by Lauren Dane
He sighed, burying his face in her hair.
“Or maybe not. Maybe he made the better choice.”
“Baby, all you can control is what you do. Not what anyone else does. You did the right thing and came down here. Now, as to whether or not you stay? I can’t tell you what you should do.”
She laughed, turning to face him. “You tell me what to do all the time.”
He kissed her soundly and she held on tight.
“And sometimes you listen. But that’s different. I can’t boss you around through this. You have to make your choices. I’ll give you my opinion and support you no matter what you choose. But you need to be the one to choose it. Family is a completely different situation than driving around on an empty tank of gas.”
She started to cry. He’d seen her cry with her friends. She was a woman who showed emotion, good and bad. But this was different. This was a way she cried only about her family and it tore him apart.
“I want to tell you to go. I want to tell you that I’ll pack you into the car right now and get you to the airport so we can be in our bed by noon. I want to tell you that you’ve held the post of familial whipping boy far too long. You didn’t cheat on your wife and break your family up. You didn’t disconnect from your life and essentially abandon your children and you didn’t throw a childish fit and insult your sibling. They do this to you too much. It makes me mad. It makes me want to punch people.”
“And you’re mad I didn’t tell you before I left.”
In the dark it was easier to be honest.
“I want it to be second nature for you to turn to me when you’re in need. I know you’re capable of handling this stuff yourself. I don’t doubt your abilities. But you don’t have to do it on your own. You’ve got me. And you’ve got Cal. I get that you were on autopilot and went with what you’ve had to do over the years. But I want to be your new habit.”
“I’ve been on my own since I was nineteen. Living on my own anyway. I’m used to doing things myself. When I don’t turn to you it’s not about you, it’s about me.” She paused, thinking carefully over her words, he knew.
“Just say it. We’ll work out the rest.”
“I’m not sure how you always know what I’m thinking.”
He kissed her forehead. “Because I love you. Because you’re not that mysterious. Just a little scared and a lot sad.”
She hugged him tight. “I love you, Gideon. So much it used to scare me. I’m sorry I didn’t turn to you right away. It’s not that I didn’t trust you. Fuck, maybe I don’t trust me. Or them.” She shivered a moment, though it wasn’t cold. “The whole thing is humiliating.”
There it was. He breathed out, trying not to choke on his swallowed-back words of anger at her family.
“Why can’t I be enough? I’m ashamed that they treat me this way. I’m ashamed that I take it. I’m ashamed of whatever it is that makes them reject me. It’s not something I want to share. Which isn’t about you, it’s about me.”
“You’re more than enough, Juliet. You’re everything. I’m here. Not because of them. Because of you. Right? It is humiliating, but not in the way you think. It’s them who should be humiliated for acting the way they do. They take you for granted all without saying thank you or even realizing how wonderful you are. I hate that. But I love you. And so I will always get your back. I will always be at your side. Because when it comes right down to it, family is what you make. I’m your family. Cal is your family.”
She let out a long, shaky breath and snuggled in closer. “I know. It means a lot to me.”
“So bright and vivacious, my Juliet. You love so much, care so much. I wish I could make all this better for you.”
“I’ve got broken pieces.”
He laughed. “Baby, everyone has broken pieces.”
“And yours are that you think you failed with Alana.”
He froze, the pain—and the truth—of it was a little arresting.
“I guess that’s true. I tried. I did. But in the end I wasn’t what she needed.”
“She’s a blind, selfish bitch who couldn’t see right in front of her damned face. Makes me want to punch her and then thank her for being so dumb that I got you instead. At least I know what to do with you.”
He smiled in the dark. “You and Cal both have such a violent streak. It’s hot.”
She rolled him onto his back and scrambled atop.
“You’re not wearing underpants, ma’am.”
“Not even. It’s a waste with you around anyway.” She sighed.
“I worked hard at my marriage. Just not hard enough. I know that scares you, but all I can do is promise to do better this time. Moving in with me and Cal isn’t a mistake. We won’t fail you.”
She bent to kiss him. “Is that what you think I’m worried about?”
“You’re not?”
“Man, we need to work on our communication. No. I’m not worried. Because while I’m obviously biased, I don’t think the failure of your marriage was your fault because you’re a bad guy. I think part of it was your fault, just because it’s a relationship and it has two people.” She laughed. “Well, unless you’re us, which you are now.”
She moved around and he nearly shouted when she took his cock inside her body.
Above him, she threw her shirt off and all that loveliness was bare. Though he couldn’t see her perfectly, he knew her. Knew the weight of her breasts, the dark pink of her nipples. He played his fingertips over them, knowing they’d tighten, knowing they’d darkened.
“What I think, when it comes to your marriage, is that you have more experience at this thing than I do. Cal does too. I don’t know how to be in a relationship. I suck at it and you guys get mad. If we live together, you’re going to see what a bitch I am. I’m horrible at sharing stuff.”
“Because you’re used to doing it alone.”
She rose and fell, surrounding him. Her weight was perfect, her skin soft against his. Pleasure built slow and steady.
“It’s not that I can’t share. I can. I do. It’s just my first instinct is to fix it myself because that’s what needs to happen.”
“I hate to burst your bubble, Jules, but Cal and I already know you have bitchy moments. Just like Cal and I have our too-bossy moments. You think you’re the only one who has stuff to learn about being with someone? Neither Cal nor I know a fucking thing about making a go in a forever-type way. All those people he was with before? He never lived with any of them. This is new territory for all of us.”
She hummed her pleasure when he skipped his fingertips up the line of her back, pulling her down to kiss him again.
It was the dark, she realized, that had enabled her to confess this way. She didn’t have to watch every line on his face. Didn’t have to worry about her expression. In the dark it was easier to be honest with the tough stuff.
“I’m not worried about your failing. I’m worried about my own.”
He slid his palms up her thighs, up her sides and to her breasts to pull and roll her nipples until she writhed.
“Mmm, yes, that’s so good. If you live with me, I’m going to wake you up with sex and French toast. I bought a better coffeemaker last week. Just for you.”
She was so ridiculously lucky.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Let me in all the way, Jules. Live with me and Cal, be with me. We’ll all learn together.” He did some magical thing with his fingertip against her clit and she sucked in a breath at how good it was. “You’ll have your own space. My grandmother’s old sewing room would be a good place for you to meditate and be left alone when you want it. I can’t promise we won’t be up all over you, because as you may have noticed, Cal and I like to be up all over you. But I don’t want your independence or every moment of your life. I just want to love you.”
He said such good stuff. “All right.”
He rolled her to her back and loomed over her. She tugged him down for a kiss as he began to thrust deep.
“You know me so well. Also it’s because you make me come so hard and look good naked. And I like your grandpa.”
He ground against her, sliding the line of his cock against her clit as he pulled out and shoved himself back in. Each stroke brought her closer and closer to the edge.
She rolled her hips and wrapped her legs around his waist. Her angle opened her up and he slid in impossibly deeper. She was so close.
He picked up the pace, fucking into her hard and deep until orgasm came and stole her breath, sucking her under.
He followed with a whisper of her name and she accepted it all, opened herself to him, flaws included.
26
Cal called once his plane had landed. He didn’t want to complicate matters by showing up at the hospital when Gideon had already been there with her. He resented having to hide his relationship with her, but the ICU waiting room wasn’t the time for any sort of big reveal.
Gideon answered. “I’m at baggage claim. We turned Jules’s rental in so we can all ride together.”
He moved steadily toward baggage claim once he’d made his way off the plane. “I’m on my way.”
He saw her first. She wore sunglasses, her hair was tied back and she was in jeans and a T-shirt and was the best thing he’d ever seen. She looked in his direction and took off the glasses, smiling and moving to him and straight into his arms.
“That’s the way to be greeted. Just sayin’.” He brushed her hair back, kissing her.
“You’re here.”
“I am. I didn’t expect to see you. I figured you’d be at the hospital.”
“I made her take a break to come with me.” Gideon approached, hugging them both. “Do you have anything checked?”
“No. But I’m starving.”
“Me too and I know Jules is because she’s barely eaten all day. There are several restaurants near the hospital.”
“What’s going on today?” Cal asked once they’d gotten on the freeway.
“He started the morning off a little shaky, but he’s been showing some positive signs as the day has passed.”
“Have you seen him yet?”
Things got quiet.
“What?”
“He can only see one person at a time for short period. So I haven’t been in yet. I’ve asked several times and they keep putting me off.”
“The new wife has been in there and when she hasn’t the father-in-law or mother-in-law have been. No one has bothered to ask Jules, though when I asked about it they said it was best to just keep it to immediate family. You know, because his daughter isn’t immediate enough. Not like his fucking in-laws.”
Gideon’s voice was so taut and filled with anger it took Cal aback. It wasn’t a tone he heard from the other man very often.
“I’m going home.” Jules spoke suddenly. “I’ve been thinking all day long about it. Well, since last night actually when Gideon asked me why I was staying.”
Cal sighed and leaned forward to squeeze her shoulder. “Baby, I’m sorry. We’ll be here with you though. If you want to stay, we’ll stay.”
Gideon pulled off the freeway and into the parking lot of a nearby strip mall. “Let’s get something to eat first. We can talk inside. Japanese all right with you two?”
She nodded and Cal got out to open her door.
He put his arm around her, hugging her to his side. “Goddamn, I’ve missed you. Just a day since I saw you last. I’m addicted.”
She smiled, but it wasn’t all the way to her eyes. He pulled her against him in the parking lot, breathing in the scent of her hair as she clung to him. He ached for her.
At last he let go and turned her gently. “Come on. You need to eat.”
Once they’d ordered and the beers had been delivered, Cal turned his attention back to Jules. “Why do you want to leave? You dropped everything to come down here.”
“I know. I’m sorry you two interrupted your lives to come down here with me. But I’m not wanted here. He hasn’t asked to see me. She hasn’t said more than ten words to me directly. Maybe she called me in a moment of panic. But whatever her deal is, she’s made no effort to include me in anything going on. It’s a waste of my time and emotional energy to be here.”
She sipped her beer with shaky hands.
“I waited a bit. I mean, it’s ICU, her husband could have died. They have young children. I figured she’d be scattered and freaked. And she is. She called me, which I appreciate.”
“But?”
“He doesn’t want me there. She doesn’t really either.”
Cal sure as hell hoped she’d finally get the gumption up to tell them all to fuck off and leave her alone. It was high time Jules disconnected herself from people who didn’t appreciate her. Or worse, who made her feel bad on purpose.
“What about Ethan? Why isn’t he here?”
“I have no idea. I’ve given up calling to try and update him because he’s making Marci take the calls.”
Gideon growled. “But you feel guilty about it. Stop that. Look, baby, you know Cal and I love you more than anything. I hate seeing them treat you like this. Sure it was a good idea to give her the benefit of the doubt. But they won’t even let you see him. He didn’t bother to tell you about any of this health stuff.”
“Maybe he was trying to protect me.” She sighed heavily. “I don’t want to rush into judgment, but . . . I’m not sure how else to take the sum of all this stuff. So I think it’s time for me to go.”
“I think so too.”
Cal nodded. “If that’s how it is, let’s do this. I’ll get us on a plane later tonight and we’ll get the fuck out of here and back home where we belong.”
“I can tell her for you.” Gideon pushed her plate closer. “Eat.”
“God, you’re bossy.” But she picked her chopsticks up and popped a tuna roll into her mouth. “I appreciate the offer, but I’ll tell her in person. It’s something I have to do myself. I don’t want to make a fuss. Not so much because I’m worried about pissing her off, but because she’s got enough shit to shovel and I don’t want to pile on. Not right now.”
Cal looked to Gideon, who shrugged a little. He’d learn the whole story when they were alone.
• • •
They finished dinner and headed to the hospital after Cal had called to make the plane reservations for a few hours later.
“I’ll wait down here. No use adding more to the situation.” Cal indicated some couches in the main waiting area of the hospital.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to hide you.”
Cal smiled, pulling her close. “You wreck me, you know that? I don’t feel hidden. Just go and tie that loose end and get back to me. We’ll be in our own bed soon enough.” He kissed her forehead.
“We’ll be right back.”
She turned to Gideon. “You don’t have to.”
He snorted. “Yes, yes, I do. I told you, we have your back.” He held out a hand and she took it.
“I’ll be here. Let Gideon kick anyone who fucks with you.”
She smiled and this one went to her eyes.
“I don’t want to make a scene,” she said to Gideon as they got off the elevator. “I just want to say my good-byes and go.”
“All right.”
To be honest in her head and all, she sort of loved how protective he was over this mess. He’d been with her, at her side all day.
Donna was in the waiting room, alone for a change. Jules took the seat next to her. “I’m going to go back home. I don’t think you need me here.”
“I think that’s probably best.” Donna didn’t bother to even meet Jules’s eyes.
Well, that was unexpected.
“Okay then.” She stood and started to leave before she changed her mind and sat back down. “No, not okay. Why did you call if you didn’t want me to come down?”
“I was worried. He’ll be fine. He’s got a
new life, Juliet. He doesn’t need to think about what came before. I shouldn’t have called. He’s mad at me.”
Gideon made a sound, but to his credit he didn’t say anything. Jules nearly got up to leave again, but all the years of not saying what needed to be said had worn her down. That Jules took a lot. The Jules she wanted to be didn’t.
“Say again?”
“He’s been trying to keep you away for a few years. He did his duty. He remembers your birthday and Christmas. But we don’t need you here. He has young children. You two had him and now our sons need his attention. We have a good life here; we don’t need memories of the past. I’m just being honest. He’s moved on. I called in a moment of weakness. My parents didn’t pick up. I didn’t expect you to come down here. They agree too. You and your brother drag up things best left alone.”
She wanted to throw up. “Like the family you helped wreck?”
Donna’s eyes widened and her mouth gaped a few times too.
“Yes, that’s right. Since we’re just being honest and all. It was bad enough that you did what you did. But people make mistakes. It wasn’t enough that he left his wife and his family? Being in contact with us is unacceptable? What is wrong with you?”
“I can’t believe—”
“Oh yes, you can. Cripes. I’ve gone out of my way to give you the benefit of the doubt. I’ve never pushed myself into your life. I tried to retain some sort of relationship with my father. And yes, he’s my father and you’re a shitty, heartless bitch of a mother if you think a man should just walk away from his kids. And he’s a shithead for doing it. But what if it was your sons? What kind of person would find that acceptable?”
“He’d never do that to our sons!”
“You helped him do it to his oldest son already!”
“He’s a man; he doesn’t need John like my boys do. It’s my sons who should have inherited that building you stole.”
Jules laughed, but there was no humor there. “Look here, you. Stolen? You should look the word up. Better yet, look in the mirror.” She stood. “Don’t think you can come at me again. I’ve taken it for years, which may lead you to think I’m going to continue taking it. But I’m done now. I wish your children good luck; with parents like they’ve got, they’ll need it. And if you want Ethan updated, call him yourself. Or not.”