She nodded, delighted that he was enjoying her offering. She’d never particularly enjoyed cooking when it had been a daily chore trying to stretch what little her family had to feed all those mouths. And since her betrayal, she’d never once cooked any dish that reminded her of that dreadful time.
Anyway, she’d rather make something that Gideon enjoyed. That way, it seemed worth the effort, where cooking for one never really did.
‘Aren’t you having any?’ he asked a few moments later when he handed her the coffee she’d requested. ‘Don’t you like it?’
‘I’ve never had it before,’ she admitted. ‘I wasn’t sure if that was the way it was supposed to taste, or if I’d put too much ginger in.’
‘Ooh! That smells good!’ exclaimed one of Gideon’s young male colleagues as he refilled the kettle. ‘Any going spare?’
‘Not really,’ Gideon said with a grimace as he wrapped the foil firmly around the remaining pieces. ‘It was Nadia’s first attempt and she’s put far too much ginger in. Perhaps you’ll be able to have some when she gets the recipe right.’
‘Oh. That’s a shame,’ he said with a shrug as the criticism made Nadia’s heart sink.
Had she really made a big mistake with her measurements of the ingredients? She’d only tasted the crumbs as she’d cut it up to bring to the hospital, and it hadn’t seemed too spicy to her, but perhaps—
‘Take it up to the unit,’ Gideon muttered under his breath as he pressed the misshapen parcel into her hands. ‘James is a gannet if there’s any food around, and this is far too good to waste on him.’ His wink sent her emotions soaring, especially when he added, ‘We can share the rest when I come up to the unit.’
Her spirits were so high at the prospect of seeing him again later that she’d all but forgotten the uncomfortable sensation that she was being watched until she emerged into the reception area of A and E to make her way to the stairs that would take her to the unit to start her shift.
Suddenly, it was back with a vengeance, and this time the impression was so strong that it almost felt as if the watcher was standing right behind her.
Nadia froze with her hand on the door, desperate to escape the feeling of menace, but something drew her away from the potential isolation of a largely empty stairwell. If anyone was following her, it would be all too easy for her to be trapped out of the sight of anyone who could help.
She paused just long enough to take stock of her options then deliberately waited until the doors of the nearest lift were starting to close on nearly a dozen occupants before hurrying into it at the last second.
Feeling like an animal that had just escaped from the jaws of a trap, she drew in a shaky breath while she concentrated on watching the numbers flick past one by one.
The lift stopped twice to let some of the occupants get off and others get on and each time she found herself holding her breath, terrified that Laszlo was going to be the next passenger to get on.
She was shaking like a leaf by the time the door to the unit closed behind her and she knew that she was safe. To minimise the chance of importing infections from the rest of the hospital to some of its most vulnerable patients, the security in this part of the department was so strict that only those who knew the door code could enter, and that meant that this was one place where Laszlo couldn’t follow her.
Not that the security stopped her from feeling jumpy, though. It seemed that every five minutes someone was stopping behind her on silent feet and nearly making her jump out of her skin when they spoke. The only difference when it was Gideon who startled her was that he was the only one who made her want to leap into his arms. And if that wasn’t crazy, then nothing was.
‘What’s the matter?’ he demanded after one glance at her face. ‘Has something happened to Adam and Amy?’
‘No!’ she exclaimed, silently castigating herself for giving him even a moment’s unnecessary worry. ‘In fact, just the opposite—they’ve both put on some weight. Not a lot and not as much as we would have hoped by now, but at least the trend is in the right direction.’
She’d never known a set of twins so closely in tune with each other. It seemed almost as if one of them couldn’t put on weight unless the other did, so with the various setbacks they’d each suffered they’d been slow to make any headway towards the target they’d have to reach before it was safe to let them ‘graduate’ from the humidicrib.
So far, they’d been lucky that there hadn’t been any more desperately sick babies needing the intensive care that the unit could provide. She couldn’t imagine how she would feel if the two of them had to be transferred to someone else’s care before she was certain that they were out of danger.
Come to that, she couldn’t imagine how she was going to feel when the two of them were ready to go home. There was going to be the most enormous void in her life once they…and Gideon…were no longer a part of it.
‘Nadia?’ There was an unfamiliar hesitancy to Gideon’s voice that immediately caught her attention. ‘Do you think…? Would you like…?’
He gave a huff of annoyance when he couldn’t seem to find the words he wanted and there was an endearing hint of colour in his cheeks that made her wonder what on earth he was trying to say.
‘Would you think it inappropriate if I were to ask you to share a meal with me?’ The question almost burst out of him and for just one wonderful moment she allowed the pleasure to flood through her.
Gideon was asking her out! He wanted to take her for a meal!
She felt her eyes widen and was sure she must have a grin stretching from one ear to the other.
‘I know a meal would never be enough to say thank you for all your care of Adam and Amy,’ he continued, clearly uncomfortable, and the realisation that the invitation was nothing more than a demonstration of gratitude was like a bucket of cold water being thrown over her.
‘You don’t have to do that,’ she interrupted, her voice sharpened by disappointment. Taking care of babies like Amy and Adam was her job and she didn’t need empty gestures for doing what she loved. Her reward was to see them thrive and—
‘But,’ he continued in a rush, apparently oblivious to the fact that she’d spoken ‘the truth is, I’d rather like to spend some time with you away from the hospital…away from the unit and A and E.’
That declaration was such a shock that she just stood there staring at him with her mouth open.
Had he actually said that he wanted to spend time with her? Was he really asking her out? Her? Nadia Pirz…Nadia Smith? She corrected herself hastily, horrified that so many years of hiding behind her new name could be undone in a matter of seconds when her emotions were scrambled by an invitation from a tall dark green-eyed man.
Thank goodness he couldn’t read her thoughts or she was certain that keen brain of his would have come up with an inexhaustible supply of questions, and she couldn’t risk that, not if Laszlo was lurking around.
‘Thank you very much for the invitation,’ she managed through a throat strangled by disappointment, but he beamed.
‘Tomorrow evening?’ he asked eagerly, before she had a chance to finish, and it nearly broke her heart to continue with what she had to say.
‘You’re very kind to invite me, but I’m afraid it just isn’t possible,’ she said, hearing just how stilted she sounded, even though her pulse seemed to echo strangely in her ears.
Oh, she wanted so much to accept, to spend some time with the only man who’d ever made her think that she might one day be able to respond as if she were a normal woman. She would love to sit at a table with him, sharing a leisurely meal while they shared the sort of conversation that would let the two of them get to know each other outside the hospital setting that had dominated their relationship so far.
Relationship? What relationship? mocked a little voice inside her head. If he knew who you really were, where you came from, what you’ve done…do you think he’d be inviting you out for a meal? Ha! He wouldn’t let you ne
ar his babies for another second, and as for sharing a meal…!
‘You’d be safe,’ he said earnestly, and for one awful moment she wondered if her brain was so scrambled that she’d actually said something aloud about Laszlo. ‘I was only going to suggest we went to that little Italian restaurant just off the high street. It’s family owned and all the recipes have been handed down from the grandmother to her daughter-in-law and the atmosphere is very relaxed and friendly.’
‘I’m sure it’s lovely, but I’m sorry. I can’t,’ she said, knowing exactly which place he was talking about. She gazed longingly at the menu every time she walked past but had known that she could never go there by herself. She would feel far too conspicuous, being the only single woman in a restaurant full of couples, and the last thing she ever wanted was to draw attention to herself.
Especially now.
There was a slightly strained atmosphere between the two of them for the rest of the evening, in spite of the fact that he’d apparently accepted her refusal with equanimity, and it was only when he was sitting with both babies cradled in his arms that the matter seemed finally to be forgotten.
‘When I remember how desperately tiny they were the first time I saw them, I can see just how much they’ve grown,’ he mused in a gentle voice, careful not to overload their fragile auditory systems. She glanced up at him from her careful cleaning procedure and was flustered to find that he was looking at her rather than the babies.
‘I can remember when you measured the top joint of your thumb against Adam’s foot and they were the same size,’ Nadia said, hoping to deflect his attention back to his son and daughter. It had been years since she’d been comfortable having anyone looking at her too closely. ‘You can actually see that there’s a difference now.’
‘But then today in A and E I saw a full-term baby that was born the same week as Adam and Amy, and he seemed absolutely huge in comparison to them, even though he didn’t have a particularly high birth weight.’
‘We get so accustomed to seeing really tiny babies that it’s easy to forget the size they should be before they’re ready to face the world.’ She’d finished the chores that had given Gideon the excuse to have an extra cuddle with the two of them, but he looked so right sitting there with them that she stood for several moments just enjoying the picture they made. She had absolutely no doubt that he was going to be a good father to them, and the realisation that she wouldn’t be there to see it happen on a day-to-day basis was enough to bring tears to her eyes.
Gideon stayed a while longer after Adam and Amy had been settled back into the cot and had fallen asleep immediately, apparently exhausted by the excitement of their outing.
He seemed pensive, his thoughts obviously elsewhere even though his gaze rarely strayed far from the peaceful scene in front of him.
Suddenly he straightened up out of the torture of the moulded plastic seat with an air of decision.
‘I’ll be back later,’ he announced briskly, already beginning to strip off his disposable gloves and apron, and she was left almost stunned by his sudden departure.
The good thing about his absence was that it gave her time to mourn her decision not to accept his invitation. It had been so hard stopping herself from telling him that she’d changed her mind, but the more she thought about it, the more she knew that she’d made the right decision.
If she’d just been Nadia Smith, the specialist nurse who’d been taking care of his babies, she would have been delighted to accept, even if the invitation had been nothing more than Gideon’s way of saying thank you. But she was Nadia Smith with secrets in her past—secrets that, if they had caught up with her, could put Gideon in danger.
‘Ha! That’s an understatement,’ she muttered, knowing only too well what Laszlo was capable of. And until she knew one way or the other whether it was her nemesis who was making her flesh crawl every time she left the shelter of the hospital building, she hardly dared to be seen in Gideon’s company, let alone accept an invitation to go somewhere public with him.
Even though she was kept busy, the time seemed almost to drag now that Gideon wasn’t there, and it was a relief when she glanced at the clock to realise that it was almost time for her meal break.
‘Hey, Nadia. Ready to go?’ asked Jenny a few minutes later as she came into the nursery, pulling on fresh disposable gloves as she approached the humidicrib. ‘I hope you’ve told these two to behave themselves while you’re gone.’
The conversation was similar to one they’d had on many occasions since the younger nurse had joined the unit, but there was something about the russet-haired nurse that was different today. There was an air of…almost suppressed excitement, an extra sparkle to her eyes as if she was hiding a delicious secret.
‘Oh, drat!’ she exclaimed, almost too casually as she leaned forward to read the latest notations on the babies’ charts, and Nadia’s antennae started to twitch. ‘I left my coffee-mug on the desk outside. Could you drop it off in the staff lounge before you go down for your meal? Thanks.’
The warning signal was almost an audible buzz by the time she reached the door to the staff lounge, courtesy of at least one hastily smothered grin and a whispered conversation that was rapidly terminated as she walked past.
The reason for the electric atmosphere only became clear when she opened the door and found Gideon waiting for her with a full carrier bag that was filling the room with delicious aromas.
‘You wouldn’t agree to come out for a meal, so I brought the meal to you,’ he announced, then spoiled the whole announcement by asking uncertainly, ‘I hope you don’t mind?’
Nadia didn’t know whether to be delighted or to tell him off. This certainly wasn’t the way to keep a low profile, and if the hospital grapevine got hold of what had gone on this evening, that would make it all the more likely that Laszlo would get to hear about it.
But…
‘Oh, Gideon.’ How could she help but feel flattered that he had gone to so much trouble for her?
‘If her Ladyship would care to take a seat?’ He made a gesture towards the settee, then started to unload the goodies from the enormous insulated bag he’d placed on the low table in front of it.
Uncertainly, she stepped forward to settle herself on the slightly battered cushions, suddenly realising that this was the first time she’d ever been brought a meal by a man.
Ever since she’d escaped from Laszlo, she’d been careful not to put herself in the position where she would have to turn down invitations…until Gideon had come along. Somehow there was something about this man that was slowly but steadily demolishing every one of the barriers she’d erected against risking the sort of pain she’d gone through at the hands of men.
Perhaps it was the fact that, even when he was at his most stressed and most exhausted, he’d never once raised his voice and, although he’d been incredibly stubborn about staying at his babies’ side, she couldn’t help but be impressed at his devotion to them, even at the expense of his own health.
This, she knew with utter certainty, wasn’t a man who would raise his hand against a woman, and that very certainty was the thing that allowed her to look up into his waiting green eyes and smile from her heart.
‘Gideon, you shouldn’t have done this, but thank you,’ she said round the lump in her throat. ‘No one’s ever done anything this special for me.’
‘You don’t know what special is until you’ve tasted this food,’ he said with a grin. ‘Prepare to be amazed.’
CHAPTER EIGHT
NADIA’S break was only half an hour, and most of the time was spent in eating the wonderful selection of dishes he’d brought for her to taste.
‘Now you’ll know what to order when we go there,’ he said with a twinkle in his eye as he collected the empty containers while she ran hot water into the sink to wash the plates and cutlery.
Her heart gave an extra thump at the thought that he was already planning for them to eat together again.
<
br /> ‘Oh, Gideon…it’s not that I didn’t want to go for a meal with you,’ she heard herself say, her tongue obviously loosened by the good food and the relaxed atmosphere between them. ‘It’s just…it isn’t a very good idea to draw attention like this.’
He stopped in mid-stride, an arrested expression on his face.
‘You’re not married, are you?’ he demanded, and for just a moment her mind went back to the day she’d believed she was getting married. It had been too late when she’d discovered that it had been nothing more than a sham.
‘No, I’m not married,’ she confirmed, saddened by the look of obvious relief on his face because, some time soon, she was going to have to tell him that there was no chance of anything more than a temporary friendship between them, certainly nothing as permanent as marriage. It was already more than she’d ever hoped for to spend even this much time in his company.
‘You already know that I was married,’ he said wryly, and she remembered her blunder in suggesting that he should go up to visit his wife.
‘Are you still in love with her?’ she asked, even as she realised that it was a totally inappropriate question. What business was it of hers what his feelings were for his ex-wife?
‘Not any more.’ His voice was quiet but firm, his green gaze steady. ‘In the end I think it was all the procedures that killed it for us. When we stopped making love and just…well, mated to try to give her the baby she wanted, all spontaneity was destroyed by charts and thermometers.’
He shook his head and she could see the sadness that the memories put in his eyes. ‘When the months went past, she decided that IVF would be the answer, but so much of that process is so clinical…so impersonal…so downright invasive that it doesn’t matter how good the doctors and nurses are, the strain gradually builds up…especially when month after month you’re almost holding your breath that this time it’s finally worked…Only it never did.’
A Family for His Tiny Twins Page 10