by Harmon, AJ
“Mama,” Andrea cried as Lizzie ran from her father’s house. “Mama.”
“I love you Andie. Mama loves you so very much,” she choked as she held her child to her breast and hurried down the hill to the road and then she slowed to a walk.
“Me walk?” Andie asked.
“Yes,” Lizzie managed to smile. “You may walk.” Placing her on the ground, she took hold of her hand and they continued on their way. “You are named after your papa. His name was Andrew, but I couldn’t call you that, now could I?”
Andie laughed as she swooped to pick a purple wild flower.
Andrew stopped, everything coming in to focus. Their night together before he left had produced a child… a beautiful baby girl and Lizzie had named her after him. He may have been already dead, but the gut-wrenching feeling deep inside him felt real enough. Pain ripped through his body and he fell to the earth and sobbed.
15.
“Yep. We are going all the way into Boston,” Ethan answered Bess’s question of where they were going. They’d been driving for over an hour and she was quite curious. “It’s at the Mandarin Oriental.”
“Never heard of it,” Bess replied.
Ethan grinned. “We’ll be there soon. Not much further now.”
Maneuvering through the traffic took a considerable amount of attention, so Bess remained quiet until they reached the front of the hotel.
“Shit!” she mumbled to herself. She felt very much out of her comfort zone.
Ethan laughed and would have replied but the bellman already had her door open and was helping her out of the car. Ethan flinched as he saw the way the man was looking at his date.
“I’ve got it,” he snapped as he hurried around the car and took Bess’s hand. Not even the formality of tipping made Ethan stop. He just led Bess through the doors of the hotel and toward the ballroom.
He was familiar with the hotel, as it was the location of the dinner every year. They arrived just a couple of minutes later than Ethan had anticipated so he continued through the hotel without any small talk, just his hand holding hers as they walked with purpose. He nodded and smiled at a few people they passed, guiding her into the ballroom, the likes she had not seen before.
“Wow,” she gasped. “It’s really beautiful.”
“Doesn’t even compare to you,” he replied with sincerity and lifted her hand and kissed her wrist. He felt her flinch, so he kissed her again. “Now let’s find our table.”
For the entire evening, Ethan could barely take his eyes off Bess. She was dazzling. He was enamored. It wasn’t just the dress she wore, or the expertly applied makeup, or even the curls that framed her face in gold. It was the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed, the way she listened intently to the conversation so if asked a question, she could answer intelligently. It was the way she began the evening, obviously intimidated by the surroundings and the doctors and their significant others that had her occasionally squirming in her seat, and then, by the time the dessert course was being served, how her back was straight and she was involved in the conversation without being prodded. It was the way she treated everyone the same, whether it was a homeless man arriving at the hospital, smelly and filthy, or the president of the board of directors for the company that owned the hospital. Bess was kind-hearted and attentive, and those at her table seemed to be quite taken with the beautiful young woman. Ethan couldn’t have been more proud to call her his date.
When the awards began, and speeches were imminent, Bess turned her chair slightly so she could give her full attention. When awards were given, she clapped loudly, genuinely happy for the recipient. When a speech was given, she listened attentively and soaked in their words. Ethan couldn’t help but gaze at her, in awe of her beauty inside and out. As he watched her sip on her glass of champagne and smile at everyone around her, he knew that he’d fallen in love with her. He knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He knew he wanted to care for her and provide her with everything she needed in order to be happy. He knew that he wanted to give her his heart, hoping she would feel the same and offer hers to him.
As the event started to wind down and the guests began leaving, Ethan suggested they move to the bar and have another drink. Bess agreed happily and took his offered hand.
Sitting in a secluded corner of the bar in a leather-clad booth, Ethan ordered a bottle of champagne and placed his arm across the back of the booth, his fingers playing with a lock of Bess’s golden hair.
“Thank you for coming with me tonight.”
Bess looked up at him and smiled. “Thank you for asking. And thank you for the dress.”
“You look positively stunning in it.”
“I feel like a princess,” she laughed softly.
“You should. You are a princess.”
“Well, once it strikes midnight I’ll turn back into just plain old me.”
Ethan’s grin faded. “There is nothing plain about you, Bess. You are everything but plain.”
“You’ve had too much to drink,” Bess chuckled nervously.
Just at the moment, a waiter arrived with a bucket full of ice and a bottle of chilled champagne. “May I?”
Ethan nodded and the cork was popped and Bess laughed as the foam began to escape the bottle. Expertly done, the waiter lifted the glasses and captured every drop of the bubbly liquid and then disappeared quietly. Ethan handed a crystal flute to Bess and took one himself.
“To the most beautiful woman in the world,” he toasted as he raised his glass.
“To a very handsome man,” she replied.
Ethan smiled and took a drink. “I think it is safe to say that I probably shouldn’t be driving tonight. I have taken the liberty of booking us a room here at the hotel. Neither of us work tomorrow.”
Bess froze, her expression one of terror. “I… I don’t think…”
“I’ve booked you a room and me a room,” he clarified. “It’s okay.”
“Oh,” Bess sighed, relief plastered all over her face.
“I would never be so presumptuous,” Ethan added. He knew how skittish she was and would never intentionally do anything to scare her away.
Bess attempted a smile and sipped on her champagne.
Ethan realized that he had ruined the mood. Bess was no longer comfortable – he could see it in her face and body language, her back rigid and her arm laying awkwardly across her lap. So, after a second glass he suggested they get their keys and head up to their rooms to which Bess agreed quickly. He grabbed the half-full bottle and led Bess out of the bar and to the front desk where they retrieved their room keys. They were next to each other on the seventh floor.
Once the elevator doors opened and they walked down the carpeted hallway looking for their rooms, Bess relaxed a little and once again thanked Ethan for inviting her.
“I had a really good time,” she smiled.
“Me too.”
They reached her door first and Ethan kissed her on the cheek before Bess had a chance to retreat into her room.
“Thank you for being my date this evening,” he whispered against her cheek. “I had a great time with you. Goodnight.”
Bess exhaled the breath she’d been holding since Ethan’s lips had touched her flushed skin. “Goodnight,” she replied, her hand shaking as she tried to put the keycard in the slot of the door handle.
“Let me help,” Ethan offered and took the card from her. He had the door open in a second and handed the key back to Bess. “Sleep well.”
*****
Bess leaned her head against the door once she was safely locked in her room. The night had been going perfectly… probably the best night of her life. And then he’d said he’d booked a room in the hotel and her whole body had tightened as if she’d been trapped in a vice, squeezing the breath from her body.
It wasn’t that she wasn’t attracted to Ethan. She was. Most definitely attracted to him. And how could she not be? He was everything a woman was looking for
in a man. But her step-father had done more damage than she’d realized. The idea of a man touching her was revolting… almost tasting bile in her throat when the memories of her encounter with the bastard invaded her thoughts. She would never be able to have a man in her bed and not think of the asshole who’d taken everything from her; her innocence, her family, her security, her trust in men. He’d abruptly ripped her youth from her and Bess would never forgive him or her mother. Never.
*****
Ethan crouched down and opened the mini bar. He pulled two mini bottles out and drank them both. He’d known it was too soon and he didn’t want to pressure Bess into doing anything she wasn’t comfortable with, but he was tired of taking cold showers each time he left her. He’d hoped that after their time together at the dinner, she’d feel more relaxed around him and maybe let her guard down. The walls she had built around her were tall and thick and Ethan wondered if she would ever let him inside.
It wasn’t only about sex either. He knew that her experience as a teenager must have left a huge emotional scar that would take a lot of healing, and he was more than prepared to do whatever he could to help. He just wanted to be with her, in any way she allowed. But obviously, spending the night with him was out of the question for the foreseeable future. He wouldn’t stop though. He would take as long as it took to convince Bess that she was the right woman for him. He would show her that he loved her. He would make her see that he was the man for her.
16.
Bess glanced at the alarm clock next to the bed. It was only ten minutes later than the last time she’d checked. The night was going very slowly.
She’d taken a hot bath, soaking her body until she resembled a giant prune, and then smothered herself in the luxurious lotion that was next to the sink. She wrapped herself in the terry robe hanging in the closet and then tried watching television until she was tired enough to sleep. It hadn’t worked.
She’d turned off the TV and thrown the remote on the bed. Next she tried listening to the radio but the hauntingly beautiful song, Wicked Games, played and the words had swirled around in her head long after she’d turned off the music.
“I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you.” Truer words had never been spoken… or sung. Ethan was the man she never dreamed about meeting. He was too far out of her league to even begin to imagine someone like him in her life.
“What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.” The words repeated themselves over and over and over until she couldn’t take much more. Damn you, Ethan!
Before she realized what she was doing, Bess was knocking on Ethan’s door. Just as her brain began working again, she took a step backwards, horrified at her reckless actions. But the door opened before she could make her escape.
“Bess?” a disheveled Ethan squinted into the brightly lit hallway. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she muttered and took another step back. “Sorry.”
“Wait!” Ethan exclaimed as she turned to walk away. He grabbed her arm and pulled her into his room, closing and locking the door behind her. “What is it?” He ran his hand through his hair, making it even more messy. “It’s two in the morning.”
Bess paced back and forth at the foot of the bed, wringing her hands and wondering what the hell she was thinking. But the truth was she hadn’t been thinking. She’d let her heart take the lead for the first time in her life and she would pay the price for it.
“Bess,” Ethan pleaded. “What is it?”
“I’m not good enough for you.”
“What?”
“Maybe I am being presumptuous, but you need to find someone that isn’t… doesn’t… someone that can make you happy.”
“Huh?” Ethan was completely dumbfounded at her statement. “What are you saying?”
“Move on, Ethan!” she all but shouted. “It’s just cruel that you keep asking me to dinner or whatever. It’s cruel and you need to stop.” A tear escaped and then another.
“Hey. Hey,” Ethan soothed and gathered her into his embrace. “I think we need to have a conversation.”
“You need to find a girl that’s much better than me.”
“There isn’t a girl better than you,” Ethan replied as he kissed her on the top of her head. “You are perfect in every way.”
“Hmph! No. Not even close.”
“Yes. You are. Why don’t you think you are?” Ethan scooped her up and sat on the sofa with Bess nestled into his side, his arms still around her.
“I’m… um… challenged.”
“Well, at this moment I would agree that you’re challenge-ing,” he chuckled. “Why do you think you are challenged?”
“There’s something I should tell you.” Bess sat up straight and extricated herself from his hold.
“Okay,” Ethan replied.
Bess took a deep breath and began. “When I had just turned ten my mom married a man that she barely knew. My dad had died when I was little and I guess mom didn’t like to be alone. There was always a guy staying the weekend or whatever. I got used to them coming and going. I just did my own thing and took care of myself for the most part. But then she met him and they got married. I didn’t like him. I never liked him.” Bess had to take another deep breath in order to calm herself. Just thinking about him made her fists clench. “I tried to avoid him and after mom had a baby, he was only interested in his son, which was just fine with me.”
“Your little brother,” Ethan nodded.
“Yep. Well when I turned sixteen, my mom took me to get my driver’s license and then he took mom and bought a new car. She was pretty excited. She’d never had a brand new car before. Anyway, he came into my room and gave me the keys to my mom’s old car… the Subaru.”
“The same car you have now?”
Bess nodded. “Yep. Same one. After that I thought I was free and I could come and go as I pleased. They never cared because they were doting on the baby. I got a job and had my friends and figured life wasn’t too bad.”
“And then?” Ethan asked.
“And then,” Bess gulped. “It was late. I was in bed. I’d had a long shift at work and I was tired. I fell asleep pretty quickly but I was awoken a couple of hours later. He was in my bed… on top of me. He didn’t have any clothes on and his… he was… he was trying to pry my legs apart, his hand on… he was grabbing me,” Bess choked. The tears were pouring down her cheeks as she recalled the horrific events of that night. “I have no idea how, but I somehow managed to get him off me. I just pulled my knee up hard and slammed him in the balls. He screamed, slapped me across the face and called me a bitch.”
Ethan tried to pull her back into his arms but Bess swatted him away. “He told me I was just like my mom… a tease and a bitch and that he would get what he wanted. Then, out of nowhere, I hear myself telling him that if he ever tried that again, I would kill him. That got his attention. He turned and walked out of my room.”
“You are so brave. Being only sixteen and being able to fight him off is amazing.”
Bess didn’t acknowledge his comment, just kept talking. “The real punch in the gut is that my mom was standing in the doorway when he walked out of my room. I don’t know how much she saw but she saw enough. I mean he was naked and his dick was flapping all over the place as he walked out. What other scenario could there be?”
“Not only were you assaulted by a man that should protect you, you were betrayed by your own mother.” Ethan was appalled at their actions and proud of the woman Bess had become.
“Yep. So, as you now know, I am pretty screwed up.”
Ethan paused. How he responded to her had the potential to bring them closer together or ensure that she would never let down her guard long enough to let him in.
“I can’t even begin to imagine what that was like for you. I am very sorry that the people you trusted the most let you down so badly.” When Bess didn’t react to his comment, he continued. “As a doctor, I can attest to the fact t
hat emotional wounds take much, much longer to heal than physical ones. But they do heal… over time and with support from people who love you.”
Bess’s eyelids lifted. She looked at Ethan, her eyes filled with unshed tears.
“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met, both on the inside and out. You are kind and patient and smart and funny. If you feel challenged, believe me, no one else sees it. I’ve watched you with people at work. You treat everyone with such genuine concern and kindness. The ER is where we see people in some of the worst times of their life and you handle it all with such grace and charity. And,” he added with a smile, “there are several men at the hospital that would have asked you out but haven’t because I have threatened bodily harm if they do,” he chuckled.
“Huh?”
“Oh yeah! Believe me. I let it leak that you were not available.”
Bess was speechless. “Why? Why would you do that?”
“Come on,” he grinned. “You’re a smart woman. Can’t you tell? I have fallen in love with you, Elizabeth Williams.”
“Oh.”
“What that bastard did to you when you were sixteen is a reflection on him, not you. He should be in prison for what he did, not you.”
“But I’m not in prison.”
“Are you sure about that?”
Bess allowed herself a moment to think about Ethan’s words. For seven years she’d been in a prison of her own making. This time, when Ethan reached for her, she allowed herself to be pulled into his embrace, her head resting on his chest as he stroked her hair. He didn’t speak. He didn’t move. He just let her be… and think.
After several minutes had passed, Ethan wriggled. “My arm has gone to sleep and I am falling asleep.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she jumped. “I should go and…”
“No. I don’t want you to go. Stay here. With me. Let me hold you while you fall asleep. Please?”
*****
The streaming sunlight through the sheer curtains woke Bess. She was tangled in her robe and the duvet, not to mention that Ethan had her pulled tightly to his chest. Her hair was in her face and her mouth was bone-dry but she didn’t want to move. She’d slept well, once she finally fell asleep, and waking in Ethan’s arms was better than any dream. She wanted to savor the moment for as long as possible.