Somebody Worth It

by Nickie Nalley Seidler

  “Thank you.” I smiled at him, staring at his sweet gestures. He took his coat off and placed it on the hook. Staring at an awkward glance. He then slid his shoes off and helped me off the bench.

  “Want to play a game? Do you have UNO?” he asked, raising his eyebrow in a questionable smirk.

  “Yes! Let me grab it!” I got overly excited. I can’t remember the last time anyone wanted to play UNO with me, and this would be awesome. Another reason I liked Dean so much was he brought the fun out in me. I needed this, and this night had turned into such a great one. I skipped down the hallway to where I knew my mother kept the card and board games. I opened the cabinet and looked around for UNO.

  “Come in here,” I yelled down the hallway, making myself comfortable on the couch in the living room. Dean had come after me and sat next to me, closing in the distance, but leaving enough to put the cards in between us.

  “I loved playing this game, but in college I found another way to play it if you’re up for it.”

  I looked up at him and raised my eyebrows, flashing a curious grin. “What does that entail? I’m intrigued, keep talking.” I bobbed my head up and down, wanting more information.

  “It’s on the fun side, a little get to know you kind of game. Every time you get a number card, you have to tell the other person that many things about you on what you like or dislike. So, if you get a red five. You have to tell me five things about yourself. Good or bad. You take it however you like. If you get a wild card, the other person gets to choose how many pieces of clothing to take off or questions they want to ask, kind of like truth or dare. If you get a draw card, that tells you how many pieces of clothing to take off. Makes the game a little fun, and makes you more comfortable with the person you’re playing with while you sit in your bra, and I fiddle my thumbs. Reverse cards you can reverse and put a piece of clothing back on, and a skip lets you just skip your chance at losing more clothing items or answering more questions. What do you think? Think you can handle it?” He shot me a seductive look while stretching his arms above his head. His toned chest popped out from under his shirt, defining his muscles. I pursed my lips together in thought but already knew my answer.

  “I’m in.” I handed him the deck to shuffle. I was hesitant about this but needed a little fun.

  He shuffled the cards and dealt seven to each of us. He dealt, so I went first. There was a blue eight sitting next to the draw pile. I put down a blue six. He started out with six things.

  “Alright. One, I love Mexican food. Two, would love an old classic car someday. Three, want to get married. Four, I’m addicted to the gym. Five, I love basketball. Six, I like oranges.” He grinned. Well, this game could get interesting. It was his turn, so he placed a blue draw two down.

  Being as a brave as I was, I slid my hand up my sweater dress and slowly slid my black leggings down to the floor revealing my tanned, toned legs. Then I reached behind my head and pulled my hair out of my pony tail and let it fall around my shoulders. A wicked grin spread across my flushed face. Since he set a draw card down, and I took clothing off, it was his turn again.

  “You’re beautiful.” He smiled.

  He placed a blue nine on the pile. I looked up at him and gave him a hard look. He would want to know nine things about me.

  “Fine, to be fair, I’ll do dislikes. One, I don’t like liars. Two, I don’t like cheaters. Three, I don’t like spiders, I’m terrified. Four, I’m deathly afraid of heights. Five, I don’t like seafood at all, not even the smell. Six, I’m scared of dying. Seven, I don’t like people who use other people. Eight, I don’t like being miserable. Nine…” I hesitated, but went for the bold move. “I don’t like being apart from you.” I looked down and nodded in my lap as I got nervous from what I said and sobering up slightly, made this game more realistic.

  Dean ran his hand along my chin and tilted my head up to meet his. His eyes were warm, and I could sense the passion in his look. “I don’t either, Millie. I’d like to get to know you better, but you make me warm inside, and I haven’t had that feeling since high school.” He grinned. My hands trembled from his touch. I wanted to feel okay again. He caught my eyes wandering from his. I felt the nervous tension.

  “Millie, I will wait as long as you need me to. I’m in no rush with you.” He reached my hand up to his mouth and planted a sweet kiss on it.

  “Dean, I—” I breathed long and deep. “Thank you for understanding.” I mentally slapped myself. The alcohol was definitely drifting out of my system, and I started to feel the heat of the situation. I started to feel things that weren’t right yet. Could you stop them from happening? I’m not sure.

  “I’m going to get going.” Dean got up from the couch, and I quickly stood up. I followed him down the hall and as soon as he turned around by the door my mind imagined what I could do right now. I got so close to his precious lips before I stopped myself. I watched him call a cab while we said our goodbyes. Then he was gone.

  I didn’t want him to go home. Every bone in my body ached for him to stay, to hold me while I fell asleep. To whisper sweet nothings in my ear and make me feel better. I wanted it all to heal me from feeling so broken. I just served Brian with a divorce, and I’m already thinking about Dean? I almost landed my lips on another man already. What was wrong with me? Was I able to feel for Dean this close to losing Brian? Was my mind confused, or was my heart finally leading me where it should have been? I tucked myself into bed, pulling the sheets up to my neck. I cried myself to sleep, praying that I healed soon, and praying I didn’t just screw up what I felt so right about.

  .

  Chapter 14

  “Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.”

  -Roger Ebert

  Millie

  What was I thinking? The next day I couldn’t believe what I had done. Dean needed to know that I’m not interested in anyone right now after my heart still needed to heal over Brian. As much as it felt so right with Dean, I couldn’t possibly do that. I couldn’t do it to Kate, and I couldn’t do it to myself. It was just too much. Kate got home that morning. Brian picked her up from her friends and dropped her off, and she’d been bugging me all morning to get out of bed, so we could have a girls day. I finally caved in and thought to invite Stephanie out, too. She agreed and was going to tag along. Lunch and a movie sounded perfect for a Saturday afternoon.

  “Mom! Are you ready yet?” Kate yelled down the hall from her room. I rolled my eyes, hearing my teenager with that pretty little mouth. I could see right through her that she had grown up to be just like her mother. I’m sure that my mom was having a field day watching me receive the payback for having a daughter with the same attitude I had. I slapped on some light make-up and pulled a hoodie over my head. I paired it with light denim jeans and knee high boots. I smiled glancing at myself in the mirror. I told myself this was my new beginning and this would be the happy start, a date with my daughter and best friend. I grabbed my purse while I headed down the hallway towards the kitchen. My mom stood there with her arms crossed staring at me.

  “What?” I looked at her confusion spread across my face.

  “How was your night with Dean and Stephanie last night?” She smiled that devious grin of hers, and I knew this was a double sided question.

  “Good, Stephanie had to cancel, but we’re going out today,” I said back wearily.

  “So, what did you and Dean do once you got back here last night?”

  I thought back and was for sure not telling my mother about the evening. We watched TV, and he went home. That’s all, nothing to get all worked up over. Hopefully.

  She held up my pair of leggings and dangled them in the air, and her eyes darted down and pointed toward the UNO cards and next to them a pair of cups I forgot to throw out, sitting on the kitchen table. My mouth hung agape, and my eyes darted back and forth to both things. Oh my God! I left my pants out here!

  “Did you forget your pants?” She shook her head
, trying to act confused. Fighting for the right words, I stood there, red blushing all over my face.

  “I must have taken them off and carried them out here to clean up and forgot. I’m sorry.” I yanked the leggings gently out of her hand as she eyed me walking down the hall.

  “You be careful, Millie. Sealing one love with another, doesn’t always work,” she yelled after me. I closed my eyes and hurried into my bedroom, tossing my pants in the laundry bin. I turned around and was faced with a pair of boobs I wasn’t sure I remembered being that large.

  “Kate! Jesus! You scared me!” I eyed her outfit from top to bottom. Tight pair of leggings with a low cut thin blue sweater v neck showing her girls to the world. A pair of knee high boots, like mine, were tight around her toned legs. Her hair was curled nicely, and she had a ton of make up on.

  “Mom! I kept yelling if you were ready or not!” She poked my shoulder, bringing my attention back to her.

  “You’re going to wear that?” I asked, looking at her, kind of stunned by her appearance.

  “What’s wrong with it?” She put one hand on her hip and popped like a teenager would.

  “Your tits are in my face, which means they will be in other people’s faces. I don’t like it.” I was honest. It made me a little nervous seeing my daughter dress so grown up.

  Her eyes widened at my remark, and she sank in her hands in her shirt and pulled up the tank top you didn’t even know was there, up covering her cleavage.

  “Happy now?” She rolled her eyes.

  “Very.”

  I followed her out of my room and out the door. I yelled bye to my mom and quickly got in the car. We had to pick up Stephanie, and we were running late for our movie. Kate buckled up and turned up the radio to a Katy Perry song that was blaring through the speakers. Being that she was in dance, music was her life, and she made that a point everywhere we went. She started swaying her hands and arms in rhythm and then moving her hips while sitting in the passenger seat. I couldn’t help but laugh and start dancing along with her. She really did raise my spirits when they needed to be.

  A few minutes later, we pulled in and picked Stephanie up. Kate traveled to the backseat and Stephanie sat up front with me. We headed off the mall where the movie theatre was.

  We were seeing some movie with the terminator guy who was locked in prison with a boxer dude and they try to escape. Yup, Kate wasn’t your average girl who wanted to see a chick flick, she loved the action, and that made me happy. Another clue, that she was my girl.

  Stephanie sat by me on one side and Kate on the other. We had popcorn, candy, and soda drinks, and we were set. Girls’ day was about to start, and to veg on food was one of our favorite parts. This day was about to allow me time to not think about the things weighing on my mind so heavily. It literally felt like a paper weight was slamming into my head, holding the things on my mind and not let me escape my thoughts. I wanted to think about Dean, but every time I did Brian popped up in my head. I didn’t know how normal that was, but I couldn’t help it.

  The movie was on its way, and we laughed quite a bit. I excused myself to the bathroom part way through. I made my way down the steps and out of the theatre. I started walking down the hall and heard my name called out. I didn’t think anything of it and kept walking.

  “Millie!” I turned around at the closeness of the voice, the voice that I knew so familiarly. I turned and smacked right into a brick wall of a chest. I raised my eyes and met his. His hands quickly wrapped around my thick waist and pushed me slightly back against the wall. I was taken by surprise until his lips pressed into mine, and I moaned into the kiss while he slid his tongue in my mouth, deepening it. When it sank in what was happening, I took my hand to his chest and slowly pushed him off of me until our eyes met again.

  “Brian,” I whispered softly, “what are you doing?” I breathed heavily, trying to regain my composure. I tried to hold in my tears. What did Brian just do to me? I was just swept off my feet by a man I served divorce papers to. I wasn’t expecting this, and he caught me off guard. Why did it feel so great? I knew it was him before he kissed me, and I allowed it. I allowed him to touch me, and it made me weak. He was a weakness and had been for years.

  “Kate told me you’d be here. Millie, I miss you, so much. I can’t sign those papers knowing that I didn’t try my very best.” His eyes filled with water, and his voice softened. I was struck in a daze of confusion. Why couldn’t he do this to me when the time was right, when I needed it then? Why was he doing this now?

  “Brian—” I screeched out. I wrapped my arms around him and fell into his chest. He ran his fingers through my hair and pressed his lips to the top of my head.

  “Millie, you’re my life. Everything about you since day one has been my dream. I can’t live without you, don’t make things so complicated. You could have me by your side till your old and grey, and I’ll wipe your ass if that is what it takes to keep you here with me.” He chuckled slightly. “Please, baby, I love you with my all heart. Don’t let my stupid actions make you crazy. You’re the one I come home to and the one I lay my head next to. You’re in my dreams, every night. Having to sleep alone brings nightmares. My heart doesn’t feel complete, baby.”

  Hearing his words, and seeing the actual tears coming from his face made me lose it. They say one of the hardest things in life is saying goodbyes. By far, it’s been the hardest having Brian out of my sight. There was always that one situation in your life where you never knew if the decision you made was the right one. They say time will tell, but sometimes your mind doesn’t want to wait on time, because there was no guarantee on time in life. You never know if you’re breathing your last breath or living your last days. Or if the person you’re thinking about was living their last days or moments. It was heart breaking to say the least.

  I looked up in those puppy dog eyes he shined down at me and kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry, I have to get back to my movie.” It absolutely killed me to walk away, but I knew it was the right choice at that moment. He had to feel what I’d been feeling and this was the only way to show to him I was being serious. I hated that this part of our life was over, I hated it. I never wanted this to happen. I never envisioned this happening, but it was, and I had to deal with it. I walked to the bathroom and placed my hands out in front of me on the counter. I felt like I could throw up. I didn’t have another word to describe that feeling. It’s not a pleasant feeling. Tears puddled and, in no time, the waterworks were full on. I sobbed, leaning on the counter and facing the floor. I didn’t want to look at myself in the mirror above. It would show this woman vulnerable to her feelings. Feelings I couldn’t make out clearly. I cared for Brian and I always will, and that’s why it hurts so much to let go of something I’ve had for such a long time. After a few minutes of letting go, I was thankful I was the only one in the bathroom. I quickly splashed water on my face and made sure my makeup wasn’t too horrible. I watched as the woman before me reminded me of how broken I was.

  I stepped out of the bathroom, and Brian wasn’t anywhere to be seen. I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn’t think I could face him again right then. I made my way back into the theatre as Stephanie was walking out of the door, she almost hit me in the face.

  “Where were you? Are you okay?” She shocked me, making me jump.

  The door closed behind us, and I immediately brought her into a hug and wept in her shoulder. This was a lot harder than I imagined. It was worse than anything I prepared myself for. Stephanie hugged me back tightly and rubbed my back comforting me.

  “Oh, sweetie, what happened?”

  “I ran into...” I said between sobs, “Brian. He was here, he kissed me. I can’t deal with this.” I sobbed more into her shoulder and she pushed me back making me make eye contact with her.

  “Brian was here, and kissed you?” she asked me, wiping away the tears from my eyes.

  Yeah, he kissed me, and he professed his love for me, again. Of course, I was once aga
in the woman walking away from a man who could do those things to me.

  I bobbed my head up and down to answer her question. I broke down. Every feeling I thought I had under control melted away. It escaped from beneath me, and I couldn’t control myself. I knew having a meltdown in the middle of a movie theatre hallway was the last place I wanted this to happen, but I couldn’t control my body. I just couldn’t stop crying. Stephanie backed me to a bench and made me sit down. My head immediately went to my hands and rested between my knees. I was so embarrassed, but my knees were weak, and I felt sick to my stomach. This had been the worst time of my life, and it hasn’t gotten any easier. There weren’t any words I could say to make it stop. Nothing I could stop feeling to make it go away. Stephanie sat on the floor in front of me, holding my legs and looking up to me trying to calm me down. Trying to get me to relax.

  “Millie?” I heard my name and looked up. What the fuck was this? Find Millie at worst possible time day? Dean came rushing over to me with another woman who looked just like him. He knelt down beside me, and Stephanie gave him a hard look. I knew she was probably thinking who the fuck are you, but I knew deep down I think she knew who it was.

  “Millie, what’s wrong? Are you okay? What’s going on?”

  “Um, excuse me? Who are you?” Stephanie waved her hand in the air annoyed of the man’s presence.

  “Dean. I’m Dean,” he said focusing his attention on me.

  “Stephanie. The Dean I never got to meet. Nice to meet you, Dean.”

  “Likewise. What’s going on?”

  This couldn’t be happening. I didn’t need Dean here, although it was a nice feeling that he was. I couldn’t deal with this right now. What was I supposed to say to him? Oh my husband who hasn’t yet to sign our divorce papers was here pinning me to the wall and kissing me, hoping I’d take him back. After almost kissing you last night, my mind was a total clusterfuck of emotions that I’m not sure I could handle right now?