She returned one that eclipsed anything happening outside. “The ocean is my favorite, Daddy.”
“I know, princess. I know.” It’d become my favorite, too. Something so special to Elizabeth and Lizzie had inevitably become my own. We’d been looking at houses near our beach when everything fell apart. Lizzie had been thrilled, running through each house with unadulterated wonder as she proclaimed almost every single house we looked at as the one. I could only pray one day we would finally make it there.
I nudged her chin. “Are you hungry?”
“Uh-huh.” She dropped one earnest nod, and a sudden cheerfulness took over her expression. “I’m super hungry, Daddy.” She scooted away from the window and into the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator door and peered inside.
Making dinner had become one of her favorite chores. She always wanted to help plan and cook. These cherished moments we spent in the quiet ease of my kitchen had become one of the things I most looked forward to.
“What should we make?” she asked, a flurry of excitement flooding her voice from where it echoed back from the refrigerator. She had her head buried inside, searching through the stock of food I had ready for her.
“I went to the grocery store yesterday to make sure I had plenty of food for you. I picked up some chicken. I thought maybe we make some mashed potatoes and vegetables with it? How’s that sound?”
“That sounds yummy…but I did just have chicken yesterday.”
Wandering in behind her, I kind of laughed as I ruffled a playful hand through her hair while I passed by her. As if she wouldn’t eat chicken every day. I moved to the opposite side of the kitchen and leaned down to pull a large pot from the lower cupboard and set it on the stove.
“You did, huh? Did your help your mommy make dinner last night?”
“Nope! Me and Mommy had a barbecue at Kelsey’s house, and we had barbecue sauce on it, and I ate two whole pieces.”
Normally I would have chuckled at my daughter’s rambling. Not today.
I stilled as a slow sense of foreboding took hold, a shock of ice-cold awareness penetrating deep as it slithered down my spine. It spread out to freeze every cell in my body. With my eyes narrowed, I turned to look back in her direction. Lizzie was leaning over with her back to me, digging through the vegetables in the bottom crisper.
“You went to a barbecue at Kelsey’s house? With Mommy?” I clarified. The words came harsh, forced, because I was sure I wasn’t going to be able to stomach her answer.
Lizzie stood and, with her foot, she nudged the refrigerator door closed. Her entire face glowed as she spun around and danced her way over to me with a plastic bag stuffed with broccoli swinging from her hand.
“Oh, Daddy, we had so much fun. Mommy and I spent almost all day there. I got to play for so long, and I got to help put the sauce on the chicken. I was careful not to burn myself, just like you taught me.”
On its own accord, my head slowly began to shake, and I felt as if I was being led into a massacre, set up for the kill.
This was not happening. I refused to let this happen.
“Here you go,” Lizzie prodded at my side, looking up at me in confusion as she handed me the bag of broccoli, completely unaware that her words had cut me to the core.
For once, the child seemed oblivious to the turmoil she’d spun up in me.
“At whose house, Lizzie?” I asked.
Lizzie gave me a look that told me I was crazy. “I already told you, silly. At Kelsey’s house.”
“Which one of Kelsey’s houses?” My voice came out harsher than I intended it to.
Because I already knew.
Shit.
Distraught, I scrubbed my palm over my mouth and dragged it down my chin. It took everything I had not to shout, took everything inside me not to demand Lizzie give me a different answer than the one I already knew she was going to give. This had nothing to do with her, the unwitting messenger who stood there grinning up at me. No chance in hell would I take this out on her. No chance would I show her that the day she was going on and on about was enough to shred what was left of me.
“Oh…” She giggled as if my meaning had just dawned on her. “At her daddy’s house.”
That asshole. I knew it. I fucking knew it.
I forced myself to stand still, because my control was slipping fast. Steadying myself, I pressed my palms onto the counter. The cool surface shocked into my heated hands. Anger pounded through my system, a raging storm that thundered through my veins, an onslaught of fear and outrage and the brutal sense of disappointment that tightly fisted my chest.
Dropping my head, I sucked in a breath and tried to swallow it down. It just lodged at the base of my throat.
I didn’t know if I was angrier with myself or with Elizabeth.
What I did know was I wasn’t going to let that asshole anywhere near her. Who the fuck did he think he was? Taking advantage of Elizabeth when she was at her most vulnerable?
This wasn’t a fucking game.
This was my family.
I raked a shaky hand through my hair, then forced a fraudulent smile. The act was physically painful. “Why don’t you finish rinsing the broccoli and I’ll be right back to help you get it started, okay?”
“Okay, Daddy.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block the images from invading my mind. I searched for my bearings before I started down the hall to my bedroom. Darkness swallowed me as I quietly clicked the door shut behind me. For a second, I stood there, just forcing the stagnant air in and out of my lungs, then I staggered the rest of the way into my bathroom. Blindly I fumbled for the light switch. Light flooded the space, and I blinked to orient myself. Not to the harsh glare shining from the lights above the mirror, but to the cruel reality that I might actually lose her.
I guess somewhere inside me, I’d held onto the belief that one day Elizabeth would open her eyes and really see me. That she’d see me the same way I saw her.
As the one she couldn’t live without.
Shit.
How could I have allowed this to happen?
I held myself up on the counter and dropped my head.
Realization crushed me.
Like Matthew had accused me of the other night, I was a fool.
The worst kind of fool.
After everything we’d been through together, I’d left Elizabeth when she needed me most. Left when life was the most difficult, because I didn’t know how to deal with the pain any more than she did. We’d been blindsided, our foundation ripped from beneath us, nothing there to catch us when we fell.
And when we’d fallen, we had completely fallen apart.
I’d been standing on the sidelines, waiting. Waiting when I should have been fighting.
I lifted my face to find my reflection staring back at me. My eyes swam with torment, swamped in a grief that felt unending and echoed the loneliness that was eating me from the inside out. It was destroying the last piece of me, my last bit of hope that somehow we’d make it out of this together.
But what was Elizabeth supposed to think when she woke without me morning after morning? What was she supposed to feel? Was she supposed to believe I loved her, that I’d stand by her side no matter what came our way, like I’d promised her I would?
Fuck.
I squeezed my hands into fists.
What had I done?
I felt a glimmer of Elizabeth’s touch, felt her mouth near my ear as she promised, I’m going to love you forever.
My chest tightened and my head spun.
The truth was, even though it was Elizabeth who’d forced me out, I’d walked away because it was too hard. Because life was hard and unfair. Because Elizabeth was hurting and she hurt me in return. Because I couldn’t stand to stay there and watch her suffer anymore. I realized now that seeing her that way had cut me so deeply, I didn’t know how to handle it.
I’d had the overpowering urge to shake her, to force her to snap out of it, beca
use all I wanted was to see her smile again. I should have just sat by her side, taken it, endured it, even when the distance between us had seemed insurmountable.
I should have stayed.
I always knew, even though she never came straight out and said it, somewhere inside of Elizabeth, she believed I had let her down.
I had to admit now that I had.
I’d been so wrapped up in giving her perfection, I hadn’t been prepared to hold her up when devastation hit.
Chapter Twelve
Christian
Early June, Four Months Earlier
The incessant call of the alarm clock beeped from my nightstand. With almost a smile, I quickly reached out and silenced it. I was already awake. I lay on my back, staring at the shadows that rose then faded on the ceiling. Early morning threatened at the window. To my right, Elizabeth’s deep, even breaths bled into the silence, like a harmony that played at my ear.
The deepest sense of contentment blanketed me.
I rolled onto my side, careful not to wake her. Lost in the abyss of sleep, she faced me. Her blonde hair flowed out all around her, and a single lock dripped over her shoulder and brushed along her neck.
Peaceful. Perfect. Beautiful.
Forever beautiful.
I gently brushed my fingertips across the sharp angle of her jaw, then down to caress along the cap of her delicate shoulder.
Her lips parted, but she didn’t awaken.
As I watched her, adoration lifted one side of my mouth, and I trailed my fingers farther to her left hand that was fisted on the bed, tucked up close to her face. The diamond on her finger caught a glimmer of light that slanted in from the rising sun outside the window. It danced and played, a symbol of our forever.
Tomorrow, this woman would finally be my wife.
How had I ever become so favored as this? Maybe I could call it luck. But I knew better than that. This was redemption. Elizabeth had saved me with her forgiveness, had saved me with her honest heart.
She’d given me back my family, and together, we would grow it, foster it. Foster us.
Joy pounded steadily in my chest.
No, things just didn’t get any better than this.
I stared at her for a second more, before I reluctantly untangled myself from the comfort of our twisted blanket and sheets. I stood and stretched my arms over my head, wishing I could crawl back in bed with Elizabeth and wake her up the way I really wanted to. I’d woken up with an intense urge to bury myself in her, to get lost in her body for hours and hours.
Instead I’d lain silently at her side and just listened to her breathe.
She needed her rest. She was feeling so much better than she did in the beginning, but that baby girl still took so much out of her. Today would be nonstop with the last minute wedding plans…and tomorrow…I just wanted her to feel well, to bask in it, for her wedding day to be perfect.
That’s what I wanted it to be.
Perfection in Elizabeth’s eyes.
I already knew it’d be perfection in mine simply because in it, Elizabeth would finally become my wife.
Nothing else mattered.
Casting one last smile at her sleeping form, I forced myself into the alcove bathroom and turned the shower on high. I stripped off my underwear and waited for the water to warm up. Steam began to spill over the top of the walk-in shower, and I stepped into the heated spray. I lifted my face to the flood of water and scrubbed my palms up through my hair as I drenched my body.
Exhilaration traveled beneath my skin, an excitement that buzzed in my bones. I couldn’t wait.
After so long, I had finally made this right.
My senses prickled in awareness as I felt it…eyes tracing me from behind. Or maybe it was her smell that infiltrated my mind. Either way, Elizabeth’s presence engulfed me.
Slowly I turned to look over my shoulder, blinking through the droplets of water that clung to my lashes.
And she was there, my life. Half her body was concealed as she braced herself on the outside of the shower wall, peering in at me. Her head was tipped to the side. Waves of dark blonde dripped over one shoulder and brushed across the swell of her perfect, round breast.
A muffled groan rumbled from somewhere deep in my chest as my attention raked down to relish in every exposed inch of her luscious skin.
Completely bare, Elizabeth stood before me.
I swallowed hard. “What are you doing, Elizabeth?”
She was still thin, though her hips were just a little fuller, and distinct lines cut into the muscles of her defined legs. And her stomach. Was it wrong that I found that bump the sexiest thing I’d ever seen? She wasn’t all that big yet, but it was pronounced, a round swelling of her belly that fit perfectly in the splay of both of my hands.
She was watching me with something akin to lust, though that look harbored so much more than simple desire. In it was everything I felt when I looked at her.
Devotion and need. Adoration and this passion that would never let us go.
I grew hard, my body reacting to this temptation. I was all too happy to step into her snare.
“I woke up to an empty bed,” she murmured in the most seductive way, in a way that only Elizabeth could because it was only her voice that I recognized. “And I don’t get to sleep with you tonight…and…I just needed you,” whispered from her mouth. She gently lifted her chin and dragged her fingertips down the soft slope of her neck. Her fingers fluttered as they trailed down to the valley between her breasts, beckoning me to look at her, to see her.
She was beautiful, unbelievably sexy. Every erotic flick of her fingers was enough to drive me mad.
My eyes made another pass over her body as she stood there, taunting me.
A rosy glow blossomed across her skin on my blatant perusal.
Uninhibited and shy.
This was where Elizabeth captured me, where I was her captive, because I knew she’d only been this free with me, that this was the trust we shared.
An edgy smile pulled at my lips, and I fully turned so she could see what she did to me. Water pelted my back as I faced her, my erection straining, begging for her touch.
“You need me, huh?” I said, the words hoarse with the hunger that steadily built within me. “I’m pretty sure it’s me who needs you.”
A surprised moan rolled from her, and she bit at her lip and looked up at me beneath the veil of hair that had fallen across one side of her face. A mist of steam dampened her skin as she inched into the shower. Goosebumps visibly flashed across her flesh. Brown eyes locked on mine as she approached, her eyes simmering in a slow blaze.
With her stare, the burn beneath my skin ignited, flamed, a raging fire that singed and seared. Just her gaze was enough to mark me.
But Elizabeth already was there. Written all over my heart, scored into my spirit.
Watching me, she dragged her fingers lower, let them pass over her stomach and slip between her thighs.
My jaw clenched as my attention fastened on her movements. My tongue darted out to dampen my already wet lips, and my eyes flicked up to meet hers before they tumbled down, seeking out the tease she injected into every single one of her actions.
Fuck.
A muted groan parted my lips when Elizabeth raked her nails over the perfect pink bud of her breast. Both pebbled at the touch.
“What are you doing?” I asked again, the rough, ragged words dropping from my mouth, because I was pretty sure what she was doing was driving me straight to the edge. My muscles twitched, every inch of me aching for her.
She took a single step forward, where the fall of water stretched out just enough to hit her stomach. Soft fingers caressed along my chest and down the plane of my stomach, her chin tilted up as she met my gaze. Soft, tender, her expression so sweet, but still intense, filled with need.
Beneath her touch, my abdomen tightened and jumped.
She rocked a little, almost tentative as she took me in her hand.
&
nbsp; I jerked and sucked in a sharp jolt of air.
“I woke up and heard the shower running,” she murmured, never looking away. “All I could think about was you in here, the water falling all around you, every inch of you drenched in it, how beautiful you are.” She swept her tongue across her lips, frowned as if she were searching for what to say. “I couldn’t stop thinking about how you’re finally really mine. All those times in college when you promised me you were going to marry me, and after everything, you still held true.”
Shudders wracked through my senses as she guided her hand up then slowly back down again. We were nose-to-nose, her whispered words like an embrace as they washed across my face and her voice dropped low. “I wanted to touch you…wanted you to touch me.”
A growl emanated from somewhere inside me, something that felt like greed, a possessiveness wringing me tight. Because we belonged. Fully. There were no longer uncertainties or doubts.
I wrapped my palm around the back of her neck and pulled her flush to me. My mouth seized hers, forceful, needy, demanding. I captured her tongue with mine, stroked and pleaded just as firmly as she continued to stroke me. Water beat down on us from above, soaking her hair and slipping down her gorgeous body. Goosebumps rose across her delicious flesh, charging my already heated skin.
“God, Elizabeth, do you have any idea what finding you standing here does to me?” I demanded through my aggressive kiss. I flattened myself against her as I framed her face in my hands. “Do you have any idea how insane you drive me?”
I looked down at her, feeling her warmth seeping into me, this girl who was the one.
She gripped me a little tighter. “It’s no different than what you do to me.”
The buzz in my bones awakened, quickened to a roar. Emotion swelled, thickened as it traveled through my chest, evidence of this love that thrived, one that gave me breath.
I took both her hands and wrapped them around my neck, holding her close.
Elizabeth shook in my hold, and I moved to trail my nose from high up on her cheek and down. Nudging her jaw, I sought out the soft skin of her neck, kissed her, adored her, traveled up to suck at the sensitive flesh at the hollow of her ear. I nipped and bit, then brushed my lips across the reddened skin to soothe the burn.
The Regret Series Complete Collection Box Set: Lost to You, Take This Regret, and if Forever Comes Page 52