“Christ, Charlotte,” Conal growled. “You don't know what you're doing to me.”
I smiled against his lips. “I think I do,” I whispered huskily. I rubbed my fingertips lightly over his nipple and Conal arched his neck back with a groan. I took the opportunity to kiss his neck, following the corded muscle I found there with my lips.
Conal inhaled sharply, his breath coming in short bursts and he rubbed his hand down my denim clad leg. “This is going to get out of control if you keep this up,” he warned, his voice husky with desire.
“Maybe I want it to,” I whispered.
Conal sat up a little straighter, his black eyes intense as he gazed at me. “Charlotte, you don't need to rush into this.”
I returned his gaze, rubbing his cheek softly. “I love you, Conal.”
“I know, Sugar. And I love you,” Conal responded quietly. “I need you to be sure about this.” He squeezed me against him in a hug, then released me and stood up. “I know you're enjoying yourself and sometimes the adrenaline which comes from having a good time makes you think you want to do something you might not be ready for. Not really,” he stated cautiously.
I intertwined my fingers together. “I know my own mind, Conal.”
Conal squeezed his eyes shut. “Charlotte…”
I stood up and wrapped my arms around his waist. “You and I, we've been at cross-purposes for so long now. I know how you feel about me. I know how I feel about you. I know what we're going back to, when this little holiday is over. I don't want to waste any time, thinking about it and worrying about it anymore. I love you and I want to be with you.” I lifted my hand to his face, held my fingers against his strong jaw line. “I know you don't want to do anything until after the baby is born and I understand that.” I flushed a little, dropped my eyes away from his. “I just want you to know that when you're ready… I'm ready.”
Conal caught my chin against his fingers, lifting my face to his. “Charlotte. I told you I wanted to wait until after the baby was born, but honest to God – I'm not sure I can.” He dropped his mouth to mine, kissing me softly. “I'm pretty certain I don't want to,” he whispered huskily.
“You don't?” My eyes widened as I gazed up at him, and Conal caught my hand in his, smiling ruefully as he guided my fingers to the front of his jeans, let them brush against the hardness beneath the denim. I blushed and gasped sharply at his obvious arousal.
“You're driving me out of my mind, Charlotte. I want you so badly, need you so badly - I feel like I'm gonna explode.” He released my fingers and caught me in his arms, holding me close as he spoke against my hair. “I'm still not sure you're ready for this though. I think you've had good time today, which has made you feel relaxed and maybe a little reckless.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but Conal shook his head. “I'm not saying no, Sugar. God knows I'm definitely not saying no to you. But I'm not gonna jump into the sack with you right this minute because you happen to have said you'd like it.” He sighed, ran his fingers through his dark hair. “And you have no idea how difficult it is for me not to.” He smiled and rolled his eyes. “I'm going down to the business center in the lobby, while I'm stateside there's a few things I should take care of. When I come back, we're going to go out and do some shopping,” he kissed my lips again, “then we're going to have a romantic dinner. When we get back tonight, we'll talk some more about this. Okay?”
“Okay,” I agreed.
Conal hugged me against him once more, then released me and snatched up the key card from the desk. “A cold shower would probably do me more good,” he grumbled good-naturedly, and with a wink he strode towards the door and let himself out.
For a minute or two, I stood immobile in the quiet room, feeling my own desire tingling throughout my body. I could feel my heart beating heavily against my breast, my pulse against my throat pounding. I inhaled deeply and plunked down onto the bed, flicking on the huge flat screen television mounted over the top of the desk.
My cell phone rang and I located it in my purse, flipping it open with some dread when I saw the caller I.D., distinguishing Epi as the caller. “Hello?”
“Ah, child. How is New York?”
I smiled. “Wonderful. Why are you ringing?”
“We are not under attack, everything is fine here,” Epi announced cheerfully. “I wanted to let you know I've found some information regarding bringing the spirits back to our realm.”
“Really?” My curiosity was piqued. Despite Epi's insistence that I had the ability to make the spirits visible to everyone, I had absolutely no idea how to go about it. It was something I had to master if we were to complete our task with the Fae and bring them to our side in the war we were fighting.
“I found some information regarding the ability in one of my texts,” Epi continued.
I smirked. “Naturally.”
Epi continued as though I hadn't interrupted. “Child, I can explain what I have discovered, but I would very much like you to see if the information is useful. When you return to Zaen, it is imperative that we continue with our plan to bring the Fae to our side.”
“I hope no-one's listening to this phone call, Epi,” I giggled. “They'll think you're insane.”
“Whilst it is delightful to hear you sounding so relaxed, Child, I wish you would take this a little more seriously,” Epi grumbled.
“All right, all right,” I soothed. “What do I need to do?”
Epi explained the intricacies of what was involved and I listened carefully, asking a few questions before promising to ring him back after I'd attempted it. Disconnecting the call, I glanced at the clock and decided there was no time like the present. I didn't want to waste any of my precious time with Conal and while he was downstairs and Marianne and Striker were having some down time, it seemed like the best opportunity I would get.
Sitting cross-legged on the carpet, I closed my eyes, following Epi's instructions in my head. I drew Mom towards me, saw her appear in my mind. “I'm going to try something new, Mom. Want to help?”
“Of course, I heard your conversation with Epi. Let's give it a try.”
I turned my hand so my elbow rested on my knee, my palm facing upwards and concentrated on the tips of my fingers, keeping Mom's image in my mind as I focused my attention. A tiny orb appeared, glowing brightly against the carpet.
I watched the orb as it grew and rotated leisurely against my fingertips. With infinite care, I attempted what Epi had recommended, trying to release Mom mentally and have her spirit encapsulate within the orb. I was frustrated when I couldn't fine-tune my attention closely enough and the orb collapsed twice. I could feel a headache building up and perspiration beaded on my forehead.
“It's not working,” I grumbled.
“Try it with Lucas,” Mom suggested. “He has the strongest link to you.”
“I'm not sure, Mom.” The thought of Lucas being brought to life before my eyes was disconcerting.
“You need to accomplish this, Charlotte. Try with Lucas,” Mom insisted.
Sighing heavily, I watched Mom disappear into the mist and called Lucas. He appeared in my mind, his midnight blue eyes warm.
“Let's see if we can get this to work, Charlotte,” Lucas said quietly. “Clear your mind of everything but what you are going to attempt.”
I took his advice, breathing evenly while I focused all my attention on the task.
“Start to create the orb, Charlotte. Focus all your attention on your fingertips. Breathe deeply and slowly.”
Again I created a tiny orb against my fingertips, concentrating on keeping my breathing even. As I watched, the miniature orb began to grow and spin, shafts of light creating a pattern against the carpet.
“Visualize me travelling from your mind, slowly drifting through your neck and your shoulder, into your arm,” Lucas directed quietly, his voice calm and low. “See me in your mind, making my way down into your hand, your fingertips, and becoming one with the orb.”
I followed his directions, and a tingling sensation started in my arm as I concentrated on getting him to the orb held on my fingertips. I cursed when the orb collapsed again, wondering if I could ever manage this. It seemed the hardest thing by far that I'd attempted in my role as Nememiah's Child. Perhaps I couldn't do it?
“Try again, Charlotte. You can do this,” Lucas encouraged.
“Give me a minute.” I stood up and stretched, releasing the tension from my neck and back which had built up. I breathed deeply and slowly, liberating all thoughts from my mind before I sat back down for another attempt. Again I went through the motions as Lucas had directed, feeling the sensation of his journey from my mind into the orb. The tingling feeling reached my fingertips and I gasped as the orb began to increase in size and the color changed from brilliant gold to almost pure white within seconds. The sphere spun faster and faster against my fingertips, heating my skin.
“Place the orb on the floor, Charlotte,” Lucas commanded. “Continue to concentrate on it, envision it taking a human form.”
Perspiration trickled down my temples as I continued to work on the orb, watching as it grew, changing from the perfect sphere into an elliptical contour. It continued to stretch longer and thinner and I gasped as the lower section split, forming into two legs.
The shape flickered and I heard Lucas's voice again. “Steady, Charlotte. You must keep your focus and attention on the orb.”
I redoubled my efforts, watching as the legs coalesced and became clearer, encased in denim jeans and boots. The top part of the sphere rejoined and formed a torso, then arms appeared - hands and fingers forming at the ends as I watched. Finally, the shape narrowed out to a neck and Lucas's beautiful face formed and became solid.
He stood perfectly still for a few seconds, then glanced down at me and smiled gently. “Charlotte.” His voice was tender, his eyes warm and I bit my lip, shocked by his appearance. His image shimmered a little and he frowned. “This is difficult for you, but you must concentrate to keep me here.” He held his hand out and I took it, allowing him to draw me closer. His hand felt different, as though energy was pulsating through it and his skin was warm to touch.
I stared up at him wordlessly, as I struggled to comprehend how he was standing before me, as perfect as he'd been before he died.
Lucas continued to gaze at me, his eyes drinking in every feature, his expression filled with delight. “Say something, Charlotte,” he requested.
I shook my head. “I… I don't know what to say.”
Lucas squeezed my hand, then released it. “You look so very beautiful. And happy.”
I nodded tentatively. “I am happy,” I admitted.
“I'm grateful that you've finally taken my advice and are with Conal.” He smiled, shaking his head a little. “I was beginning to think you wouldn't accept what I told you as being true. I'm happy for you to love him, as you loved me.”
I bit my lip anxiously. “I can't talk about this with you. It's too strange.”
Lucas lifted his hand, brushed his fingers across my cheek. “Charlotte, you always loved him. I knew that.” He sighed. “He will be a good father to our baby.”
I felt tears welling and blinked them away. “Lucas, please,” I begged quietly. “I… can't…”
Lucas smiled. “Charlotte, you can't hold me here for long. Let me say what I need to say. Please.”
I nodded, wiping the tears from my cheeks.
“I am truly happy for you to have Conal in your life. He loves you. I told you once before that his feelings for you were nearly as strong as my own. That was wrong. His feelings are as strong as mine.” He paused, selecting his words carefully. “Your feelings for him are as strong as what you felt towards me. I realize that, now I have reached the other side. Love him, Charlotte. Love him without guilt or sadness, because you deserve to enjoy your life with him.”
“But…” I licked my lips, wondering how to phrase what I wanted to say.
Lucas raised an eyebrow. “Don't worry about it, Charlotte. You will share a sexual relationship with Conal, as you did with me. I wouldn't expect anything less and I would not begrudge you for giving yourself to him. He will cherish you as much as I did. I will voluntarily shut myself away with the others, to make you feel more comfortable. I give you my word, Charlotte.”
I inhaled a shuddering breath. “I miss you.”
He smiled tenderly. “And I miss you. You have a life to lead, Charlotte. A life which includes Conal.” His image wavered again and the pounding increased in my head as I watched him. “Would you indulge me and let me hold you, one last time?”
“Lucas, I can't…” I blushed furiously, my eyes downcast. “I'm with Conal now.” I lifted my eyes to meet his. “I'm in love with him,” I stated softly.
Lucas nodded. “You always were, my love. You just didn't realize how intense your feelings were, because you held similar feelings for me.”
I managed a tiny smile through my tears. “Maybe a hug would be nice.”
Lucas wrapped his arms around me, rubbing my back tenderly. It was an odd sensation to have his body against mine, warm instead of cool, the aroma I'd loved no longer existing.
I didn't hear the sound of the key card in the door, but I heard the murmur of voices and turned in Lucas's arms to see Conal enter the room, a bouquet of red roses in his arm. Marianne and Striker entered straight after him and all three stared at us.
“Conal,” Lucas said, dropping his arms from around me and taking a step away. In my mind, I heard his voice. “Keep me here, Charlotte. I must explain this to him.”
I nodded, my eyes on Conal. He stared back and agony was etched in his eyes as he scowled. “Conal, it's not what you think…” I began tentatively.
Conal squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. When he reopened them, he threw the roses to the floor, then turned and pushed past Marianne and Striker, slamming the door shut behind him.
Chapter 39: Understanding
Marianne stepped closer, looking incredulous. “Lucas?”
Lucas smiled grimly. “Marianne, you must get Conal back, he needs to understand there was nothing untoward going on.”
I was still staring at the door, tears streaming down my cheeks. Striker followed Marianne across to where we stood, intently focused on Lucas.
Marianne reached out, touching Lucas's arm tentatively, as if she expected he wasn't real. She seemed surprised when his arm was solid beneath her hand. “I can't believe it.”
Lucas's image shimmered as I began to lose focus and he spoke quickly. “Charlotte got a call from Epi, explaining how to bring us back, in preparation for the meeting with the Fae. She tried initially with her mother, but couldn't manage it. The connection between her and I is the strongest, and we convinced her to try with myself. I swear to you Marianne, there was nothing improper going on. Charlotte herself refused my request to hug her, because of her feelings for Conal. I pressured her into it. You must explain this to Conal, get him to understand.”
Striker nodded tersely. “I'll go after him,” he promised.
Lucas inclined his head. “Thank you, my friend.”
Striker smirked. “This seems… freaky. To be able to see you, knowing…”
Lucas smiled bleakly. “…knowing I'm dead,” he finished the sentence.
Striker ran his hand across his hair, and exhaled heavily. “We miss you, man.”
“You're the right person to lead the Kiss, Striker. You might not believe it, but the others were right to elect you,” Lucas said.
“I still wish you were in charge,” Striker responded. “Being the boss is the pits.” He reached out and shook Lucas's hand, then pulled him into a fierce hug. “I'll get Conal back. I give you my word.”
“Thank you.” Lucas squeezed my shoulder and I looked up at him. “Let me go now, Charlotte.”
I nodded. Lucas smiled as he disappeared into the recesses of my mind, the physical image of him drifting away like a fog. I dropped to my knees, the poundin
g in my head increasing and held my forehead in my hands, sobbing for the loss of Conal. I doubted he could ever forgive me.
Striker took charge, lifting me into his arms and placing me gently onto the bed, speaking to his wife. “Stay with Charlotte, I'm going after Conal.” He patted my shoulder reassuringly. “I'll bring him back, Lottie.”
I rolled onto my side, incapable of believing it would be possible. Conal's eyes had been filled with so much hurt and I couldn't blame him – seeing me in Lucas's arms, after he'd told me his concerns about bringing Lucas back from the other side – it was the equivalent of pouring salt on an open wound. I'd taken his insecurities about our fledgling relationship and thrown them back in his face. I cringed as I thought about how much hurt I'd caused him, wondering if he could ever forgive me. Uncertain whether I could forgive myself.
Striker left the room and Marianne curled up beside me, wrapping her arms around my waist and whispering soothingly as I cried myself out. The happiness of the day seemed like a distant memory as I stared despondently at the window, watching the skyline of New York as the afternoon wore on and we didn't hear anything from Striker.
I lay beside Marianne and numbly told her about the conversation with Lucas, how he'd wished me happiness with Conal and explaining the hug they'd caught us sharing. Marianne squeezed me a little tighter, promising everything would be alright, but I couldn't believe it. I didn't know where Conal had gone, didn't know what he was thinking, but I was certain he would never trust me again. I should never have attempted bringing the spirits back to our realm, and least of all, Lucas. It had been a mistake of colossal proportions.
It was late in the afternoon when I heard the door open, but I couldn't bring myself to roll over. I was convinced Striker would return alone, that he couldn't persuade Conal to come back. Marianne squeezed my shoulder reassuringly and slipped from the bed. There was a quiet murmur of voices, but I was numb to everything but the ache in my chest. I closed my eyes, wishing I could turn the clock back to this morning, when everything had been so wonderful. Or further still, to last night when Conal and I had shared a bed together, his arms wrapped lovingly around me.
The Knowledge of Love Page 31