“How does it look like I’m holding up?” I know what she sees. I’m not blind to how I’ve been looking lately. The bruises are almost not even traceable. My eyes are bloodshot, and I’ve got dark circles under my eyes as well as them being really puffy. My cheeks have red stain streaks from my constant tears.
She sighs. “You look like shit. I get it with the crap you’ve been through.”
“But that’s not the only reason. Spit it out.”
“Fine. I think some of it has to do with my brother. I’m not trying to come off like a bitch, but whatever you said to him messed him up. He won’t come home to tell me bye, for God sakes. You’re my best friend, Emily, but I hate seeing you both so miserable.”
I look out the window. Everything outside seems lush and full of life and sunshine, but in my room, feels like there is a dark stormy cloud over my head. “What do you want from me, Maddy? I had to let him go. I love him very much, but I had to let him go. I’m fucked up.”
“I know you had to do what you had to. This just sucks. All of this just really sucks. I wish things were different.”
“Me too. They aren’t though.”
She hugs me tight. When she releases me, I blink back some tears and laugh. “I’m pathetic. I’ve been crying over him for days now.”
“You’re not pathetic. Love makes you feel more than just all the good cloud nine things. It also makes you feel lost and pain of the worse possible kind. That’s how you know it’s true. It took me a while to figure it out.”
I clip back my snarky comment which would consist of, “Yeah, Graham didn’t seem like that bad of an infatuation. And Bryce was the only man you’ve been with, so how would you know?” I don’t say this though because her presence is a comfort to me. I’m not ready to lose that just yet.
“How is Kyle?” I ask.
“He’s not coming home. I assume he’s okay.”
“What do you mean?”
She shrugs. “Eric and him are training together. He thought it was a better idea to stay there than come spend the rest of his summer at home.”
“But … that’s not all, is it?”
“Honestly, I think he’s trying to give you what you need.”
My heart drops. “What?” Madison asks.
“He doesn’t love me. And before you try to tell me otherwise, just stop. When has your brother ever gave up on something he truly wanted?”
“Em, knock it off. He loves and wants you. You asked him for something. Making you happy is all he wants. If staying away will do that, then he’s going to do it.”
I nod. Even though it feels more like a rejection. I really, truly screwed up, and there is no going back now.
Chapter Forty
Kyle
Six months later …
“All right. Catch you later, Granger,” I say as we half hug in the parking lot. I take a few strides to my car and freeze into place. Her dark hair swirls in the wind as she bends and tucks something under the wiper of my car.
Every nerve in me is telling me go to her. Talk to her. I can’t seem to get my legs to move though. I’ve dreamed about her so many nights. Went home during Thanksgiving break to see her only to be disappointed that she was on a vacation out of the country with her parents. Same thing happened during Christmas break. I’ve been back at school for literally two weeks now, and here she is.
“Yo, Issac!” A.J. shouts at me from across the lot. “We on for tonight for lifting?”
I nod, then look back at my car. Her head is turned toward me now. “Hey, Em.”
“Kyle … I … shit.”
“Whatcha doing?” I ask as my feet begin to move to her.
“I … um … I came to give you this.”
“Which is what?” I whisper as I stand before her.
Her eyes travel up my body; then she stops on my lips. I want to kiss her so damn bad. Take her into my arms and never let her go. But I need to take it slow. She’s already pulled a Cinderella act on me more than once, and it was because I pushed.
She swallows. “A letter.”
I look around and notice her car isn’t in the parking lot. “How did you get here?”
“Oh, um … Sarah gave me a ride.”
“Are you visiting my cousin?”
She shakes her head. “Not exactly.” Bells chime in the distance and she frowns. “I’ve got to go. Um … bye, Kyle.” She takes off running before I even have time to stop her.
Take it slow. She’s not ready. I stay planted by my car and watch her create distance until she darts between two buildings. “Bye, beautiful,” I whisper.
I snatch the letter tucked under my windshield wiper and get into my car. I drive over to the dorms and crash headfirst into my mattress. I know I should probably look at the letter. Should probably read her words but right now I’m tired.
Groaning, I glare at my clock. It’s only three, and I need to head to the gym at five for practice, but I’m starving. Pushing myself off my bed, I glance around the tiny room I share with Marcus. We thought about getting a house with Granger and A.J., but for me, I didn’t have time for sports, schoolwork, and a job to pay rent. I decided to live in the dorms.
I stare at Em’s letter which is currently unopened and resting on my desk. “Food. Food, then practice.” Her words can wait. They’ve waited this long. I snatch the letter and shove it in my practice bag, then head out the door. We have a huge game tomorrow, so the coach wants us to do a quick rundown on some defensive plays.
As I’m stepping into the hall, I bump into a blond who looks familiar, but I can’t remember her name. She smiles at me. “Hey, number 34.”
“Uh, hey …”
“Veronica.”
“Right.” Veronica is still smiling at me.
I try to move around her, but she steps into my path. “So.” She twirls a strand of her hair around her finger and pops a bubble of gum. “How have you been?”
“Good. Look, uh … Veronica, I don’t mean to be a dick, but I’m kind of in a hurry.”
“Oh,” she says. “Late for class?”
“No. Dinner. I’ll, uh …” I move around her. “See you around.”
“Okay.”
I hurry down the hall.
“I’m telling you we’re going to be running laps if you mention that shit again,” A.J warns Marcus as those two bicker about which defense will be better against Duke.
I take a huge bite out of my turkey sandwich, not paying a bit of attention to the rest of the argument. Those two love to bitch about stupid shit all the time. “Oh, shut the hell up, both of you. You sound like you’re married,” Granger finally snaps.
He throws an elbow in my side. I almost choke on my sandwich and therefore shoot him a dirty look. “What the hell?”
“Yeah, I’m kind of pissed at you. Keeping secrets.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Dude, that’s not cool.”
“What’s not fucking cool is almost dying cause you elbow me while I’m eating.”
He laughs. “Oh, you melodramatic ass, you’ll survive.” His gaze drops to his watch. “Shit, boys, we have to wrap this shit up and head to the locker rooms.”
I gather my things and make my way to the trash. As I’m dumping my stuff, someone whistles. I turn and see Emily, Sarah, and Graham entering the cafeteria. “Hey, Kyle,” Sarah and Graham say as they come toward me. Emily lingers by the sandwich line.
“Hey.”
“Did Emily, ouch. What?” Graham starts.
“Did Emily what?” I ask.
“See you earlier. She mentioned she did. Uh, are you heading out?” Sarah asks.
I raise a brow. “Yeah.”
“Issac. Come on,” A.J. yells.
I hitch a thumb in the guys’ direction. “I’ve gotta bounce. Coming to the game tomorrow, right?” I ask as I step out the door.
“Yep,” Sarah says with a smile.
I hurry to catch up wi
th the guys, and A.J. smacks my arm. “Dude, your cousin is hot.”
“No. Don’t even start going there, bro. I’ll kick your ass.”
“Fine. Who was the brunette she walked in with?”
“Off fucking limits!” I stomp to the gym.
Chapter Forty-One
Emily
I haven’t seen Kyle in months, and when I do, my breath has been completely taken away. How is it possible that he got hotter in just a short span? It’s unreal. Unfair.
Sarah glares at me. “You should just tell him. Get it over with.”
“I am.”
“When?”
I glare right back at her. “You know when.”
“Don’t chicken out this time.”
I scowl. “I’m not chickening out. I just … it wasn’t right.”
“I swear you women are all the same,” Graham pipes in.
“What?” Sarah and I both ask.
He shrugs while picking up his sandwich. “It’s true. Madison didn’t want to admit her feelings for Bryce, so she ran away. You pushed me away a lot until you finally came to your senses you couldn’t live without me,” he says to Sarah. She shoves him, but it’s playful and she’s smiling. Then he turns to me. “And you, you had the dude. The one you wanted, and you pushed him out of your life. I swear, you woman are going to be the freaking death of us.”
I would slap him right now, but he’s right. I had Kyle. Had what I’ve wanted forever and I tossed him aside. In my defense, I wasn’t good to be around for months. I’m better, not cured, but better. Vince’s face doesn’t haunt me in my sleep as much. No. The only thing that’s been invading my sleep has been Kyle. From his sweet smile to those delicious kisses.
“You’re right.”
Graham smiles. “I know I am.”
“Do you think he read the letter?” Sarah asks.
I shake my head. “If he did well … he certainly didn’t act like it.”
“I told you, you should have just gone straight to his dorm.”
Graham doesn’t project his thoughts on the matter. I continue to stare at my chicken wrap. Maybe this is a bad idea after all. Maybe I’m too late.
I’m dressed and walking with Sarah to the game. We enter without any trouble and make our way to our seats with ease. I watch him take warm-up shots while the arena around us fills.
Kyle looks downright sexy in his uniform. I watch him dribble the basketball down the court and then lay it up into the rim. He jogs back easily to his teammates, looking as if everything he does takes no effort whatsoever.
“Should I wave?” Sarah asks.
“No. Stop. I don’t want you causing a scene.”
She bumps her leg into mine. “You’re right. You’ll probably jinx his game.”
I can feel my eyes widen. Oh, gosh. Could I screw up his game? Sarah laughs. “Oh, you should see your face right now, Em. Jeez. You’re going to be fine. Right, Chelsi?”
Chelsi lives across from Sarah. She’s pretty cool. She has the hots for Eric. She seems off in her own little world right now eyes trained on number 22.
“Earth to Chelsi,” Sarah says as she waves a hand in front of her face.
“What?” She blinks her big brown eyes, then sighs. “God is totally not fair. He put that sexy man in the same school as me and we have had five classes together since I’ve been here. It’s completely unfair.”
Sarah snorts. “You’ve never talked to him before. That’s not punishment from the man upstairs. That’s your own doing.”
Chelsi glares at her. “It is unfair. I’m completely tongue-tied around him. And all intelligent thoughtful conversations to start with fly out of my head as soon as I come in close contact with him. Have you ever smelled him before? He smells like sex. Like the best kind you want to wrap yourself in sex.”
I crinkle my nose. “Eric doesn’t smell like sex. He smells like Old Spice.”
“The old man shit? Take that back! He does not!” Chelsi yells.
It’s little over the top too because we’ve got a crowd of onlookers now. Some of the players seem to have heard us too because a few of them are looking up at the crowd. Lord, this is embarrassing.
One pair of bright green eyes finds mine, and my cheeks instantly heat. Oh God! I didn’t want to do this now. He climbs up through and starts making his way up the stairs. Now people are definitely staring. I slink down in my seat, trying to avoid this at all cost.
He moves through our row and stops just outside my seat. There is sweat beading off him, and his eyes seem to shine more as the bore into mine. “You’re still here.” He touches my hair and beams at me. “The tips are cherry.”
“She’s here for a while, and yeah, we did that last night,” Sarah says with a shrug. “What? You are here for a while, and we did that last night.” She looks at me like I’m insane. She glances up at Kyle. “We’re roomies. Didn’t Maddy tell you?”
“No. Wait, you’re going here?” he asks.
“Y-yes.”
Suddenly he pulls me out of my chair until I’m standing right in front of him. “Emily, I read your letter.”
“You … wait. You did? But why would …”
I don’t get to finish because his lips are on mine. His name is being shouted from behind him. People are “awing” us in the stands. It’s almost perfect. He pulls away and kisses my forehead. “I love you, Emily. You and I are going to talk about this after the game though. Coach is getting more and more pissed as I keep standing here talking to you.” I glance over his shoulders and can totally see what he means.
The neck and face of the heavyset guy in the white and orange polo are turning as red as a tomato. I smile up at Kyle. “I love you, Kyle Issac. Go get ‘em, number 34.” Then I crack my hand down on his butt.
He laughs and shakes his head as he runs back down to his team. Sarah takes a long drink of her soda and says, “Now that was entertaining.”
Chelsi folds her arms. “Ugh. You girls get all the luck.” Just as she finishes saying this, Graham plops down into the seat next to Sarah.
He hands her over a thing of nachos, and she smiles. “You really are the best, you know that?”
“I’ve been saying this for a while now. I’m glad you’re starting to catch on.”
I scowl. “Where’s mine?”
“Em, I hate to break it to you like this, but we’re friends. Not friends with benefits. However, if you give me some cash, I might, if my lovely super amazing girlfriend can stand to part with me for probably fifteen minutes, be able to get you some.”
Sarah shrugs. “Yeah, I’m good. Here.” She takes the cash I hand her and sends Graham off again.
“Thanks, buddy!” I shout.
Chelsi shakes her head next to us. “See. That’s what I want. But I want it with him.” She points down at Eric Granger.
“It’s called talking. You need to say more than ‘uh’ and ‘huh’ to the boy,” Sarah says. “He doesn’t bite.”
Chelsi frowns. “It’s not that easy. He’s just all kinds of wow.”
“I know what you mean,” I say. “I couldn’t really talk to Kyle for a long time. He still kind of leaves me tongue-tied sometimes.”
Graham returns with my nachos, some change, and he asks, “What did I miss?”
“Nothing yet. You’ve arrived just in time,” Sarah says with a wink. He smiles and snatches one of her nachos from her. “You’re lucky I love you,” she says.
Soon the game starts, and none of us are worried about who’s dipping into whose nachos. Excitement floods through my veins as the clock winds down and we’re literally three points from winning. Everyone seems to be standing. Granger passes Kyle the ball. He’s kind of jammed into a corner. The clock is ticking off the seconds. The crowd is screaming at him to shoot it.
One of the Duke players guarding him tries for the ball, and Kyle angles up and the ball is soaring through the air. Then boom. The ball swishes through the net, the buzzer sounds, and we’ve won the game.
People flood the floor. Screaming. Streamers, foam fingers, and whatever else are all flying about. As I make my way to the end of the aisle I realize I have a choice to make. One: go into that crush of people and find my man. Two: go back to my dorm and wait.
I’m just about to make my choice when I hear, “Emerson! You better not be running away from me this time.”
I turn and see Kyle dripping with sweat, panting, his cheeks rosy red. He snatches me up before I can even say a word and plants a kiss right on my mouth. When he pulls back, he smiles. “You’re mine. I’m not letting you go. This is forever.”
I nod. “It’s forever.”
He draws his mouth to mine again, and I’m breathless.
Emily’s Letter to Kyle
Dear Kyle,
I hope you are doing well. You’re probably wondering why I haven’t called or I decided to leave this note on your car. The only explanations I have are fear. I couldn’t bear to see if you’ve moved on although I’ve asked and everyone who seems to keep in contact with you says you haven’t. I couldn’t stand it if I were wrong. The reason for me not calling: I was worried you might not want to hear from me.
If you are reading this and don’t want to speak or see me again, I will respect that. I won’t show up at your dorm unannounced or leave you any more notes. I’ll even make sure that anytime I see your sister that you aren’t there just to make this easier.
If you are reading this though and you do want to see me, you can find me closer than you think. Sarah’s a messy roommate by the way. Her and Graham are quite disgusting too. Seriously, they remind me of that Discovery Channel song, the one we got in trouble for listening to. Besides the odd moments of me walking in on them about to get all naked and humping like rabbits, she’s not a bad roommate.
If you’re still reading up to this point, I need you know something. I miss you. There is an emptiness inside of me, and it hurts. Movies with basketball in it make me cry. I swear my mom was going to disconnect the cable boxes in all the rooms and steal the DVDs out of my room. Also, the pillow I stole from the beach house no longer smells like you. I need it back.
Kyle (Scandalous Boys Book 3) Page 18