Starfucked

by B L Morticia

  “Steven… oh shit.” As I clutched his back, I glanced at the ceiling, watching the lights above. Anything to focus on while I lost myself in this moment I was sure I’d never forget.

  “Damn, baby, you’re so hard for me. So wet.”

  Hearing his words, I met his blue gaze and smiled. I swallowed the lump in my throat to respond. “Yeah, because you do this to me. When you sing, this is what happens.”

  Steven continued jerking me off and quickly pecked my lips. “Of yeah?” He traced my mouth with the tip of his tongue. “Then lemme give you something to remember for the rest of your life.”

  * * * *

  My eyes flickered open and I sighed in content.

  All the events came flooding back. The lively discussion, the admiration for his work, and then the kiss that had lingered on my lips forever. On that particular evening, Steven could do no wrong. Due to my excitement of being desired by Steven, I allowed him to take advantage of me.

  I could’ve said no, but I wanted something to remember other than his music.

  Bottom line, Steven Sharpe was my first.

  A man I thought was only interested in women.

  No matter how much my ass burned, I wanted him to continue, just so I could hold onto the memories.

  Memories I’d never told anyone about except for Laze.

  Chapter Four

  Steven

  The following morning, I went for my morning walk, then came back ready to eat. Eva had my breakfast waiting and I went through the fruit, eggs, and bacon as if it were my last meal.

  “You were hungry, hmm? I have some more eggs if you want them?”

  “No thanks. I’ll take some orange juice instead.”

  “All right. By the way, I looked at the website. The new songs sound beautiful. When I heard it, I felt they were made for someone. Were they?”

  Listening to Eva try to get more info, I chuckled, shaking my head. “You know me too well, don’t you?”

  “Of course. I’ve only worked for you the last seven years,” she laughed. “Tell me about him.”

  “You’re going to think this is ridiculous, but…” I waived at the seat across from me. “Have a seat.”

  “Thank you. And nothing about falling in love is ridiculous. It’s a wonderful thing to make a connection with someone.” Eva took the seat and eyed me intently.

  “Yes, it is. He was unforgettable, and I did him wrong. I’ll never forgive myself for turning my back on him.”

  “We all make mistakes, Steven. They’re called life lessons. We were put on earth to make them and learn from those errors. From the sound of your music, you’ve done just that.”

  “I have. I only wish I could find him. We…” I looked down at my lap and bit my lip. “I didn’t get any contact information, so we lost touch.”

  “How long ago was this?”

  “Ten years ago. After that night, my life went down the toilet. Noah was the one that got away.”

  “Ten years may sound like a long time, but if he made that much of an impression, then there’s still hope.”

  “I know. It’s all I have to hold on to, but it’s better than nothing. Anyway, I wrote the tunes for him, thinking he’d eventually find the site and reach out to me. I haven’t checked my messages yet. I’m hoping there will be something there from him.”

  “I’m rooting for you.” Eva patted my hand and got up. “I’m going to go to the market. Did you want anything special?”

  “Not really. I need to start eating lighter to get ready for my tour.”

  “Oh? You didn’t tell me.”

  “I just decided it. I’m supporting Jules’s band here in Seattle. Maybe, if the response is good, I’ll do Los Angeles and San Francisco too. Doctor Bryce wants me to take it easy, so I won’t be doing any long stints.”

  “Good. People need to hear your sing again, Steven. You’ve got so much talent.”

  “Thanks Eva. I’m glad someone believes in me.”

  “I’ll always believe, Steven. I’ll grab your juice, then get going.”

  “Okay.”

  As I watched her leave, I smiled to myself. Eva was my biggest supporter and caretaker. I wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for her.

  Since I hadn’t checked my messages or the website views, I pulled it up on my phone. There weren’t any notifications from the site.

  Disappointed, I sighed inwardly and checked the views as Rob had instructed me to. First day, over a thousand views and hundreds of playbacks on my songs. There were also comments under the songs and videos from fans who were welcoming me back while others wondered why I was coming out of retirement.

  Not a one from my number one fan who I’d hoped to hear from. Maybe it was too soon, but I was already jonesing for his approval.

  * * * *

  Noah

  After visiting with Mom and Dad, I headed over to Laze’s place early. I figured since this was sort of a vacation, I’d start partying and helping the hosts out with anything they needed before the other guests arrived.

  Laze and Andreas’ place was on the beach. A large white home with a deck in the back, as well as a yard for the dogs to run around in and a dock for Andreas’ boat. He loved sailing and he’d constantly take Laze on trips when he got away from the office.

  “Bro! Que Pasa, man?” Laze hugged me as if he hadn’t seen me in years.

  I lifted him off his feet and shook him like a rag doll. “What’s up, dude? Thanks for letting me come by.”

  I put him down.

  Laze smiled wide. “Anytime man. You know you’re always welcome. C’mon out back after you drop your bag in the guest room. Andreas has got the grill going and we’re playing some old school Metallica.”

  “Awesome. I’m in the mood for some Ride the Lightning.”

  “Ahh, here you go. You know Kill Em All was the better album,” Laze chided me.

  “Not on your life, man. I know not to trust your judgment because you said Dave Mustaine is a better guitarist than James Hetfield.”

  “He is. James can’t hold Dave’s jockstrap,” Laze chuckled. “Go on and drop off your stuff. We’ll grab some beers and continue this argument with Andreas, so he can referee.”

  “Alright.” I turned on my heel, heading in the opposite direction. Laze’s house was a mixture of tans, grays, and whites throughout. Didn’t matter if it was the rugs, throw pillows, couches, or beds. He loved solid earthy colors.

  Once I made it to the guest room, I dropped my bag by the closet. I’d spent the night here before, so it was almost like a second home.

  After I changed out of my shirt into a tank top, I ambled through their living room to the kitchen, toward the back of the house. When I arrived, I glanced at the sun shining off the water, giving a gorgeous backdrop for Andreas’ sailboat. The ocean view from Andreas and Laze’s house was perfect.

  “Hey, Andreas.” I stepped out onto the deck, closing the sliding door behind me.

  Andreas looked up from his master grill station and held out his hand. “Noah! Good to see you.”

  I took it and yanked him into a bro hug. “You too, man. Thanks for having me.”

  “Anytime. The other guys will be over a little later. Hopefully we can get you fixed up with one of them, even if it is just for the night. We don’t mind as long as you guys are quiet.”

  My cheeks heated, and I dropped my gaze. “Dude, c’mon. I get enough of that from my folks. I came here to unwind, maybe get drunk. That’s all.”

  Laze snickered. “Nothing wrong with unwinding with someone, Noah.”

  “Whatever. Okay, since you guys didn’t have me stop for any beer, what’cha got?”

  “There’s plenty of Heineken, Coors, and Guinness. Crack one open and pop a squat,” Laze said, while he gave Andreas the platter to put the meat on.

  “You sure you don’t want me to help?” I lifted the cooler, grabbing a Heineken out.

  “Nope. Now, tell Andreas what you said again about Ride the
Lightning being better than Kill em.”

  “It is.” I twisted the cap and downed about half the bottle before I took another breath. Very rarely did I let loose and drink so early in the day, but again, I was on a short vacation.

  Laze and Andreas’ guests arrived around four. All of us ate to our heart’s content, then we drank and listened to music.

  Admittedly, one of Andreas’ friends was cute, but I wouldn’t try anything when all of us were drunk off our asses. Good thing I wasn’t going anywhere. With all the liquor in my system, I could barely focus.

  By the time the clock struck midnight, I was ready for sleep. I excused myself, telling them I’d hit my drink limit and needed rest. That got a ton of jeers from all the guys, including Andreas and Laze. I ignored them all and stumbled into the house to get to the guest bedroom.

  “Hey bro. Did you check out Steven’s site?”

  “Yeah.” I belched and leaned against the counter. “He still sounds good,” I said, slurring my words.

  Laze laughed. “Yeah. Are you gonna reach out to him?”

  “Maybe.” I shrugged and hit my chest. I felt the heartburn coming on, meaning I’d downed too much beer. I’d have to take something to get rid of it.

  “C’mon, man. You’ve been wanting to contact this guy for the longest. He’s there for you to reach out to, so do it.”

  “Fine,” I said, totally frustrated. “I’m not gonna do it tonight though. I’m too tired.”

  “Alright. You’re still a lightweight by the way.”

  I flipped him the bird and turned on my heel, ignoring the taunts. It never took a lot to get me drunk, which was the reason I didn’t drink all the time.

  When I finally made it to the bedroom, I kicked off my sandals and fell into the bed. I grabbed my travel bag from the nightstand, getting the Tums out. After tearing it open, I popped some in my mouth and lay down to sleep off the drunkenness. I’d hoped I wouldn’t wake up with a headache. If I did, I wouldn’t be very sociable on a Sunday morning.

  Sounds of seagulls screaming woke me and I forced one eye open. I blinked before doing the same with the other. The minute I looked up at the ceiling fan, I winced from the throbbing in my head.

  “Ugh.”

  To relieve some of that pressure, I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes again. I snatched the travel bag from the table and fumbled around inside for any drug to get rid of this headache.

  “Shit.” I cursed aloud. I’d forgotten pain killers for the possible hangover. Perhaps there was some truth to me being a lightweight.

  “Noah. Rise and shine, man. We made breakfast.” Due to the pain, Laze’s voice sounded ten times louder than usual.

  “No thanks. I can barely open my eyes right now. You got a gun to put me out of my misery?”

  “Hangover?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll get you some Tylenol and water, dude. Once you get better, you gotta make an appearance before Andreas’ friend leaves.”

  “Which one?”

  “Ian. He’s got the hots for you, big time. Be right back.”

  I grunted in response and leaned back on the pillow.

  Ian was handsome and quite handsy. Maybe he’d distract me from thinking about Steven’s long, blond locks and sea blue eyes.

  If I could make myself presentable, I’d go talk with him again, even if it was for a date with benefits down the line.

  Chapter Five

  Steven

  Sunday mornings, I usually tried to catch up on reading or binge-watching random television shows I might’ve missed during the week. Nothing I’d recorded held my attention, so I opted to read instead.

  Still lying in bed, I grabbed my tablet and browsed the many books waiting on my reading app. I tapped the screen and opened a popular fantasy novel I hadn’t started. I settled in and dragged my finger across the screen to turn the page.

  Before I could read the first word, I got a notification for a new email. It said I had a message from my website. I tapped it and went to the email application on the screen.

  Looking at the subject and the name, I nearly lost my breath. I tapped the screen again and grimaced because I’d done it a little harder than I would’ve liked. Noah’s name was in the sender address field with the subject, “I know you don’t remember me”.

  Noah James. Are you kidding? You’re all I think about.

  I tapped the screen to read his email. Heart hammering, I wiped the perspiration from my forehead, wondering what the man who I’d tried to track down for years had to say.

  Hi Steven,

  You probably don’t remember me, but we met at Hideaway Point on March 10, 2008. You and StarHaze put on one of the best shows I’d ever seen. Little did I know, that would be the last time I’d see you in concert. I’m glad to see you’ve risen from the ashes. (see what I did there, heh) When I heard of your near overdose, it was a shock. Thank God you made it through, because I’m sure you still have plenty of songs to sing.

  That evening, we shared an intimate moment together in the bathroom that I’ll never forget. Unfortunately, we were disturbed, and you had to leave. Though it broke me to know you were that deep in the closet, I understood. You were in a very precarious position, on your way to superstardom. Your band would’ve given you shit, so I got that you needed to leave that night.

  Fast forward to the present. I’m so happy to see you’re playing music again. I read your bio, saying you’re happily out of the closet and searching for Mr. Right. The songs sound beautiful and I figured why not take the chance to reach out to you again?

  Despite it being almost ten years since our last meeting, I’m hoping to connect like we did then.

  Call me so we can talk.

  Noah James

  206-542-9897

  As I finished reading the letter again, I inhaled sharply. I closed my eyes tightly, feeling tears well up under my eyelids.

  “Noah James.”

  Unbelievable that I couldn’t find Noah with such a simple last name. After leaving rehab, I’d done the search and placed ads in the newspapers. Much to my disappointment, no one answered them. It was disheartening, but this made up for it ten-fold.

  “Steven?” Eva’s voice disturbed me from my moment.

  “Yeah, Eva.” I could barely speak after reading the email. The book I’d opened wasn’t as interesting anymore.

  “Are you hungry? I’ve finished cooking breakfast.”

  “Not really… I… I’ll take some tea.” I read over the words again. I took note of the number, inscribing it to memory.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” Although I said I was, it didn’t cover the emotions I was feeling. I was over the moon, knowing Noah wanted to talk to me after all these years.

  Despite the excitement, I had to keep an even keel. Who knew if it would lead to something more? After all, it was just a random hook up in a venue bathroom. With me being somewhat drunk, I didn’t show any emotion other than the want to get laid. And I did shoo him away like nothing had occurred. Who knew if Noah would take anything I said seriously?

  * * * *

  Noah

  “Sooo… did you get any messages today?”

  I looked up from the television at Laze who sat across from me on the couch. Although Andreas’ friends had left, Laze begged me to stay over for another night. I didn’t mind. Not like there was anything at home waiting for me anyway.

  “From…” I shrugged.

  “I dunno. Any emails?”

  “Will you stop being so cryptic?”

  “Just saying, did you get any interesting emails, from… someone special?”

  “No idea because I haven’t checked my phone.” I eyed him curiously and cocked an eyebrow. “Laze? What did you do?”

  “Nothing, man. Just wondering…”

  I sighed inwardly and plucked my phone from my pocket. I hadn’t turned it on since earlier this morning. When the phone came back to life, I eyed the scr
een, noticing a new message from SSharpe.com.”

  “Laze. Did you…”

  Laze smiled wryly. “I did.”

  “You fucker!” I picked up the pillow and threw it at his head.

  Laze ducked. “What? I only did it because you wouldn’t have the cajones to do it yourself.”

  “I was… I…” I eyed the email again and tapped the screen to read.

  Dear Noah,

  You don’t know how happy I am to finally hear from you after all these years. I thought I’d send this message first, then call if that’s okay. Please respond so we can talk.

  Steven.

  Reading the note, I exhaled, shaking my head. “Damn you, Laze.”

  “You still want him, Noah! Admit it.”

  Laze was right. I did want Steven... almost as bad as I had wanted him ten years ago.

  It was stupid as hell to desire someone in the same way, knowing he was the reason you never got closer in the first place. Although I got it, it still cut like a knife to remember when Steven looked at me like he didn’t know me.

  “Noah.”

  “Yeah, but I wanted to do it on my own time. I don’t even know what you said.”

  “Read the bottom of the email chain, dumbass.”

  I glared at him and opened the note. I scrolled down, reading Laze’s message.

  “This sounds cheesy as fuck. Why did you make me sound like some horny teenager?”

  “Because that’s how you are when you talk about him.”

  “You asshole.” I picked up another pillow and heaved it at Laze.

  Laze lowered his head again and stuck out his tongue. “Missed.”