After it was over, I felt sad, because there's still a small part of me that thinks he'll break up with me now that we've done it. That's why I put it off for so long. I didn't want our relationship to be over.
Jake knew something was wrong that night, and when he asked me what it was, I said the first thing that came to my mind. I asked him about our relationship, the dreaded where-is-this-going question that every guy hates. But I need to know. I'm not going to keep falling more in love with him if he's just going to end this and move on with someone else.
Jake's answer was that he didn't have one. It's not what I wanted to hear. In fact, it was the worst thing he could've said. I really needed an answer. If he'd told me it was over, I'd be hurt and sad, but at least I wouldn't be left wondering. Or if he wanted to be with me, he could've at least assured me he had no plans to end this so I could stop worrying about it. He knows I worry about that. I've told him several times.
After his lack of an answer, I couldn't sleep and neither could he, and sometime in the middle of the night, we ended up having sex again. He took his time, going slower than before, but it was just as good, if not better, and when it was over, he held me in his arms and fell back asleep. I felt like it was goodbye sex, and by morning, I already felt like this was ending, so I snuck out and haven't been over there since.
Now Jake's barely talking to me and he hasn't asked me out. It's Friday and we haven't seen each other since Tuesday. It's just as I predicted. We had sex and now our relationship is over.
"Last day." Nash walks into the room where I'm working, a tool belt around his waist. He's going around finishing up any last minute work that needs to be done. The project is scheduled to be completed next week, but my part ends today.
"Yeah, last day." I force out a smile. I've been trying to act normal around Nash, but I'm sure he knows what's going on between his brother and me.
"I'll send you details about the next project in a week or so." He comes over to the bookcase where I'm standing. "Or I could give them to you at Sunday dinner."
I've been going to all the Wheeler Sunday dinners and there's one this Sunday. I'm going to miss those dinners. I love hanging out with Jake's family. They always made me feel included, like I was already part of the family. But given that Jake and I aren't really dating anymore, I won't be going to Sunday dinner. Nash should know this, but since he doesn't, Jake must not have told him what happened.
"You'll be there, right?" Nash asks when I don't respond.
"No, I don't think so."
His brows furrow and he frowns. "Oh. Okay. So then I guess I'll just call you or email you with the details. You won't need to show up the first day. Probably later in the week. Once I finalize the schedule, I'll let you know."
"Sounds good." I search for something in my tool box, pretending to look busy, hoping he'll leave. I like Nash, but it's hard to be around him right now because he reminds me of Jake. I'm glad today's my last day here. I need a break from the Wheeler brothers.
"Take care," Nash says, getting my signal to leave and heading to the door. But then he stops and turns back to me and says, "For what it's worth, my brother's an idiot, and I don't understand why he does what he does. But he cares about you. More than you know." Before I can respond, he leaves.
Moments later, Nick walks in. "Ready to be done with this place?"
"Not really. I liked working here." Although I hated working with Nick. I'm so glad I won't see him again.
"So when's your next project start?"
"In three weeks."
"Working for the Wheelers again." He smirks. "Must be nice to have connections like that. Always ensures you got a job."
"Like your connection with your dad?" I shoot back. I've put up with Nick's shit for months now. It's time to give it back. "You'll never have to find a job. Your dad will always find them for you."
"Actually, I have a job next week that he didn't line up. It was all me. But my wife had the twins last weekend and she's making me stay home with her next week to help out, so now I have to find someone to take the job. I came in here to offer it to you but I'll just find someone else."
"Yeah, I'm not interested." I could really use the money but I don't want to owe Nick in any way, and if I take the job and end up working with him again in the future, he'll never let me forget that he got me that job.
"I don't know why I even asked. It's a church remodel, but it's not in the best part of town. You'd be too scared to go there. You should stick with the easy stuff, in the rich part of town. Or wherever your boyfriend will let you work." He snickers.
"Goodbye, Nick," I say, turning away from him. He's such an ass.
"If you change your mind about the job, just give me a call."
Once he's gone, my phone rings. "Yeah," I answer in a gruff tone, still angry from Nick's comments.
"It's Callie. Are you okay?"
''Yeah, sorry. Bad day."
"Because of work? Or something else?"
I know why she's calling. Nash told her about Jake and now Callie's worried about me. She's become a good friend, and I hope we'll still be friends, even though Jake and I aren't dating.
"It's nothing," I tell her. "I'm fine."
"You want to go out tonight?"
"It's Friday. Aren't you going out with Nash?"
"I could tell him we're having a girls' night. He'd understand."
"Thanks, but I think I'll just stay home. I'm tired. It's been a long week." It's been long because I haven't slept much and I miss Jake.
"Okay, but if you change your mind, just give me a call."
"I will. Bye, Callie."
I look at my phone. There aren't any messages from Jake. Usually, he calls around noon just to say hi and ask how I'm doing. It's always awkward and neither one of us knows what to say, so then we just hang up. I don't even know why he calls. We need to stop dragging this out. He just needs to end this, or maybe I should be the one to do it.
After work, I still haven't heard from him. I go home and change clothes and decide to go to my dad's house. I don't call him in case he's sleeping. Liza's at work and won't be home until after midnight.
"Dad?" I call out as I go in the house. I heard the floors creaking so I know he's awake.
"In here, honey." I follow his voice to the kitchen and see him standing by the sink, filling a glass with water.
"Have you eaten? I thought I'd have dinner with you."
"That'd be great, but I don't have anything prepared."
"That's okay. I'm sure there's something in the freezer we could microwave."
"Here you go." I see him holding up the glass of water, his eyes behind me.
I turn around and see Jake there, wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. He looks really hot, which he always does, but I haven't seen him in days and it seems like he got even hotter.
He goes around me to get the water from my dad. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." He glances between Jake and me. "I'll be in the living room if you need me."
Jake takes a drink of water, then looks at me, but only at my face, not my eyes. "How's it going?"
"What are you doing here?" It sounds harsh because I'm mad at him, and mad at myself for falling in love with him.
"I'm finishing the bathroom."
"On Friday night? You don't have anything else to do?"
"No. I don't."
Usually he'd be out with me on Friday night, but since he didn't ask me out, I guess that confirms it. We're done. This is over. And Jake's too much of a coward to tell me.
He takes a seat at the kitchen table and kicks out the chair next to him. "Come sit down."
I go to the fridge. "I really need to get dinner started so—"
"Ivy, would you just sit down?"
My heart's pounding and I have a lump in my throat. I don't want to do this. Not now. Not here. I don't want the memory of Jake breaking up with me to be here in my dad's kitchen so I have to think about it every time I come over he
re.
"I don't want to," I say, opening the refrigerator door.
I freeze when I feel his arms wrap around my waist. "We don't have to talk. I just need you to listen to me."
I slowly close the fridge door and he pulls me tighter against him. I feel his head rest on mine and hear him breathing. "God, I miss you."
Tears collect in my eyes but I will them not to fall. I don't know what he's going to say, but whatever it is, I'm not going to cry about it. I've wasted too many tears on guys in the past and I'm not doing it again.
"I miss you so much, Ivy," he whispers. "You have no idea."
I swallow. "If you miss me, then why—"
"Just let me finish. Please."
I nod.
"I know you want answers. I know you want to talk about this, but I'm not ready to. Because I don't have the answers yet. I'm sorry, but I don't."
Why doesn't he have answers? It's not that hard. If he loved me like I love him, he wouldn't have to think about this. He'd know he wants to be with me. But instead, he's saying he needs more time, which tells me he's unsure about his feelings for me. He might as well break up with me now. Waiting won't change anything.
"Then let's just end this," I whisper, my breath shaky.
"End this?" He forcefully turns me around, holding my shoulders. "No. We're not ending this. I just...I just need time to think."
"You've had time to think. You had all week. And you had a month before that. If you don't know by now that you—" I can't even say it.
"I do," he says, his eyes pleading with me to believe him. But I don't know what he's referring to. Is he saying he loves me? Or did he think I meant something else? Maybe he thought I was going to say something about continuing our relationship. Is that what he was referring to? I'm so confused.
"Jake, I don't understand. What I meant was—"
"Would you just let me finish?" He takes a breath. "What you were about to say? About how I should know by now? I do know. I have for a long time." He shuts his eyes, then opens them again. "That's what makes this so hard. I want to give you answers, Ivy. I really do. But I have to work through some shit first. I got a lot going on in my head right now and I just need time to think."
I'm still confused. What are we talking about here?
He looks me in the eye. "Would you just give me a little more time?"
I nod. I'm not even sure what I'm agreeing to, but I'm not ready to say goodbye to him and he seems really sincere when he says he needs time to think, so I guess we'll just keep this going a little bit longer, whatever this is we're doing.
He brings me into his arms, hugging me against his chest, and I realize how much I've missed him. I've been trying to keep busy all week so I don't think about him, but it hasn't worked. I've missed seeing him, being with him, being in his arms. I hug him back and he holds me even tighter.
"I don't want to fuck this up, Ivy, but I feel like I already have."
"We both have," I whisper, because honestly, part of this is my fault. I shut down after we had sex and I haven't opened up to him about how I feel. We're both a mess right now, and I should probably take some time to think about our relationship as well. Part of me still feels like I can't completely trust Jake, and if I can't trust him, then I shouldn't be with him. I need to figure out why I don't trust him, or if my lack of trust has less to do with him and more to do with my past relationships. I feel like I keep projecting my anger at Ryker onto Jake, and I need to stop doing that.
"You didn't do anything wrong," he says. "You've been acting differently because of me. Because I wouldn't talk to you about this. But I will. I promise you I will. But I can't keep seeing you until I figure this out. It isn't fair to you if I do."
"Ivy, I was thinking we should—" My dad stops when he reaches the kitchen. Jake lets go of me and I step away. My dad's eyes dart between us, landing on me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. I was just going to say we should order something in for dinner."
"Yeah." I nod. "I'll get the take-out menus."
"Jake, I expect you to join us," my dad says. "Dinner is the least I can do to pay you back for all your work."
"You don't owe me anything, but sure, I'll have dinner. It'll probably take me until nine or ten to finish painting."
So that's why he's here. I told him I'd do the last coat of paint, but I should've known he'd do it. He always says he has to finish a job once he starts it.
Jake goes back to painting and I order Chinese food from the place down the street. I order for Jake without even asking him because I know what he likes. We've spent so much time together that I know his likes and dislikes. I know more about Jake than I knew about Ryker, who I was with for almost a year. He was on the road a lot with his band, but still. When I think back, I didn't know that much about him. We didn't talk much.
During dinner, Jake is sitting next to me and my dad's across from us. My dad doesn't know what's been going on with Jake and me. Liza knows, but I told her not to tell Dad.
"What are you two doing this weekend?" my dad asks.
Jake glances at me. "I have to catch up on work. I need to make schedules for a couple new projects we just got."
"What new projects?" I ask.
"One is an office renovation and the other is that warehouse I told you about."
"The one they're turning into lofts and retail?"
He grins a little. "Yeah. That's the one. We got the job."
"Jake, that's awesome!" I drop my fork and hug him. "Congratulations!"
"Thanks."
I let him go and turn to my dad. "Jake's been working on getting that project for like a month now. It's a huge project and a lot of other contractors wanted it."
"Congratulations," he says to Jake. "That's great news. I bet your father's happy about that."
"Yeah, he couldn't believe it. He didn't think we'd get it so he hasn't been involved much in the discussions. But I had this feeling we could win it if we kept talking with the guy in charge. So I did. Found out today that we got it."
"That's really great," I say.
I'm so happy for him. Even if we break up, I want Jake to be happy.
My dad stands up. "I'm going to get some more water. Anyone need anything while I'm up?"
"No, thanks," Jake and I say at the same time. We look at each other and I lean over and talk in his ear. "I'm so proud of you."
He smiles and holds my hand under the table, gently squeezing it.
I hear glass shattering and look over and see my dad collapsed over the sink.
"Dad!" I race over to him. "What's wrong?"
He's holding his back and taking deep breaths. "It's nothing. Just a back spasm."
Jake is up and standing on the other side of my dad. "What can I do? You need your pill? Or do you need to lie down?"
"No, I'll be fine. Maybe just give me a hand."
Jake helps my dad back to his chair. We continue with dinner, but I'm no longer hungry after seeing my dad almost fall down. Was it really just a back spasm or something else? I know he wouldn't tell me if anything else was wrong with him.
"The weather's supposed to be warming up tomorrow," my dad says, trying to lighten the mood because he knows I'm worried about him. I've never seen him almost collapse like that. His back must be getting worse. What if he falls when he's alone in the house? What if he hits his head?
I keep thinking that something bad will happen to him and one day I'll wake up and he'll be gone. That's what happened to my mom. None of us knew how much time she had left, and then one Tuesday morning in December, a week before Christmas, I woke up and she was gone. I know it's not the same with my dad. He doesn't have cancer, but I still worry that something will take him away from us. When I found out he fell off the roof last summer, I was completely panicked. So was Liza. We both thought we would lose him.
After dinner, my dad goes to his room to lie down and Jake finishes painting while I clean up the kitchen and the broken glass. When I'm done,
I go down to the bathroom where Jake is working.
"Jake," I say getting his attention.
"Yeah." He sets his paint roller down.
"I'm going to my apartment to grab some clothes so I can stay here tonight. Liza gets home really late and I'm worried about my dad. I won't be gone long, but if he needs something, can you help him?"
"Yeah, of course. You know I will."
I nod. "I have my phone so just call if you need anything." I go back to the kitchen to get my keys, and as I'm putting my coat on, I hear a loud thump.
"Ivy!" Jake yells from the hall. I race down there and see Jake kneeling next to my dad, who's on the floor, doubled over in pain and swearing under his breath.
"Dad!" I kneel down on his other side. "What's wrong? Tell me."
"My back. I can't..." He passes out.
"Dad!"
"I need an ambulance." I look up and see Jake on the phone. "A man collapsed and he just passed out. We need someone here right away." He keeps talking to the 911 person while I talk to my dad.
"Dad, wake up. Please wake up."
"They'll be here any minute," Jake says, coming up behind me. He gently pulls me off my dad. "Give him some space."
"What's wrong with him?" I'm shaking, sobbing, as I look at my dad. "What happened?"
Jake forces me into his arms. "It's gonna be okay. They'll be here any second."
Except the seconds turn into minutes that seem to go on forever. And then finally, someone knocks on the door. Jake shoots up from the floor and races to the living room. "Down here," I hear him say.
The paramedics appear and then everything's a blur. They're doing stuff to my dad and questions are asked and I'm trying to answer but I don't even know what I'm saying. Jake remains calm and answers when I'm unable to, and then they leave with my dad and tell us which hospital they're taking him to. Jake drives us there and I call Liza on the way and tell her where to meet us.
Give Us a Chance (Wheeler Brothers #2) Page 23