Best Intentions: A Ghost Cats Story

by Mandy M. Roth

  Brayen nodded and moved closer to Becca. He watched Jack run out the door and had to pick Becca-Rose up to keep her from following him.

  “Put me down, put me down!”

  “Your father asked me to keep you here until your mommy comes in.” Brayen tried to sound gentle but he’d never been around small children and wasn’t sure how to handle this type of situation.

  Becca-Rose twisted in his arms and snarled at him. Brayen’s heart leapt to his throat. He knew that sound. He’d made it enough himself. He took a deep breath in and held it. Becca-Rose’s scent was familiar. She smelled of Lily and… He took another breath. He staggered backwards, but managed to hold her steady. Becca-Rose smelled of cougar, like him. She twisted in his arms and looked at him. Her blue eyes shifted to amber before she snarled again.

  He let out a throaty growl as a warning to her not to try anything and she stopped moving in his arms. Her wide eyes fell on him and tears filled them. “He won’t be back.”

  Brayen glanced towards the front of Renee’s large home. “Sure he will, sweetie.”

  She shook her head. “No, Daddy won’t ever be back and Mommy will cry. Lots. I’ll cry too.” She put her head on his shoulder and he smoothed her long hair down. “You’ll help make it better, won’t you? I know you will make it better.”

  Brayen wasn’t sure what to say to her. He couldn’t come out and tell her that he thought he was her father. No. Jack had filled those shoes all her life. It was clear she loved the man and he her, but Brayen had to know. He turned with her in his arms and found Lily standing behind him, her mouth open.

  “Brayen,” she said his name softly. She looked at Becca-Rose in his arms. Her face paled and she grabbed hold of the countertop to steady herself. That was all the confirmation he needed. She’d left him almost six years ago in the middle of the night, pregnant with his child, and never told him about her.

  He hugged Becca-Rose to his chest and shook his head at Lily. “How could you not tell me?”

  “Brayen,” she said, moving closer to him and lowering her voice. “I was, am, a married woman. I, we… Jack and I couldn’t have… I…”

  The realization of what she was saying sunk in. He’d been nothing more than a sperm donor. She was his mate, his world, his wife. He’d thought that what they had was special. Now he knew it meant nothing to her. Brayen fought back the emotions trying to surface and did his best not to let Lily see the hurt in his eyes.

  Someone pounded on the front door and it burst open. “Lillian! Lewis!”

  Lewis burst through the back door and Lily followed close behind him as he ran to the front room. “Chief Sisel?”

  A tall man stood there, covered in blood. His eyes were wild as he looked at Lily. “Lillian, there’s been an accident, just down the bend, near the river. Jack’s—” He dropped his head down.

  “No!” Lewis shouted.

  “What?” Lily whispered softly as she took a step back. “No, Adam. No, don’t do this, don’t… No, Jack’s fine. He’s at the hospital now. They needed his help… He’s fine.”

  Chief Sisel made a move towards her and she darted away from him. “Lillian, Jack’s gone. Beth and I were on our way up here for the picnic and I watched him lose control of your car and—I tried to save him—I radioed in for help and the squad was there in a matter of minutes. Lillian, they said it was instant. They said he didn’t suffer.”

  Brayen turned with Becca-Rose in his arms and ran towards the backyard. She clung to him sobbing and mumbling about how she knew her daddy wasn’t coming back. He spotted Renee and ran to her. “There’s been an accident… Jack.”

  Renee reached for Becca-Rose but Becca-Rose held tight to his neck. “Sweetie, go to Renee. I need to check on Mommy.” Renee gave him a puzzled look but didn’t question him.

  “I want to stay with you. You can’t leave us now. He’ll hurt mommy. He doesn’t like her… Please,” Becca-Rose said between sobs.

  Brayen passed her to Renee and kissed her tiny cheek quickly. “I won’t leave you, sweetie,” he said softly, wondering who he was.

  Chapter Seven

  Brayen ran to the front yard and found Chief Sisel holding Lily in his arms as she kicked and screamed at him to let her go to Jack. She lashed out again and caught the Chief’s cheek. He loosened his grip enough for her to weasel out of his grasp.

  “Lillian!” Chief Sisel called out after her.

  “Let her go. Maybe we’ll get lucky and the bitch will die too,” Lewis whispered under his breath. The Chief missed the comment, but Brayen’s ultra-sensitive hearing let him pick up on every bit of it. He shot Lewis a nasty look and raced down the drive after Lily. She’d covered quite a bit of ground in a short period of time and Brayen had to grab her around the waist to get her to stop.

  She pounded on his chest as he spun her around. “Let go of me!”

  “Lily, please stop. Let’s go back up to Renee’s and—”

  “And what?” she demanded. “He’s gone, Brayen. Jack is gone. He can’t be dead. I didn’t mean for it to happen. He should have punished me, not Jack.”

  Brayen held her to him and shook his head. “Who should punish you and what the hell are you talking about?”

  “God,” she replied. “He should have punished me, not Jack. I’m the one who lied. Not Jack.”

  “Baby, please, I don’t understand. I want to help you, but you need to get a hold of yourself. What did you lie about?”

  She cried and slapped him hard across the face. He didn’t flinch. He just let her hit him repeatedly. “I lied to Jack when he found out Becca-Rose wasn’t his. He asked if I loved her father.” She took a deep breath in. “I said no. I looked him in the eyes and I told him I never loved you, that I only used you. I lied to him. Oh God, I lied to him.”

  Brayen set her down and grabbed her wrists. He pulled her body to his and let her cry as he held her. “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. You weren’t being punished. It’s okay.”

  “It’s not okay! I lied to him. It was bad enough he found out she wasn’t his. I couldn’t bring myself to hurt him more. I love him, Brayen, I do…did…but not as much as I love you, and now he’s dead because of me. I need to go to him, right now. I need to see him.” She clutched onto his shirt and clawed at his chest. “I thought we were going to make it. Jack said he understood, but now he’s gone. He can’t be gone. They’re wrong. He’s fine. I’m sure he’s fine. Right?”

  Brayen did his best to hold his emotions in check. On one hand, he had his mate confessing to loving him more than her husband, yet on the other hand, he felt her pain and sorrow. “Come on, baby, let’s get you back to the house. Becca-Rose needs you to be strong now.”

  Chapter Eight

  Lily looked out at the For Sale sign and pressed her forehead to the window. Renee had told her to keep the house. That it was what Jack would have wanted, but she couldn’t bear to live with the memory of him all around her. Every room reminded her of him, and she couldn’t do it anymore. He’d been gone for six months now and she still couldn’t go to his gravesite. Her shame over their last few weeks together was too great.

  Becca-Rose’s eyes had shifted. That was the first sign something was different with her. Lily had tried to make excuses for it, but she knew why. She knew Brayen’s dark gift had been passed to her daughter and that one day Becca-Rose might very well be able to change into a cougar at will. Jack had finally cornered her with blood tests his brother Lewis had run on Becca-Rose the last time she was in for a check-up. Being married to a twin whose other half was also a doctor had never been easy, but Lewis’s deception had almost cost Lily her marriage.

  The hurt in Jack’s eyes was so great when she walked in and found him holding the paternity papers that she knew instantly what had happened. She just didn’t know why Lewis had done it. Sure, he disliked her—he always had—but to come in five years after the fact?

  They’d been happy. She’d done what she had to do to have a baby and Jack had un
derstood. He’d forbidden her to seek medical attention because he didn’t want his colleagues knowing they were having trouble conceiving a child. She’d honored that wish and when he’d left for the conference in Chicago for the weekend, during their legal separation, she’d seized the moment and gone to the bar she’d heard Renee mention once. Her intent had been to get pregnant, not to fall in love. She’d succeeded in one, but failed miserably in the other.

  Her cell phone rang. She looked at the display screen and rolled her eyes when she saw Lewis’s name. “Hello?”

  “Lily, I need for you to sign a few papers for me. It has to do with Jack’s share of the family practice. You’ll maintain control of it, of course, but I just need to get the okay for a few things.”

  The last thing she wanted to deal with right now was more paperwork. “Whatever, Lewis. Becca-Rose and I will stop by before we leave town. Are you at the office or home?”

  “I’ve got to make a quick stop tonight, Lily. Why don’t you meet me—” The phone lost its reception. Normally she would have been ticked that her phone had once again dropped out on her, but the fact it cut Lewis off was a blessing, so she went with it.

  Lily listened close and heard Becca-Rose’s voice coming from Jack’s old office. Lily hadn’t been able to set foot in there yet. Lewis had handled packing up all of Jack’s belongings for her. She’d had to leave the house when he did. Seeing the exact replica of Jack wandering around the house had been too much for her.

  She stopped just outside the office door and listened to Becca-Rose talking softly. “Yes, Mommy is still sad. I tried to get her to smile today, but she doesn’t ever smile anymore. No, I want her to leave. He’s bad and he’ll hurt her. You know he will.”

  Lily cracked the door open and found Becca-Rose sitting in the center of the empty room. “I know that you love me, Daddy, but I can’t get Mommy to stop missing you,” Becca-Rose said to the empty room. Lily’s stomach tightened. Now wasn’t the time for her daughter to take up talking to thin air and pretending it was her father. She started forward to put an end to it, but stopped when she felt a rush of cold air blow around her. Something whispered to her. It was muffled. Gaping, Lily ran towards Becca. She snatched her daughter up in her arms and ran from the room.

  “Daddy!” Becca-Rose screamed, reaching over her shoulder towards the vacant room.

  The gusting wind followed Lily down the hall and she thrust the front door open. Strong arms grabbed hold of her and she screamed.

  “Lily!” Brayen shouted.

  “Brayen?” She threw herself against him, smashing Becca-Rose between the two of them. “Something was in the room with Becca. I heard it… It was cold, like ice,” she panted.

  Brayen touched Becca-Rose’s head and she glanced up at him. “Mommy was scared of Daddy. It’s just Daddy coming back to tell her to be careful and to trust you. He told me to find the man who makes the kitty noise too, that he would always love me and Mommy.”

  “Rebecca-Rose, you will not talk about your father like he’s still here.”

  “But he is, Mommy,” Becca-Rose protested.

  “Yes, he is,” Brayen said, looking directly at her. She hadn’t intended to be insensitive, and yes, biologically speaking her father was here, but that wasn’t what she’d meant.

  A cold blast of wind blew past them and on it came the whisper of Lily’s name. Brayen pulled them both out of the house. He hustled them towards his jeep and didn’t stop until they were safely inside.

  Lily buckled Becca-Rose into the backseat and waited for Brayen to climb in. “You felt it too?”

  “Yeah, and I heard it as well,” he said, starting the jeep.

  Chapter Nine

  Brayen carried Becca-Rose into his home and took her up to the loft. He kissed her gently as he tucked her under the covers and brushed the hair from her face. He’d ached to see her tiny face again and had made the decision to just show up on her doorstep. Lily hadn’t returned one of his calls and had asked him to stay away. He’d honored that wish for six months, until he was no longer able to bear not seeing them.

  Renee had understood and given him a call to tell him that if he wanted to catch Lily and Becca-Rose he needed to act fast—they were moving away. The thought of never seeing Lily or his daughter again sickened him, and he was happy he’d decided to go to them. He needed them and they needed him, no matter what Lily thought.

  Becca-Rose purred softly in her sleep and Brayen smiled. She was his. It didn’t matter that she called another man daddy—she was totally his. It was as plain as the dimple on her face and her ever-changing eyes—she was his.

  Every night since the moment he’d learned she existed, he’d looked up at the sky and wondered what his little girl was doing. He’d even stood on the sidelines at Jack’s funeral, hidden away—just to be sure she was okay. Now, she was here, in his home, where she belonged, where they both belonged.

  He turned to find Lily and stopped when Becca-Rose cried out softly in her sleep. She opened her eyes and looked directly at him. “Daddy?”

  “It’s just me. Brayen,” he whispered.

  She nodded her head. “I know, but Daddy told me you’re my daddy now and that you’re special like me. He said you’ll love me like he did. Will you love me like he did?”

  “Yes, Rebecca-Rose, I will…” She was asleep again before he got the words out of his mouth. He still wasn’t sure how to be a parent, but he knew he’d never let anything happen to her and that he’d ached to hold her to his chest and to hear her sweet voice again. If that was part of being a parent then he’d do just fine.

  It saddened him Becca-Rose felt the need to talk like Jack was still there, but after the incident at the house, Brayen wondered if he really was. He glanced around the loft and shook his head in approval. The moment he’d returned home after learning of Becca-Rose, he’d redone the upstairs area of his expansive cabin just for her. Sanding the wood for her new bed and building the dresser from scratch had been all he had to occupy himself with while he gave Lily her required time to grieve.

  The three-story dollhouse he’d made Becca-Rose caught his eye and he hoped when she woke it would catch hers too. He kissed her lightly on the head and turned to climb down the stairs. He took a deep breath and knew Lily was on the porch. Come hell or high water, that woman was going to talk to him.

  Brayen thrust the screen door open and headed out to her. She stood there with her arms wrapped tightly around her body, holding her cell phone in one hand.

  “Who did you call?” he asked.

  “Lewis. I was supposed to meet with him and sign some papers tonight. I didn’t want him worried about us.”

  Fat chance of that, Brayen thought.

  Lily shivered slightly. He knew she was cold. The night breeze had picked up. He wrapped his arms around her petite frame and pulled her back against his body. She stiffened.

  “Dammit, Lily. Stop. I love you.”

  Her head fell back against him as she touched his arms lightly. “I wonder every day if I hadn’t gotten in my car and drove to the Igmú, would Jack still be alive?”

  “You wouldn’t have Becca. We wouldn’t have Becca-Rose,” he said, avoiding the desire to defend their love for one another.

  “No, we wouldn’t. Would we?” She dropped her head down and let out a deep breath. “What in the world does Igmú even mean?”

  Brayen smiled in spite of himself. “It means cat in the Lakota native tongue.”

  “I should have known, Cougs.”

  Lily turned in Brayen’s arms and let him hold her tight to him. She’d dreamt of a moment like this for over six years but hated the price she’d paid for it. Still, being in Brayen’s arms felt right and seeing him carrying Becca-Rose to bed made her guilty for keeping them apart for so long.

  “Brayen, I screwed up everything. Every choice I made was a bad one. I didn’t mean to hurt you, Jack, Becca-Rose, anyone.”

  His lips crashed down on hers, barely giving her tim
e to breathe let alone think. His tongue dove in and found hers ready and willing. She clawed at his back and he pressed his mouth down on her even harder. His hands roamed up her back and stopped when he reached her neck. He jerked her head back from him.

  Brayen’s eyes burned amber and a gasp escaped her throat. She pressed her fingers to her swollen lips and tried to back away from him. He held tight to her neck. “No,” he said, his voice raspy and deeper than normal. “You won’t run anymore. This is what I am, who I am, and this is what our daughter is. You’ll accept it now, Lillian. You’ve no other choice.”

  “Brayen?”

  He thought seeing him shift and knowing what he was had driven her away? It hadn’t. It was what she overheard Mason saying and the price she knew the others like him would demand he pay in order to protect their secret.

  Brayen took a deep breath and smiled, showing that his teeth were now elongated. Lily yelped and pushed on his chest. “Brayen, no. Don’t do this. Please don’t do this.”

  “I’ve wanted you for six years, Lily. Six damn years!” He jerked her face towards his and snarled at her. “You carried my child in there.” He cupped her sex harder than was comfortable and backed her up against the railing. “I didn’t get to share that with you. I didn’t get to be there with you, to watch your belly grow with the life I helped create. I didn’t get to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I loved her and I didn’t get to be there the first time she experienced this—” He let go of her neck and allowed claws and fur to sprout forth from his hand. Lily gasped, but he held tight to her. “I should have been there to help her get through it.”

  “I’m sorry, Brayen, please.” She jerked back when his claws came near her face. Hot tears burned her cheeks as she watched the mix of hate and pain on Brayen’s face. “What do you want me to say? I’m sorry.”