by Mia Miles
I was still reeling from the high I had felt on stage. I couldn’t get over it, and I couldn’t wait to do it again. Something told me it wasn’t going to be as easy to convince him to let me on stage a second time.
“I smell bacon,” Cutter announced groggily as he came downstairs and into the kitchen, wiping sleep out of his eyes.
For the first time I saw his body in the light. He had put on just his boxers, but I could still see the shape of him swinging behind the fabric as he walked. That would have been a good breakfast, I thought.
His body was a work of art. I saw the muscles in his chest and stomach in the light for the first time. His body was perfectly contoured, and I saw the tattoos he had. He wasn’t covered from his neck to his feet like I had expected. He had a tribal piece on one shoulder and a motorcycle engine on the other that had been done up to look like a skull and crossbones, with flames coming out around it. I still hadn’t gotten a look at the ones on his forearms. They were some kind of symbols.
I found his coffee and started a pot for us while he sat down at the table, groaning.
“Good morning to you, too,” I said. “Breakfast is almost ready.
“What is it?” he asked.
“Bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast.”
“That sounds amazing.” He sounded oh-so-enthusiastic as he put his head down on the table.
I laughed and stepped into the dining room to kiss him on his cheek. He tried to grab me around the waist to keep me there with him, but I stepped out of reach too quickly.
“Nope, I’ve got to finish breakfast,” I taunted him. I laughed as I walked back into the kitchen to pull up the last of the bacon and dump the grease.
After I made the eggs and toast, I brought two plates into the dining room to set on the table. I went back and grabbed a couple of mugs of coffee for us. I remembered he took his black. I added milk and sugar to mine since he didn’t have any creamer.
He was already eating the bacon when I sat down. He sipped his coffee and held the rest of his piece of bacon up to me.
“This is some good bacon,” he said.
“Thank you. I’m glad you like it.” I joined him, and we ate in silence for a little while.
He inhaled his food and sat back in his chair. He stretched and took another sip of coffee.
“So, how’d I do last night?” I asked him, trying to keep a chipper tone.
He eyed me over his cup. “Depends,” he said as he lowered it.
“Depends?” I asked.
“Yeah. In bed, you were phenomenal. But if you’re asking about how it went on stage, don’t worry about it, because you’re not going back out. I don’t want you dancing or stripping anymore,” he said with a stern voice.
“I know you didn’t ask, but I had a really good time on stage last night. I really enjoyed it, and I felt like I did well, so I was kind of hoping to get your opinion,” I said. I was getting really tired of feeling like he wanted to take my dad’s place.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said again, flatly.
“Why don’t you want me to go back out? I just don’t get it,” I complained.
“It’s not where someone like you belongs,” he said almost dismissively, like that was supposed to be it, end of discussion.
“You sound like my dad,” I snapped.
“I’m sorry about that, but it’s the truth.” He stared at me with his gray eyes. His stare was a wall, as if he were telling me to drop it and not look for a way around the wall.
“Look, I’m just doing this to make a little cash while I can. I could go somewhere else, but I only have a few months to dance before the baby starts to show.” I stopped on the last word, realizing that I’d just let the secret slip.
“I’m sorry, the what?” Cutter asked, his eyes wide open in surprise.
“Yeah, so, that’s my big secret,” I said, disgusted with myself for telling him.
“That’s why you and your father got in a fight. And that’s why he kicked you out,” he stated as he put it all together.
I nodded and braced myself for his response. I waited for him to yell at me for not telling him. I waited for him to tell me to leave and not come back. I closed my eyes as fresh tears welled up and threatened to spill down my cheeks.
But he shocked me again. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “That’s just rotten. That’s horrible.” He reached across the table and took my hand. “Your dad’s an asshole,” he added.
I smiled. “Yeah, he is. Thank you.” I didn’t know what exactly to say. I didn’t want anyone’s sympathy. I just wanted to fix it. I wanted to work toward being financially stable enough to support the baby when the time came.
“Now I definitely don’t want you dancing,” he said abruptly.
“What the hell? I was just going to do it as long as I could, until it was no longer healthy for the baby or until the baby started showing,” I tried to convince him.
He shook his head. “Absolutely not. You know, you need somewhere safe to stay while you’re pregnant. You need somewhere that will allow you to have some access to other old ladies who’ve had children and can help you out.”
I sighed I knew what was coming. I knew what she was going to say before he even said it.
“Somewhere like the clubhouse,” he said.
I rolled my eyes. He didn’t miss it, but that was because I didn’t want him to.
“Hey, you’ll be safe there. You’ll have other members of the MC around you at all hours of the day and night. You’ll have the old ladies of the MC to help you with your pregnancy,” he continued.
I sighed. “I didn’t sign up to be part of your MC,” I told him. “I didn’t even ask you to let me stay here. You took it upon yourself to let me take up space in your home. I agreed to it, and I agreed to share your bed, which apparently meant to sleep with you.”
“Hey, you wanted it. You kissed me at the door to the club,” he argued.
“Oh, I definitely wanted it. And I enjoyed it, but I didn’t want all this possessive nonsense that I didn’t realize came along with it,” I told him. “I just needed a roof over my head and the possibility of employment, and you refuse to talk to me about the job. You have this idea that this is more than it is, and you’re not listening to me.”
I slid my plate to the side. Some of my bacon was left, and I hadn’t touched my eggs. I couldn’t eat anymore. I was disgusted by how clingy and needy he’d become just because he’d seen me naked and had sex with me. I was starting to regret everything I had done.
“Look, I’ll work something out for you,” he said hurriedly, trying to fix what he saw as the main problem – my lack of employment.
“It’s fine, Cutter. This obviously isn’t working. I knew it was all too good to be true anyway. I should probably just grab my things and move on.” I heard myself for the first time and realized what I was saying. When the hell did I get so cynical?
With my ex, I had been a hopeless romantic. It had even been worse before him, which was probably what led me to hold on to my virginity for so long. Before Eddie, there had never been anyone as sophisticated or educated or just in the know as he was.
What was making things so complicated again was that Cutter was very much the same, in his own way. He had his own sophistication, his own brand of education and culture, and he definitely had this finger on the pulse of his world. He knew what was going on. He had to know. He took women in off the street and put them to work. He was a member of an infamous motorcycle club that stayed in trouble with the police. And he managed to keep it all under control because he was strong, physically and mentally.
That was what made him so attractive and so damn irresistible, but it also made him dangerous. The danger was that if I wasn’t careful I was going to wind up right back in the same situation that had led me to him in the first place. I couldn’t afford that. My life had experienced a serious setback, and my main focus was to fix that. I didn’t have time for distractions.
�
�I’m going to go,” I told him. I got up to leave. I walked upstairs to grab my bag from the bedroom.
I didn’t hear him follow, but when I turned to leave his room, he was standing in the doorway, blocking me from leaving his room.
“Don’t go, Missy. I’ll let you sleep in one of the guestrooms while you’re here, and I won’t mess with you while you’re at the clubhouse. Just stay. Let me help you work everything out,” he pleaded.
“I’m not your responsibility, and neither is the baby,” I told him as I pushed past him into the hallway. I walked back downstairs, heading for the front door. From what I could tell, he didn’t follow. He was just going to let me go.
I stopped at the door. I didn’t know where I was going to go, and it would have been nice if someone had stepped in to stop me. I was being stubborn and proud.
If anyone in my life was man enough to cut me back down to size, it was Cutter.
Chapter Eleven
Cutter
A baby.
That certainly explained why her parents had kicked her out and why she was too ashamed to go to anyone else who knew her for help. It also told me just how conservative her family and friends were. But that also told me that I was her last option. I was the end of the road for her. There was probably nowhere else to go.
And I was about to let her walk out my door.
I didn’t have room in my life for a child, but I couldn’t let Missy walk out of it either. I was going to have to find a way to make it work. I didn’t want her going back out on the street. It was not the place for someone like her, especially not while she was pregnant. She needed to be somewhere safe for the baby.
She was right. Neither one of them was my responsibility, but I was going to make both of them my responsibility. I wasn’t going to take her in just to let her throw herself back out. I started down the stairs, hoping I could catch her before she left.
“Hold on,” I called to her as she opened the front door.
She stopped, but she didn’t turn around. Instead her posture stiffened as if she were trying to brace herself against what she knew I was about to say. I was amazed at how insightful she was.
“Missy, look, stay here. Just one more day. Give me today. I’m going to see what I can do. If I can’t get you work so that you can start getting back on your feet, you can leave all you want. You can go wherever. But someone needs to be helping you look after that baby, and I have some connections that might be able to get you gainful employment. Give me a chance. Let me look for you,” I pleaded with her.
She drove me crazy. When it came to her, I was a mess. There was no putting my foot down with her. There were only suggestions and questions. When I tried to put my foot down, I simply stammered.
She gave me a look that said she was over it. She was through with my tricks.
“Look, if it doesn’t work, I will let you go,” I told her.
“Fair enough.” She dropped her backpack next to the front door. “But, if you don’t have anything by tonight, I’m sleeping on the couch and leaving in the morning.”
“That’s fine.” I grabbed her and kissed her, planted one right on her lips. “If I can’t pull this off, you can do whatever you want.”
“I’m going to do that anyway,” she advised me. “In speaking of which, I’m going to clean up from breakfast now.” She walked into the kitchen and started washing and putting up dishes.
I hurried upstairs and got dressed. I knew exactly who to call to find her a job, but I wasn’t going to do it in the house where she could hear me. When I left, she was putting up the last of the dishes and cleaning the counter where she’d worked to prepare breakfast. I didn’t say anything as I left the house. I didn’t want to upset her or potentially start another fight by saying the wrong thing.
I hoped in the car and drove up to the club. I didn’t mind making personal calls like I was going to be making all day from the office at The Bare Cut, but I didn’t like making calls like these from home.
No one else was at the club yet. It was too early in the day. We didn’t open until the afternoon. I unlocked the door and walked into the quiet building alone, locking the door behind me. I flipped on a couple of lights so I could see to get to the office. Then, I sat down, grabbed the office phone, and dialed up my brother, Jay.
“Cutter,” he said excitedly when he picked up the phone. “Man, it’s a surprised to hear your voice this early in the morning.”
“Tell me about it, Jay. It’s not even noon yet,” I groaned. I had stopped by the gas station on the way in to pick up a cup of coffee, and I sipped on it to stay awake.
“So, what gets you out of bed this early?” he asked. He was a businessman. He owned his own construction company. I was surprised he’d been able to come to the phone. Usually by this time of day, he was out on a job site somewhere, unable to reach it in time.
“I need your help,” I told him.
“What kind of help, Cutter?” he asked cautiously. “Digging-a-hole help or some other kind?”
We both laughed. He was always talking about helping me dispose of people who crossed me. But that never seemed to be the reason why I was calling.
“I’ve got a young girl here who needs a job,” I told him.
“So put her to work, man. You can always use more talent.”
“Not her. She doesn’t belong on the stage,” I told him.
“Whoa, what do you mean? Is she ugly or something?” he asked joking.
“No, she’s just too good for places like this. She needs a better job than I can offer her,” I said.
“Too good for The Bare Cut, where the women are a cut above the rest?” Jay teased.
“Look, can you help me or not?”
“Yeah, I’ve got a few office positions that are open. I can probably squeeze her into one of them,” he finally said.
“Thank you so much. I’ll send her around your way soon,” I told him.
“So, tell me about her,” Jay said. “Let me know what I should expect when she comes around.”
I told my brother about Missy. I told him a little about her predicament and why she was in need of a job. He asked me why she wasn’t fit for the strip club, because everyone was fit for the strip club if they knew how to dance. I admitted to him that she could definitely dance and she nailed it the one time I let her take the stage, but I also had to admit why I didn’t want her on the stage. I told him about the baby, making her pregnancy the main reason I didn’t want her dancing.
“It’s not yours, right? Man, I know how you are with these young girls,” Jay joked.
“No, definitely not mine. She was pregnant when she came to me. That’s why her folks kicked her out, man. Look, I can’t just turn her away,” I told him.
“Oh, I get it. You’ve got feelings for this one.”
This one, like she was just another girl in a long line of girls, like there were going to be girls after her. He said it like she was just another piece of ass. Sure, since my divorce, there had been plenty of pieces of ass, but she wasn’t another. She wasn’t just this one, but I was going to leave it alone. If I said what I was thinking, it was going to sound like a lot more than it really was, and Jay would have had a field day with it.
“You’re really serious about this girl,” Jay said, laughing, reading my silence like an open book.
“Look, man, just see what you can do for her, alright?” I said.
“Yeah, I’ll do what I can. Bring her by the office. Is she staying at your place?” he asked.
“For now. I’m trying to get her to stay at the clubhouse so she’s not alone as much. Plus, you know, if there’s any trouble, I don’t want her at home alone when stuff goes down,” I told him.
“Yeah, I gotcha. That would really be the best thing, especially if she’s pregnant. She needs people around who can take care of her,” he said, echoing exactly what I’d told her.
I shook my head and laughed. Sometimes I wondered if we weren’t the same p
erson living two different lives. It was uncanny how much we thought alike. We finished up and hung up the phone. I left a note on my door to let Lex know I wasn’t going to be in all night. I told her to call me if she needed me. She knew the drill. She was my lifesaver, really. I trusted her to run the place for me whenever there was other business – personal or professional – for me to handle.
I left the office and went home to my reluctant house guest. I hoped that my good news was going to sway her in the right direction and make her trust me a little more. I was a hard-ass. It was just who I had to be most of the time. But the things she’d said that morning made me question myself.