Wulf and the Bounty Hunter

by Gail Koger

  “Over my dead body,” Wulf bellowed.

  I patted Wulf’s mind affectionately. “You got another idea, my love?”

  “The Overlord’s has a plan.”

  “I kinda hoped he might.”

  “The Overlord is always prepared,” Wulf stated arrogantly.

  “I know the Overlord is all knowing and all seeing, but how are you getting us out of here?”

  “While Zarek keeps Malik’s attention on him, Bebo pops in and frees you.”

  “I like it. A lot. When can we expect Bebo?”

  “Twenty minutes, if we are lucky.”

  Lucky? When were we ever lucky? I turned to Ziyad. “Keep working on your backup plan. Bebo is coming for us, but it might be a bit.”

  “Roger that.”

  I asked Wulf, “Do I get to watch Zarek annoy Malik?”

  “Yes, but do not leave the shuttle.”

  “Deal.” Wulf projected the image of a view screen into my mind. A Coletti warrior who had been cursed by the Butt Ugly fairy glared at Zarek. “Is that Malik?”

  “It is.”

  Creepy didn’t even begin to describe Malik. His flat, dead eyes and blunt features had a brutal quality to them. The aura of ruthlessness was enhanced by a knife scar across his right cheek. Someone had also beaten the crap out of him, and he was covered in a thick black slime.

  The Tai-Kok honked in disgust and kept their distance.

  “If you have any honor left, you will face Talree in the death match.” Zarek’s voice was harsh and simmered with a barely controlled wrath.

  Malik laughed, and madness burned in his eyes. “The only ones dying are you and your precious Talree. Your screams will fill the night, and I will bathe in your blood.”

  “Your pathetic empire is crumbling around you. You are broke, your bases are being destroyed, and your allies are fleeing,” Zarek taunted.

  “These are merely setbacks.”

  “Says the guy who just had his ass handed to him by the pirates,” I muttered to Wulf.

  “According to intercepted Chi-Rho transmissions, Malik escaped them by crawling through the sewers.” There was a note of glee in Wulf’s voice.

  The Tai-Kok captain abruptly spat a bunch of angry, quacking gibberish. A mechanical voice sounded from Malik’s translator, “Zarek speaks the truth. It is time we reassessed our alliance.”

  Whoa! It was pretty bad when even the Tai-Kok kicked you to the curb.

  “It is my destiny to rule the galaxy. Any who stand in my way will be destroyed,” Malik howled.

  The Tai-Kok pulled their weapons.

  A maniacal laugh broke from Malik. “Do you think me a fool? I’ve planned for every possibility. You no longer serve my purpose.” He tossed a gas grenade.

  Boom! Boiling purple fumes rapidly filled the room. Laser beams flashed wildly, and a din of distressed quacks, whistles, and honks erupted.

  When the vapor dissipated, the floor was covered with dead Tai-Kok.

  Malik had vanished.

  Fear skittered down my spine. “What’s Bebo’s ETA?”

  “He’s ten minutes out. Scan the ship for Malik,” Wulf instructed.

  I hurriedly did a sensor scan. Oh Goddess, he was in the port shuttle bay, hunting for us. I firmly squashed the wave of panic that threatened to overwhelm me. If I lost it now, he would win.

  Wulf’s mental fingers caressed the back of my neck. “Ziyad and you are cunning warriors. Believe me, Malik will underestimate you. Use that to your advantage. You can do this.”

  “You are definitely a keeper, my love,” I said, mentally patting his fine butt.

  Zarek barked, “Concentrate on the mission, not your mate’s ass.”

  “Yes, my lord. Sorry, my lord.”

  Ziyad snickered. “You’re only sorry you got caught.”

  “Do you have a plan to escape from the Tai-Kok ship or defeat Malik, Ziyad?” Zarek’s tone was definitely snarky.

  My big-mouthed friend responded, “Yes, my lord. I need the Tai-Kok words for drop your weapon or I’ll eat her.”

  A cacophony of quacks and honks filled our heads. “As you requested.”

  “Thank you, my lord.”

  “Don’t disappoint me.” Zarek broke the link.

  I took one look at the aggravated expression on Ziyad’s face and grinned. “What’s your plan?”

  Ziyad bared her teeth in a rather horrifying smile. “I’ll be the big, bad wolf, and you can be Little Red Riding Hood.”

  “Who?”

  “A little female I’m about to eat for dinner.” The area around her shimmered as she transformed back into Spike, the Tai-Kok.

  “Gotcha! Great plan. Malik’s gonna freak.” With one tap on my holographic band, Zelrine disappeared, and I assumed an appropriately petrified demeanor.

  “I am surprised the two of you haven’t taken over the universe by now,” Wulf observed.

  “It’s only a matter of time, my love.”

  “Come out. Come out, little female. I won’t hurt you,” a harsh voice called in my head.

  “Don’t let it eat me. Please, don’t let it eat me. Please, I don’t want to die,” I sobbed on cue.

  Malik’s rage slammed into my brain. “Who is trying to eat you?”

  I rolled my eyes. Duh. Who did he think? “The…the…Tai-Kok.”

  “Get ready.” Ziyad wrapped an arm around my neck and stuck her laser pistol in my ear.

  Poof! Malik teleported in.

  A cacophony of quacks and honks spewed from Ziyad’s mouth.

  Laughing like a demented hyena, Malik fired his laser pistol twice. Crack! Crack! Our shields flared brightly as the stun beams struck them.

  Snap! Snap! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Twin crackling red energy storms ricocheted off our shields and slammed into Malik. He fell to the floor as violent muscle spasms shook his burly frame.

  “I want him alive,” the Overlord commanded.

  Say what? Surely I had misunderstood him. “Excuse me, but did you say alive?”

  “I did.”

  “Yes, my lord,” Ziyad and I replied in unison.

  All too soon the muscle seizures stopped. Malik struggled to raise his weapon.

  Ziyad and I immediately stunned him again and again and again. I kind of enjoyed watching his arms, legs, and head bang painfully against the deck.

  Wulf sighed. “Zarek wants him alive.”

  “He keeps trying to use his weapon, and neither of us are getting close enough to disarm him,” Ziyad replied.

  “Point made.”

  “How long before we can expect reinforcements, my love?”

  “Have Bui web him to the floor and go. Bebo is waiting for you.”

  “Thank the Goddess. Bui, glue the creep down good and tight.”

  “‘Kay.” Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Webbing soon covered every inch of Malik’s body, except his nose and eyes.

  “Good job, sweetie.”

  Bui quivered on my shoulder. “He mad.”

  “He truly is.” I nodded.

  “Free me, and I will not harm you,” Malik promised, but his eyes glittered with ferocity.

  “Goddess, you’re such a liar. You plan on breaking my mind and body.”

  “True. Pain is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Listening to a female scream and plead for mercy gives fucking that little extra zing.”

  “Go. He is trying to delay you,” Wulf ordered.

  We fled down the corridor.

  “Just thinking about your pale flesh bleeding from my whips gives me one hell of a hard-on,” Malik advised.

  Oh, ick. “Everyone knows the only way you can get your itty-bitty dick up is with drugs.”

  “Liar! I don’t need drugs. My penis is long, thick, and imposing. Females fight over the chance to bed me.” Malik obviously suffered from little-dick syndrome.

  “What you mean is they fight to get away from your ugly face, your limp dick, and that bloody whip.”

  “I’ve
also heard you shoot blanks,” Ziyad threw in.

  Malik roared, “I have sired many children.”

  “A lie,” Wulf contradicted. “You even slept with your half sister, Lilkee, in a desperate attempt to breed a child on her. That was when Zarek discovered you are sterile.”

  “My father knows nothing! Nothing!” Malik’s strident voice was full of venom.

  The pervert was having a psychotic meltdown.

  As soon as we exited the Askole’s shuttle, Bebo’s tentacles wrapped around us and tossed us on his back. “Hold on.”

  A blinding golden light formed around us. The light spun faster and faster and faster until it became a vortex.

  Webbing dangling off his body, Malik ran down the landing ramp. “You cannot escape me.”

  “How did he get free?”

  Ziyad replied, “Is that a bottle of Shrek’s Tabor spray in his left hand?”

  It was! “I want to know who gave it to him.”

  “As do I,” Wulf snapped.

  “Bebo, King of the Gorum, today is the day you die.” His face a mask of rage, Malik teleported, and a fleeting second later, he was grabbing for me and trying to shoot Bebo in the eyestalk.

  “Noooo!” I kicked the pistol out of Malik’s hand and punched him in the jaw as hard as I could with my bionic right hand.

  Malik flew backward and was sucked into the maelstrom created by Bebo’s teleportation.

  Terrified screams ripped from Ziyad and me as we suddenly fell down the eye of a tornado at warp speed.

  A hissing noise grew louder and louder, and zigzags of lightning danced around us. Something was wrong.

  “Malik’s weight is disrupting the vortex. We must exit it,” Bebo warned.

  “Okay. Everyone hang on.”

  “Scared,” Bui cried.

  Ziyad whooped, “What a rush!”

  The violent rotating walls began to collapse. Ninety heart-stopping moments later, we fell out of a lemon-yellow sky.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Dangling from Bebo’s tentacles, I watched the world tumble about us. The yellow sky with grayish-green clouds flashed by, followed by glimpses of a forest of big white stones. I never thought I would die by being splattered over the countryside. The way I annoyed people, I figured I’d get knifed or shot or strangled. But splat? Nah.

  Bui shrieked, “No like. No like. No like.”

  “Me no like either.” My stomach roiled sickeningly.

  My very best friend yelled, “Mesocyclone, Bebo. Create an energy mesocyclone.”

  His tentacles tightened painfully. “Mesocyclone? It might work.”

  “It will work. Do it now!” Ziyad shouted.

  Ziyad was incredible. That mind of hers never, ever stopped. If there was a way out, she would find it.

  “If we don’t make it, honeybun, I want you to know I love you,” I called.

  Wulf countered, “You are not dead yet. Ziyad is correct, Bebo. The mesocyclone will work.”

  A black whirlwind sprang to life, cushioning us with pure energy and slowing our descent. The incredibly strong winds formed a funky funnel cloud, and Ziyad, Bebo, and I simply slid down the center. It was better than one of those wild carnival rides. “Yee-haw!”

  When we were about ten feet above the earth, it disappeared.

  “Hang on. We are going to hit.” Bebo wrapped himself around us. Bam! Bam! We bounced twice and rolled down a hill.

  “Oh Goddess! Oh Goddess! Oh Goddess!” I screeched as we picked up speed. It was like being inside a big hollow ball with tentacles.

  Wulf demanded, “Are you hurt?”

  “I’ll let you know once we stop.”

  “Stop what?”

  I gasped as we bounded a good foot off the ground. “Rolling.”

  “Wheee!” Ziyad hooted.

  Bui clung to my hair. “Stop! No like.”

  Tumbling head over heels, Malik sailed by us and plunged over a cliff.

  I shrieked, “Cliff! Cliff! Cliff!”

  Three tentacles whipped out and looped around a boulder. We slid to a stop a scant foot from the edge.

  “Goddess, that was fun.” Ziyad laughed.

  “Fun?” I peered over the edge. “It’s a thousand-foot drop.”

  “Let’s have a look-see.” Ziyad hung her head over the edge. “Nah, it’s only about eight hundred feet, and is that a body stuck on a tree?”

  I took another quick peek. “Yep, that’s gotta be Malik.”

  Wulf grumbled, “I’m afraid to ask. Is he alive or dead?”

  “Don’t know. He’s got branches sticking out of him.”

  Bui volunteered, “Want me check?”

  “Yes, but do not get too close to him,” Wulf instructed.

  “‘Kay.” Bui crawled down the cliff.

  “Be careful. He’s sneaky,” I called after her.

  “Could you please get your size fifteen boots out of my stomach?” Bebo groused.

  “Sorry.” Ziyad crawled off the Gorum and pulled me up with her.

  My stunned gaze examined a graveyard of giant bleached bones that were scattered about the labyrinthine rock. “Where are we?”

  Bebo used his tentacles to roll himself upright. “I’m not sure. Either Gansu or its moon Hikou.”

  “My tracking scanner shows you are on Gansu,” Wulf replied. “Do not worry. We should arrive before sunset.”

  I looked around warily. “What happens when the sun goes down?”

  “Things will try to eat you,” Quinn supplied.

  Eat me! I quickly checked the charge on my laser pistol. It was in the three-quarters range. “What kind of things?”

  “Snakes, man-eating trees, and saber-toothed tigers. Oh yeah, and we can’t forget the quicksand.” Humor laced Quinn’s voice.

  Blue thorn trees with rootlike branches hung over a pool of thick black goo. It had to be the man-eating trees and quicksand.

  Ziyad picked up a huge mandible. “What kind of creature is capable of eating something this big?”

  “An Uishna,” Wulf said, showing us the image of a large mutant crocodile. “They are extinct.”

  “Balock’s balls, hunting one of those would be—”

  I cut her off. “Stupid. Incredibly stupid.”

  “You have no sense of adventure.” Ziyad tossed the relic at the trees.

  A branch lashed out, catching the bone.

  “Whoa!” That was when I noticed the withered husks of long-dead creatures littering the ground. “We need a flamethrower.”

  “Or a couple of incendiary grenades,” Ziyad said, eyeing the thorny branches warily.

  “The carnivorous trees are incredibly fast. If a barb penetrates your flesh, it will drain you dry in a matter of minutes. Stay away from them,” Wulf advised sternly.

  “Not a problem, my love. When does the sun set?”

  “Three hours.”

  “And how far out are you?”

  “Two hours.”

  “That’s pushing it.”

  Wulf gently stroked my mind. “Build a fire if necessary.” He broke the link.

  Build a fire with what? Outside of the man-eating trees, there was nothing but bones, rocks, and sand. “Do you have any idea on how to set the thorn trees on fire, Ziyad?”

  “The layer of sludge on top of the quicksand will burn,” Bebo said.

  “Huh? Now all we have to do is grab a bunch of those dead carcasses, roll them in the sludge, and keep from getting eaten by the trees at the same time. Easy.”

  Whoosh! Moving too fast for the eye to follow, Ziyad zipped over to the quicksand and zoomed back. She dumped a bunch of goop-covered remains at my feet. “Nothing to it.”

  The tree branches shook violently and lashed out, searching for a prey that was no longer there.

  “Show-off.” I did a double-take when I noticed the Gorum’s torn hide. “Goddess, Bebo, why didn’t you tell us you were hurt?”

  “I’ve had worse.”

  “Now you sound like my brother
s. If you want, I can heal those for you.”

  A tentacle petted my cheek. “I would like that very much.”

  “Yakira is a talented healer,” Ziyad said proudly.

  I took a bow. “Thank you, thank you so much.” I patted Bebo’s slimy skin. “Once I get to work, you’re going to feel a sensation of heat and some tingling. You ready?”

  “I am.”

  I channeled healing energy into his body. The torn flesh regenerated until only long red scabs remained. “All done. The scabs will slough off tomorrow.”

  A loud rumbling sounded from Bebo’s stomach. “I’ve expended too much power. I need to eat.”

  Ziyad hurriedly held out a bag of dried Bovidae. “Here.”

  “I need living flesh.”

  “Oh.” We both took a step back. “Well, there is Malik…or…” My eyes bugged out as a spiny yellow dragon-snake slithered over a boulder. “Or would a snake the size of a small pony work?” I pointed.

  Bebo’s eyestalks swiveled around. “That will do nicely.”

  The snake let out a chuffing noise. It almost sounded like a train.

  The Gorum roared in response. His tentacles shot out, grabbing the snake and stuffing it down his maw. All forty feet of it.

  Another dragon-snake dropped off a boulder and landed on top of Bebo. Its teeth latched on to the tail of the other snake in an attempt to save it. The Gorum ate it too.

  “Think he’s full yet?”

  “A single Gorum once ate the entire crew of a Tai-Kok ship,” Ziyad said.

  “Oh.” I spotted a third dragon. “Bebo, behind you.”

  He spun around.

  The dragon-snake took off, chuffing, chuffing, chuffing.

  Bebo gave chase.

  I blew out a relieved breath. “For a minute there, I thought he was going to eat us.”

  “Me too.”

  “Yakeee. Bad man off tree.”

  Ziyad and I ran to the precipice and looked down. Malik had freed himself. To my utter horror, he pulled his pistol and aimed it at Bui. “Run!” I screamed.

  Bui skittered up the rock wall.

  Malik fired several shots at her. The laser beams missed Bui by a good foot.

  What a shame. The fall off the cliff had affected his aim.

  My BFF picked up boulders and started hurling them at him.

  “Zarek wants him alive.”

  “Malik can teleport, can’t he?”