did, didn't I?”
I looked at him, one eyebrow raised in bemusement. “You've changed your mind?”
Conal shrugged. “Keeping my hands off you is going to be harder than I thought it would be.”
“Maybe you should go,” I said evenly, although the last thing I wanted was for him to leave. If I was honest with myself, I knew I felt more secure and happier since he'd been sleeping in my room.
Conal shook his head firmly. “Not gonna happen, Charlotte. I'm here to stay, and I'll stay for as long as you want me.” He sighed heavily, dropping a kiss on my forehead. “And in the meantime, there's always cold showers…”
Chapter 29: Disaster
The anxiety was gnawing at me, making me twitchy and irritated. A constant uneasy feeling hovered in my chest, despite the spirits, who'd assured me as little as an hour ago that everything was all right.
Of course, I'd hated the lousy plan in the first place. Considerable discussion had been undertaken between our group and the Fae, until finally a plan was formulated which proved mutually acceptable to everyone. The one thing they'd all been in agreement about was the fact that I shouldn't be involved. That one point they'd all agreed on was the major stic
king point as far as I was concerned. Even more so when the group was chosen who would attempt the rescue of Arasinya. It included some of the most important people in my life.
Matt had come up with the foundations of the plan, insisting we should consider a military-type extraction rather than relying on the powers of the supernaturals. He'd argued stridently for the idea, claiming it was the one thing the Drâghici wouldn't anticipate and gave us the element of surprise. The idea had been further refined by the other men, deciding they would use the Drâghici cloaks we'd stolen when we recovered the Tines, using them to enter Sfantu Drâghici. They would infiltrate the Drâghici stronghold, make their way to the level where Arasinya was being held, overcome any guards, retrieve her and fight their way back out if necessary.
The group chosen to attempt the mission included Matt as mission leader, which was more than enough to fill me with anxiety. He'd been pulled into this war through his association with me and I'd worried endlessly about him being included when he had Misaki and Kazuki to consider. William had volunteered to go, his knowledge of the Drâghici and the castle itself considered vitally important. His role would be to get them to where Arasinya was being held. Goren had insisted on going, naturally, as it was his wife they were trying to retrieve. Nat Finton, Bhekimuzi Kinte and Joe Reynolds were rounding out the numbers. They'd been the first to receive Matt's blood and had been armed with Nememiah's weapons for the assault on the Drâghici stronghold.
The single most terrifying part however, was that Conal had gone with them. It was his involvement which appalled me the most. I'd argued against his inclusion for hours, insisting that someone else, anyone else could go in his place. It was an argument I couldn't win. Even Matt had sided with Conal, insisting Conal's strength and fighting ability was vital for the mission. I knew it was true. Conal was brave and strong and powerful, he had the ability to transform to werewolf and the ability to use the weapons. I had no argument with him being eminently suitable. I had a huge argument against the man I loved being chosen. The loss of Lucas was too recent, too raw. To consider Conal being put into jeopardy was beyond my capacity to cope with. And yet he'd gone. He'd promised he wanted to be with me and protect me and he'd gone. Conflicting emotions rolled through my heart, the worry of him being hurt, mixed with resentment that he'd gone despite how I felt. A sense of abandonment washed over me. I was being childish and Conal was the best person for the mission. Yet again I quelled the immature thought that it wasn't fair.
“Have you heard anything, child?” Epi's shiny head appeared in the stairwell to my sanctuary, his eyes filled with worry.
I shook my head morosely. “The spirits aren't telling me anything.”
“Caylen and Tibor should arrive soon with Archangelo,” Epi reported. The two Fae had returned to their Realm to collect Archangelo and bring him to Zaen, part of our agreement with the Fae. We didn't want to take chances that things could go awry with Archangelo's imprisonment. Despite Goren's assurances that he was without weapons and being closely guarded, the Zaen council had insisted in exchange for our help, Archangelo must be handed over to us. Consequently, when the men portalled to Sfantu Drâghici some six hours ago, Tibor and Caylen had returned to the Fae Realm to retrieve Archangelo.
“Have you prepared somewhere to keep him?” I questioned. Epi had vanished shortly after the men left, intent on creating a site within Zaen where Archangelo could be held securely. The idea of having him nearby was unnerving. With his insane connection to me, I didn't like the idea of him in Zaen, but I accepted that we needed control of him.
“His quarters have been prepared,” Epi agreed. “I've used every one of my skills to ensure secure imprisonment until we resolve what to do with him.”
“Good.”
Epi tilted his head. “Something troubles you, Child.”
I shook my head uncertainly. “Nothing in particular. Just… a bad feeling.” I couldn't shake it. No matter what I said to myself, I couldn't rid myself of the sense something was wrong. Of course it could be nervous tension, but still, it was there. There was no doubt they were in danger, walking into Sfantu Drâghici was equivalent to a suicide mission, but we had little choice. Arasinya must be retrieved. If the Fae were to join with the Drâghici – the thought was too horrifying to contemplate.
“The spirits will guide you, Child.” Epi turned and disappeared down the stairs, leaving me in peace. The minutes ticked past slowly as I waited for news. Despite the wonderful things Conal had arranged up here, I couldn't settle to anything, instead choosing to sit on the couch and wait anxiously.
Another half hour had passed when Misaki appeared on the stairs, looking apprehensive. “Any news?”
I shook my head gloomily. “Want a coffee?”
Misaki stepped into the room. “Sure. I'll make it, I'd do just about anything to break up the endless waiting.”
“Where's Kazuki?”
“Gwynn's with him. He was sensing how tense I was and got a bit tetchy,” Misaki explained as she prepared the cups. “That girl is wonderful with children.”
I smiled softly. “She is. She would have made a wonderful mother.” I lapsed back into silence and watched Misaki making the coffee, handing me a mug before she flopped down next to me on the couch.
“Can you believe it's only four days until Christmas?” Misaki announced, pulling her legs underneath her.
I shook my head. “Have you got a gift for Kazuki?”
Misaki smiled. “Epi had the witches procuring stuff. We got him a toboggan. Figure with all this snow and ice, he'll have a ball.”
“Sounds like fun,” I agreed quietly. “What would you have been doing for Christmas, if all this,” I waved my hand vaguely around the room, “hadn't happened?”
Misaki grinned. “We probably would have gone to Japan, visited with my parents. Compared to 'all this', it would have been pretty dreary.”
I couldn't help but smile. “You amaze me by how well you've adapted.” I paused, considering my words carefully, “I'm surprised how well Matt has adjusted, considering how freaked out he was in the beginning.”
“He loves you, Charlotte. Once he realized this was your reality, he understood he'd have to get used to it, to be involved in your life.”
“I'm so sorry he's involved now. Watching him and the others leave this morning was terrifying.”
Misaki laid a hand on my arm in a comforting gesture. “Matt was an outstanding Marine, Charlotte. He knows what he's doing. This is the sort of thing he was trained for.” Seeing my raised eyebrows, she continued with a grin, “All right, maybe not this sort of thing exactly. But I know Matt, he's talented and courageous – he'll get Arasinya out. I'm certain of it.”
I grasped the mug between my hands, staring at the steaming liquid. “I wish I could be so confident. I wish none of them had gone.”
Misaki offered me a knowing smile. “Particularly Conal, I'm guessing.”
I lifted my gaze to meet hers. “We're— Well, it's kind of complicated.”
“Doesn't look too complicated to me. He adores you. You obviously adore him.”
I grimaced. “Is it really that obvious? We're trying to keep it secret.”
“Why?” Misaki asked. She sounded surprised.
I gripped the mug more firmly, chewing my lip. “Lucas only died eight weeks ago.”
“There's obviously history between you and Conal,” she stated. “Matt and I knew there was something with the two of you from the first day we met you.”
“It's complicated,” I repeated.
“Well, I've got some free time. Why don't you tell me about it?” Misaki suggested. “It'll give us something else to think about for a couple of minutes.”
I grinned wryly. “It's going to take more than a few minutes to explain.”
Misaki returned my grin, her brown eyes bright. “That's even better.”
I found myself explaining my relationship with Conal and Lucas to Misaki, how I'd met them both, how I felt a
bout each of them. She listened intently, asking the occasional question to clarify when she was uncertain, easing me smoothly through the explanation. I found it easy to talk to her, effortlessly telling her about my feelings for Lucas, my equally strong feelings for Conal.
“Why do you think you need to hide your relationship with Conal?” she asked gently when I'd finished.
I shrugged. “I'm still harboring a lot of guilt about moving on so quickly,” I admitted.
“Are you happy with Conal?” she asked astutely.
Smiling, I nodded happily. “I adore him.”
“And you've loved him for quite a while,” she pointed out.
“We've known each other for about ten months.”
Misaki smiled. “Then don't hide it, Charlotte. Embrace your love and enjoy it and be with one another.”
The smile died and I frowned anxiously. “I don't know how Matt will react. He was freaked out enough by Lucas. If he thinks I've moved on to a werewolf and so soon after…”
“Matt only wants your happiness, Charlotte. It's just as obvious to him, as it was to me, how you feel about Conal.” She smiled mischievously. “We know he's moved into the Tines with you.”
My eyes widened. “You do?” I flushed. “He hasn't exactly… it's not what it seems…”
Misaki giggled. “Zaen isn't that big, Charlotte. For those of us who aren't constantly training or fighting, we get to know where other people live. Conal was sharing with a couple of his pack, now he's seen coming out of Ben and Rowena's more often than not each morning. It wasn't hard to figure out why he's there.”
I blushed beetroot red. “I don't know what to say now.”
Misaki drained her coffee mug, putting it on the floor by her feet. “Don't say anything, Charlotte.” She leaned forward, caught my hands in hers. “You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. If you and Conal are happy, who cares what anyone else thinks?”
“I know you're right. It would be less complicated if I didn't have direct access to Lucas in my head,” I admitted. “Not only do I have to worry about other people's reactions, I also worry about hurting Lucas's feelings.”
The Knowledge of Love Page 23