by Paloma Meir
“No, she doesn’t need to know that.” I felt like the protein bar was going to come back up.
“The last thing she remembers is Spider leaning in to kiss her. Feel free to change that because she needs to know.” She said in her hateful way.
“I get it. Finish.” I picked up a hair band from her desk and wound it tightly around my finger.
“I panicked and told them they had to help us find her. They didn’t really like her. They thought she was stuck-up and didn’t think anything was wrong. One of them said... I’m not going to repeat what he said. Two of them went back to the boardwalk to help us look for her... The people we had to ask, street people. It was horrible, but that was all anybody could remember seeing him with before. Finally, one of them knew where he was staying. John and I went to the door... I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Can we finish some other time? It doesn’t help to know.”
“Finish it now.” I stared down at the tip of my finger, the blood cut off from the band, the tip a deep purple.
“We knocked on the door. I could hear Zelda inside crying, saying Danny’s name over and over again. We banged on the door. He finally opened it. I could see past the living room into the bedroom. Zelda lying naked... blood everywhere. Everything happened so quickly after that. I can’t remember the order of things.”
“It’s okay.” I released the band around my finger and moved from the chair to the edge of her bed.
“John went to her. I stayed with Spider and screamed at him, asking what he had done to her. He kept saying she wanted it, and that she liked it rough. He kept calling her a little slut, saying she did this all the time. I told him he was a liar, and I was going to call the police, that she was only fifteen. He said she didn’t look like any fifteen year-old he had ever seen before. He told me to call the police, and they would believe him not her. I gave up and told him to leave so we could get her out of there.”
“They wouldn’t have believed him.”
“I went into the bedroom,” She twisted her hands in her lap, “There was so much blood on her face from the gash on her scalp, her eye was turning purple. The bed was so dirty. The whole apartment was filthy. It looked condemned. She kept saying Danny’s name over and over. She was still drunk and couldn’t move her arms or lift her head. I could see handprints on her legs... the bloody condom on the floor... She thought she had her period... She even apologized for making a mess. That was the worst.” I climbed up on the bed next to her and put my arm around her and forced myself not ask any questions.
“The whole time she’s yelling for Danny, trying to reach for the phone in her purse. John sent me to the bathroom for wet towels to clean her up. I close my eyes and see it all the time. Why did he beat her up, Serge? He got what he wanted.” She cried unable to catch her breath.
“I’ve always heard it’s about power not sex. Danny told me that you didn’t let her call him.”
“I knew she wouldn’t want him to see her that way. You don’t know what they were like together. They never had sex. He waited for her to be ready. I don’t know why she was so scared. You wouldn’t believe how they were together. I wish she wouldn’t tell me everything sometimes. I thought she would tell him some version of it the next day. Her mother wouldn’t let her and by then she didn’t want to see him anymore.”
“Why didn’t you call me Carolina? I would have called the police. They wouldn’t have believed him.” I said calmly, trying to keep the blame from my voice.
“I wanted to get her out of there,” she shook her head. “Really, what would you have done differently? Zelda raped and all beaten up in a disgusting apartment. You would have held her hand and dressed her just like John did. Half the boys back on the beach would have backed Spider up. It’s not like the way it is on TV. She wouldn’t have been able to handle it. Nobody could.”
“We’ll never know now.”
“Did you listen to anything I said? She walked off with him blackout or not. A group of people saw her not fighting him off, drinking with him of her own free will. How would Danny have liked that? You don’t think after a while even he would have his doubts? How would that have left her? Accused of “wanting it”. Danny not quite believing her anymore. Her mother was right about that.”
“Her mother was wrong. You were wrong. Danny shouldn’t have mattered. That man is free to do it again.” I shut myself up.
“You really want Zelda to be the poster girl for this cause? To spend her life defending our mistake? I wish I had called you. I wish you had seen her that way so you would know exactly how stupid you sound. That face you love to look at? Beaten, bloody. Those big eyes you’re always staring into? Bruised, filled with tears, terrified. Her body that you’re always hugging? Tender to the touch, getting her clothes back on hurt her.” She hit her head the way Zelda had earlier. “I can’t get it out of my head.”
“You did the right thing.” I didn’t know if that was true, but it’s the way it went, “Have you talked to anyone about this? You’re not doing too well either. Why didn’t I put it all together? Why didn’t you come to me?” I felt numb and stretched my arms out to get a sense of my body back.
“I talk to her Mom all the time. She tried to help her. Zelda wouldn’t go to any of the doctor’s appointments. When we tried to talk to her, she would scream or close her eyes and sing that song as if it were a prayer. And the Patriarchy, that’s all we heard about. She warped the whole idea of it to make herself responsible, almost like she deserved it.” She put the pillow on her lap and hit it.
“Her mother said not to tell anyone. So we didn’t. I kept hoping you or Danny would confront her or figure it out... Nothing from either one of you, both of you afraid of her… Everyone terrified of nice little Zelda.” She laughed but not in a happy way. “In the end Danny did, but what else was he going to do? She made herself impossible to ignore. He saved her.” She shrugged.
If I had known that I would be hearing a variation of Danny as the hero who saved the fair maiden Zelda for the rest of my life, I would have put a stop to it right there in her room. Carolina was right. What else was he going to do with her having a breakdown in the middle of the road? If he hadn’t helped, a neighbor would have come out and had her locked away. Four months of her stumbling around, doesn’t make anyone a hero in this story.
“Why didn’t her mother want anyone else to know? Didn’t her Dad notice?”
“She was a model, remember? She moved to Europe when she was our age with her best friend. The same thing happened to her friend in Italy. A photographer and his friends... even worse than what happened to Zelda. She went to the police, and they deported her. She went home and killed herself. Zelda’s named after her. She always told her she was named after Zelda Fitzgerald, but that’s not true. She’s named after her mom’s best friend.” I didn’t want to hear anymore of the story.
“Everyone thinks she’s this horrible uncaring woman. She’s not. They’re not close, but she loves Zelda. She didn’t want anyone to treat her badly for what happened. It got out of hand. Who would have thought Zelda would have gone off like that? She told Zelda’s dad a million different things. Are we done?”
“You did the right thing.” I meant it. I went into our bathroom and threw up the protein bar.
Chapter Five
The revelations of Zelda were on my mind as the weeks passed but too heavy to process. There wasn’t much I could do for her. The help she deserved was all around her, and Danny was with her every second of the day. She knew I was there for her, of that I was certain. I tried to put Zelda, my mother and Celena behind me. Get back to my life. I didn’t have a choice in the matter anyway. They were all getting better on their own.
I thought of Brendan’s monk like words to me. It had been about five months since my last time with Celena. I was sixteen, and it felt as if I were missing out in a big way. I knew what I needed to do even though it went against my moral code.
“Brendan how about we head over to
the parking lot?” I tilted my head towards the row of “promiscuous” girls that ate their lunch there.
“About fucking time. You’re the man, Serge. Let’s go. Danny, come on.”
“Uhhh no, bad idea, Serge. What are you thinking?” That’s why I didn’t invite Danny.
“It’s Serge. He’ll wife one of them.”
“I’m not going to “wife” one of them. Just checking it out,” I knew Brendan was following me, and Danny was watching as I walked towards the fence by the parking lot.
“Dude, which one do you like?” Brendan asked as we stood about ten feet away from where the girls sat sprawled across the older wooden benches.
“Is it like a candy store?” I thought of my Uncle Robert. “I just pick one out?”
“I don’t know. You’re smooth, sensitive. Which one?” He seemed more at ease than me with the plan that seemed less thought out the longer I stood staring at them.
I saw they were all dressed similarly without regard to our school’s dress code. Jean shorts, cut like underwear, tank tops with darker bras worn underneath, and boots. They all wore heavy sheepskin boots even though the day was hot.
I recognized one of them, a Goth looking girl from my AP classes. I wondered why she with all of her advantages would spend time with these girls. There was a large overlap between the wild girls, and the girls that were into alcohol and drugs.
I looked for the clearest one, but was distracted by a blond with huge boobs. I took a deep breath. She had the figure of a fifties pinup girl, her face was pretty with small features and pouty red lips I imagined wrapped around my cock. Uncomfortable with objectifying a girl that way, I looked away from her unsure of what I was doing. I knew if I went there for an easy girl, it wouldn’t work if I didn’t allow myself carnal thoughts. I made eye contact.
“The blond off to the side,” I said in a low voice, “The one with the tits.” I instantly felt guilty for saying that out loud.
“Good one, Serge. I think her name’s Marianne. Go talk to her.”
“What do you do with them? Take them to a movie? A motel?” I laughed to cover my nervousness.
“Most people get them at parties. I don’t know what you do with them in the daytime. Ask her out?”
“I’m going to do it,” I struggled to maintain eye contact as I approached her. Her breasts were a huge distraction.
“I’m Serge,” My mind went blank as I stood in front of her. “Do you need a ride home after school?” Not too creative, but the best I could do.
“Yes,” she simply replied with a small a twinkle in her eyes.
She was about 5.6 and smelled of Vanilla and smoke. I was so ready for her, the cigarette scent didn’t even bother me.
“I’ll meet you here at the end of the day,” I tilted my head Brendan’s way to signal my success, “What’s your name?” I repressed my urge to reach out and fondle her full chest.
“Marianne,” She glanced down at the ground and back up to me.
“See you here at 2:30.”
“She’s into you. Hot. What did you say?” Brendan asked as I approached him.
“I asked her if she needed a ride home. She said yes. You were right. Her name is Marianne. I walk her into her house? It can’t be that easy.”
“You tell me. Call me. Don’t text after you drop her off.” The bell rang, and we went our separate ways.
…
I was at the fence at 2:30 on the dot waiting for the ripened Marianne. I knew nothing about her beyond the company she chose to keep, and that she was in the grade below. I worried for a moment that she was one of Carolina’s friends but dismissed that concern. My sister spent time with the drama crowd, and Marianne was definitely not one of them.
“Hey Marianne,” I greeted her and took her light backpack from her and walked her to my car, “Where do you live?”
“Crescent and Fountain, the 80s building. Thanks for driving me home.” I knew the building. It was full of young singles. I wondered how a family could live there but didn’t ask because it seemed too personal. I laughed to myself knowing what I planned to do with her was far more personal than asking about her family.
I did mean to ask her about herself on the drive to her apartment building but then she spoke. What came out of her mouth almost put me off of her. Social media, that’s all she talked about. Friends liking pictures, who posted what, how she was very careful about her statuses. I had never in my life heard such idiotic words come out of anyone’s mouth before.
“Should I come in with you?” I pulled into a spot in front of her home unsure how to proceed, not really believing that anything was going to happen.
“Yes.” She got out of the car not even waiting for me to come around and open the door for her.
I followed her into the building through security door after security door, down hallways, up stairs until we finally stood in front of a bright orange door made of the lightest wood that looked as if it would tumble down with a knock.
“Are your parents home?” I asked as she led me through her sparsely furnished living room and into her bedroom.
“I live with my Mom. My Dad’s a drummer. He travels a lot and lives in Santa Monica when he’s in town. My mom doesn’t come home until 10:00.” She sat down on her bed.
I was unsure of how to proceed as I sat down next to her.
“Do you want to do this?” I kissed her neck and ran my hand underneath her top. “I want you badly.”
“Yes,” she lay back on her bed. I took my clothes off, not quite believing how easy the experience seemed to be going.
“Sit up,” I pulled her top off and ran my finger under the band of her black lace bra, “I’m going to take your bra off. This isn’t too fast for you?" I unclasped it and lifted her heavy breast to my mouth, tugging on her nipple gently with my lips, “You’re beautiful, Marianne.”
“No, I’ve always liked you. Everybody does. That feels good,” she moaned quietly as if she were embarrassed.
“I’m going to take off your shorts, and go down on you. Tell me if you want me stop okay?” I didn’t know the rules and didn’t want to scare her. I unzipped them and pulled them down but liking the look of her tiny underwear, I kept them on her pulling up the front tightly so it rubbed against her clitoris, “Do you like that?” I hadn’t done that before, and didn’t know why I was doing it at that moment other than liking the way it looked as the wetness spread across the fabric.
“Yes.”
I laid her down on the bed and took off her underwear, spreading her legs. I opened her folds with my fingers telling her how beautiful she was, “I want you to come hard, Marianne. So I’m going to leave you wanting more right now.”
I climbed on top of her and took my fingers that had her wetness and rubbed them on her lips and stuck them in her mouth. “I’m going to kiss you now. I think I’m going to fuck you too. I need a condom. Let me get my jeans.”
“I’ve never had anyone go down on me before.” She mumbled as I rolled the condom onto myself.
“If I had known that I wouldn’t have stopped,” I kissed her tasting her on her own lips and slipped into her tightness, “I’ll go back to it after this. I’ll make you numb.” In and out fast forgetting about her, almost as if I were masturbating. I forced myself to open my eyes and look into hers. Greenish and shaped like a cat, beautiful if they weren’t covered in that heavy black eyeliner that was popular at the time.
I thrust into her coming hard causing her to scoot back as if I had hurt her. “You’ve got me too excited. I won’t do that again.” I wanted to thank her, but it felt wrong. I rolled off of her and knew I wasn’t going to go down on her again.
“Do you need a ride to school tomorrow?” I imagined picking her up and having her give me a blowjob in my car before going to class.
“No thanks. My Mom always drives me. That’s our special time together." She sat on the edge of her bed and watched me get dressed. I ignored the words that humanized her and
stared down at her boobs.
I kneeled down in front of her and buried my face in her breasts. I hadn’t paid enough attention during the sex to know if she came. Feeling bad about that, I took my finger and rubbed in between her folds, my finger pressing gently on the hood remembering how Celena had liked that.
“You’re beautiful, Marianne.” She came quietly and tried to hide her expression. “I’m taking you home again tomorrow after school, okay?”
“Okay,” she answered as my hands moved across her breasts fondling them. Her nipples tighten up. I was hard again. I stood up and unbuttoned my jeans, taking my cook in hand.
“Are you up for going down on me? I can’t get enough of you.”
She didn’t answer only taking me into her mouth. Her head moved up and down as she held my hips. I looked down at the top of her head and ran my hands through her golden blonde hair. I got a little loud coming. She looked up to me, her mouth full of my sperm as if she wanted to spit it out. I wanted her to swallow but found her a tissue on the desk to spit it into instead.