by Drew Hayes
Vince laughed. “Deal.”
“Good,” Sasha said, kissing him lightly once more. “For now, though, let’s go hit the video store.”
116.
In the course of any given year, there are certain periods which elicit expectation in their arrival among different demographics. In most of America the season of football is met with widespread anticipation. In Seattle there is a constant hope for a period called “two days in a row when it doesn’t fucking rain.” The deeper south looks forward year-round to its three days of winter or “Christmas” when they are able to wear long-sleeved shirts and pants without bursting into sweaty messes. Some seasons, however, are enjoyed less by a geographical demographic and more by a gender-based one.
“God I love mini-skirt season,” Alex said as he, Hershel, and Vince trekked their way across campus to the cafeteria. His comment was sparked by the bevy of co-eds currently crossing their paths, many of whom were employing the aforementioned fashion device.
“Pretty sure they call that ‘spring’ nowadays,” Vince said.
“‘They’ can call it what they want,” Alex replied. “I know what I look forward to, and it is not the increase in heat.”
Despite debate about its proper term, spring had undoubtedly sprung. Gone at last were the occasional snow flurries, the chilling wind, and desolate landscape. In their place was a bounty of foliage and endless warming sunshine.
“Call it whatever,” Hershel chimed in. “I’m just glad I don’t have to wear a jacket anymore. I’ve been ready for this ever since the beginning of Christmas break.”
“That far back?” Alex asked.
“Uhh, Chicago is really cold,” Hershel said lamely. In truth it had been their trip up the mountain that had soured him on winter weather, but he could hardly explain that to Alex without going into why the Melbrook students had an extra mid-term. That was a conversation Hershel hoped to put off until an appropriate time. Like, say, on his death bed.
“So I’ve heard,” Alex said, not sounding too convinced. “But who cares, it’s over now. And just in time for spring break!” Alex actually yelled the last two words, leaping up and punching the air. On a coolness scale of one to ten, it looked ridiculous. None the less, there were other calls of “Spring Break!” and some generic “Wooos!” that met Alex’s enthusiastic outcry.
“Plus we get the best spring break out of anyone,” Alex said. “Next week at this time we’ll be floating down the river, surrounded by friends and girls in swimsuits and with no fear about getting busted if someone sees us using our talents. It will be heaven.”
“I’m not sure how some people would feel about heaven including young women in skimpy clothing, but I see where you’re going,” Vince said. “And it will be fun to get away from it all for a while.”
“Glad you finally got on board,” Alex said. “How about you, Hershel? Excited?”
“What, are you joking? That trip is going to be all Roy,” Hershel said. “He’s been excited about it since January, and it is definitely more his scene than mine.”
“Aw, that sucks,” Alex said. “You don’t even want to hang out for a while?”
“Nope,” Hershel said. “Roy’s been pretty accommodating about letting me have some weekend time to spend with Mary. I owe him this.”
“I guess I can see your point,” Alex admitted. “Still won’t be as fun without you. I’m sure Mary will feel the same.”
“I doubt it,” Hershel replied. “She isn’t going.”
“Seriously?”
“Have you met her? Yeah, the wild drunken river trip isn’t her idea of a good time,” Hershel said.
“Wait, people are staying?” Vince asked.
“Don’t even think about it,” Alex snapped. “If Hershel’s not going to be there then you have no way out. Besides, we both know how much Sasha is looking forward to it.”
“I almost forgot that,” Vince said. He shrugged his shoulders. “Oh well, I already signed up anyway, and I’m sure it will be plenty of fun.”
“That’s better,” Alex said. “So Hershel is out, Mary is out, any other friends skipping the class trip?”
“Not that I know of,” Hershel said. “Nick and Alice are both gung-ho.”
“Same for Will, Jill, Thomas, and his friends,” Vince added.
“Good good,” Alex said. “Then we can still have an awesome time.”
“That is the goal,” Hershel agreed. “Any word on who they got to chaperone us yet?”
“Not sure who it will be, but someone told me they always get the top-ranked people from sophomore year to fill the role. It’s a reward to them since they get to spend their time on a free trip, and it lets us know from go that these are chaperones we can’t mess with,” Alex said.
“Some of the top-ranked sophomores, huh? I wonder if it will be anyone we’ve met,” Vince said.
“I doubt it,” Alex replied. “I mean, the only ones we really talked to were the beer-pong douches, and I’m not thinking either of them qualifies as a heavy hitter.”
“People can surprise you,” Vince said. “Besides, you’re forgetting someone. The hostess.”
“Oh yeah,” Alex said. “Man, she did have some badass mojo about her. Sort of cute, too, in a scary way. I don’t remember her name, though.”
“I do,” Vince said. “It was-”
* * *
“Angela,” Shane DeSoto mumbled as he neared the blonde girl in the hallway. He gave her a brief nod and hoped she would continue walking. He was not so lucky.
“Shane,” she replied. “Have you heard the news?” She pulled herself to stop, and he was expected to do the same. He complied. They were in their HCP uniforms, walking along the corridors below campus. He’d just wanted to squeeze in some quick training. Of course he’d run into her, though. It was that kind of a day.
“I have not,” he said stiffly.
“It looks like they selected Ben and me to supervise the freshman river trip this year,” she said.
“I expected as much,” Shane said. “You are the number one in your class, after all. That’s why I don’t plan on going.”
“Don’t be silly, your name was on the sign-up sheet,” Angela said.
“I must inform you that you are mistaken. I certainly did not sign up for this trip.”
“And yet your name is on the sheet all the same. I suspect you’ll have to buck up and have some fun anyway,” Angela said.
Shane stared at her. Of course she had put his name on the sheet. She undoubtedly had some other plan should he try to cancel his place as well. Likely several others for different contingencies.
“Why is it mandatory I attend?”
“Because it’s one of the best parts of being a freshman. One of the few good ones, actually. Plus it is tons of fun, and I think you could use that,” Angela explained.
“There is training to do,” Shane countered.
“With whom? Nearly everyone worth fighting will be on the river. Even your sparring buddy Chad signed up,” Angela said.
“Did he sign up, or is his name on the sheet?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes. You might find him less receptive to your machinations than I am,” Shane pointed out.
“Nope, he agreed to go willingly,” Angela said. “I just had to motivate him.”
“Threats?”
“Promised I would give him a match if he went.”
“Ah,” Shane said. “That would do it. I suppose you have me over a barrel then.”
“I always do,” Angela replied. “Try to just go with it and enjoy yourself.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“Uh huh. I’ll believe it when I see it,” Angela said.
“That is probably the best strategy.”
Angela patted him on the shoulder. “That much I already know.”
“Was there anything else?” Shane asked.
“Just that.”
“So I can go now?”
&nbs
p; Angela waved him off. “Go, train, be boring. But come next weekend you better be prepared for some relaxation, little brother.”
“I’m bigger than you,” Shane replied instinctively.
“But not better,” she countered with a wicked grin. “Remember, fun is not the enemy.” With that she sauntered off toward her own class.
Shane continued drudging forward, a foul mood descending over him. If he was losing spring break that meant he needed to work extra hard this week. It was all well and good to preach the benefits of having fun and enjoying oneself, but those speeches could only be made by the one standing at the top of hill.
Shane looked dearly forward to tossing down a few himself.
Eventually.
117.
“So come on, be brutal,” Alice said, turning around slowly.
“Honest opinion?” Mary asked.
“Absolutely.”
“It seems to show an awful lot of skin,” Mary replied.
“That’s the point. But does it cross the line between ‘Look at this hot body’ skin and ‘I have no self-respect and gain all my sense of value through your ogling stares’ skin?”
“You might be leaning a little bit toward the latter,” Mary said.
“Hmm, I’ll put it in the maybe pile then,” Alice said. She stepped into her bathroom and shut the door. A moment later she emerged in sweat pants and a t-shirt with a small amount of pink fabric between her hands. “Next I’ll try the green one.”
It was the night before the river trip, and Alice had more or less (more) bullied Mary into helping her choose some appropriate swimwear. It was far from the way Mary wanted to spend her first night of vacation, but she knew Alice was feeling a bit insecure about being the only girl from their group going on the trip.
“I still can’t believe you’re skipping this,” Alice said as she rifled through her dresser. “It’s going to be the event of the year.”
“I’ll hear all about it secondhand,” Mary said. “I’m sure people’s heads will be swimming with memories of this for weeks to come. As for actually experiencing it, I think I would enjoy that significantly less.”
“I know, I know. The party thing isn’t your scene. Still, it won’t be as much fun without you.”
Mary laughed. “I sincerely doubt many people will notice my absence. In fact, if the levels of alcohol provided are anywhere close to what I’ve heard, I doubt they’ll notice much of anything.”
“I don’t think it will be that bad. I mean, it’s not like most of us have much practice drinking. My money says everyone talks a big game and then only has, like, a beer each,” Alice said.
To this Mary could only nod. It would have taken her far too long to explain to Alice the extent to which hormone-driven youths in scanty clothing would leap upon as effective a social lubricant as alcohol. So instead she changed the subject.
“This seems like an awful lot of effort just to decided what swimsuit to wear while floating motionless in a tube,” Mary pointed out. “Someone specific you’re hoping to impress?”
“Don’t be silly,” Alice lied. Out of courtesy Mary pretended not to be aware of the man who dashed through her mind at that question. “It’s just our first time in a really relaxed, social setting. You never know who you might hit it off with.”
“I see, you’re trying to look good just in case you strike up an enjoyable connection with a boy,” Mary said.
“I was looking at it more as chumming the waters and seeing who comes for a bite, but your version sounds much nicer,” Alice said.
“Yours does have an almost predatory tinge to it,” Mary said.
“Maybe mine was better, then,” Alice chuckled. “Still can’t believe you’re not at least curious to see all the boys in their swim trunks. Don't you want to see who’s a hottie and who’s a nottie?”
“I have faith I will receive a diligent report on that information once you have returned,” Mary said.
“That is an excellent point,” Alice yielded. “Aha!”
Alice’s hands emerged victorious from the dresser with a swath of dark green fabric. She promptly walked back into the bathroom and shut the door. She stepped back out a few minutes later.
“So?” Alice asked tentatively.
“You look like you’re one fast movement away from tumbling out of it,” Mary assessed quite accurately.
“Really?”
“The adjective I think best describes it is ‘bursting,’” Mary said.
Alice looked down at herself. “Bursting, huh? I can work with that. Another for the maybe pile.”
* * *
“All right boys, from the top,” Nick announced. “Swimsuits?”
“Check,” said Hershel, glancing in his bag for visual confirmation.
“Check,” Vince echoed.
“Towels?” Nick asked.
“Check,” Hershel and Vince popped off in unison.
“Sunscreen?”
“Check,” Vince said.
“Roy doesn’t really burn, so I didn’t bother picking any up. Plus he likes to tan,” Hershel said.
“Fair enough, power-based immunity invalidates need,” Nick judged. “Flip-flops?”
“Check,” Vince said.
“In multiple styles,” Hershel added.
“Good stuff,” Nick said. “Novelty beer drinking helmets?”
“Check,” Hershel said.
“Yeah, it’s in there, but I still don’t see why I need to bring one when I don’t even drink,” Vince protested.
“Vince, your objections were heard, considered, and overruled earlier in the night. Let’s not revisit old business,” Nick said.
Vince looked over to Hershel for backup.
“In all fairness, they were,” Hershel pointed out.
“Fine,” Vince mumbled. “Check.”
“Good man. Sleeping bags?”
“Check,” Vince and Hershel sounded off together.
“Tents?”
“Check.”
“Flashlights?”
“Check.”
“Case of condoms?”
“Check,” Hershel snapped off in rhythm.
“Wait, what?” Vince yelped.
“Case of condoms. Come on Vince, try and keep up,” Nick chastised him.
“Why would I need condoms for a river trip? And why a case of them?”
“Vince, be logical. We’re spending a few days with beautiful, fit women who’ve had little outlet for all their pent-up frustrations over the course of the year. Add into that the remote setting, not to mention the tremendous amount of booze being bussed in, and can you really not imagine how it might be better to be prepared and have a condom than to make a mistake in the heat of the moment?” Nick asked him.
“I guess I can see some logic behind that,” Vince admitted. “But again, why a case?”
Nick shrugged. “Aim for the stars?”
Vince glanced over at Hershel.
“What? You think I’m arguing with him? Remember, I’m packing all this stuff for Roy. The last thing I want is to explain to people how my alter ego knocked someone up and that’s why I technically have a kid,” Hershel said. “I packed two cases, just in case.”
Vince sighed. “Okay, okay, points have been made. Let’s just keep going.”
“Fine by me,” Nick said. “Where was I? Ah, there we go, after the condoms. Insect spray?”
“Check.”
“First aid kits?”
“Check.”
“Chocolate-flavored body spread?”
“Oh come on!”
And so the night went.
118.
The parking lot was a celebration in itself. Freshmen were gathering here to obtain directions for driving out to the trip’s starting point, then lingering around to greet friends as they joined the commotion. What began as a few cars stocked with students clutching maps soon escalated to nearly the entire first-year population of the HCP. Thankfully, most of them were carpool
ing; otherwise there never would have been enough room for everyone.
“I think that’s everything,” Vince said, surveying Nick’s trunk.
“Your stuff, my stuff, Alice’s stuff, Alex’s stuff, and Will’s sister’s stuff?” Nick asked.
“Yup, we’ve got a full house,” Vince confirmed.
“Also, my name is Jill,” Jill added in.
“Just ignore him,” Alice advised her. “He remembers, he just likes being difficult.”
Jill shrugged. “Whatever. He’s driving us all down, that makes up for a little annoyance.”
“The day is young,” Alice mumbled under her breath.
Vince turned away from the trunk and faced his girlfriend. “Sure you don’t want to ride with us? We could have someone sit in a lap to make room.”
“Thanks, but no thanks,” Sasha replied, patting him on the chest. “I have, like, zero patience for sitting in cars. It bugs me to spend hours doing something I can do in minutes.”
“It won’t be as fun without you,” Vince said.
“Damn straight it won’t,” she agreed. “I’ll be waiting when you guys arrive, though. So drive fast.”
“That’s more up to Nick than me,” Vince pointed out.
“I assure you, I’m properly motivated to make haste,” Nick chimed in. “It’s time spent cramped in my car on the highway versus time spent floating down a river with a cold drink in my hand.”
“Hear, hear,” Alex echoed.
“Sounds like the matter is well in hand,” Vince told Sasha.
“Then I’ll see you there,” Sasha said, planting a peck on his lips. There was a blur and a blast of wind and she was gone.
“I still think there’s a bit of room left,” Vince said after he’d recovered from Sasha’s speedy exit. “Jill, are you sure Will doesn’t want to come?”
“Positive,” Jill assured him. “That’s really not his scene. Besides, he says he has some project he wants to work on during the break. Trust me; my brother is way happier with his nose in a book than his body in a swimsuit.”
“To each his own,” Alex surmised. “I take it Her- I mean, Roy is making his own way there?”
“Took off on his motorcycle this morning,” Vince supplied. “Said he would have someone text him the directions when they were handed out.”