by J Peach
Just that thought alone had tears coming faster as I silently cried harder at the thought of him having a baby, a baby that wasn’t ours. I just couldn’t believe it.
He didn't know.
Heartless or not, Blaze wouldn’t abandon his kid. I’d seen him with Lil Ace.
He didn’t know, that was the only explanation as to why he’d never told me about it. He’d told me everything about himself so I couldn’t see him leaving out the fact that he had a kid.
I could pretend I didn’t know.
If he didn’t know, I could easily tear up the photo and pretend this kid didn’t even exist. It would continue to belong to the state of Indiana.
He couldn’t find out. I didn’t want him to.
Chapter 38
Peaches
For the past few hours I’d been blindly driving around, trying to get my head right. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. The selfish part of me already had my mind made up on what to do, the reasonable part was still undecided. It wanted to go with the selfish part and just silently deal with the guilt for the rest of my life. I just didn’t want him to have a kid that I didn’t give him.
That was beyond selfish and it was dumb of me. Hell, it was the stupidest thing I’d ever thought of. But just because a baby looked like him didn’t mean it was his. Glancing at the picture on my passenger seat, the thought quickly left my mind. That damn picture looked exactly like Blaze when he was around that age, exactly like the picture I had of him.
I stopped at a red light and rested my head on the back of the seat as a heavy sigh left my mouth. That baby didn’t deserve my selfishness, he was the innocent one, he didn’t ask for such a sudden change. He didn’t deserve to be abandoned. Even thinking it couldn’t shake my selfish thoughts and that had me crying all over again.
Why do I even care when I just walked out on him a few hours ago, promising never to look back?
Without even realizing it I had subconsciously driven myself to the Shack. I didn’t know where Blaze was so suddenly going there I got lucky as I saw his truck.
I turned off my car and just sat there for a good thirty minutes, not knowing how to go at a person with something like that. What would I say?
Aye, you know the girl you were dating a few years ago? The one that testified against you? The one you may have killed when you got out of jail? Yeah, her, Leslie. Well she had a baby while you were in jail and um… That baby might be yours. So the girl you killed is your baby momma and your son belongs to the state.
I couldn’t walk my ass in there and say no shit like that.
Looking at the time, ten minutes had gone by. I let out another heavy breath before grabbing the photo folding it back up and sliding it into my pocket. After taking a few more deep breaths to calm my nerves, I avoided looking in the mirror because I already knew how I looked. My eyes literally felt swollen and my nose felt stuffed, so I knew that it was red just like my eyes.
I walked in the club and stood at the door looking around, not seeing Blaze I decided to go to the bar. I asked for a shot of Hennessey, I don’t even drink that shit, but I needed something strong and I doubted Don could help me. I asked for another shot and quickly tossed it back before I made my way to his office. Knocking, I didn’t get an answer.
“Blaze!” I banged on the door harder just in case he didn’t hear me because of the music. Still not getting a reply, I figured he wasn’t in there so I went back to the first door and knocked on it. The door opened a few seconds later.
Peeking inside, I saw a lady bending down to a table with a rolled up paper to her nose.
“Hey, Jonas, is Blaze in there?” I asked him as he pulled the door slightly closed behind him.
“N’all, he was out by the pool tables not too long ago,” he said, putting a blunt to his lips and inhaling. “You alright?” He exhaled the smoke before hitting the blunt again.
“Yeah, thanks.” I went back into the club area, there were two sides where the pool tables where. Glancing to the right side of the club, I looked at all five pool tables, but didn’t see him. Going to the other side and doing the same thing, I walked down to a sitting area right across from the last pool table.
My steps became hesitant the closer I got. I didn’t know how to tell him. Seeing Sam whisper to some girl, I just knew Blaze was over there and I was dreading having to be the one to go to him with it. But no matter how much I thought it, he couldn’t leave his child to the state. It wasn’t right.
“Sam, where Blaze at?” Looking at me, Sam’s drink spilled from his mouth as he started choking. “Damn,” I snapped at him as some got on my pants.
“Shid, he left. What’s up with you? You trying to get into something?” He asked, making my brows raise.
What would I be trying to get into?
He was drunk so I ain’t even reply to what he said.
“Jonas just told me he was over here. Sam, stop playing, where he at?”
Sam laughed before pushing ol’ girl off him so he could stand up. “Oh, shid, I don’t know about all that. You trying to get in some trouble tonight?” He asked, making me roll my eyes.
“Forget it, Sam.” Turning away from him, I started walking but he caught me.
“Hold up, man, we can’t kick it? I’m trying to fuck with you.”
I pushed Sam away from me. “Sam, shut the fuck up talkin’ to me, you messy ass nigga. Yous a bitch ass nigga, you just like these mothafuckin’ bitches out here with yo fuckin’ mouth. Lying ass talkin’ ‘bout we fuck’d. You a lying ass nigga and that friend thing we talked about? Fuck it and you.
“Make this yo last fuckin’ time lying on me or Ron and I swear on everything you gon’ see the real bitch in me, fuck with me, Sam. I’mma show yo ass my balls are ten times bigger than yours.” Pushing him again, I turned, walking away from him. Passing the second pool table again I stopped as I saw this chick straddling this dude, grinding on him.
If it wasn’t for the Hennessy bottle he was nursing and that big ass head of his, I wouldn’t have stopped.
“Blaze,” it wasn’t a question because I knew it was him. It took everything in me not to snatch the grinding bitch off his lap. I had to keep reminding myself that I walked away and we were no longer together so I had no right to. “Blaze!” Calling his name louder got the girl’s attention and she pulled back to glance at me.
My eyes rolled and I took a deep breath as I stared at Krystal’s raggedy ass. I was itching to wrap her blonde weave around my hand and whoop her ass, but I didn’t.
I focused back on Blaze who now held the bottle of Hennessy to his lips.
“Blaze, can we go talk?” Looking at me, he hit the bottle again then shook his head.
“We ain’t got shit to talk about. Shid, you done said everything.” He grabbed a blunt from the ashtray that sat on his right. He hit it a few times, taking long pulls before he handed it to Krystal, who was still straddling his hips.
“Blaze, it’s not about that, but we really need to talk. It’s important.” Taking the blunt from Krystal, he ignored me. To say it hurt me was an understatement, I felt so little. He never just ignored me or stared at me so neutrally. “Aye, can you give us a minute?” I was trying to be peaceful. I didn’t want to start nothing with that girl. Now wasn’t the time to be fighting over a man that wasn’t mine.
Krystal looked at me then at Blaze. She took the blunt from him, sat it in the ashtray and leaning forward, she kissed him. That bitch was petty as hell. Again, it hurt, but it wasn’t the time and he wasn’t my man to start yelling, throwing fist, and making claims on him. I was no longer entitled to him.
“Blaze—”
“What the fuck you want? Say what the fuck it is then get the fuck on, damn.” Blaze suddenly snapped, pushing Krystal back and almost making her fall off his lap. “Why the fuck you standing their lookin’ stupid, the fuck yo ass want?” Even with him snapping, I paid no attention to it. I wasn’t there to start a scene.
“Can we go t
o your office and talk? Like I said, it’s important,” I told repeated as Krystal started grinding on him again. Now that bitch was pissing me off. “Krystal, can you give us a minute?” Even so, I was still trying to peaceful because I honestly didn’t have it in me to start a fight. Hell, I was still thinking about how I was about to tell that man about the baby that he didn’t know about.
“Bae, you want to leave?” She asked, rubbing his chest.
“Peaches, what the fuck we gotda talk about, man?” Blaze asked, ignoring Krystal.
“I’ll tell you once we’re in your office, now can we go in there?” Letting out an irritated sigh, I stood in front of him with my hand on my hips waiting on him to get up. He didn’t seem like he had any plans on moving as he put the bottle to his lips again.
“You know what? Fuck it Blaze. You a childish ass nigga. So you really gon’ sit here and act like a bitch because of what happened earlier. Guess I made the right choice by leaving yo ass. Yous a coward ass nigga that’s always gon’ settle for leeching ass bitches with no fuckin’ brain to realize when they stupid ass being played or used. Fuck you!” Snapping at him, I turned to walk away.
“Yo ass right, I’m always going for you leechin’ ass bitches. Always want some shit, but when a nigga can’t give you bitches the shit you want, y’all greedy asses bounce. All you bitches the same. Get the fuck off of me.” Blaze snapped pushing Krystal to the floor and then getting up.
“Yo ass’s just like every other bitch out here. Always want some shit, but you smart with yo shit. Yo ass real slick tho. You get a nigga caught into yo ass, get what you want from ‘em then you on to the next nigga, right?”
What the fuck is he talking about?
“Baby, I ain’t asked yo ass for shit, never have. If you got me something, which you hardly did, then that’s because you wanted to, not because I asked. B, yo money don't mean shit to me because I got my own, believe that. Nigga, I’ll go to King asking for something before I ever come to you. Money yo ass gave me always ended up back in yo possession, nigga check yo fuckin’ boxer drawer.
“Whenever you asked me to hold some shit, it ended up in there. I’m far from a fuckin’ leech, baby, I like to get what I got on my fuckin’ own for reasons like this. Because I don’t want a mothafucka coming and saying what they done for me when you ain’t did shit!”
“Bitch, how the fuck you think you got yo fuckin’ house? King, huh? I did that shit, put every mothafuckin thing in that bitch. I did that shit fah yo ass, man. If I ain’t do that shit yo ass would still be in that nigga house. How the fuck you gon’ say some shit like that,” Blaze snapped, getting in my face.
This was exactly why I didn’t take shit from mothafuckas, Blaze just showed me what my daddy meant when he said no one ever did shit for free. If I had of known Blaze bought that house I would’ve never taken it.
“I didn’t tell you get me the house, you did it because you wanted to! Believe me, I wouldn’t have been at his place for no more than a week, two tops. Baby, I got money and don’t need to ask for shit from no mothafuckin’ body. B, you got me fuck’d up, you know what? Here.”
Grabbing my car keys, I took the house key off. “You can have it. Don’t sweat it, this ain’t nothing. Blaze, I never wants for shit and that has nothing to do with who I’m related to either, daddy. I got mine, been had it. I just don’t go around flaunting what the fuck I got. So keep yo shit, I don’t want it. My shit will be out tomorrow. Fuck you, Blaze.” I pushed my house key at him but he didn’t take them. Letting it drop to the floor, I turned around to leave.
“Peaches, don’t be fuckin’ stupid, man. Take the fuckin key, it yours—” Blaze said, his voice close behind me.
“Keep it, I don’t want shit you done gave me. Fuck you!” Yanking the door open, I left the club. Pulling out my phone I quickly called Ebony.
“What’s up, bitch?” She answered after the second ring.
“Hey, E. I need you to pack up some of yo stuff and get a few of my things and go to my parent’s house. The key’s to their place is in the drawer of my nightstand next to the Bible. Make sure you take Cherry and some of her things. The electricity and everything is on, but no cable. Just take you some movies or something. Okay?”
I didn’t have time for no stupid ass niggas, especially when I didn’t ask for shit.
“Peach, what’s going on?” Her concerned voice came through the other line.
“Nothing, E, I’ll explain later. I have to go, but call me when you’ve made it there.” I could hear ruffling in the background so I knew she was up and moving.
“You’ll meet us there?” She asked.
I wasn’t ready to go back there. “No, but I’ll be there tomorrow. I promise. I have to go, E. Call me as soon as you get there,” I told her, jerking my car door open only to have it slammed right back as my phone was ripped from my hands, causing me to miss Ebony’s reply. “Blaze, give me my fuckin’ phone and take yo ass back inside.” I made a grab for my phone, but he pushed me back.
“Why the fuck yo ass gotda come here with that bullshit?” He pushed me into my car.
“I didn’t come here to start shit with you. I came here to fuckin’ talk! That’s it! All I came down here for is to talk to you, Blaze, but you had to be extra with the shit. You gon’ play me like that, wanna stand there yelling about shit you gave me like I fuckin’ asked you to! Fuck you, Blaze, keep yo fuckin’ house, that job and everything else you done gave me. Keep that fuckin’ phone. Here.”
Opening my car door, I grabbed the bear that sat in my passenger seat with his black diamond chain on. I snatched it up then turned back to him. “Take that shit, I don’t want shit you fuckin’ gave me. I came here for you, Blaze, putting my own selfishness to the side.” I reached in my pocket and took out the picture of Leslie and her son. I showed it to him.
“When I left you earlier a fuckin’ cop came to me. With the shit he told me about you, I still brought my ass down here! This girl, Blaze, I didn’t know what happened, I don’t care either. But look at that baby, though. He’s two years old and he belongs to the State now because his mother and grandma are dead.”
Blaze stood there looking at the picture, his body still. It didn’t even look like he was breathing.
“His name is Blake Rashad Carter, I thought his father would’ve wanted to know about him. I figured you didn’t so I came here to be with you, willing to go along with whatever you wanted, B. If you were planning on getting him, I was gon’ be here with you.
“That’s why I’m here, but I’m just a leeching ass bitch that wants to use you, tho. If you really think that then you don’t know me at all. What part of I love you don’t you get? Blaze, I rock with you, what part of that didn’t you understand? But not no more. I’m done trying—” Blaze cut me off, grabbing my arm and pulling me to him.
“Peaches, wait man. Don’t go. I’m—”
“No, you’re not. And it doesn’t even matter no more. You right, though. I’m just like every other dumb bitch because instead of being done like I say, every fuckin’ time I always end up coming back only to get this shit. I only want to help you, but you don’t see that.
“Blaze, let me go— Go back in there with that bitch you just showed out in front of. Get the fuck off of me!” Yelling at Blaze, I tried to push him off me but he wasn’t letting go. I noticed a few people tried to see what was going on. Apparently, Blaze saw the same thing.
“What the fuck you bitches lookin’ at?” As if nothing was happening, they went about their business. “Peaches, just give me a minute,” he pled.
“No, I’m not giving you shit! I just tried and you fuckin’ dogged me in there. Fuck you, Blaze! Let go of me!” I tried kneeing him since he had my arms locked at my sides, but it did nothing.
“Just give me a minute to talk with you. I fuck’d up, I know, but let me explain, man,” Blaze pleaded, but I couldn’t let him. I was physically tired of all the back and forth shit. It was so unhealthy, I couldn�
��t do it no more.
“I’m tired, I’m done. I hope everything works out for you. Blaze, just let me go.” Tears were running down my cheeks because I wanted to stay and hear him out, but I couldn’t. As bad as I wanted to, I just couldn’t. I was tired, enough was fuckin’ enough.
“Bae, don’t do this. Peaches, can you please calm down so we can talk? I’m sorry. This shit is fuckin’ with me, you leaving and shit, everything. I ain’t used to this shit, man.”
“You think I am? This is just as new to me as it is to you. But I was still trying, you couldn’t even try when we were by ourselves. I’m tired of putting myself out here for you, Blaze. Please, let me go.” Pushing me more against the car, he tried to bring his face to mine. “No, Blaze, let go of me!”
Not saying another word, Blaze picked me up with my arms still locked to my side and started carrying me back toward the club’s entrance. “Oh, my God, would you let me go!” Leaning forward, I bit him on his cheek, but he didn’t seem fazed by it because he kept walking. I fought by biting and kicking him all the way to his office, but he didn’t say a word the whole way there.
Once there, Blaze pressed me against the door, holding me against it while he took out his keys to unlock the door.
“This some bullshit, I swear to God. Blaze, can you please let me go?” Still not saying anything, he dragged me in the office then closed and locked the door. “Blaze, I’m not doing this.” As I yanked on the door, Blaze walked away from me.
“I got a kid?” Blaze spoke disbelievingly, leaning against his desk. “Little nigga look just like me, don’t he?” Blaze asked, looking up at me. “What the fuck I’mma do with a kid?” Another question was asked.
Weak, is what I am.
“Take care of him is all you can do.” I was so stupid, why wasn’t I just walking out that damn door instead of talking to him.
“I can’t take care of a fuckin’ kid. Man, that bitch ain’t even tell me she was pregnant. This some bullshit.” Running a hand over his face, he sighed. “You say the State got him?” Nodding, I just stood in the middle of the room. “What the fuck I’m supposed to do now?” He was asking questions I honestly didn’t know how to reply to.