He glances behind me. "So Nash said you're not seeing Ivy anymore."
I sigh. "I never said that. We're just—never mind. I don't want to get into it." I look over at some people passing by. An older woman is sobbing as another woman tries to console her. The woman's husband is probably dying and she can't deal with the grief.
I don't want that to be me someday. I don't want to feel that kind of pain. That kind of grief. Why doesn't anyone understand that?
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Jake
"Ivy's good for you, Jake," I hear my dad say.
I turn back to him. "Yeah, I know."
"Then don't do something you'll regret. Sometimes you only get one chance at these things."
I glance back at the grieving woman, but she's gone, so I look back at my dad. "Can I ask you something? About Mom?"
"Go ahead."
"If you'd known when you met her what was going to happen to her, would you have still dated her and married her?"
His brows draw together in concern. "Of course I would have. Why wouldn't I?"
"Because when she died, it nearly destroyed you."
He nods. "I didn't handle it well, and I can't apologize to you boys enough for that. It was a difficult time for all of us, and a lot of that is my fault. If I could go back in time and change anything, it would be that. But Jake, I would never want to go back and change my decision to be with your mother, even if I'd known my time with her was limited. I'd never want to give up the memories I have with her and with all of us as a family." He glances behind me, where Austin and Nash are sitting. "And if I hadn't married your mother, I wouldn't have you boys. I'd have Nash, but I can't imagine trying to raise him by myself. I could barely handle the first three months alone with him. Thank God Barb came along."
"So you don't regret anything?"
He shakes his head. "No. Not at all."
I guess I already knew that, but I still wanted to hear him say it.
"We're ready to go." Ivy appears beside me, her coat on.
"Take care," my dad says, giving her a hug. "We'll come by tomorrow and see you."
"You don't have to."
He smiles. "That's just what we do."
She smiles back. "Thank you. And thanks for staying here so late."
My dad and Austin leave, then Nash and Callie say goodbye and I take Ivy and Liza home.
"Bryce texted me about about your car," I say to Liza as we go inside the house. "He couldn't start it, so his friend towed it back to my dad's house. Bryce will work on it tomorrow."
"Okay. Tell him thanks."
"I will."
Liza hugs Ivy. "I have to go to bed. I'm so tired."
"Yeah. I'll see you in the morning."
When she's gone, Ivy walks to the door. "Thanks again for all your help."
"I'm not leaving. I'm going to stay here tonight. I'll sleep on the couch."
"Why?"
"Because my dad told me to."
"What?"
I smile. "I'm kidding, although my dad did tell me to. But all joking aside, I don't want you and Liza being alone tonight. You might need something or...I don't know. I'd just feel better if I were here. I won't bother you. I'll be really quiet."
"Um, okay. Then I'll go get you a blanket and pillows. I'll be right back."
She insists on making up the couch, then says goodnight and goes to her room. I go in the bathroom and take the paint cans and brushes out of there so Ivy and Liza can use the room without tripping over everything. It's the only bathroom in the house.
It's now after one in the morning but I'm wide awake. I'd like to watch TV but I'm afraid it'll wake them up so I just lie on the couch, staring at the ceiling for what seems like forever. When I finally start to drift off, I hear Ivy beside me.
"Are you awake?" she whispers.
"Yeah." I sit up. "What do you need?"
"I couldn't sleep. I wondered if I could sit here with you and watch TV. We'll keep the volume low so we don't wake up Liza."
"Have a seat." I move over on the couch and grab the remote, turning the TV on and immediately lowering the volume to almost mute. "Here." I hand her the remote.
"This is fine."
It's an old black and white movie. I set the remote down, realizing she doesn't really want to watch TV. She just wants it on in the background. From the light of the TV I can see her better and notice that she's wearing a white tank top and pink pajama pants with hearts all over them. She must keep some spare clothes in her bedroom for when she stays here. The pajamas are so girly with the pink hearts everywhere, but that's one of the things I love about Ivy. She can be tough as nails on a construction site, but she's not afraid to show her girly side when she's at home. I love both sides of her, the rough and tough carpenter, and the soft, sweet girl in the pink heart pajamas.
"This is weird, isn't it?" she asks in a voice so low it's almost a whisper.
"What's weird?"
"How much everything's changed in just a week. Last Friday, my dad was fine, even had one of his friends over for dinner. Liza was out with someone from work. And you and I went to dinner and a movie and then I stayed at your place. Now, a week later, everything's gone to hell."
I hold her hand, rubbing it lightly with my thumb. "It seems like that right now, but things will get better."
"Maybe. Or maybe they won't. Things didn't get better with my mom."
"This isn't the same."
"It feels like it is," her voice cracks. "There was a mass, and the doctors did surgery, but the cancer had already spread. She was gone a year later. It feels the same, Jake. It's like it's happening all over again." She breaks down crying.
I put my arm around her. "It's not. It's not the same." I don't know if that's true so I shouldn't be saying it, but I can't take seeing her this sad.
She continues to cry as I hold her against my chest, smoothing her hair, rubbing her back, doing anything I can think of to do to comfort her. But I don't think it's working. She's too upset, which I understand because I'd be the same way if it were my dad.
God, I fucking hate all this grief. I feel like it's all around me. Like it follows me wherever I go. Surrounds me whenever I try to escape it. First Nash lost Becky, then my mom died, then Callie came into our lives, after having lost her entire family. And now Ivy might lose her dad. It's all too much. Maybe it's like Nash said, and I just can't avoid it. It's a part of life and I need to learn to live with it.
Eventually Ivy and I lie down on the couch and she cries until she falls asleep. We wake up to Liza's voice as she stands behind us.
"You guys need to get up. It's after seven. We have to go."
Ivy shoots up from the couch. "It's after seven? Shit. I'll go get dressed."
I'm still wearing the clothes I had on yesterday. Liza is dressed and ready to go, in jeans and a sweater, her blond hair pulled up in a ponytail. I gather up the sheet and blanket from the couch and move it aside.
"You want to sit down?" I ask Liza.
She sits beside me, staring straight ahead. "So um...I thought you two weren't together anymore."
I swear, if someone says that to me one more time I'm going to scream. But after finding Ivy and me sleeping together on the couch, I understand why Liza said it.
"We're still kind of working things out."
She's quiet, then asks, "What does that mean?"
I can't explain this to her. I can barely explain it to myself. Or Ivy. My mind's a freaking mess right now and I've had almost no sleep.
"It means we need some time to think. Or I do."
She sighs. "If you're breaking up with her, just do it. Don't drag it out." She turns to face me. "I like you, Jake, and I appreciate all that you've done for my family, but don't do this to Ivy. She really likes you, and she's already hurting, thinking things are over between you two. So stop dragging this out. Just end it so she can move on."
"I don't want to end it. That's not what this is about."
&
nbsp; "Then what is it about? What are you doing, Jake? Because whatever it is, it's not fair to Ivy. She's going through enough right now and the last thing she needs is some boyfriend who can't make up his mind as to whether or not he wants to be with her."
"I DO want to be with her. But it's more complicated than that."
She stands up, and I can feel her anger. "It's not complicated. You're just making it that way so you don't have to make a decision."
I drop my head, shaking it side to side. "That's not true."
"Whatever, Jake. I'm going to see if she needs any help. You should just go back to your apartment."
Ivy races into the room. "I'm ready."
Liza gives me a look, urging me to go back to my place, but I'm not going to do it. She doesn't know the whole story and she has no idea how much I love her sister.
"Let's go." I grab my keys from the table and we go out to my SUV. Ivy and Liza sit in the back and talk while I drive to the hospital. When we get there, I drop them off, then go find a place to park.
As I'm walking to the hospital entrance, I call my dad.
"Any news?" he asks when he answers.
"Not yet. We just got here."
"I'll head over there."
"Dad, thanks for doing this. For being here for Ivy and her sister."
"She's become like part of the family. Even if you can't get your head out of your ass to see that you two belong together, Ivy will still be welcome at our house."
Leave it to my dad to tell it like it is. When it comes to giving advice to his kids, he doesn't hold back.
"Message sent, Dad. You don't have to keep saying it."
He sighs. "You boys frustrate the hell out of me. Can't see what's right in front of you. You're getting to be as bad as Bryce. I'll see you soon."
"Yeah, bye."
When I go inside, Ivy and Liza aren't there. I ask the nurse where they went and she says they're with their dad, so I return to my spot in the waiting room. I wonder how long they'll be in there. I need to go home and shower and put some clean clothes on but I don't want to leave without telling Ivy.
I've got so much work to do, but even if I went home to do it, I wouldn't be able to concentrate. I'm too worried about Ivy and her dad and her sister. And then I'd be thinking about what I'm going to do about Ivy and me. So getting work done? Not going to happen.
The sliding doors from outside open and I see Callie walk in, along with Nash. Callie's holding a paper sack and Nash has two trays of coffee cups.
I get up and take one of the trays from Nash. "I didn't think you guys would get here so early."
"We wanted to be here when they got whatever news they're getting," Callie says as we go sit down. "Have you heard anything?"
"No. I dropped them off and parked, and when I got inside, they were already with their dad."
"We got coffee for everyone." Callie hands me a cup.
"Dad and Austin are on their way," Nash said. "They're picking up Jen. Bryce is staying home to work on Liza's car."
My family's freaking awesome. The way they care about people, taking time to help others, is something that's rare. Most people would spend their Saturday doing something else, something that benefits themselves, but my family drops everything to help whoever needs it.
Jen, Austin, and my dad show up a few minutes later, and we have our coffee and the donuts Callie and Nash brought. A half hour passes and Ivy and Liza return to the waiting room. They're not crying so that's a good sign.
Ivy and Liza smile when they see all of us. They still can't believe my family is here for them.
"How is he?" I ask.
"Better," Ivy says. "He's really tired from the meds but he looked good. And he said he isn't in any pain."
Ivy and Liza sit across from us and Callie hands them each a coffee. "Here. I hope it's still hot."
Liza takes the lid off hers and takes a sip. "Caramel macchiato. My favorite. Thanks, Callie."
"I totally needed this," Ivy says, sipping hers. "Callie, that's really sweet of you. Thanks."
"You're welcome."
Damn, I should've thought of that. I should've got something for Ivy instead of just sitting here. Something that would tell her I'm thinking of her.
"He got the flowers," Ivy says to my dad. "Thanks for sending those. They're beautiful."
He smiles. "You need something to brighten up those hospital rooms."
My dad sent flowers? Great. I really need to do something. My family's making me look bad.
"You guys want something to eat?" Austin asks. "Callie brought donuts, but if you want something else I can go get it."
And again, I should've offered to do that, but I wasn't thinking. This lack of sleep is really hitting me hard. I need to wake up.
"I'll just have a donut," Ivy says, "but thanks for offering."
"Have you talked to the doctor yet?" my dad asks.
"Just now," Liza says. "He said they won't have test results until this afternoon. But if the mass was benign, then it sounds like my dad's going to be getting a lot better. The doctor said the back pain should be gone now that he doesn't have that mass pressing on his nerves. Here we all thought it was his injury causing the pain, but that's not what it was. He'll still need to go to physical therapy, but the doctor said Dad should be able to go back to work in a few months."
"That's awesome," I say.
"Yeah." Ivy looks down at her coffee. "As long as the tests come out okay."
"They will," Liza says, squeezing her hand.
Ivy nods, and tries to smile. "You guys don't need to sit here all day. We'll call and let you know if there's any news."
"We're happy to stay," my dad says. "We don't mind."
"I know, but there's really no reason to. Dad is resting and we won't hear about the results until this afternoon."
"Then maybe we'll head out and come back in a few hours." He looks at me. "Jake will be here. He can keep us updated."
He didn't have to give me that not-so-subtle hint to stay. I wasn't planning on going anywhere.
They all clear out except for Callie and Jen, who wanted to stay a little longer. I'm grateful they offered. I didn't want to be the only one left here with Ivy and her sister. Ivy and I have our own issues, and now her sister is mad at me, making things awkward. And I don't have much to say, so we would've just been sitting here in silence, but Callie and Jen are able to keep the conversation going for hours.
Around noon, I go out and get everyone lunch and bring it back. Afterward, as I'm tossing out the trash, Ivy comes up to me. "You want to take a walk? I could use some fresh air."
"Sure."
We get our coats and go out to a courtyard behind the hospital that has a path that winds through some trees. I'm sure in the summer it looks nice when all the flowers are in bloom, but now, in the winter, it looks drab and depressing.
"Ivy, I'm sorry I'm not doing more," I tell her as we walk slowly along the path.
"What do you mean? You're doing plenty."
"It's not enough. I feel like I should be doing more for you but I don't know what to do. Just tell me what you need and I'll do it."
"You don't have to do anything. You're here for me and that's enough."
I take her hand, which maybe I shouldn't do given that we're on a break, but I couldn't help it. I've been with her all day and haven't been able to touch her or kiss her or hold her, and I can't take not being able to do those things. It's an automatic response when I'm with her, but I had to hold myself back so her sister wouldn't yell at me later, accusing me of leading Ivy on, giving her mixed signals. That's not what this is. I'm not trying to mislead her in any way. Right now, I'm just trying to be here for her. Comfort her. Support her.
"I'm so scared, Jake," she says quietly.
"It's going to be fine."
"You sound just like Liza. She keeps saying it's going to be fine and it's pissing me off because she doesn't know that, so she shouldn't say it and get my hopes up." S
he rubs her eyes, which are tearing up again.
"Liza's just trying to be positive. She's not trying to make you mad."
"I know. She's always the optimist. I'm the realist." She sniffles and smiles a little. "Or pessimist, if you ask my dad. He's an optimist like Liza. He's always telling me to look on the bright side."
"Then do it." I stop walking and turn her toward me, my hands on her arms. "Go for the positive this time. There are two outcomes here, good and bad, so what's the harm in thinking positive and saying the outcome will be good?"
She shrugs. "I don't know. I guess I've always been someone who likes to prepare for the worst, and if that doesn't happen, then I'm happily surprised. It's better than being hopeful, only to be crushed later."
"Is it?"
"What do you mean?"
"If something bad is coming, do you really want to spend the moments before it happens being miserable, worrying about it? Wouldn't you rather spend that time being hopeful, believing everything's going to be okay?"
"Yeah. I guess. But that's hard to do."
"I know it is, but just try it. Try it this once and see what happens. When we get back inside, go and see your dad and be happy when you're with him. Because not everything is bad, Ivy. Your dad is alive, the surgery went well, and he's not in pain. Focus on those things instead of what's coming. And even if the news isn't good, at least you had those moments with your dad that were good."
As I say it, my own words hit me like a brick to the head. I was saying all that for Ivy's sake, but just realized I'm doing the same thing she does. I'm living my life preparing for the worst possible outcome, when in reality that's just one of many outcomes. And do I really want to spend my life avoiding the things that could lead to that one possible outcome that might never happen?
"Jake." She holds her phone up. "Liza just texted me. The doctor has the results back. We have to go inside."
I hold her back before she goes. "Tell me it's going to be good news."
She shakes her head. "I can't."
"Yes, you can. It's going to be good news. Say it."
Her eyes lift to mine and she half-smiles. "It's going to be good news."
"Okay, let's go." I keep hold of her hand and we hurry back inside and meet up with Liza and the doctor. I go back to my seat as he takes them aside.
Give Us a Chance (Wheeler Brothers #2) Page 25