My arms were full of clothes when there was a tap at my door.
I tossed them into the hamper next to my bed before rushing over to unlatch it.
And just like he promised to be, Christian, in all his perfect glory, stood at my door.
Oh God. Men should not be that pretty.
And of course, he had to unleash that smile on me. “Hey, Elizabeth.”
Again with the stomach flip.
He shouldered his way into my apartment before I had time to step out of his way. He huffed out a weighted breath as he turned a slow circle to take in my apartment, a casual smile on his face when he turned back to me. “You don’t know how happy I am it’s Friday. How about you?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m ready for a little down time,” I admitted, closing the door behind us, stopping to admire him standing in the middle of my room. He didn’t look so out of place, after all. “I think I’m finally getting a handle on my schedule and routine.” I sidestepped around him and crossed the room, moved some papers around to make a place for him to sit down on my bed/couch. “I was pretty overwhelmed last week, but I’m getting used to it. Finding my way around the city isn’t as hard as I thought it would be.” I grinned and gestured to the spot I’d cleared. “Make yourself at home. I don’t exactly have a lot of space.”
He looked around again. “Yeah…I kind of noticed that.” Without any hesitation, Christian plopped down on my bed like he belonged there. Shrugging his backpack from his shoulders, he scooted back to rest against the wall, his long body sprawled across the width of the bed with his feet hanging over the edge.
Dull light glinted off the playful blue eyes looking back at me after they made a pass over my bed. “But I think we could make it work.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t you wish.”
Christian just laughed.
“And, don’t go knocking my apartment,” I said as I curled back into my spot on the bed, grabbing my textbook and pulling it onto my lap. “This place is perfect for me, don’t you think?”
He shook his head as if he didn’t understand me at all. A mild chuckle rumbled in his chest.
We both knew there was no denying my place was kind of a dump.
He sobered, his words not quite matching the confused expression on his face. “You really like it here?” It wasn’t mocking, just an honest question as he searched my face for the truth.
“You don’t work so hard for something and not appreciate it, even if it isn’t the nicest place in the world.”
His smile was soft. “Well, I guess it’s perfect, then, Elizabeth.”
His expression shifted into something I couldn’t quite grasp, something that worked to unravel all the reservations I held twisted inside of me. The smile slipped from his mouth, his head angled as his gaze seemed to swallow me whole. I could almost taste him, the heavy breaths he panted filling the air, diminishing the space between us. He was a walking contradiction, flipping from this joking, easygoing guy who seemed to understand this was a study session, to this extreme intensity that threatened to set my skin on fire. I wondered if anyone else noticed it, if they could see what simmered and churned in the blue of his eyes, something real and genuine and consuming, something that left me more unnerved than I’d ever been in my life.
I struggled to curb my reaction to him, fought the part of me that liked it…craved it. The part of me that wished he’d give in and succumb to what I saw so vividly playing out in his eyes.
I couldn’t allow him to set me off kilter in my own home or for him to detract from the reason I was here or the decision I’d made on Monday. If Christian wanted to hang out, if he wanted a friend, that was cool. I could handle that.
The truth was, I wanted him here.
But anything beyond a friendship wasn’t going to happen.
I just wasn’t really sure Christian understood the difference.
When I tore my eyes from his penetrating gaze, he dug into his backpack and pulled out its contents, the casual indifference making a reappearance. “So what are we working on tonight?”
I held up my Calculus I book. “Well, I was working on my calculus assignment. Math isn’t exactly my strong point.”
This time when Christian laughed, it was all throaty and warm, comforting. “Well, you are in luck, Elizabeth, because it’s mine. Now if you can help me pass our American Government class, I think we’re going to be a pretty good team.”
His head tilted as he raised a brow at me, those blue eyes both earnest and playful as they traveled my face.
I fought back the blush that crept to my cheeks, the way those words sounded rolling off his tongue, the way he looked at me like I was the most interesting thing in the world. I was going to have to get used to it if I was going to be around him.
“I think I can handle that,” I said.
We settled into an easy rhythm, both of us absorbed in our work. Every once in a while, Christian would lift his head, smile in my direction, as if he needed that small connection. I’d smile back, a calm slipping over my skin, a warmth I knew I could so easily get used to.
Yeah, I really liked him here.
With that thought, I closed my calculus book with a loud smack. “You hungry? I don’t think my brain can process any more numbers tonight.”
I hopped off the bed and headed to the kitchen.
“Starving, actually. You ready to take me up on the offer I made Monday?” Cocky Christian was back, his movements fluid as he slinked up behind me while I bent down to rummage through the small selection of food I had in the kitchen. I could feel his presence behind me, larger than it should be, filling up the entire room.
“Um, no.” I glanced over my shoulder at him, unable to hold in the smile. This Christian was just so over the top, but I found he was a whole lot easier for me to handle when he acted this way. Maybe because it wasn’t real. “I think I made that plenty clear then, didn’t I?”
“A guy can try, can’t he?” He was all tease, moving over to lean back against the one foot of counter space I had in my kitchen with his arms crossed over his chest.
“If he wants to hang out with me, then no, he can’t.” I nudged him aside. He laughed, this melodic sound that bounced off my walls and rumbled against my chest.
I filled a saucepan with water and lit the old stovetop with a match. A ring of flames sprang to life. I set the pan over them, pulled out two packets of noodles, ripped them open, and dumped them in. The directions said to let the water boil first, but when it came to food, I was never that patient.
Christian looked horror stricken as he watched the lump of hard noodles soften and separate as the water began to boil. “What are you making?”
“It’s ramen. You know, what every poor college student in the country eats?”
He shook his head, clueless.
Um…yeah…we were from two very different worlds. “Are you serious? You’ve never had ramen before?”
He shook his head again, grabbing a fork from the counter. He jabbed at the noodles that roiled in the boiling water as if they were alive, ready to jump back when they lashed out to bite him. “That’s disgusting.”
“You have no idea what you’ve been missing.” I slanted my eyes his direction.
His expression assured me I’d lost my mind. “Whatever you say.”
A couple minutes later, I ripped open the foil packets and mixed them in, pouring the soup into two bowls.
Shuffling around in the drawer, I dug out two spoons and two forks and dropped them into the bowls. I handed him one. “You’re going to love it.”
I turned around, stopping just short of the bed. I slid my back down the wall as I balanced the steaming bowl in my hands, settled to the ground, and stretched my legs out in front of me. There was no resisting the smile that broke out on my face when I looked up at Christian. He appeared as if he didn’t quite know what to do. I liked that he could be kind of awkward.
“Sit,” I said.
He final
ly followed, mimicking my position, his eyes intent as he watched me twirl some noodles onto my fork. I tried not to pay attention to how close his face was to mine. I blew the lump of pasta before I brought it to my mouth. From the side, he studied the action as if he were learning some secret to the meaning of life, before he copied me and brought a bite to his mouth.
“Oh…God…that’s hot…and so good.” He went in for a second bite, making these little appreciative noises that expanded my chest.
“See.” This time I nudged his foot with mine. “You’re going to learn to trust me.”
Blue eyes gleamed back at me, his shoulder brushing against mine. “Is that so?”
“That’s so.” I couldn’t help but smirk.
We sat like that on the floor, backs against the wall, our feet stretched out in front of us, eating dinner together. Comfortable. Relaxed. And it felt…good. I realized how thankful I was he was here. He’d turned what would have been another solitary night into something I had truly enjoyed.
Christian released a contented groan and placed his empty bowl on the floor beside him. “Thank you for dinner, Liz.”
I rolled my head his direction, murmured, “I’m glad you liked it.”
He just nodded, turned back to face forward, and seemed to vanish somewhere inside his head. Dense silence filled the room. And I just waited. Somehow, I knew he needed this, someone who didn’t want anything from him, someone who would listen to him, talk to him, someone who didn’t mind sitting beside him without saying a word.
“What’s your family like?” Christian barely whispered. His feet rocked back and forth in a slow sway as he tugged at the hem of his shirt. He tilted his head to look back at me, that same expression that had rocked my foundation earlier stealing my breath.
I didn’t know if he’d used his question as a distraction from where ever he had been caught up in his mind or if he really wanted to know about them. Looking at him now, I guessed maybe they were related.
I swallowed, oriented myself to his hidden world, found my voice. “They’re wonderful. It’s just me, my mom, and my two sisters. My mom…she’s strong. She taught us to be strong, to work hard for whatever we want in life.”
Christian had drifted closer, the side of his thigh pressed against mine. Tonight his eyes didn’t stray from my face, but remained steady, locked on mine, searching. I fought getting lost in the murky sea that was Christian Davison, in the places he didn’t allow people to invade, but seemed willing to show me now.
When he didn’t look away, I continued on. “My dad left when we were young. It was rough on my mom, but she never let it ruin her. She worked so hard to take care of us. Even though she worked long hours, she always made the time to make each of us feel special. Of course, my sisters and I had to take care of the house and each other while she was at work, but it just made us all closer.” I stuttered through a self-conscious laugh when I felt tears welling up. “We’re all really close, have always been.”
I quickly wiped them away. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to get all emotional on you. This is the longest I’ve gone without seeing any of them.”
I forced a smile, wondering how this moment had gone from light to heavy in ten seconds flat.
Christian seemed to have that way about him.
“Don’t apologize. I wanted to know,” he said with a gentle curve of his mouth, and I realized he’d inched away, an almost indiscernible separation, but one I knew had been purposed.
I shook myself off, turned back to look at him in the dimness of the room. “So what’s your family like?”
He lifted one shoulder, dropped it just as quick. “You know the story…workaholic dad, self-absorbed mom, not much to tell.”
“I’m sorry.” I resisted the urge to reach out and smooth the pained lines creasing his forehead.
“Don’t be.” Christian sighed and ran his palms down the length of his thighs, breaking the tension in the air. “I should get going. This was really cool, Elizabeth. Thank you.”
I didn’t know if I should admit it, if he would take it wrong or if he would misunderstand, but I said, “I’m really glad you were here.”
Even if he did, I wanted him to know it was the truth. I loved being in New York, but tonight was the first night since I got here that I didn’t feel alone.
Christian had filled that place in me that needed someone, a friend, someone to listen.
I hoped I could fill that place in him, too.
Chapter Three
Christian
From her doorway, Elizabeth watched me walking down her hallway. I kept glancing behind me, making sure she was still there. The way she had her head cocked, her blonde hair fell in sheets of gentle waves over one shoulder, and that same smile that had torn me up the entire night whispered at the edges of her mouth.
All I wanted to do was turn around and bury my hands in those waves, to tilt her head up and press my lips to hers. She’d taste sweet. I’d put money on it. She’d have to rise to her toes to meet me, and I could almost feel the way the length of her body would mold against mine as she struggled to get closer.
The need was strong, and I knew I had to get away from her and put some distance between us.
I paused before I rounded the corner. Something inside me clenched with the thought of leaving her there. I just stared at her, having no idea how I felt or what I wanted to say. Finally I said, “Lock up behind me, okay, Elizabeth?”
Confusion fluttered across her face, and then she smiled with a little wave of her hand. “Of course. Good night, Christian.”
I nodded once in her direction and turned the corner, and Elizabeth disappeared behind me. I flew down the stairwell and out into the heavy night air. It was still hot, the skin at the nape of my neck beading with sweat that I wasn’t positive had anything to do with the humidity hanging in the air.
I just didn’t understand this, had no idea what I was feeling. I didn’t know if I should embrace it or run from it.
On Monday at the café, I couldn’t help but think Elizabeth was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. I’d flirted, messed with her, coaxed the shyness from her because it was just so freaking cute. I knew I wanted something more than I normally did from a girl, that I wanted to know her and see that smile light her face.
But tonight—tonight was entirely different. Tonight she had made me feel different.
I mean, yeah, I wanted her. Badly. I’d had a really hard time keeping the images at bay, ones of wrapping my hands around her thighs and tugging her away from the wall. I could almost hear her book hitting the floor when I shoved it aside and pressed her body into the bed with mine.
It’s what came naturally, what I would normally do, the instinct I had to reach out and take what I wanted.
She’d voiced it, made it clear we weren’t crossing that line, but I didn’t miss the way she reacted to me. Part of her wanted me, too.
But there was something that hung in that room that held me back, something in the softness of her eyes and in the sweetness of her voice.
Elizabeth had to be the most transparent, good girl I’d ever met in my life.
I couldn’t—wouldn’t—take advantage of that. It made me sick to think of tainting her. Knowing me, I’d take what I wanted, get bored, and push her aside. I wouldn’t mean to, but I’d hurt her, and I couldn’t stand the thought.
She asked me to be her friend, and I wasn’t going to fuck that up by giving into the overwhelming urge I had to touch her.
I could deal with it.
Elizabeth could see through all my bullshit, anyway. A sarcastic huff escaped my mouth. I was sorely underestimating Elizabeth. The girl could probably see straight into my soul.
Chances were, she wouldn’t let me touch her if I tried.
With a mumbled groan, I rubbed the tension from my face and dug my cell from my front pocket. Tom was on speed dial, and he answered on the second ring.
“Hey, man, what’s up?” Tom yelled over
the deafening background noise. Music thrummed above the roar of indistinct voices. It sounded like the perfect escape.
“Just wondering what’s happening tonight.”
“We’re all at Sam’s. You headin’ over?”
“Count me in. I’ll be there in twenty.”
Elizabeth only lived about a ten-minute walk from my apartment. Those minutes were spent defining what Elizabeth and I were.
I’d never had that in my life, someone who I truly felt comfortable with. Someone who made me feel exposed, and somehow I was still okay with that fact. Someone to share my secrets and my desires and the goals I had in my life with—the ones people saw weren’t always mine, but ambitions created by my parents and the society they expected me to fit into.
The crazy thing was, I wanted to know hers, too. Elizabeth Ayers had to be the coolest girl who’d ever walked this world. I wanted to see inside her the way she saw inside me, to listen when she talked about her mom and her sisters, to experience a life like that through her eyes—to see life the way Elizabeth saw it.
She was…refreshing.
At my building, I took the stairs two at a time and let myself into my apartment. Dropping my backpack to the floor, I shed my button-up for a fitted black tee. In the bathroom, I wet my hands under warm water, splashed some on my face, and ran two hands through my hair to tame it. I straightened and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. A grin clung to my face, something I doubted I could dispel if I tried. I realized I felt good. Really good.
Grabbing my keys, I headed out the door and jogged the two blocks to Sam’s place. I could hear the music pulsing as soon as I landed on his floor.
With a single knock against the door, I let myself in. Bodies were cramped nearly wall to wall. It definitely wasn’t the smallest apartment I’d been in since I’d gotten to New York, there were just a lot of people. Some huddled in groups where they conversed along the walls. Others pressed and throbbed against each other as they moved in rhythm to the music on the makeshift dance floor in the middle of the room. More were piled on the two couches or sat on the floor.
The Regret Series Complete Collection Box Set: Lost to You, Take This Regret, and if Forever Comes Page 3