Later that day or possibly the next, Gideon wasn’t sure—in fact, he couldn’t remember when he’d last slept—having spent so many hours recently sitting in that uncomfortable plastic chair beside his babies’ isolette, he opted to take the stairs down to A and E.
‘Hey, West, how’s it going? You look dreadful,’ the junior registrar said by way of greeting when he pushed his way into the staff lounge.
‘Thanks for that,’ he said wryly. ‘Just what I needed to hear.’
‘Well, I’m sorry if the truth hurts,’ John said unrepentantly. ‘But how are things going upstairs? Are the babies holding their own?’
‘How can anybody tell?’ Gideon countered wearily. ‘They’re just so damn small, you can hardly see them for all the wires and tubes. And have you ever seen how tiny the disposable nappies are? Not even as long as my hand when they’re completely opened out…too small for most dolls.’
‘It’s hard to imagine.’ The younger man shook his head. ‘So, how long do you think it’ll be before you’re back at work? Only I’ve got to tell you, we’ve been absolutely swamped and the department manager is running round like a headless chicken, shipping patients out right left and centre, regardless of whether we’ve finished stabilising them or treating them, just so we don’t breach the government’s guidelines for waiting times.’
‘That’s crazy!’ Gideon exclaimed, almost relieved to have something else to focus on, even if it was hospital politics. ‘It just doesn’t make sense.’
‘Neither does the fact that the bean-counters will be down on us like a ton of bricks if too many patients stay here even one minute longer than they should.’ His colleague warmed to his theme. ‘Do you know, I had an elderly lady with a broken hip in first thing this morning, and by the time I’d waited for the X-rays and blood tests and so on, her initial analgesia was wearing off and she needed an injection into the joint to make her comfortable before she was jostled all the way up to the ward to wait to go to Theatre.’
‘And?’ Gideon had a horrible feeling he knew where this was going.
‘And, because she was getting close to breaching the waiting guidelines, she was whisked out of A and E and taken up to the ward where she had to wait in agony for another two hours before there was a doctor free to give her some pain relief. Now, you tell me how that sort of stupidity can be good for the patients?’
‘That’s even worse than having to take an ingrown toenail through for treatment ahead of a dislocated shoulder or a heart attack just because he’s been waiting longest, not because he’s the most urgent case medically,’ Gideon said darkly. ‘Politicians and bean-counters don’t understand that these arbitrary time limits just don’t work; they never will, especially when some patients need to stay with us longer than the guidelines allow for to be treated effectively.’
‘Like that car-accident guy the other day,’ John pointed out. ‘By the time we’d X-rayed him, sorted out his fluids, ruled out internal injuries and stabilised his broken bones, we’d saved his life but, because we’d kept him down here for three minutes longer than we should, we got rapped over the knuckles. It’s madness!’
‘Unless you’re the man with the ingrown toenail, when you’re delighted to find that you take precedence over the heart-attack victim or the dislocation because you’ve been here longer and he’s just arrived. It’s enough to make you wonder why you bother doing the job sometimes.’
‘But then you go upstairs and see what they can do for premature babies, and you know it’s all worthwhile?’ John suggested, knowing that Gideon would have to agree.
‘Too true. But I honestly never thought about the complexity of what they have to do up there. And so much of it’s on a minute-by-minute basis, checking blood gases, fluids in and out, temperature, blood pressure, pulse…it’s just never-ending.’
‘I must admit, my paeds experience during training involved rather older patients. I thought the really tiny ones just slept a lot and only needed attention when something went wrong, but that was before a family friend had a premature kid and told me all about it in exhaustive detail. I certainly wouldn’t want the job,’ the younger man admitted. ‘At least, in A and E, we don’t have to see anyone for more than four hours unless they’re transferred next door to the observation ward.’
Gideon rubbed his hands over his face, afraid that he would soon reach the limits of his endurance, but until both babies were reasonably stable, he just didn’t like leaving them.
‘Anyway, you didn’t answer my question,’ John pointed out. ‘When will you be back to take over your share of the load?’
‘Not for a day or two yet,’ he said bluntly, fighting back a feeling of panic at the mere thought of abandoning his babies for any length of time. ‘I only came down to make my excuses in person and to grab some clean clothes from my locker.’
He hadn’t left the hospital premises to go back to his flat since the babies had been born. It was only a ten-minute journey, but he was terrified that if he went that far away it would take too long to get to them if they had a sudden crisis. Even a trip to the cafeteria seemed too far and would take too long, so he’d been existing on snacks from the nearest vending machine—not the healthiest of diets, but he didn’t care about that at the moment. There would be plenty of time to get his clothes and meals sorted out once the babies were a bit stronger.
Mind you, he’d be surprised if Nadia didn’t say something to him before then. Each time she came back on duty he see her looking him over with those intent hazel eyes and was certain that she could tell just how little food and rest he’d had.
At the thought of the disapproving way she would press her lips together he actually found himself having to suppress a smile.
She was such a quiet person and she actually said more to the babies than she did to him, but Nadia somehow managed to let him know exactly what she thought of him and his obsessive need to be close to those fragile little beings.
He ran his hands through his hair tiredly as he began to make his way back up the interminable stairs. It had been nearly two hours since he’d come down them, expecting his visit to A and E to take no longer than ten minutes, but once his colleagues had realised he was there, it was surprising that any patients had been seen in the department as everyone had crowded around to ask for a progress report.
‘Have you got a photo?’ one of the women had demanded, and he’d reluctantly extracted it from his wallet.
Nadia had arranged for the picture to be taken of the babies on their first day in the unit, telling him that it was the first of many that would chart their progress. But this was the first one and therefore very precious, and it had felt strange to watch it being passed from hand to hand.
Now he was on his way back to his babies, feeling as if days rather than hours had passed since he’d been with them and filled with a rising sense of anxiety that something might have happened to them while he’d been away.
He took the final flight two stairs at a time and his heart was pounding when he tried to shoulder his way through the door to the unit, completely forgetting for a moment that it was a far more secure place than A and E.
His shoulder certainly didn’t appreciate his lapse in concentration, and he didn’t seem to be able to focus properly on the buttons he needed to press to gain entry to the unit.
Finally, he got it right and the lock clicked open so suddenly that he almost fell full length into the hallway, his feet apparently unable to obey the commands his brain was sending.
His knees weren’t co-operating either, refusing to lock to keep him in an upright position…And now there was a strange rushing, roaring, echoing sound in his ears…and someone was turning the lights down in the corridor until they were so low that…that he couldn’t really make out where he was supposed to be going or…or what he was supposed to be…
‘You stupid man!’ exclaimed a voice somewhere in the encroaching darkness right beside him. ‘Get down before you fall down!’
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The arm around his shoulders was surprisingly effective at supporting him as he was lowered to the floor, whether he wanted to submit or not. And he didn’t.
‘Stay where you are,’ said the same bossy voice, sounding strangely like Nadia’s, although he’d never heard her sound anything but softly spoken and gentle, even when she was remonstrating with him. ‘You’re not in a fit state to sit up, never mind stand up.’
‘I need…I need to get to the nursery…to the babies…I need…They need—’
‘They need a father with enough brains to look after himself, so he doesn’t go passing out in the middle of the corridor,’ interrupted the voice with a definite snap of anger. ‘How long is it since you ate anything? When did you last sleep? Probably before the babies were born,’ she said, answering her own question.
‘I’ll be all right,’ he muttered defensively. ‘I just need to spend time…I have to be there, in case—’
‘Your babies have round-the-clock attention and supervision,’ she interrupted again. ‘You, on the other hand, need a nanny to tell you when to eat your food and when to go to bed.’
Josh didn’t know whether to feel insulted at her assessment, or whether to wish there was some kindly person who could see him through the nightmare into which his life had been plunged.
‘How are you feeling now?’ she asked.
His head wasn’t swimming as much, and his pulse had returned almost to normal, and apart from the fact that he was lying on the floor in front of who knew how many of his colleagues he was practically fine.
‘Stupid,’ he said succinctly, and forced himself to open his eyes to see just how many people were witness to his weakness.
The only eyes looking down at him were Nadia’s hazel ones, and in spite of the impatience he’d heard so clearly in her voice, there was nothing other than concern in their expression.
‘That would be logical,’ she said dryly, and automatically reached out to offer him help to regain his feet.
He must have been feeling shakier than he would admit, even to himself, because he took hold of that slender hand with a feeling of relief.
The sharp shock of awareness as he wrapped his fingers around hers made him realise that this was the first time that they had ever touched without at least one layer of disposable glove between them. And the fact that she pulled her hand away as soon as he was upright and immediately plunged it into her tunic pocket told him that she’d been aware of the electric tingle between them, too.
‘Where are you going?’ he demanded when she took off along the corridor in the opposite direction from the nursery.
‘To get you a drink and something to eat,’ she said without the slightest trace of hesitation in her stride.
‘But…what about the babies?’ he demanded, the sense of urgency that had driven him to take the stairs two at a time returning to hit him like an avalanche. ‘You should be with them. They shouldn’t be left alone, not while they’re so—’
‘They are not alone,’ she snapped crossly even as she straight-armed the staffroom door open. ‘This is my break. Laura is looking after them for me.’
‘But—’
‘Get in here, Gideon, before I call Mr Weatherby and tell him to ban you from the unit,’ she ordered, standing in the doorway while he hesitated in the middle of the corridor, torn.
‘Ban me!’ he exclaimed in disbelief. ‘Why on earth would he do that? I’m their father. I’ve a right to be with them.’
‘Unless you’re judged to be a danger to them,’ she pointed out with perfect resembleness. ‘And I would say that falling over in a dead faint, with the potential for pulling out their monitor leads or disrupting their oxygen supply…or even tipping over their cot so that they fall on the floor on their heads…would definitely constitute a danger.’
‘I did not fall over in a dead faint!’ he exclaimed. ‘I was just a bit…breathless after running up the stairs.’
‘If that is what you want to tell yourself,’ she said as she calmly took a plastic box out of the fridge. ‘But I’d advise you to sit down before those shaky legs of yours dump you on the floor…again.’
His head still felt as if it was partly filled with cotton wool and she wasn’t wrong about the shakiness of his legs, but it was mostly sheer fascination with this new side to her character that had him following her suggestion and choosing the end of the nearest couch to sit on.
Well, it was more as if he collapsed into the corner of the couch, the strength deserting his knees almost before he could get there.
‘Here,’ she said, and held a tall glass of water out to him. ‘You’re probably borderline dehydrated, on top of everything else. The temperature has to be kept high for the babies, and you have to remember to compensate for that.’
Gideon took one look at the slender hand holding out the glass and the drops of water running down it to bead on her soft flesh and suddenly realised just how badly he needed a drink of something cold.
‘Thanks,’ he mumbled as he took it from her, this time careful to avoid any physical contact between the two of them.
It was nothing more than cold tap water but it felt so good going down that it could have been some priceless vintage.
‘Take one,’ she said as he lowered the empty glass, and he saw that she was holding out a plastic box of sandwiches.
‘That’s your lunch,’ he objected when he saw that the box was filled with obviously home-made triangles of bread.
‘There’s plenty,’ she said dismissively and, to his surprise, she deposited the box on the seat beside him and turned to deal with the boiling kettle. ‘They’re chicken salad,’ she said over her shoulder. ‘I cooked the chicken myself.’
They certainly smelled appetising, and before he could allow his manners to deny him something that looked so tasty, he reached into the box to take one out.
The first mouthful was enough to remind his body that eating was something that had been virtually forgotten in the last few days.
‘Oh!’ he groaned as the flavours of that first sublime mouthful mingled in his mouth. ‘That is so good.’
The words must have been garbled around his hasty second mouthful but her quick smile told him that she’d understood.
It also told him that she’d never actually smiled at him before, otherwise he would have realised, much sooner, just how beautiful she was.
CHAPTER TWO
NOT that he had any right to notice that she was beautiful, Gideon reminded himself sternly as he forced himself to focus on the sandwich. The only thing he should be concentrating on was the health and safety of those two tiny babies just along the corridor, so the quicker he finished eating the sooner he would be able to get back to them.
There was almost no conversation between the two of them as they made further inroads into the box of sandwiches.
Gideon knew that his silence was due to the fact that his appetite had just returned with a vengeance, but he had no idea why Nadia should suddenly be so tongue-tied. She certainly hadn’t been shy about telling him what an idiot he’d been over the last couple of days.
In his own defence, he was overwhelmingly aware that he was the only person these two tiny babies had in the whole world, and his responsibility to be there for them, to protect them and make sure they were being treated properly, had become his most important duty.
‘How have the babies been, the last couple of hours?’ he asked, suddenly remembering just how long ago he’d left them to go down to A and E.
‘Why do you do that?’ Nadia asked.
‘Do what?’ He blinked, looking from the crumbs he was brushing from his trousered thigh with one hand to the mug of tea he’d been holding in the other, manfully trying to ignore the foul taste of all the sugar she’d stirred into it.
‘You always call them “the babies”,’ she pointed out. ‘Why have you not given them names yet?’
She certainly knew where to land the punches, even when she didn’t kno
w there were any targets to aim at.
‘Because my wife and I never managed to agree on any names for the babies,’ he told her.
Not that agreeing on something like baby names would have made any difference to the way their marriage had ended. When he’d looked back on it, he’d realised that, once she’d been told that she’d never be able to have a child of her own, she hadn’t seen any point in being married to him any more. Unfortunately, they’d already embarked on the surrogacy route by the time she’d made her decision.
The ultimate irony had been that the very day that she’d served him with divorce papers, he’d received the phone call to inform him that the surrogate they’d chosen to carry a child for them was pregnant.
‘What were your choices?’ she asked with an encouraging smile. ‘Something awful?’
‘Amy and Adam,’ he said, a little self-consciously. ‘I didn’t want to know the sex of the baby until it was born, so I chose a name for either eventuality. But that was before I knew there were going to be two of them.’
‘And your wife?’ Nadia prompted. ‘What were her choices?’
‘Zecharias and Zenobia,’ he said with a grimace.
‘Poor little babies!’ she exclaimed, then covered her mouth with an apologetic hand. ‘I’m sorry. That was rude! But they are such very big names for such tiny people. I think that Amy and Adam will be a much better fit. Do you think so?’
Now that he thought about it, he did think that his choices were the right ones for those little scraps of humanity, especially as he was going to be the one using them for however long his children managed to live.
‘Yes, I do think so,’ he said firmly, then announced, formally, ‘Their names are Adam and Amy West.’ And he was suddenly aware of a strange sensation as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
‘Good,’ Nadia said, with a smile that lit her hazel eyes with hints of gold. She got to her feet and briskly brushed the front of her uniform tunic and gave the hem a swift tug, then took her mug across to rinse it out. ‘Now, you sit there and finish your food and your tea,’ she said.
A Family for His Tiny Twins Page 2