“It is time I return you to Lord Melton,” he sighed, not having the heart to meet her gaze. “You are the guest of honor, and I cannot monopolize your time any longer.”
Without another word, Jasper tucked her gloved hand in his elbow and started for her brother.
“Lord Melton.” Jasper’s voice shook slightly, and he cleared his throat before continuing. “Thank you for the kind invitation.” He turned to Adeline next, focusing on her lips as opposed to her eyes, glistening with moisture. “Miss Adeline, it has been a pleasure. I do hope your celebration is all you hoped for. It is time I take my leave and return to my home in Faversham.”
Melton’s eyes narrowed on Jasper as he bowed curtly and turned to depart before Adeline—or her brother—could offer any objection.
Giving Adeline one last look over his shoulder, he hoped she understood he didn’t want to leave her. If it had been up to him, he would have stayed, gossip be damned.
His footsteps were solid, if not confident, as he made his way to the double doors and the foyer beyond. He need only make it outside into the fresh air and out of sight of the ton. Then, and only then, could he allow himself time to dwell on his night.
Placing his hand on the doorframe, Jasper glanced over his shoulder once more, but Adeline was already out of her brother’s grasp and headed deeper into the ballroom. Jasper had no right to stop her or dissuade her from enjoying her ball. Nor did he possess the means to care for her in any way she’d see as satisfactory.
“My lord,” Jasper glanced back toward the foyer, the Melton butler having appeared at his side. “May I be of assistance?”
“My carriage, please.”
“Right away, Lord Ailesbury,” the butler bowed. “Do wait here, and I will summon you when your conveyance is ready.”
Jasper nodded, knowing there was nothing more he could do but depart into the cold night in search of George and his carriage. Instead, he moved into the shadows outside the ballroom and stared into the celebration.
An outsider.
An outcast.
An interloper.
These were not terms to be applied to those of the ton who’d discovered them on the terrace, but to Jasper’s own standing among the beau monde.
He was the one who did not belong. He was the one to forever watch from the shadows.
It was better this way. His scars would be kept hidden, and Jasper could hold tight to his guilt.
Scanning the crowd one last time, Jasper could no longer pick out Adeline from the throng of people in the ballroom.
It was better this way.
She would forget him in time, and he would hold tight to the memory of her in his arms. Perhaps then, and only then, he could allow a bit of the guilt that had plagued him for over a decade to loosen its hold on him.
Chapter 24
Adeline had quite simply had enough.
Enough of Jasper’s thinking he knew best—for her and for himself.
Enough of her brother’s superior attitude.
Enough of the ton’s petty, judgmental arrogance aimed at anyone they questioned as being one of them.
Enough of her friend’s overbearing protection.
They thought she hadn’t noticed the way they saved her from certain ruination on the terrace or came to shield her and Jasper on the dance floor as they closed in and swirled near Adeline and Jasper.
She was not a child, nor ignorant of the ways of society.
She’d known the repercussions she faced if she and Jasper were discovered on the terrace together, pulled close in an intimate embrace.
And she did not care a whit.
Pushing her way through the milling crowd of haughty, insufferable matrons and leering lords, Adeline arrived at the dais as the musicians began to once again take their places.
These people may think to intimidate Jasper, but Adeline had been a part of their ranks for far too long to cower in a corner, accept a fate she did not want, and allow Lord Ailesbury to walk out of her life.
She would not allow them to do that to her.
And if her brother and Theo stood in her way, then they would earn the right to be cast in with them and become a confirmed enemy of Adeline’s.
At nearly twenty-one, Adeline was free to seek her own home, her own way in life, her own future—free of her brother…and her friends, if it came to that. Which, Adeline desperately hoped it would not. Without Theo, Josie, and Georgie at her side, Adeline would have little idea who she was. Odd that this was the same for her and Jasper.
In his arms, she felt protected, safe, and loved.
The moment he’d fled the ballroom, she’d been cast into doubt, left angry and confused.
But no longer.
Adeline nodded to a waiting footman who hurried to her side and assisted her onto the dais, where her scowl was enough to send the musicians fleeing for safety.
Moving to stand in the middle of the dais, she faced the crowd of people she’d once considered her friends, her kin, her community. These were people whose homes she’d visited, whose lives had been inexplicitly intertwined with her own. They were her brother’s friends, her mother’s companions, her friends’ parents. They were the people Adeline should want surrounding her on the momentous occasion of her twenty-first birthday. Yet, she found herself desiring only one man: Jasper. It was his opinion that held weight for her. It was his feelings she wanted to soothe. It was his heart she prayed was not damaged by these people.
This—her fury, her sorrow, her doubt—had naught to do with her or her own standing in society.
If she were labeled a ruined woman, so be it. As long as Jasper’s name remained above reproach, and he was spared the scandal.
In a way, Adeline was more equipped to handle the ramifications of their terrace tryst. She was capable in a way Jasper was not, no matter how many hours, days, years, he spent gaining the strength to one day make amends for the fire at Faversham Abbey. And Adeline did not doubt he blamed himself for everything.
A hush descended on the crowd as one by one, couple by couple, group by group, the ton noticed her presence on the dais.
Every pair of eyes turned in her direction.
As Adeline looked to where Jasper had fled, his tall stature now out of sight.
That did nothing to lessen her irritation. Nothing to banish her need for vengeance in his honor.
Friendship…loyalty…and honor above all.
It was the Lady Archer’s Creed, written when she and her friends were mere girls at Miss Emmeline’s School. Yet, the relevance of the words hadn’t diminished, hadn’t paled, and hadn’t lost their meaning in any way.
In fact, the creed meant far more in that moment than ever before.
Jasper was her friend, and Adeline owed him loyalty, among many other things.
He’d saved her life before they even knew one another. He’d offered her shelter without a moment’s hesitation. He’d honored her. Even attempted to shield her from view on the terrace.
He was a fool if he thought she’d been unaware of what he was doing.
In return, Adeline would honor him, even if he were not around to hear her, and she never saw him again.
It was more than her mind that pushed her, it was her heart.
She allowed her glare to survey the crowd standing below the dais, waiting for her to speak. Though she was above them, she did not look down on them—so why did she have the overwhelming sense that many who looked on thought less of her? Judged her for actions they knew nothing about? Cast stones in her direction without any understanding?
Her chest seized. Adeline had once been the same. Done the same. At one time, she’d judged others with no regard for their feelings, their troubles, and the wounds that belonged solely to them. The time she’d made disparaging remarks about a debutante’s putrid-colored gown, or the occasion where she’d been asked to dance by a mere merchant’s son, and she scoffed at his offer. Even when she’d wastefully commissioned several gowns for
her first Season without thought to Alistair’s other financial obligations—Adelaide and Arabella’s tutors, Alfred’s medications for his harsh breathing, and their father’s enormous physician’s bills.
Who was Adeline to stand before this crowd and condemn them for their actions?
She was little different than anyone in attendance.
Yet, since meeting Jasper, she was well aware of her shortcomings.
Knew them well and was attempting to change…for him.
“Esteemed guests,” Adeline called across the hushed ballroom. The only noise disturbing the growing unease was the rustle of a gown, the clearing of a throat, and the murmured question of an elderly matron wondering what in the damned hell was keeping the musicians from playing. “It is with great shame that I stand before you today.”
The hissed whispers surged as gossip likely spread about the scene witnessed on the terrace. Though, they would learn soon enough, it was not shame for herself or Jasper she felt...
“You have all been invited into my brother’s home as esteemed guests of Lord and Lady Melton, as well as the Ladies Georgina and Josephine. However, you have all cast this house in hues of midnight blue and scalding red—shame.” She made a point to look around the crowd, making eye contact with as many men and women as she could. “Lord Ailesbury graciously accepted my brother’s invitation to attend my birthday celebration, a time of joyous festivities, and instead of welcoming him into our home, and our society, you have all turned your nose up at him, leered at his scars—wounds that were beyond his control—and now, he has departed.” She paused when her voice cracked, her gaze settling on Theo, Josie, and Georgie as they made their way to the dais. If they thought to hush her, they were sadly overestimating their power. Adeline would have her say, and then she would leave…her own party and her home. “Lord Ailesbury—Jasper—is my friend. He is kind where most are not. He is caring where most are critical. He rescued me from a storm, offered me refuge, and escorted me safely back to London when my carriage proved unusable. He is a man above all others—a kindred soul, a male most honorable, and a gentleman unlike any I have met before. I knew well his aversion to society, yet he was willing to put aside his concerns and discomfort…for me.”
Without realizing it, her words had dropped in volume, and the gathered lords and ladies strained forward to hear her every utterance. If it was because they were actually listening or were only seeking more fodder for the gossip mills, Adeline was uncertain.
Adeline picked her brother out of the crowd, standing close to the dais’s edge. She could not read his expression, but the likelihood of punishment for her brazen display was assured.
“Adeline?” Theo held her hand out from where she stood below the dais. However, Adeline was not ready to descend, she had not yet had her say.
Shaking her head, Adeline refocused on the ballroom at large. “You all should be grateful for the opportunity to make Lord Ailesbury’s acquaintance. A finer, more noble man does not exist in all of England. But truly,” she said on a laugh, “none of you are worthy of his friendship. I included.”
She sensed the tears coming, knew a complete breakdown was imminent as her head swam and her legs trembled beneath her.
An instant later, her friends were at her side, helping her down from the dais as her guests stared on in absolute shock—many in disgust, and a few smirking. If her time on the terrace hadn’t ruined her, her tirade before the entire ton had.
Adeline glanced between her friends as her eyes welled with tears. “I love him so,” she breathed, her steps faltering, causing Theo and Georgie to hold her weight. “I cannot bear this cruelty toward him. He deserves so much more than this.”
“I know,” Josie soothed from somewhere out of Adeline’s sight but likely trailing them as they moved toward the side door which led into the foyer.
They exited through a single door, nearly hidden from view by cascading fabric, and emerged in the hallway bordering the entryway. It was the only route that would not have them making their way through the crowd on the dance floor.
Adeline’s indignation flared once more, and she pulled from Theo’s grasp and rounded on her trio of friends as Alistair followed them through the door, pulling it soundlessly closed behind him.
“Have you come to speak ill of Jasper, as well, dear brother?” she demanded, her heart nearly hammering through her chest. “Do you think him less of a man, or unworthy of respect, due to his scars?”
She knew her eyes held the fire of a thousand suns when Alistair took a step back, his previously narrowed glare widening in surprise at the venom in her tone.
Adeline’s glare swung from her brother to Theo and back.
When no one said anything, Adeline blinked several times to clear her sight, blurred from her tears.
However, the swell of tears returned when she noted the pitying looks on everyone’s faces.
Adeline deflated in that moment, her fury subsiding as quickly as it had been sparked.
She’d stood before a crowded ballroom and all but declared her love for Jasper.
And, yes, she knew with every breath she took that she loved him.
Would love him until her dying day.
Her chest ached so deeply at the thought of losing him—a man she’d known for such a short time, but who had affected her in ways she’d never dreamed possible. She could not envision a day in which she did not see him, speak with him, ride uninhibited across a meadow at his side, stand in the rain as he cared for his people, and live a life secluded at the Abbey if that meant they could be together.
“Theo…Alistair…I love him.” She shook her head back and forth, begging them not to question her words, to take her feelings for what they were. “I know you might not understand, but, I fear I cannot help where my heart takes root.”
A hiccup escaped her, and she clamped her mouth shut, determined not to fall apart until she’d found the safety of her room—a room that would not be hers for long when Alistair cast her out for bringing disgrace upon their entire family.
But Adeline would be fine, she would find her way, even without her friends and her family.
If Jasper could survive the loss of his parents—and later, his aunt and uncle—not to mention the harsh cruelty of those who blamed him for their family’s deaths, then Adeline could muster the courage to live a life on her own terms, free of society, and satisfied in her own right.
Would she not be content—if not happier—to live a life unburdened by social responsibilities, unrestricted by the rules and guidelines for what made a proper lady? She would be permitted to help others, live in a way that allowed her to be kind to all, and compassionate to other’s plights.
It was the way of things at Faversham Abbey.
Chapter 25
Theo…Alistair…I love him.
Adeline might have said more, but Jasper heard none of it as he stood in the foyer down the hall from where Lord and Lady Melton, along with Adeline’s other friends, stared at the woman; a mixture of shock, apprehension, and pride on their faces.
All of those emotions were coursing through Jasper in that moment, as well, along with at least one more he was able to identify: love. Jasper could not remember feeling such for anyone other than his aunt and uncle. Certainly, he’d loved his parents, but he’d been a mere child, taking for granted he’d been blessed with a caring family, an adequate home, and fine things. In time, Jasper had come to respect and care for his servants and a few men who allowed him close at the plant.
But love? True, unconditional love…for a woman?
There was no mistaking that was the type of love Adeline spoke of. No woman, especially a lady born and bred to be above reproach, would jeopardize her status in a society she cherished if she did not wholeheartedly love another. And she’d stood before all of London, her family’s closest friends, and all but proclaimed her love…for him.
Jasper watched as Adeline threw her arms wide, her back to him. Lady Melton w
as the first to spot him over Adeline’s shoulder.
“My heart is solidly telling me Jasper is the only man for me.” Her shoulders shook with her words, as if she kept her sobs inside but had no control over her body. “He is fair and kind to his servants and staff at the plant, he has a shrewd business sense, he is empathetic to the plight and misfortune of others, he is trusting and selfless“—she ticked off the list on her fingers—“and he is, above all else, loyal and compassionate.”
She stumbled on the last words, and Jasper longed to go to her, wrap his arms around her, and tell her everything would be fine. He desired nothing more than to put a stop to her ramblings. He was not the man she described with such passion. He strived each and every day to fit those characteristics, but attaining them had been difficult and, more often than not, out of his reach.
Jasper started in her direction, but her shoulders tensed and her chin lifted.
“Honestly, dear brother, I cannot imagine that I deserve a man such as Jasper, or that he would ever think to take me to wife.” She whimpered when no one made any move to respond to her. “I am his complete opposite in nearly every way. I have a vanity that runs far too deep, I am critical of others, I am petty and selfish, I demand things I have not earned, I cause so much trouble for you and Theo, and I am overly harsh with Josie. I do not deserve his loyalty…or yours, my flaws are so great.”
Jasper could not, would not, believe any of those things to be true or that they represented who Adeline was. This was not the woman he’d gotten to know in Faversham. That woman had been confident to a fault. She’d been undaunted by the storm, hadn’t hesitated to assist him in providing food for his people, and she rode across the meadow to the plant to make certain Jasper was not injured, and Emily’s husband was rescued.
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