He spread it over his robe. “Don’t stand there holding that tray all day. The food will get cold.”
Yes, it would. “Do you want the whole tray or a dish at a time?” She was already setting the tea and juice on the table beside him.
“Just add the toast to the plate with the eggs. That will be fine.”
She did that and handed him the plate and a fork. “I hope you like scrambled.”
“I like eggs any which way.”
“Do you want me to stay while you eat or come back for the tray?”
“I don’t expect either.”
She smiled and sat in the wing chair. “Then I’ll keep you company while you eat.”
After he ate in silence for a few moments, he said, “You know, I was wrong about you.”
“Because the insurance company cleared me?” This was a man who respected honesty, so she wasn’t going to beat around the bush.
“No. I’d figured out before today that you wouldn’t set a fire.”
Curious, she asked, “How did you come to that conclusion?”
“I saw how upset you were when Amy was missing. She really is your world.”
“She’s everything that matters most.”
“I guess it’s important to tell kids how you feel...show them how you feel. You do that with your daughter. And I see Marissa doing that with Jordan, too.”
“They won’t know if we don’t tell them and show them.”
After Ethan had taken a few more bites of his scrambled eggs, he tried a piece of toast. “Feels good going down,” he said. “My throat’s a little scratchy.”
“If you’d like soup for dinner, I can make it.” With Jase away, she felt someone should care for his dad.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know I don’t have to. But you’ve been kind to me while I’ve been here, letting me stay in the cottage, finding Amy.”
“So this is payback?”
“Good payback, I hope. I like to feel I can help, too.”
After Ethan thought about what she’d said, he nodded. “You’ve helped my son. You helped him when he came back from Kenya and you’re helping him now.”
“Any therapist could have gotten him on his feet again.”
“And could any therapist teach him how to feel again?”
Sara kept silent because she didn’t know what to say...or where this was going.
Laying down his fork, Ethan rested his head against the chair back. “I made so many mistakes with Jase I can’t even count them.”
As he paused, Sara kept silent. Maybe this was something Ethan needed to get off his chest. Practicing with her could help him communicate with Jase.
“When he arrived here,” Jase’s father went on, “I was not ready for a rebellious child. My wife and I wanted kids badly. We tried, then she died and I went into a funk. For some reason I thought the only way out of it was by forming the family she’d always wanted. So I looked into adopting. I figured I wouldn’t be able to care for an infant all that easily, but an older child I could handle. That was a crock!”
“Because Jase came with a history that was hard to shake?”
“He told you?” Again Ethan seemed surprised.
“Yes, he did. I think maybe he was testing my reaction.”
“That’s my fault. I’ve always kept his background under wraps because I thought that was better for him. But he believed I was ashamed of the fact that his mother died of a drug overdose...that he was illegitimate. He thought I never considered him my real son. Even now, I’m not sure he believes I do.”
“Then you have to change his mind.”
“I don’t know if I can. And if he flies off to Africa again, he might never come back.”
“If you tell him how you feel, I don’t think that will be true.”
Ethan closed his eyes, then opened them again. “And what about you? You don’t want him going to Africa, do you? Let alone Alabama or the next ten places on his list.”
“I see a lot of patients in my practice, Mr. Cramer. One thing I know—none of them wants regrets. And all of them need dreams. If they know what they’re good at, I encourage getting back into the swing of whatever it is. Jase wasn’t just hurt physically when he was shot...and when Dana left him. He was shaken up emotionally. It took two years for him to pick up a camera again, for him to write again. That’s a breakthrough in itself. As much as I don’t want him to go, I know he has to. He has a gift for the pictures he takes and the stories he writes. That’s part of him. If I love him, I have to accept that.”
Somehow, talking about this now helped clarify in her mind and heart what she wanted...and needed. If she loved Jase, she could accept him unconditionally, no matter where his career took him. Somehow they would make their relationship work. If he loved her. If he trusted her.
Ethan jumped on her conclusion. “Do you love my son?”
“I do. But everything got messed up this week. We had a misunderstanding. It brought up some basic problems that we might not be able to resolve.”
“If you love Jase and he loves you, of course they can be resolved. My Martha and I were strong-willed people. We disagreed a lot. Somehow we found compromise and we knew neither of us was going anywhere. At least that’s what we told ourselves. Neither of us expected fate to change all that. So if you do love Jase, certainly there is some way to fix this misunderstanding.”
Sara lowered her eyes, studied her hands. “He didn’t trust me.”
“Did you give him a good reason to trust you?”
At first she almost became angry because Jase knew her so well...knew who she was...knew what she’d been through. However, as she stopped to think about it now and what Jase had seen as he’d walked in the door, maybe, just maybe she could have prevented the whole situation. After they’d made love, if she’d told Jase she loved him, if she’d told him she wanted his baby, then maybe he would have seen the tableau with her and Liam differently. Maybe then he wouldn’t have doubted.
What would happen if she told him now? Could they get back the best of what they’d felt? Would Jase trust her? Could they have a future?
Although Sara hadn’t answered his question, Ethan didn’t probe for an answer. “Jase didn’t look too happy before he left. And I expect he’ll do some thinking while he’s gone. Staying in a hotel room alone gives a person lots of time to dwell on everything he doesn’t want to dwell on.” Ethan studied her. “When did this misunderstanding happen?”
“On Monday.”
“So why haven’t you and Jase talked since then?” After he asked the question, he suddenly held up his hand. “You don’t have to say. You were probably mad about something and Jase— The first thing he does when he gets hurt is put distance between him and whoever hurt him. Believe me, I know that for sure.”
“But if he wants the distance—”
“I didn’t say he wanted it. It’s just something he learned to do from the time he was a kid. My guess is that the best thing for him would be somebody helping him to change that pattern.” Ethan handed Sara his plate. “You think about that while I try to drink all these liquids you brought me.”
“If you’d like chicken soup, I can make it this afternoon and see that you have dinner before I pick up Amy.”
“Mrs. Tiswald makes chicken soup now and then, but she doesn’t put corn in it, even though I tell her I like it. Can you do that?”
“Sure, I can. Noodles or rice?”
“Noodles.”
“Consider it done, Mr. Cramer.”
She’d put the dishes on the tray, then reached the doorway when Ethan called her name. “Sara.”
She turned.
“Call me Ethan.”
As she carried the tray to the kitchen, she wa
s smiling—genuinely smiling—for the first time all week. Maybe now that she’d made progress with Ethan, she’d make progress with his son. If she could show and tell Jase she loved him, maybe then he could trust her...maybe then they could both reach for a dream.
* * *
On the return flight to Sacramento, in the window seat, Jase thought about all of the hotel rooms he’d stayed in over the years and why the one at the hotel he’d recently vacated had been intolerable. The meetings had gone swimmingly well. He and Tony had had a dinner meeting with a new distributor who would be spreading the word about their wines at three different conventions, three different organizations of professionals who, if they liked the wine, would talk it up to their friends, colleagues and other professionals. Although Jase had tried to keep his mind on business during the past two days, that had been tough, as tough as it had been since Monday. His thoughts had wandered constantly to Sara and what had happened.
He’d been wrong. All week he’d made excuses for himself but none were good enough. Would she be able to forgive his doubts? Was he willing to give up his trip to Africa? How much did she mean to him?
Last night in his hotel room, turmoil had raged inside of him. All he’d remembered was another hotel room, another bed and another sleepless night. He’d felt so vulnerable. And maybe that was his problem.
In first-class seats, Tony sat beside him with a glass of Scotch. Jase hadn’t touched his yet. He didn’t confide his thoughts and feelings to many people. But Tony had become a trusted friend over the past two years. He didn’t gossip. He didn’t talk out of hand and he certainly didn’t break confidences. So maybe he’d be a good sounding board.
After Tony downed at least half of his Scotch, he asked Jase, “What’s on your mind? You’ve been preoccupied this whole trip.”
“Don’t tell me I’m that transparent.”
“Not to most people. But I know you, Jase, and something’s bothering you. What is it? This trip to Africa you’re planning?”
He’d told Tony about that on the flight down. “No, something else is on my mind. Can I ask you some personal questions?”
Tony gave him a wry smile. “That depends on how personal.”
Recognizing the landscape as the plane neared the airport, Jase asked, “Have you ever doubted your decision to get married?”
Tony’s reply was instantaneous. “Never.” His friend gave him a probing look. Then he added, “Connie and I might not always agree, but we’re committed to each other. There’s no one I’d rather be with, no one I’d rather have as my best friend, no one I feel more comfortable with and no one else who I could imagine waking up with every morning. She’s it for me. Why are you asking? Thinking about getting married?”
Jase glanced out the window and noticed their plane seemed to be circling, just as the thoughts were circling in his mind. Since Dana, he hadn’t thought that he was suited for marriage or that he could stay in one place. Never thought anybody would love him forever.
But Sara—
Almost immediately after he’d said the words that had ruined everything between them, he’d known he was wrong. No matter how the situation had looked, she wasn’t the type of woman who lied...or cheated. She was the type of woman who would be loyal. She was the type of woman who knew how to love. Maybe if he could tell her he’d been jealous and that’s why the doubts had arisen, maybe if he could tell her he wanted her for his own, maybe if he could tell her how he felt, he could convince her he could truly put the past behind him and find a future with her.
“Are you thinking about getting married?” Tony repeated.
“I am,” Jase confirmed. “Now I just have to convince Sara that sometimes men in love make mistakes and ask her to forgive me.”
Tony raised his glass in a toast. “You’ll convince her.”
Jase hoped his friend was right. But as he noticed their plane circling the area again, he knew he’d use the time to find just the right words to convince her he loved her.
* * *
Sara was nervous on Saturday evening, more nervous than she’d ever been. She was about to risk her heart. If Jase couldn’t return her love, she’d have to accept that. But if she didn’t say what she felt and she lost him, she’d have no one but herself to blame. She didn’t want to have regrets.
As she set up the picnic in the Merlot vineyard under an oak’s shade, she thought about Ethan. He was feeling better today and his fever had broken. Last evening, she’d taken him chicken soup for dinner with toasted bread and applesauce. He’d eaten it all. She’d checked on him again by phone before bed and he’d been dozing. She’d told him to call her if he needed her. This morning he had called to tell her he was making his own breakfast and he didn’t want her to expose Amy to more of his germs. No, he hadn’t heard from Jase but expected him home around five.
Last night she’d left a note with Ethan that he was supposed to give Jase when he returned. When she’d called Marissa, her friend had excitedly volunteered to stay with Amy and await the outcome of this picnic.
Eagerly, Sara arranged a yellow checkered tablecloth with festive paper plates and napkins...and even a vase of wildflowers in the center of the cloth. The cooler was filled with fried chicken, potato salad, fresh strawberries and cheese. A bottle of her favorite Raintree wine was chilled. She just needed Jase.
But five o’clock passed. Six o’clock came and went. Had he gotten the note? Or was he going to ignore her invitation?
She was about ready to give up, to fold up her dreams and pack them back into her heart, but then she saw him walking toward her. The wind tossed his hair, but as he got closer, his shadow fell across the tablecloth and she saw his expression was somber. Was he late because he couldn’t make up his mind whether he should come or not? Was he late because he was going to tell her they were finished? The answer to either of those made her sad to the depths of her soul.
“I didn’t think you were going to come,” she blurted out honestly.
“My plane landed late. We had to circle because another plane had difficulty on the runway and air traffic had to be rerouted.”
She was so relieved her knees felt weak, but a hurdle still lay before her. “So you’ll stay and have a picnic with me? I...I made something for you.”
“Sara, I have something to tell you.”
She was afraid to hear it. But she handed him a scrapbook. “Look at this first, okay?”
When he hesitated, all of her fears reared up again. But then Jase sank to the ground cross-legged, and that gave her hope. He started paging through the scrapbook. It was filled with the photos he’d given her of the three of them—pictures of the day he’d used his camera again when they’d aimed the hose at each other and he and Amy had hopscotched. He had snapped more photos the day of the festival, setting the timer, catching Amy with her balloon and the two of them eating pastries. He’d caught Amy chasing a butterfly, Sara walking through the vineyard, both her and Amy sitting at the picnic table as he’d grilled burgers.
Before she lost her chance, she said, “I want these pictures to be more than memories. My settlement came through, and I can leave now if you want me to.”
What came next was the tough part, the laying-her-heart-on-the-line part. “But I love you, Jase Cramer. And I’d like to be in your life permanently.” She hurried on. “If you want to photograph children at a clinic in Africa, I’ll support you in that. I understand your gifts and your need to use them. I guess I just want you to know I’ll always be here waiting for you.”
Jase put the album aside and took both of her hands in his. “I’ve done a lot of soul-searching since Monday. I’m so sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion. I think we both know why. Once before, you helped me believe in a new life and now I’m believing in one again...one where you and Amy and I can be a real family...where I can be the husband and
dad I never thought I could be. I promise I will learn how to do both.”
“You don’t have much to learn,” she said, stroking his stubbornly defined jaw, her being overflowing with so much happiness it filled up the world.
“Can you forgive what I thought?” he asked in a husky voice.
“I’ve been putting myself in your shoes, seeing what you thought you saw. I probably would have reacted the same way. We want to belong to each other, Jase, and I love the idea of that.”
“And I love you,” he said with so much love she felt it through to her heart and soul. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes, I’ll marry you.” She wanted to make a life with him and be with him no matter where that led her.
Jase took her in his arms and kissed her.
Epilogue
Jase had overseen many weddings at the vineyard, but this one was going to top them all. As he stood before a flowered trellis, he marveled at the way Marissa had transformed the gardens. They were alive with the colors of late August, and she’d added canopies and white chairs. A trio of musicians played a harp, guitar and cello. Most of all, she’d listened to his wishes as well as Sara’s, putting framed photographs of the three of them on every table, adding disposable cameras so the guests could take photographs that were candid and expressive. Sure, they’d hired the usual photographer and videographer, but Jase had wanted their friends’ takes on what they saw and the happiness they felt. Because everyone did seem happy...even his dad.
Since he and Sara had gotten engaged, his relationship with his dad had changed. Maybe it had started when she’d moved into the cottage. But now Jase understood his father better and wasn’t as quick to take offense. Ethan was easily accepting Sara as his daughter and Amy as his granddaughter with an enthusiasm that Jase hadn’t seen in a long time. They’d all spent the past six weeks planning, compromising, making decisions.
Wanted: A Real Family Page 19