Haley’s not at all like she used to be. She’s not the only one. And she has her reasons. Just like I do.
So here I am, her Navy SEAL big brother, running this errand for her. While she’s off having fun at some bar, I’m getting milk for Abigail’s cereal in the morning.
I try not to grip the steering wheel too hard as I slow and turn into the parking lot of the convenience store. Thinking about Abbi is almost like thinking about her father, and thinking about him is dangerous for me.
Get your shit together, Hunter. He’s the real reason I’m back home. And I can’t stop seeing his face when I look at Abbi and Haley. It took me four years to come back. But he never will.
I left this town with a bad boy reputation and came back to everyone looking at me like I’m some war hero. And I may be, but I don’t feel like one. I’m not a hero. I failed when it really mattered. Nothing can take that back.
There are only a few cars parked in the rain-slicked lot, and I park near them as if I can blend in. My shoes squeak on the wet pavement as I walk through the parking lot, head down.
When I walk in the door, I almost wince. It’s bright in here, that kind of bright that only grocery stores and hospitals ever are. Antiseptic.
I look toward the checkout and see one sad old lady standing there looking bored. I almost recognize her. Something about her is familiar. But I don’t know how. I don’t much care either.
The lady starts and looks my way.
“Hi there!” she says, smiling at me and perking up as though she’s now awake. She’s wearing dark-rimmed eyeglasses, which I can see have thick lenses as I step closer and let the door close behind me, the chime of the bells sending another wave of familiarity through me.
I try to return her smile as I wipe my boots off on the mat.
I look away and try to remember why I’m even in here, but I can still feel her eyes on me and I feel a prickle of unease run down my spine. I turn away, looking to escape.
I start to head down the nearest aisle, my mind tracing back to my earlier thought about Haley. I’m worried for her, and the guilt is weighing me down. Before I can think much more on it, I glance up and stop in my tracks.
There’s someone in this aisle, a dark-haired woman wearing penguin pajamas just like the ones Violet used to have. Actually, the woman is about Vi’s size, too. My Vi.
She was the first person I wanted to see when I came back. But I know better. Two of the three times I came home, she was away at school. I missed her. The guilt of breaking things off and leaving her never felt right. I know I loved her back then. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I didn’t expect it to hurt so damn much.
The third time I came home was the last fucking time. Because I saw her. I knew she was in town, and I couldn’t resist seeing her. I wanted more; no woman’s ever come close to making me want her like Vi. But when I stopped by her place and looked in the window before knocking on her door, she was in another man’s lap. Her arm around his neck and laughing at something while he was leaning in for a kiss.
It took everything in me not to break that fucking window. It’s what I deserved, and what I should’ve expected. I stormed off and refused to come back home. It’s been over two years since then.
My teeth grind together, and my hands ball into fists at the memory. I left her. I had no right to be jealous, but I was. I still am. She’s never stopped being my Vi.
There’s no way it’s her standing here in front of me now, but I can’t stop myself from calling her name out of instinct.
“Violet?” I say with a hint of disbelief in my voice.
She slowly turns around, although she’s slow to raise her eyes to meet mine.
My heart hammers in my chest. It’s her.
Standing there, wearing a soft cream sweater that’s a bit too big and those same damn pajama bottoms, like she’s on her way to bed. Her dark hair is thrown up into a ponytail. Her wide blue eyes and sweetheart features are still as perfect as the first time I saw them.
Her curves are hidden by her baggy clothes, but I have no fucking doubt that she is just as hot as she was the last time I held her. Even frozen as I am, my body recognizes hers.
I’m hard as a rock in seconds, and I make no effort to hide it either. The only sound is my blood rushing in my ears and the only thing I can see, is her. There’s a frisson of awareness that passes between us, a spark that can’t be denied and it finally unlocks me, lets me move.
“Vi?” I say, taking a step toward her as the trace of a smile threatens to show itself. My blood heats, and all I wanna do is take her into my arms. But that look on her face is holding me back. She’s not mine, and she hasn’t been in a long damn time. Judging by the look on her face, she doesn’t want to be, and she doesn’t feel the same as I do.
She takes a step back, looking defensive. She looks… well, not surprised to see me, but wary. I straighten my back and wait for her to calm down a bit. My mouth falls open, but I close it and clear my throat, not sure of what to say.
The last time I talked to her was the day I left. The day she begged me to write to her. I wrote her so many damn letters. Still have them. I never sent a single one. I always thought my father was right to tell me to break it off with her, since I didn’t want to hurt her. But looking at her now, I regret it. And I did the one thing I tried to prevent. I’d take it all back if I could.
“You’re back,” she says, little more than a whisper. Her eyes glass over some and she looks off to the right, her lips turned down as she swallows thickly.
The sound of her voice is so familiar to me. I let my eyes close, as the feeling of being home resonates throughout my being. I’ve been walking around Hallow Falls for three days, wondering why I feel so foreign.
But this… seeing her, hearing her…
I open my eyes again and she’s staring at me, her mouth in a hard line. The sadness replaced with anger. My heart clenches in my chest.
“Vi,” I say, wanting so badly to touch her. “Listen-”
“Do us both a favor, and stay the hell away from me,” she says with a touch of venom in her voice that I’ve never heard from her. Her words hit me like a slap in the face. It fucking hurts.
She moves in a wide circle, edging past the chips to get around me. They crinkle as she brushes against them to avoid touching me in the slightest. It pisses me off, but that’s what I get. I’m not surprised she doesn’t want to hear a word out of my mouth.
“Violet,” I say with a hint of a warning in my tone as my hands ball into fists, but she doesn’t stop.
I follow her, but she just walks out of the store, can of soup in her hand. She’s pissed. She storms off and I think about chasing her down, but I don’t know what I’d even tell her. I turn to the cashier as if expecting an explanation, but she just gives me a bland smile. I watch Vi get in her car and take off. She never looks back at me.
Shit. That could’ve gone better.
I exhale and retrace my steps, heading for the case with the milk. All the while, though, my mind is focused on her. I open the door all pissed off and wanting to rip it off the hinges. The cold hits my face, and I welcome it. I need to calm down.
Violet Evelyn Shaw. The first and only girl I ever told that I loved, the girl who stuck by my side through thick and thin, all through childhood and the beginnings of adulthood.
The girl whose heart I fucking shredded four years ago, when I joined the Navy and left her behind.
As I pay for the milk and leave the store, I know I have to make it right. Even if she doesn’t feel anything for me anymore, I don’t want this bad blood between us. She’s the first thing that feels right since I’ve been home. I want her though. I can’t deny that. It’s the only thing I know.
I’ve had years to think about Violet and everything we had together. I only left her because I thought it was the right thing to do. My own father told me not to promise her anything, so I'd broken it off, thinking she deserved better than what I co
uld give her. I thought she’d be better off without waiting on a SEAL who might not come back to her.
I thought of her every day since I’ve been gone, filled with nothing but regret.
I walk out of the store, keeping my head low to avoid the rain and get into my truck wishing life wasn’t this shitty. I leave the parking lot, tires squealing on the slick cement, cursing myself.
I can think whatever I want about those halcyon days, but I can’t change what I did.
I drive home silently, mind in the past, back to when I ended it between us. Back when she was mine.
Now I’m home, and she’s moved on. But one look at her, and I want her back. I have no idea what to do with the rest of my life, but I know I want her in it.
Chapter 42
Violet
Vi. I keep hearing Hunter say my name over and over as I lean against my kitchen counter, staring out the balcony window into nothing. Well not my name, but the nickname he gave me. The one that used to make me melt into him.
That bastard can’t call me Vi anymore.
That was something special. It meant something more to me. Something that he ruined.
The microwave beeps and I make my way across my small kitchen and open up the door. I cringe a bit; I need to go in and give the shop the money for the soup. I didn’t even realize I’d taken it without paying until I got home. Or that I didn't get any cough syrup. I sigh heavily. I don’t touch the bowl, since I don’t have an appetite anymore. I’m sick to my stomach over seeing him. I’m just going through the motions.
My heart sinks in my chest. I was cold to him, and I feel awful about putting that hurt look on his face. I bite the inside of my cheek and brace myself against the counter, staring aimlessly at the corners of the tile floor.
I may have been a bit mean to him, but I have to look out for me.
He’s the one who taught me that. That I have to take care of myself, and that means keeping that man at a distance.
I reach for the bowl as my cat, Boots, sprawls across the welcome mat at the balcony door. His tabby coloring nearly blends into the mat, but his paws are completely white. Thus the name, Boots. Usually when he does that, it means he wants attention and pets. That’s not happening right now, Boots.
I grab the bowl and slam the door to the microwave shut, as if it’s the reason I’m so pissed off and upset at the same time.
It only takes a few steps in this cramped kitchen to get to the small two-person table in the breakfast nook. I sit down and will myself to eat and stop thinking about Hunter.
But he was looking at me like he wanted me, and I’ve dreamed of that look so many times. I’d given up on it though. I stopped seeing his face and hearing his name. After four long years, he’s back.
The spoon clinks against the side of the bowl as I stir the noodles in the broth. It smells so good. It reminds me of comfort.
I’m anything but comfortable though.
Nothing’s been the same since he left. He didn’t just dump me and leave. It’s not that easy in a small town.
He broke up with me and left me ruined. Everyone knew I’d given myself to him. The way we were always together. The way I let him hold me.
I was proud of it before; I loved the way he held me close as though I belonged to him. But because of that, everyone knew. And even worse, everyone talked.
I force a bite of the soup down as Boots brushes himself against my legs. I can’t wallow over this. That’s exactly what I’m doing, though. Seeing him was like opening a wound that had only started to heal.
To add insult to injury, the asshole I dated in college told everyone that Hunter fucked me, as he so delicately put it. Adam asked me if I’d done anything before, and I told him. I trusted him. Then he ran his mouth when I ended things because I didn’t want to take things so fast. After that jerk I stayed away from men. Not that there are many to choose from anyway.
My cheeks burn from embarrassment. I’ve never been with anyone other than Hunter. In four years, I’ve never even wanted another man.
No one can blame me. I tried, but Hunter did ruin me.
Yet everyone in this town looked at me like I was some slut.
Tears prick my eyes, but I refuse to cry. I’ve done my fair share of that. I promised myself I was over him and over this damn town and their gossip.
Instead I focused on school and work.
My boss finally retired a few months ago, selling me the shop, so now I own the Sweet Treats Bakery.
I’m somewhat stable for the first time in my life.
And now he shows up.
I’ve got my apartment, my job and my cat. I don’t need him coming into my life and leaving me brokenhearted again.
I take another small bite as my phone goes off on the table. My blood spikes with hope, just like it used to.
Hunter?
I grab my phone and stare at it. It’s the bank.
I drop the spoon to the table, feeling absolutely pathetic. I thought I was over this! Anger rises inside of me as the phone rings again.
I take a deep breath and do my best to snap out of it. I need to answer this call. I need this loan.
But I know it’s Slade calling. This late at night, it has to be him… and it has nothing to do with the money I need. He doesn’t handle the lending department, but he’s been calling me.
This night just keeps getting better and better.
Slade’s father owns the bank in this town, and Slade’s the manager. I remember the last conversation I had with him and I grit my teeth. He makes me feel so uncomfortable. I’m not sure if it’s the way he looks at me, or the way he’s hanging this loan over my head.
He’s made it clear he’s interested in a date, but I don’t think I have those feelings for him. Everyone seems to loves him though. He’s good-looking, with a stable job and a well-off family. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
But then again, I haven’t felt anything serious for any man since Hunter. I groan in frustration at the realization.
Ring. I finally answer the phone, taking a deep breath.
“Hello,” I answer with a sweet, even voice.
I’m good at hiding my emotions. In a small town that talks, you learn how to smile through it all.
“Violet.” Slade’s voice rings loud and clear through the phone.
My eyes drop to my bowl of barely touched soup. This isn’t about the loan. I already knew it, but a part of me was still hoping.
“Hi, Slade,” I say, and my voice is somehow more chipper than I feel.
“Well, there you are sweetheart,” Slade’s deep voice comes through with a tinge of southern charm. “I stopped by the bakery, but it’s still closed. Now you’d tell me if things were that bad, wouldn’t you?”
I hate that there’s a tone of condescension, or maybe I’m just making it up. Either way, I feel the need to bite my tongue. He continues without waiting for a response.
“I’m sure we’ll have that loan for you soon, sweetie,” he says with confidence… just like he did the last time.
I finally manage a response, “It’s just closed for a few days while I get over this cold.” I pick at a pulled thread in the tablecloth.
“Are you feeling any better? I could swing by with something to cheer you up.”
I sigh heavily, hating that I’m so standoffish to Slade. He really does seem like a nice guy.
My heart clenches in my chest. It’s because of Hunter. I know that’s why I can’t let myself even consider being with another man. I don’t want my heart broken again. But I need to move on.
“Thank you, Slade. That’s real sweet of you. I’m feeling much better now though.” I stand up and take the bowl to the sink, tipping it and dumping the broth down the drain. It’s not even warm anymore.
“Well that’s good to hear. You’ll be able to go out with me this weekend then? There’s a bit of a get-together at Andy’s for the game on Saturday. I was hoping you’d say yes this time.”
&nb
sp; There’s a pause at the other end, and I know I need to answer. He’s asked me a few times already, and each time I’ve had an excuse. The only one I can think of now is that Hunter’s back.
It makes me angry. I shouldn’t even consider that asshole for one minute.
I should go with Slade; it’ll help me deal with Hunter coming back. I feel absolutely pathetic that one look from my high school sweetheart brings back so much pain.
But I can’t deny that it’s there. I’m still hurting when I shouldn't be. And I need to get over those feelings and over Hunter for good.
“Yeah, Slade,” a smile that doesn’t reflect my emotions at all graces my lips as I reply with what’s expected from me, “that sounds nice.”
Chapter 43
Hunter
I pull up to Andy’s, the local bar, for the Saturday night football game. It’s packed, just like I remembered it being back when I was a kid and wasn’t allowed in here. The front doors are thrown open to allow people to move in and out of the bar freely.
The past three days all I’ve done is think of Vi. I’m still working on getting my shit together and deciding whether or not I’m gonna buy that place on the lake, but I can’t think straight knowing she’s here. I’ve been trying to decide how to apologize, but I don’t even know what’s all gone on in the last four years. For all I know, she hates me and she’s married to someone else. But I sure as shit don’t remember seeing a ring on her finger.
I almost bought her one myself before my father sat me down and explained that holding on to her was wrong. It was a pale yellow canary diamond. It reminded me of sunflowers, and those were her favorite. I remember just how it looked. I doubt I’d be able to find a ring like that anymore.
As I put the truck in park and walk across the gravel parking lot to the door, listening to the crunch beneath my feet, I think about how the hell I can make my way back into her life.
One person turns from the game and notices my arrival as I step into the lively bar.
Knocking Boots (Sexy Standalone) Page 21